Re: The Wisdom to Know the Difference info and a small appreciation for my brother Dave

[Guest guest]

I will definitely pick up a copy. This sounds terrific. I'm particularly interested in how you went from where you were to turning into having passion and direction in your life. Do you have any stories on that topic in there? I think that's one of the toughest aspects, for some people anyway, of renouncing a chemical crutch. Without the feelings that the addiction brings, what replaces those in your life...Thanks for sharing your story about your brother. That was very moving. I send my condolences to you on your loss.Bruce "substance abuse workbook" Can you give us some chapter headings ? Lou Hi Lou - below is the not-completely-final Table of Contents. The book is a mix. Part ACT workbook, part personal stories, part ACT-12-step compatibilities. It is an ACT workbook aimed at drug and alcohol problems. It also contains bits and pieces of my own story--sort of personal story pullouts from the main text. Some of these are things folks have seen posted in one form or another on here or on my facebook page. Mixed with the personal stories are also letters and poem-ish things that I have written to friends who have reached out to me. Finally, there are AA/12-step pullouts that are set apart from the main text. We say in the beginning of the book that you can just completely skip the 12-step pullouts if you want. We kept them separate so that people could use them or not. Some people hate it, some love it. It is in there because I think there are a lot of compatibilities and it is super accessible and free. Not perfectly compatible, but enough to make it worth adding--in my opinion. There is also a late chapter in the book talking about whether and how best to use things like AA if people chose to use those parts of the book. I suspect that I say some things in that last chapter and in some of the pullouts that may piss off some 12-step folks. I am OK with that. I do not want to piss them off, but I am willing to piss them off in some instances. I do think that the majority of what I have to say about 12-step is consistent at least with AA's basic text and 12 steps and 12 traditions book--though not with some sensibilities that have seeped into AA through treatment centers.There is a whole section in the last chapter called "But I hate AA!" that contains a lot of the odd bits that people do not like about AA. Perhaps not enough of them, but so it goes. Neither the personal stories, nor the 12-step pullouts are currently listed in the Table of Contents. I hope they make it in these last edits to the TOC. We will see. I am already pushing the envelope of last minute changes.The book is aimed at abstinence. There is nothing in ACT that insists on abstinence in any way. In the book, we walk out the decision. Ultimately, I could not think of a way to write it for the moderating and abstaining audience in one book. Also, the moderation outcomes for relatively severe substance dependence problems are not great. In the big clinical trials, like Project Match, most of the people with moderation outcomes just following treatment were not moderate at three year followup. The overwhelming majority were either abstaining or were back to heavy drinking. At the end of the day though it is ACT consistent to let people decide on abstinence or not based on their own values, not mine.It is on Amazon for pre-order. I am not positive when it will actually be available. Looks like February 1. I am told that the electronic version may actually hit the streets a bit earlier. Again, we will see.http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572249285/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8 & tag=mindfortwo-20 & linkCode=as2 & camp=217145 & creative=399373 & creativeASIN=1572249285Here is the TOC. There is a personal story at the front that regulars here will find familiar. It constitutes a sort of invitation to the book. A welcome of sorts. The first sentence is "You are not alone." Prologue: A Personal Story 1 1 Many Paths to Recovery, but Only One for You 3 What Lies Ahead • To Abstain or Not to Abstain • Choosing Your Path •ACT as an Approach to Recovery 2 In This Very Moment 11 Focusing on Yesterday and Tomorrow • The Ubiquity of Suffering • Stillness and the Inclined Heart • Ways to Not Show Up • The Fear of Uncertainty 3 Will You? 33 Growing Your Perspective Muscle • The Self-Esteem Myth • Your Flexible Self • Building Flexibility • Working It Out • Yet Another Perspective: Acceptance 4 The Sweet and the Sad 47 Opening Up • What Acceptance Looks Like • Control Freak • Reflecting on the Sweet and the Sad • Accepting the Fact That Thoughts Are Just Thoughts 5 Holding Stories Lightly 63 The Stories We Live By • ’s Wager: Betting on You • Sunsets and Math Problems? • Conversations as Prisons • Your Strongest, Most Imprisoning Stories about You • Persistence • Finding Value in It All 6 Being the Author 85 Science and Values • Values in Everyday Speech • So, What Do We Mean by “Values”? • What Do You Want Your Life to Be About? • Turning from Values to Commitment 7 Turning Back, in Kindness 111 Commitment in the Everyday Sense • Commitment in ACT • Commitment— Right Now Epilogue: The Next Day, and the Day After That 121 Afterword: Some Thoughts on the 12-Step Approach 123 The Abstinence Question • Connecting with 12-Step • 12-Step and Workability • The Third Tradition of AA I am guessing that was way way more than you were looking for Lou....but there it is.And, by the way, I am sitting here in my chair crying my eyes out. I just sent my co-author Troy DuFrene a note asking how long a dedication could be and sent this dedication for the book:I dedicate this book to my brother who we lost to a massive stroke in the last days of writing.Before the age of twelve, my family always had more kids than bedrooms. We never missed a meal, but we lived working class close. My brother Dave and I shared a bed for a long time when we were little. These were those old timey mattresses with hills and valleys and the occasional broken spring that would poke up and get you if you didn't find the best spot to lay. Before we went to sleep, Dave would roll over on his side, and I would give his back a good scratch...no, a little higher, a little higher...yes, right there. And then I would roll over and he would scratch mine. And then those two little boys would slip off to sleep.I remember those times with great fondness. There was a closeness, an intimacy, that I find so precious. I close my eyes now and they fill with tears. I can feel the pillow cradling my head, the warmth of the blankets all around me, laying right there next to my brother Dave. We were safe and life was good. In this moment, I am overwhelmed with the sweetness of it--two little boys, brothers, all tucked in for the night.Remember Dave? One brother with another. I will miss you so.I wrote the story a year or so ago on facebook and cried and loved it. He was a very sweet and sentimental man.Troy just wrote back and said -- in this case, as long as you want.Time for this one to head off to yoga. It turns out that I can do almost anything while crying....write, do therapy, do yoga, teach, send an email to the ACT for the Public list...so, with eyes filled with tears and a heart filled with gratitude, namaste y'all,kelly G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com "substance abuse workbook" Can you give us some chapter headings ? Lou To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Saturday, 5 November 2011 11:57 PMSubject: Will you let traveling be enough? Helena asked if I would post this on the public list....so here it is. Originally it was a letter in response to a friend who was struggling with "getting" this ACT stuff. It is posted on my facebook notes and barring an editorial "red pen" treatment, will show up in my upcoming substance abuse workbook as one of the personal stories pullouts. It and other notes, some which will show up in the book (if they are not too weird for my publisher), can also be found among my facebook notes if you are on facebook https://www.facebook.com/kellygwilson?sk=notes I was asked by a good friend "How long did it take you to get all this (meaning all this ACT and acceptance stuff)? How long before you started to live your life this way--consistently and serenely? Do you have a sense of how long it takes most people?" I understand the concern, and, ruminating on these questions is unanswerable, unhelpful, and assumes things about me, and others, that are simply not reflective of my experience. Am I pretty good at this? Better some days, worse others. Better in some areas, worse in others. Generally better at it than I was 25 years ago? Sure. I have never arrived anywhere though. Never. So "how long?" is not an answerable question. Investing in the question "When will serenity arrive?" will produce little serenity? Do you know what a new yoga practitioner does? Practice. Do you know what a yogi who has been at it for 25 years does? Practice Do you know what a new meditator does? Practice. Do you know what a meditator who has been at it for 25 years does? Practice And musicians, and dancers, and athletes, fathers, and brothers, and... Do you know what a new ACT interested person does? Practice. Do you know what an ACT interested person who has been at it for 25 years does? Practice That is all I do: practice. Practice is like traveling. It does not have a destination. Think about yoga. Is there a single pose that does not have an extension, or another transition in or transition out of the pose? Or a pose that could not be put together with some other poses in a new way? How long to arrive? Never. This is like asking how long it takes to get west. I am headed west. I am not headed to San Francisco. I am in the business of traveling, not of arriving. Destinations are illusion. How long to "get good at ACT?" Longer if you invest time and energy in wondering when you will "get good" or arrive? In fact, about the time you think you have arrived, watch out! You are likely about to bump your head. They say "Pride goeth before a fall" -- and they say it with good reason. This does not mean that you should not appreciate the movement of your life in a direction you could love. It just means that you should stay humble and recognize that there will always be more traveling to do. Why? If you are heading west and stop the car constantly to get a reading on how "close" you are you will always be disappointed, because the distance west will always stretch out into infinity and no matter how far you travel, west will still stretch out to infinitely. However far you have come will seem pitiful if you are comparing it to the infinite distance that stretches before you. And, those stops, if long enough, and frequent enough, stop travel. Stops are not bad. In fact, good traveling involves pausing to reflect on the way taken and the way forward. But "reflection" in not the same as its life sucking twin cousins "worry" and "rumination." Bottom line: Practice, and, my advice, declare practice to be enough. Travel, and, declare traveling to be enough. I do not mean cause yourself to "feel" that it is enough or cause yourself to "think" it is enough. "Enough" occurs in the very moment you chose to invest yourself in your practice rather than ruminating and worrying over your "progress" or whether you have your thoughts about "progress" all properly arranged. Life is not a destination. It is a journey. This is not the least bit original, of course. It is the wisdom of the ages, and, it seems to me a useful view. namaste, kelly (draft from The Wisdom to Know the Difference: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Overcoming Substance Abuse by G. with Troy DuFrene -- check the book out at http://tinyurl.com/3hh6zoa ) G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm also check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com

[Guest guest]

,

I'm looking forward to reading you and Troy's new book when it's finally

released.

I've never been addicted to drugs in the conventional sense. My only experience

was with marijuana about forty years ago. At the time, I found it kind of fun.

It made listening to Pink Floyd, Tangarine Dream, and the minimalist composer

Terry Riley an amazing and enriching experience.

That was then. Right now though, I have two addictions I'm having trouble with.

One is smoking, the other is gambling, specifically poker machines. It might be

stretching it a bit, but I think that those infernal money-sucking machines can

be regarded as a substance.

I've done a bit of research into the psychology of gambling and how those

machines play with our brain (eg, near-misses; unpredictable rewards; the

gambler's fallacy, where we believe a machine's due to pay out after a long

series of losses; the narrowing of attention; how the machines are designed,

etc). These days, I call venues full of machines 'Skinner Rooms' after reading

about B. F. Skinner's work with pigeons!

The annoying thing is that, even though I know a lot of this stuff, I still keep

playing them. Knowing is not doing, I guess.

Aargh!

Re the 12-step program, I'm keen to read what you say about it. I used to go to

Gambler's Anonymous (GA), the gambling equivalent of AA. It worked for a while,

but I found myself struggling with a number of growing reservations that got in

the way and led me to stop going to meetings.

The biggest reservation is its constant reference to 'God as we understand him'

and 'higher power'. I'm an atheist and scientific naturalist, and trying to

twist the program's references to a higher power to match my view of things was

simply too difficult.

Not only that, but I have too much respect for other people's beliefs (I could

be wrong about mine, after all) to lie. Even the serenity prayer spoken at the

end of meetings when we held hands was a stumbling block. Sure, I could mentally

reword it into a secular version, but I felt I was lying.

My second reservation is that the idea of keeping track of the number of days

since our last bet/drink/drug could, with the wrong mindset, be a recipe for

disaster.

For example, I go to a meeting and say that it's been 624 days since my last

bet. Then, before the next meeting, I give in to my addiction and go to a venue

and play the machines.

At the next meeting I have to say something like: " It's been two days since my

last bet. " What then? In many cases, I imagine this could lead to a sense of

failure and giving in to a gambling binge.

There are a few things I like about the twelve steps though.

'Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves'.

Knowing (and accepting) who and what we are right now is a good first step.

'Admitted to ourselves and others the exact nature of our wrongs' is also good.

In my case, I've always been open and honest with everyone about my gambling

addiction and have received nothing but understanding and acceptance.

Essentially, I'm telling them: " Hey, I'm human just like you, and parts of my

life suck. " I think it gives them permission to be open in return and reveal

their suckiness, and that is always good.

The twelfth step, about carrying the 'message to other compulsive gamblers' is

great in a more general sense.

On this forum, is my role model. In spite of the racial and religious

hatred she's experienced as a Muslim since 9/11, she's out there day after day

telling her sisters and the world about ACT and how it's helped her. She lives

ACT in a way that is deep and wonderful. That she can be the victim of so much

hostility and ignorance and yet, in spite of it all, stay true to her deepest

values, is astonishing.

Unlike me, she lives and breathes acceptance and commitment in a way that I

admire and want to copy. I think ACT and stay stuck while she lives ACT and

moves forward, and that's the all-important difference.

Cheers,

Stan

>

> >

> >

> > " substance abuse workbook " Can you give us some chapter headings ?

> >

> > Lou

> >

> >

> > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > Sent: Saturday, 5 November 2011 11:57 PM

> > Subject: Will you let traveling be enough?

> >

> >

> > Helena asked if I would post this on the public list....so here it is.

Originally it was a letter in response to a friend who was struggling with

" getting " this ACT stuff. It is posted on my facebook notes and barring an

editorial " red pen " treatment, will show up in my upcoming substance abuse

workbook as one of the personal stories pullouts. It and other notes, some which

will show up in the book (if they are not too weird for my publisher), can also

be found among my facebook notes if you are on facebook

> >

> > https://www.facebook.com/kellygwilson?sk=notes

> >

> > I was asked by a good friend " How long did it take you to get all this

(meaning all this ACT and acceptance stuff)? How long before you started to live

your life this way--consistently and serenely? Do you have a sense of how long

it takes most people? "

> >

> > I understand the concern, and, ruminating on these questions is

unanswerable, unhelpful, and assumes things about me, and others, that are

simply not reflective of my experience.

> >

> > Am I pretty good at this? Better some days, worse others. Better in some

areas, worse in others. Generally better at it than I was 25 years ago? Sure.

> >

> > I have never arrived anywhere though.

> >

> > Never.

> >

> > So " how long? " is not an answerable question. Investing in the question

" When will serenity arrive? " will produce little serenity?

> >

> > Do you know what a new yoga practitioner does?

> > Practice.

> >

> > Do you know what a yogi who has been at it for 25 years does?

> > Practice

> >

> > Do you know what a new meditator does?

> > Practice.

> >

> > Do you know what a meditator who has been at it for 25 years does?

> > Practice

> >

> > And musicians, and dancers, and athletes, fathers, and brothers, and...

> >

> > Do you know what a new ACT interested person does?

> > Practice.

> >

> > Do you know what an ACT interested person who has been at it for 25 years

does?

> > Practice

> >

> > That is all I do: practice.

> >

> > Practice is like traveling. It does not have a destination. Think about

yoga. Is there a single pose that does not have an extension, or another

transition in or transition out of the pose? Or a pose that could not be put

together with some other poses in a new way?

> >

> > How long to arrive?

> > Never. This is like asking how long it takes to get west. I am headed west.

I am not headed to San Francisco. I am in the business of traveling, not of

arriving. Destinations are illusion.

> >

> > How long to " get good at ACT? "

> > Longer if you invest time and energy in wondering when you will " get good "

or arrive?

> >

> > In fact, about the time you think you have arrived, watch out! You are

likely about to bump your head. They say " Pride goeth before a fall " -- and they

say it with good reason. This does not mean that you should not appreciate the

movement of your life in a direction you could love. It just means that you

should stay humble and recognize that there will always be more traveling to do.

> >

> > Why? If you are heading west and stop the car constantly to get a reading on

how " close " you are you will always be disappointed, because the distance west

will always stretch out into infinity and no matter how far you travel, west

will still stretch out to infinitely. However far you have come will seem

pitiful if you are comparing it to the infinite distance that stretches before

you. And, those stops, if long enough, and frequent enough, stop travel.

> >

> > Stops are not bad. In fact, good traveling involves pausing to reflect on

the way taken and the way forward. But " reflection " in not the same as its life

sucking twin cousins " worry " and " rumination. "

> >

> > Bottom line: Practice, and, my advice, declare practice to be enough.

Travel, and, declare traveling to be enough. I do not mean cause yourself to

" feel " that it is enough or cause yourself to " think " it is enough. " Enough "

occurs in the very moment you chose to invest yourself in your practice rather

than ruminating and worrying over your " progress " or whether you have your

thoughts about " progress " all properly arranged.

> >

> > Life is not a destination. It is a journey. This is not the least bit

original, of course.

> >

> > It is the wisdom of the ages, and, it seems to me a useful view.

> >

> > namaste,

> > kelly

> >

> > (draft from The Wisdom to Know the Difference: An Acceptance and Commitment

Therapy Workbook for Overcoming Substance Abuse by G. with Troy

DuFrene -- check the book out at http://tinyurl.com/3hh6zoa )

> > G.

> > 205 Peabody Building

> > Psychology Department

> > University of Mississippi

> > Oxford, MS 38677

> >

> > ph:

> > fax:

> >

> > academic homepage:

> > www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm

> >

> > also check out

> > www.onelifellc.com

> > www.mindfulnessfortwo.com

> > www.facebook.com/kellygwilson

> > www.tastybehaviorism.com

> > www.abnormalwootwoot.com

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Lou. That's a hilarious song! Sometimes it takes a little humor to show us how truly tragic some things are.

To me, self-medicating with any substance is kind of like taking a taxi: you're going to pay for your trip. Depending on how far you go, how long the meter ticks, the cost may be minimal, or it may break the bank. The thing is, that taxi is not taking you anywhere in the direction you want your life to go (if you think so, that's probably an illusion). It is spinning around in circles, and you end up in the same place you were but a little dizzier. That's not to say it's an invalid choice; sometimes it's better to go nowhere than to slide backwards. It's when you make that choice over and over that it becomes a poor choice - a bad habit. That's where 's "sitting on your hands" instead of making that choice is an option.

For me, not only was that mileage meter ticking all weekend, but the guilt-o-meter was ticking even stronger; I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, deep inside, that drinking on weekends was not helping me toward living my values. It was only when I gave up my weekend avoidance routine that I was able to make substantial progress with ACT, that I was able to get some traction. Now that I've had some surgery to correct the health problem that forced me to avoid alcohol, it's possible I could resume drinking with no ill effects. But I'm not going to! I don't want to go back there. I like my life so much better now.

For weeks, Lou, my weekends were hell after I stopped drinking. I cried a lot, suffered from PMS (Poor Me Syndrome), couldn't cope, mourned the loss of my weekend pal. Then I got the bright idea to DO SOMETHING to replace the weedend drinking - anything to get my mind off myself and my misery. So I made some decisions: went to a movie on my way home from work on Friday instead of stopping for wine, went out for lunch on Saturday, treated myself to some new clothes, books, music, etc., with the money I saved from not drinking. Eventually, I found peace without my weekend crutch. And now I don't really miss it and my acceptance of life "as it is" has improved dramatically.

Everyone, every single person, has to search their own heart, mind, body and soul for the answer to: Is this helping me or hurting me? Is the temporary relief worth the price I am paying? And that can be very hard to answer honestly because, as they say, "da Nile is not a just a river in Egypt!" An outside perspective might be helpful in answering that question.

I hope this answers your question, and I do hope it doesn't sound like I'm preaching or saying how it SHOULD be for you or anyone else. Just sharing how it worked and didn't work for me.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Tuesday, November 8, 2011 4:17:57 AMSubject: Re: The Wisdom to Know the Difference info and a small appreciation for my brother Dave

I know many of us use substances as avoidance strategies. It is not a very exclusive club. In the DBT classes I did, the facilitators spent one entire lesson on `Pro's and Con's' then followed it up in subsequent classes. I began to look for the pro's and con's of everything.Then....one day I was sitting at home stoned enjoying my music when this song came on :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90PM4TLNgsg! My mind declared...this song is the CON to my substance use. (Sometimes I need reminding). Really it is about potential. You wouldn't lock a racehorse in a stable for years and expect its body to function at its potential. Things slow down a lot when I smoke however it also stifles my potential. I have found lots of pro's and con's in using substances, as I'm sure you guys have too. LouPS. Anyone willing to put out their own pro's and con's list of substance use?> > > > > > > > > > > "substance abuse workbook" Can you give us some chapter headings ?> > > > > > Lou> > > > > > From: <kwilson@>> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > Sent: Saturday, 5 November 2011 11:57 PM> > > Subject: Will you let traveling be enough?> > > > > > > > > Helena asked if I would post this on the public list....so here it is. Originally it was a letter in response to a friend who was struggling with "getting" this ACT stuff. It is posted on my facebook notes and barring an editorial "red pen" treatment, will show up in my upcoming substance abuse workbook as one of the personal stories pullouts. It and other notes, some which will show up in the book (if they are not too weird for my publisher), can also be found among my facebook notes if you are on facebook> > > > > > https://www.facebook.com/kellygwilson?sk=notes> > > > > > I was asked by a good friend "How long did it take you to get all this (meaning all this ACT and acceptance stuff)? How long before you started to live your life this way--consistently and serenely? Do you have a sense of how long it takes most people?"> > > > > > I understand the concern, and, ruminating on these questions is unanswerable, unhelpful, and assumes things about me, and others, that are simply not reflective of my experience.> > > > > > Am I pretty good at this? Better some days, worse others. Better in some areas, worse in others. Generally better at it than I was 25 years ago? Sure.> > > > > > I have never arrived anywhere though.> > > > > > Never.> > > > > > So "how long?" is not an answerable question. Investing in the question "When will serenity arrive?" will produce little serenity? > > > > > > Do you know what a new yoga practitioner does?> > > Practice.> > > > > > Do you know what a yogi who has been at it for 25 years does?> > > Practice> > > > > > Do you know what a new meditator does?> > > Practice.> > > > > > Do you know what a meditator who has been at it for 25 years does?> > > Practice> > > > > > And musicians, and dancers, and athletes, fathers, and brothers, and...> > > > > > Do you know what a new ACT interested person does?> > > Practice.> > > > > > Do you know what an ACT interested person who has been at it for 25 years does?> > > Practice> > > > > > That is all I do: practice.> > > > > > Practice is like traveling. It does not have a destination. Think about yoga. Is there a single pose that does not have an extension, or another transition in or transition out of the pose? Or a pose that could not be put together with some other poses in a new way?> > > > > > How long to arrive?> > > Never. This is like asking how long it takes to get west. I am headed west. I am not headed to San Francisco. I am in the business of traveling, not of arriving. Destinations are illusion.> > > > > > How long to "get good at ACT?"> > > Longer if you invest time and energy in wondering when you will "get good" or arrive?> > > > > > In fact, about the time you think you have arrived, watch out! You are likely about to bump your head. They say "Pride goeth before a fall" -- and they say it with good reason. This does not mean that you should not appreciate the movement of your life in a direction you could love. It just means that you should stay humble and recognize that there will always be more traveling to do.> > > > > > Why? If you are heading west and stop the car constantly to get a reading on how "close" you are you will always be disappointed, because the distance west will always stretch out into infinity and no matter how far you travel, west will still stretch out to infinitely. However far you have come will seem pitiful if you are comparing it to the infinite distance that stretches before you. And, those stops, if long enough, and frequent enough, stop travel.> > > > > > Stops are not bad. In fact, good traveling involves pausing to reflect on the way taken and the way forward. But "reflection" in not the same as its life sucking twin cousins "worry" and "rumination."> > > > > > Bottom line: Practice, and, my advice, declare practice to be enough. Travel, and, declare traveling to be enough. I do not mean cause yourself to "feel" that it is enough or cause yourself to "think" it is enough. "Enough" occurs in the very moment you chose to invest yourself in your practice rather than ruminating and worrying over your "progress" or whether you have your thoughts about "progress" all properly arranged. > > > > > > Life is not a destination. It is a journey. This is not the least bit original, of course. > > > > > > It is the wisdom of the ages, and, it seems to me a useful view.> > > > > > namaste,> > > kelly> > > > > > (draft from The Wisdom to Know the Difference: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Overcoming Substance Abuse by G. with Troy DuFrene -- check the book out at http://tinyurl.com/3hh6zoa )> > > G. > > > 205 Peabody Building> > > Psychology Department> > > University of Mississippi> > > Oxford, MS 38677> > > > > > ph: > > > fax: > > > > > > academic homepage:> > > www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm> > > > > > also check out> > > www.onelifellc.com> > > www.mindfulnessfortwo.com> > > www.facebook.com/kellygwilson> > > www.tastybehaviorism.com> > > www.abnormalwootwoot.com> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> >>

[Guest guest]

Oh dear, I just caught this..so you're fairly sure you'll piss off some 12-Step

folks and also some who are vehemently against same with maybe not enough

commenting on problems with the culture and so forth. I'd say that's a fairly

good wash, !;-) Can't wait..I have a good feeling this book is going to

turn the tide on the whole conversation..like Steve said a while back, we heard

it here first.

Pre-order everyone!

>

> >

> >

> > " substance abuse workbook " Can you give us some chapter headings ?

> >

> > Lou

> >

> >

> > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > Sent: Saturday, 5 November 2011 11:57 PM

> > Subject: Will you let traveling be enough?

> >

> >

> > Helena asked if I would post this on the public list....so here it is.

Originally it was a letter in response to a friend who was struggling with

" getting " this ACT stuff. It is posted on my facebook notes and barring an

editorial " red pen " treatment, will show up in my upcoming substance abuse

workbook as one of the personal stories pullouts. It and other notes, some which

will show up in the book (if they are not too weird for my publisher), can also

be found among my facebook notes if you are on facebook

> >

> > https://www.facebook.com/kellygwilson?sk=notes

> >

> > I was asked by a good friend " How long did it take you to get all this

(meaning all this ACT and acceptance stuff)? How long before you started to live

your life this way--consistently and serenely? Do you have a sense of how long

it takes most people? "

> >

> > I understand the concern, and, ruminating on these questions is

unanswerable, unhelpful, and assumes things about me, and others, that are

simply not reflective of my experience.

> >

> > Am I pretty good at this? Better some days, worse others. Better in some

areas, worse in others. Generally better at it than I was 25 years ago? Sure.

> >

> > I have never arrived anywhere though.

> >

> > Never.

> >

> > So " how long? " is not an answerable question. Investing in the question

" When will serenity arrive? " will produce little serenity?

> >

> > Do you know what a new yoga practitioner does?

> > Practice.

> >

> > Do you know what a yogi who has been at it for 25 years does?

> > Practice

> >

> > Do you know what a new meditator does?

> > Practice.

> >

> > Do you know what a meditator who has been at it for 25 years does?

> > Practice

> >

> > And musicians, and dancers, and athletes, fathers, and brothers, and...

> >

> > Do you know what a new ACT interested person does?

> > Practice.

> >

> > Do you know what an ACT interested person who has been at it for 25 years

does?

> > Practice

> >

> > That is all I do: practice.

> >

> > Practice is like traveling. It does not have a destination. Think about

yoga. Is there a single pose that does not have an extension, or another

transition in or transition out of the pose? Or a pose that could not be put

together with some other poses in a new way?

> >

> > How long to arrive?

> > Never. This is like asking how long it takes to get west. I am headed west.

I am not headed to San Francisco. I am in the business of traveling, not of

arriving. Destinations are illusion.

> >

> > How long to " get good at ACT? "

> > Longer if you invest time and energy in wondering when you will " get good "

or arrive?

> >

> > In fact, about the time you think you have arrived, watch out! You are

likely about to bump your head. They say " Pride goeth before a fall " -- and they

say it with good reason. This does not mean that you should not appreciate the

movement of your life in a direction you could love. It just means that you

should stay humble and recognize that there will always be more traveling to do.

> >

> > Why? If you are heading west and stop the car constantly to get a reading on

how " close " you are you will always be disappointed, because the distance west

will always stretch out into infinity and no matter how far you travel, west

will still stretch out to infinitely. However far you have come will seem

pitiful if you are comparing it to the infinite distance that stretches before

you. And, those stops, if long enough, and frequent enough, stop travel.

> >

> > Stops are not bad. In fact, good traveling involves pausing to reflect on

the way taken and the way forward. But " reflection " in not the same as its life

sucking twin cousins " worry " and " rumination. "

> >

> > Bottom line: Practice, and, my advice, declare practice to be enough.

Travel, and, declare traveling to be enough. I do not mean cause yourself to

" feel " that it is enough or cause yourself to " think " it is enough. " Enough "

occurs in the very moment you chose to invest yourself in your practice rather

than ruminating and worrying over your " progress " or whether you have your

thoughts about " progress " all properly arranged.

> >

> > Life is not a destination. It is a journey. This is not the least bit

original, of course.

> >

> > It is the wisdom of the ages, and, it seems to me a useful view.

> >

> > namaste,

> > kelly

> >

> > (draft from The Wisdom to Know the Difference: An Acceptance and Commitment

Therapy Workbook for Overcoming Substance Abuse by G. with Troy

DuFrene -- check the book out at http://tinyurl.com/3hh6zoa )

> > G.

> > 205 Peabody Building

> > Psychology Department

> > University of Mississippi

> > Oxford, MS 38677

> >

> > ph:

> > fax:

> >

> > academic homepage:

> > www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm

> >

> > also check out

> > www.onelifellc.com

> > www.mindfulnessfortwo.com

> > www.facebook.com/kellygwilson

> > www.tastybehaviorism.com

> > www.abnormalwootwoot.com

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>