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What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism.

I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different.

Just my two cents,

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working.A belated happy birthday,BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism.

I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different.

Just my two cents,

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better!

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working.

A belated happy birthday,

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Whatever works!To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 18:10:49 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better!

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working.

A belated happy birthday,

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Peace outch.

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:03:25 PMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

Whatever works!

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 18:10:49 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list. Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better! Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working.

A belated happy birthday,

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better!Bruce Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list. Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better! Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working. A belated happy birthday, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says: At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it. I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability. So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :)) To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. " Bill PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence: "The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Hear what you're saying Bill - and agree, but as Helena say's, some of us have to be a bit careful. Also - self-compassion is getting with the pain - maybe even getting with an E grade and still loving yourself despite it! I find that very empowering, it allows me to become unstuck - when I grade myself, I feel diminished in some way - but I do understand your point.

Simone

To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Thursday, 1 December 2011, 15:18Subject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce

Me, too! But if I had been grading myself on a daily basis, it would be a big bust.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:37:33 PMSubject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better!

Bruce

Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better!

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working.

A belated happy birthday,

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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I hear you. Today is a big bust for me. I'm spinning with unrelenting anxiety.And I'm not doing much so no A grade for me today.Bruce I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Me, too! But if I had been grading myself on a daily basis, it would be a big bust. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:37:33 PMSubject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list. Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better! Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working. A belated happy birthday, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says: At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it. I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability. So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :)) To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. " Bill PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence: "The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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But not too careful. If being careful is workable then keep doing it. If it's in the way then something needs to change.We don't have to choose between self-compassion and workability. Workability seems to be a part of self-compassion - truly caring for oneself.I hope this discussion is helpful.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: adrianandboo@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 19:48:11 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

Hear what you're saying Bill - and agree, but as Helena say's, some of us have to be a bit careful. Also - self-compassion is getting with the pain - maybe even getting with an E grade and still loving yourself despite it! I find that very empowering, it allows me to become unstuck - when I grade myself, I feel diminished in some way - but I do understand your point.

Simone

To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Thursday, 1 December 2011, 15:18Subject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Hi Bruce - What will you do tomorrow to earn an A? Just one or two things. You get to pick the grading scale. Two things could get you an A. On some days I'll give myself an A just because I saw some slight improvement or if I made it through a tough day. I think giving myself an A could be considered self-compassion if I think I earned it. Why would I give myself an E if I earned a B or an A?BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 13:19:23 -0800Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

I hear you. Today is a big bust for me. I'm spinning with unrelenting anxiety.And I'm not doing much so no A grade for me today.Bruce I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Me, too! But if I had been grading myself on a daily basis, it would be a big bust. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:37:33 PMSubject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list. Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better! Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working. A belated happy birthday, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says: At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it. I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability. So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :)) To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. " Bill PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence: "The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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"But not too careful?", Bill says. Sometimes being careful is all we can be. It's not a matter of degree. It's a matter of survival. And I disagree that we never have to choose between compassion and workability. Sometimes we do have to choose. True compassion is caring for ourselves even when what we are doing is not working.

Helena

amero@...>To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 4:30:01 PMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

But not too careful. If being careful is workable then keep doing it. If it's in the way then something needs to change.

We don't have to choose between self-compassion and workability. Workability seems to be a part of self-compassion - truly caring for oneself.

I hope this discussion is helpful.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: adrianandboo@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 19:48:11 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

Hear what you're saying Bill - and agree, but as Helena say's, some of us have to be a bit careful. Also - self-compassion is getting with the pain - maybe even getting with an E grade and still loving yourself despite it! I find that very empowering, it allows me to become unstuck - when I grade myself, I feel diminished in some way - but I do understand your point.

Simone

To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Thursday, 1 December 2011, 15:18Subject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Bruce, you do not have to earn the coveted A or the dreaded E. You do not even have to think about such a thing. Earning a grade of any kind is antithetical to being in the present moment, IMO.

Glad it works for you, Bill.

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 4:39:20 PMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

Hi Bruce - What will you do tomorrow to earn an A? Just one or two things. You get to pick the grading scale. Two things could get you an A. On some days I'll give myself an A just because I saw some slight improvement or if I made it through a tough day. I think giving myself an A could be considered self-compassion if I think I earned it. Why would I give myself an E if I earned a B or an A?

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 13:19:23 -0800Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

I hear you. Today is a big bust for me. I'm spinning with unrelenting anxiety.

And I'm not doing much so no A grade for me today.

Bruce

I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce

Me, too! But if I had been grading myself on a daily basis, it would be a big bust.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:37:33 PMSubject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better!

Bruce

Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list.

Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better!

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working.

A belated happy birthday,

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Of course "true compassion is caring for ourselves even when what we are doing is not working." I don't think I've implied otherwise and, if I have, I apologize. I think that true compassion also includes fixing what's not working.That's as clearly as I can say what I mean.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 21:41:25 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

"But not too careful?", Bill says. Sometimes being careful is all we can be. It's not a matter of degree. It's a matter of survival. And I disagree that we never have to choose between compassion and workability. Sometimes we do have to choose. True compassion is caring for ourselves even when what we are doing is not working.

Helena

amero@...>To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 4:30:01 PMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

But not too careful. If being careful is workable then keep doing it. If it's in the way then something needs to change.

We don't have to choose between self-compassion and workability. Workability seems to be a part of self-compassion - truly caring for oneself.

I hope this discussion is helpful.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: adrianandboo@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 19:48:11 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

Hear what you're saying Bill - and agree, but as Helena say's, some of us have to be a bit careful. Also - self-compassion is getting with the pain - maybe even getting with an E grade and still loving yourself despite it! I find that very empowering, it allows me to become unstuck - when I grade myself, I feel diminished in some way - but I do understand your point.

Simone

To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Thursday, 1 December 2011, 15:18Subject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Well, I will make it through today somehow. That's not workable but it is an achievement. I can't think of it as an A, though. I'm not living a valued life, at least not valued by me.Tomorrow I'll be having surgery so I guess just showing up and being brave will be my part.Bruce Hi Bruce - What will you do tomorrow to earn an A? Just one or two things. You get to pick the grading scale. Two things could get you an A. On some days I'll give myself an A just because I saw some slight improvement or if I made it through a tough day. I think giving myself an A could be considered self-compassion if I think I earned it. Why would I give myself an E if I earned a B or an A?BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 13:19:23 -0800Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method I hear you. Today is a big bust for me. I'm spinning with unrelenting anxiety.And I'm not doing much so no A grade for me today.Bruce I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Me, too! But if I had been grading myself on a daily basis, it would be a big bust. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:37:33 PMSubject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list. Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better! Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working. A belated happy birthday, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says: At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it. I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability. So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :)) To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. " Bill PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence: "The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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This is really a sit on my hands day.Well, I will make it through today somehow. That's not workable but it is an achievement. I can't think of it as an A, though. I'm not living a valued life, at least not valued by me.Tomorrow I'll be having surgery so I guess just showing up and being brave will be my part.Bruce Hi Bruce - What will you do tomorrow to earn an A? Just one or two things. You get to pick the grading scale. Two things could get you an A. On some days I'll give myself an A just because I saw some slight improvement or if I made it through a tough day. I think giving myself an A could be considered self-compassion if I think I earned it. Why would I give myself an E if I earned a B or an A?BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 13:19:23 -0800Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method I hear you. Today is a big bust for me. I'm spinning with unrelenting anxiety.And I'm not doing much so no A grade for me today.Bruce I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Me, too! But if I had been grading myself on a daily basis, it would be a big bust. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:37:33 PMSubject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list. Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better! Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working. A belated happy birthday, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says: At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it. I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability. So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :)) To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. " Bill PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence: "The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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Bruce - I'll be thinking about you. I hope we'll be able to keep in touch during your recovery. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 14:21:42 -0800Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

Well, I will make it through today somehow. That's not workable but it is an achievement. I can't think of it as an A, though. I'm not living a valued life, at least not valued by me.Tomorrow I'll be having surgery so I guess just showing up and being brave will be my part.Bruce Hi Bruce - What will you do tomorrow to earn an A? Just one or two things. You get to pick the grading scale. Two things could get you an A. On some days I'll give myself an A just because I saw some slight improvement or if I made it through a tough day. I think giving myself an A could be considered self-compassion if I think I earned it. Why would I give myself an E if I earned a B or an A?BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 13:19:23 -0800Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method I hear you. Today is a big bust for me. I'm spinning with unrelenting anxiety.And I'm not doing much so no A grade for me today.Bruce I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Me, too! But if I had been grading myself on a daily basis, it would be a big bust. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:37:33 PMSubject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method I'm very glad you're finding that each year is getting better! Bruce Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself on workability might not work very well for those who have had different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both "sides" on this list. Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one gets better! Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AMSubject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self-compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not working. A belated happy birthday, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. Just my two cents, Helena To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says: At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it. I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability. So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :)) To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. " Bill PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence: "The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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I don't think the grade gets assigned to the human being.

- R.

> >

> >

> >

> > Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't

> > generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I

> > was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself

> > on workability might not work very well for those who have had

> > different life experiences and a totally different self-concept than

> > you do. For example, I think what works for those with intense

> > anxiety is quite different than what works for those with

> > debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both

> > " sides " on this list.

> >

> > Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one

> > gets better!

> >

> > Helena

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public >

> > Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AM

> > Subject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as " too much self-

> > compassion. " Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to

> > living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us.

> > It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does

> > matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not

> > working.

> >

> > A belated happy birthday,

> > Bill

> >

> > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > From: hbbr@...

> > Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000

> > Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

> >

> >

> >

> > What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of

> > course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of

> > yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling " less

> > than " or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it;

> > I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably

> > quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety.

> > I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the

> > " self-hating, never-good-enough " person I just described (myself

> > included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in

> > evaluation of themselves because the habit of " just knowing " you

> > will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being.

> > For people like us, there is no such thing as " too much compassion "

> > for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in

> > our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves

> > can become such a mechanism.

> >

> > I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We

> > may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different.

> >

> > Just my two cents,

> >

> > Helena

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public >

> > Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AM

> > Subject: Workability and My Grading Method

> >

> >

> >

> > Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

> >

> > Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm

> > living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the

> > importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, ,

> > says:

> >

> > At this point, I'd like to introduce one of the most important words

> > in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your

> > brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term

> > workability arises from this simple question: " Is what you are doing

> > working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life? "

> > If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the

> > answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

> >

> > , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear

> > and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

> >

> > I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what

> > I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something

> > about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy

> > to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and

> > fixing our " stuckness " we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a

> > therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are

> > doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it.

> > My grading method is designed to do that.

> >

> > Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced

> > by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-

> > compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my

> > behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing

> > mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving

> > reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We

> > always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck,

> > but first we have to see it.

> >

> > I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability

> > AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

> >

> > So I guess my grading method could be called a workability

> > evaluation method (WEM :))

> >

> > To reiterate -- " Is what you are doing working to help you create a

> > richer, fuller, more meaningful life? " If the answer is yes, then

> > what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you

> > are doing is unworkable. "

> >

> >

> > Bill

> >

> > PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

> >

> > " The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence

> > come later. "

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

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Posted
Posted

Sit like you're king of your throne and breathe deeply.

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't

> >> generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I

> >> was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself

> >> on workability might not work very well for those who have had

> >> different life experiences and a totally different self-concept

> >> than you do. For example, I think what works for those with

> >> intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with

> >> debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both

> >> " sides " on this list.

> >>

> >> Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one

> >> gets better!

> >>

> >> Helena

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public >

> >> Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AM

> >> Subject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as " too much self-

> >> compassion. " Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to

> >> living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us.

> >> It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does

> >> matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not

> >> working.

> >>

> >> A belated happy birthday,

> >> Bill

> >>

> >> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> >> From: hbbr@...

> >> Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000

> >> Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of

> >> course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of

> >> yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling " less

> >> than " or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt

> >> it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and

> >> probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from

> >> anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People

> >> like the " self-hating, never-good-enough " person I just described

> >> (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught

> >> up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of " just knowing "

> >> you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very

> >> being. For people like us, there is no such thing as " too much

> >> compassion " for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for

> >> unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much

> >> evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism.

> >>

> >> I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We

> >> may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different.

> >>

> >> Just my two cents,

> >>

> >> Helena

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public >

> >> Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AM

> >> Subject: Workability and My Grading Method

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

> >>

> >> Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm

> >> living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the

> >> importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, ,

> >> says:

> >>

> >> At this point, I'd like to introduce one of the most important

> >> words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into

> >> your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on.

> >> The term workability arises from this simple question: " Is what you

> >> are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more

> >> meaningful life? " If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is

> >> workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

> >>

> >> , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear

> >> and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

> >>

> >> I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what

> >> I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something

> >> about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very

> >> easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for

> >> recognizing and fixing our " stuckness " we just stay stuck. If we

> >> are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness.

> >> But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of

> >> recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

> >>

> >> Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced

> >> by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-

> >> compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my

> >> behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing

> >> mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving

> >> reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue.

> >> We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get

> >> unstuck, but first we have to see it.

> >>

> >> I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability

> >> AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

> >>

> >> So I guess my grading method could be called a workability

> >> evaluation method (WEM :))

> >>

> >> To reiterate -- " Is what you are doing working to help you create a

> >> richer, fuller, more meaningful life? " If the answer is yes, then

> >> what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you

> >> are doing is unworkable. "

> >>

> >>

> >> Bill

> >>

> >> PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

> >>

> >> " The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence

> >> come later. "

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >

>

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Thanks for that, Theresa. That's good advice.Bruce Sit like you're king of your throne and breathe deeply. > >> > >> > >> > >> Right! All that matters is one's own life - which is why we can't > >> generalize that what works for one person may not work for all. I > >> was trying to make the point that your approach to grading yourself > >> on workability might not work very well for those who have had > >> different life experiences and a totally different self-concept > >> than you do. For example, I think what works for those with > >> intense anxiety is quite different than what works for those with > >> debilitating depression, as I've gleaned from the posts from both > >> "sides" on this list. > >> > >> Thanks for the birthday wishes ... another year lived, and each one > >> gets better! > >> > >> Helena > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public > > >> Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:48:34 AM > >> Subject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method > >> > >> > >> > >> Hi Helena - I agree that there is no such thing as "too much self- > >> compassion." Self-compassion is necessary but not sufficient to > >> living a valued life, no matter how desperate our life seems to us. > >> It doesn't matter how you see my life or how I see yours. It does > >> matter how we see our own life and what we do about what's not > >> working. > >> > >> A belated happy birthday, > >> Bill > >> > >> To: ACT_for_the_Public > >> From: hbbr@... > >> Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2011 15:43:51 +0000 > >> Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method > >> > >> > >> > >> What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of > >> course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of > >> yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less > >> than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt > >> it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and > >> probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from > >> anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People > >> like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described > >> (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught > >> up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" > >> you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very > >> being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much > >> compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for > >> unworkability in our behavior. On the other hand, too much > >> evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism. > >> > >> I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We > >> may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different. > >> > >> Just my two cents, > >> > >> Helena > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public > > >> Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AM > >> Subject: Workability and My Grading Method > >> > >> > >> > >> Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all > >> > >> Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm > >> living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the > >> importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , > >> says: > >> > >> At this point, I'd like to introduce one of the most important > >> words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into > >> your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. > >> The term workability arises from this simple question: "Is what you > >> are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more > >> meaningful life?" If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is > >> workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. > >> > >> , Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear > >> and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. > >> > >> I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what > >> I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something > >> about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very > >> easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for > >> recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we > >> are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. > >> But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of > >> recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. > >> > >> Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced > >> by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self- > >> compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my > >> behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing > >> mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving > >> reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. > >> We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get > >> unstuck, but first we have to see it. > >> > >> I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability > >> AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability. > >> > >> So I guess my grading method could be called a workability > >> evaluation method (WEM :)) > >> > >> To reiterate -- "Is what you are doing working to help you create a > >> richer, fuller, more meaningful life?" If the answer is yes, then > >> what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you > >> are doing is unworkable. " > >> > >> > >> Bill > >> > >> PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence: > >> > >> "The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence > >> come later." > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > > >

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This is once more a place where the wisdom of Albert Ellis and his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is handy.  Ellis wrote again and again in many of his book throughout decades that it important to never rate yourself or your totality or whole person-hood, but to only rate your behavior or actions or deeds.

Cheers!

 

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course.  I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling " less than " or worthless in any- and everything you ever did.  I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety.  I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am!  People like the " self-hating, never-good-enough " person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of " just knowing " you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being.  For people like us, there is no such thing as " too much compassion " for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior.  On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism.

 

I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals.  We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different.

 

Just my two cents,

 

Helena

To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public >

Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

 

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. 

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. 

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our " stuckness " we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. 

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.  "  

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap,  regarding confidence:

" The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later. "

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Great Bill!  Even for highly self-critical persons, if they separate out their actions from their totality as a person, they then can rate how well and how workable their steering of their bus in direction of their values.

 

Thank you for the reference, . That's what I rate - my behavior, actions and deeds towards living a valued life. In ACT metaphor terms, I rate myself on how well I steered my bus in the direction of my values. And I can see how this might not work, by itself, for highly self-critical persons. 

BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: bauer.russell@...

Date: Fri, 2 Dec 2011 14:10:03 -0700Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

 

This is once more a place where the wisdom of Albert Ellis and his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is handy.  Ellis wrote again and again in many of his book throughout decades that it important to never rate yourself or your totality or whole person-hood, but to only rate your behavior or actions or deeds.

Cheers!

 

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course.  I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling " less than " or worthless in any- and everything you ever did.  I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety.  I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am!  People like the " self-hating, never-good-enough " person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of " just knowing " you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being.  For people like us, there is no such thing as " too much compassion " for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability in our behavior.  On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism.

 

I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals.  We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different.

 

Just my two cents,

 

Helena

To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public >

Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

 

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. 

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition. 

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our " stuckness " we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that. 

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?” If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.  "  

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap,  regarding confidence:

" The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later. "

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I think it's fantastic you allow yourself a way of staying on track, Bill. Seems something very important there about honoring yourself. To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Friday, December 2, 2011 3:06 PM Subject: RE: Workability and My Grading Method

Thank you for the reference, . That's what I rate - my behavior, actions and deeds towards living a valued life. In ACT metaphor terms, I rate myself on how well I steered my bus in the direction of my values. And I can see how this might not work, by itself, for highly self-critical persons. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: bauer.russell@...Date: Fri, 2 Dec 2011 14:10:03 -0700Subject: Re: Workability and My Grading Method

This is once more a place where the wisdom of Albert Ellis and his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is handy. Ellis wrote again and again in many of his book throughout decades that it important to never rate yourself or your totality or whole person-hood, but to only rate your behavior or actions or deeds.

Cheers!

What you are saying, Bill, is coming from your point of view, of course. I don't know if you were ever extremely critical of yourself, always finding yourself coming up short or feeling "less than" or worthless in any- and everything you ever did. I doubt it; I see you as someone who had a very successful career and probably quite a bit of self confidence, but who also suffered from anxiety. I could be wrong and please forgive me if I am! People like the "self-hating, never-good-enough" person I just described (myself included) have to be very, very careful to not get caught up in evaluation of themselves because the habit of "just knowing" you will always come up short is deeply ingrained in our very being. For people like us, there is no such thing as "too much compassion" for ourselves becoming a reinforcing mechanism for unworkability

in our behavior. On the other hand, too much evaluation of ourselves can become such a mechanism.

I think it all depends where we are coming from as individuals. We may travel in the same direction but our paths will be different.

Just my two cents,

Helena

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >

Sent: Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:18:41 AMSubject: Workability and My Grading Method

Simone, Bruce, , Terry and all

Workability is the reason I give myself a grade for how well I'm living a valued life. Every ACT book I've read emphasizes the importance of workability. Here's what The Confidence Gap, , says:

At this point, I’d like to introduce one of the most important words in this book: workability. Please etch this word deep into your brain, as it underpins everything we do from this point on. The term workability arises from this simple question: “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable.

, Russ (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt (p. 69). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.

I find two tricky steps in workability - 1) recognizing that what I'm doing is unworkable, observing self; and 2) doing something about it - changing what I'm doing, committed action. It's very easy to get stuck in ACT work. If we have no process for recognizing and fixing our "stuckness" we just stay stuck. If we are seeing a therapist, hopefully, they will show us our stuckness. But if we are doing ACT by our self we have to have some method of recognizing it. My grading method is designed to do that.

Another concern I have is whether my stuckness is being reinforced by me or by the people I interact with. I think too much self-compassion can quickly become a reinforcing mechanism for my behavior. Compassion from others can also become a reinforcing mechanism for staying stuck. If I find myself or see others giving reasons for the stuckness, there is probably a workability issue. We always have the choice of staying stuck or working to get unstuck, but first we have to see it.

I need to have self-compassion AND a method to evaluate workability AND a committed action plan to keep trying to improve workability.

So I guess my grading method could be called a workability evaluation method (WEM :))

To reiterate -- “Is what you are doing working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?†If the answer is yes, then what you are doing is workable. If the answer is no, then what you are doing is unworkable. "

Bill

PS - Here's a quote from The Confidence Gap, regarding confidence:

"The actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come later."

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