Re: Re: Reflections fr a Wounded Healer

[Guest guest]

I thought it was all about me, too, Lou! Except that I'm not a therapist, much of what you have written, Daly, could have been written by or about me. It meant a lot to me to realize, once again, that I am not unique in this world. When I was a kid, I thought I was "the only one" like me - the loneliest and most unwanted child in the world, I felt. In several children's homes and finally a foster home (a mean home that "meant well"!), I longed to know what it would feel like to belong to a "real" family, a loving family who would actually want to take care of me and didn't just need a "farm hand" foster daughter. Now I know that family does not mean blood relatives, or even foster parents. In fact, I consider many on this forum to be part of my current family.

Lou, I don't think it's ego talking when we recognize ourselves in others. Such recognition comes from a longing to belong and relief in knowing we are not alone; there are others who feel the way we do.

Thank you so much for sharing this, Daly.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 4:51:18 PMSubject: Re: Reflections fr a Wounded Healer

What a great piece of writing Daly. I notice my ego as my mind tells me it was written for me. There is a lot for me to take from that.Thank you,Lou>> I put up a blog> post<http://www.exuberanteclectic.com/2011/12/somber-thoughts-christmas-reflections.html>yesterday> which reflects some of my experiences and feelings as a therapist> and chaplain who falls under the umbrella of "wounded healer." Although not> speaking specifically in terms of ACT, I've used ACT successfully with> clients and with myself. The blog post speaks of the importance of> mindfulness and reflects the need for acceptance.> > The post also reflects my deep respect for the clients and patients I've> worked with, and what I have and have not learned which I believe have> been beneficent for people.> > My hope is that it may be of some value to those who read it> here<http://www.exuberanteclectic.com/2011/12/somber-thoughts-christmas-reflections.html>> .> > Daly de Gagne> Chaplain and Therapist> Winnipeg, MB, Canada> > -- > www.ExuberantEclectic.com is my personal blog where I'll be writing about> some of the many things which interest and excite me. You're welcome to> join me there, and to take issue with anything I write. Upcoming posts deal> with civility, the challenges of youth gangs, trends in psychotherapy, the> latest and best murder mysteries, personal organization and development,> spirituality, and living with greater health and quality of life.> > Simply get things done (web, mobile, iPhone) - easily manage your tasks,> projects, and due dates. NOZBE is recommended by Lifehacker, Getting Things> Done blog, Office Evolution, and many more knowledgeable users. Check it> out using the free version: http://www.nozbe.com/a-A3F240E3> > "We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full." Proust>

[Guest guest]

Thanks you, Lou. I am glad what I wrote resonates with you in a good way.Daly

 

What a great piece of writing Daly.

I notice my ego as my mind tells me it was written for me. There is a lot for me to take from that.

Thank you,

Lou

>

> I put up a blog

> post<http://www.exuberanteclectic.com/2011/12/somber-thoughts-christmas-reflections.html>yesterday

> which reflects some of my experiences and feelings as a therapist

> and chaplain who falls under the umbrella of " wounded healer. " Although not

> speaking specifically in terms of ACT, I've used ACT successfully with

> clients and with myself. The blog post speaks of the importance of

> mindfulness and reflects the need for acceptance.

>

> The post also reflects my deep respect for the clients and patients I've

> worked with, and what I have and have not learned which I believe have

> been beneficent for people.

>

> My hope is that it may be of some value to those who read it

> here<http://www.exuberanteclectic.com/2011/12/somber-thoughts-christmas-reflections.html>

> .

>

> Daly de Gagne

> Chaplain and Therapist

> Winnipeg, MB, Canada

>

> --

> www.ExuberantEclectic.com is my personal blog where I'll be writing about

> some of the many things which interest and excite me. You're welcome to

> join me there, and to take issue with anything I write. Upcoming posts deal

> with civility, the challenges of youth gangs, trends in psychotherapy, the

> latest and best murder mysteries, personal organization and development,

> spirituality, and living with greater health and quality of life.

>

> Simply get things done (web, mobile, iPhone) - easily manage your tasks,

> projects, and due dates. NOZBE is recommended by Lifehacker, Getting Things

> Done blog, Office Evolution, and many more knowledgeable users. Check it

> out using the free version: http://www.nozbe.com/a-A3F240E3

>

> " We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full. " Proust

>

-- www.ExuberantEclectic.com is my personal blog where I'll be writing about some of the many things which interest and excite me. You're welcome to join me there, and to take issue with anything I write. Upcoming posts deal with civility, the challenges of youth gangs, trends in psychotherapy, the latest and best murder mysteries, personal organization and development, spirituality, and living with greater health and quality of life.

Simply get things done (web, mobile, iPhone) - easily manage your tasks, projects, and due dates. NOZBE is recommended by Lifehacker, Getting Things Done blog, Office Evolution, and many more knowledgeable users. Check it out using the free version: http://www.nozbe.com/a-A3F240E3

" We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full. "   Proust

[Guest guest]

Helena, thank you for your words. Again, I am glad when words I write resonate with those who read them.This concept of being " the only one, " is interesting - and it can be tricky.

In one sense, each of us is unique - I see that in my clients, in the people on the bus or in the pub, in myself. And I believe we can celebrate that in the same way we might find joy in the sense that though millions of snowflakes may fall, no single flake is identical to another (how can you tell I am writing from Winnipeg where most of the ground is now covered with snow?).

There's another sense of feeling unique, and that is the notion of " I am special, " meaning no one has suffered quite the way I have, or that I am so special I am deserving (in a way others may not me be). Such a feeling of uniqueness is not healthy because, among other things, it creates divisions among us.

As I get older, I find much delight in ways we are similar, and in ways we are different. And neither this similarity or diffidence when appreciated in a good way has anything to do with anything pathological - it is simply the way things are.

One of the deepest ways we are the same is in the sense of connection for which we crave - through family, through friends, through the stranger who was beaten and robbed, and left to die on side of the road (if there is such a thing as a post-modern parable, it has to be the Good Samaritan).

Helena, I like the way you bring in the notion of family - when we speak of family, of friends, of those connections which mean so much, we are speaking of community. As a chaplain, I used to play in the Holy Week services at Winnipeg's Health Sciences Centre the lovely song by Card, The Basin and the Towel. I am forever haunted by these words from the song: " for we are called to community. " He connects these words with the basin of water, and the towel used by Jesus to wash the disciples' feet.

And then I think of my hero, the great man and therapist, Viktor l, and what he learned in the concentration camps during world war two. l observed that some of the men who died in the barracks were sometimes the healthier ones. And he saw that some of the men who lived were the least healthy. He realized that what may have been the determining factor in who lived and who died was that the ones who lived, though less healthy, were the ones who had found a sense of meaning and purpose, even in the camps. 

l explored what was providing the sense of meaning and purpose. And he learned that powerful meaning and service, even in  the worst of concentration camps, came in the form of service, of expressing care and compassion. To me, it is a testament to the power which flows in a good way when we live in community - in our family, among our friends, on the street (for even among the street people there can be powerful and healthy community - unfortunately most of my fellow professionals do not see it).

So, as Card wrote and sings so sweetly, I believe all are called to community.Daly

 

I thought it was all about me, too, Lou!  Except that I'm not a therapist, much of what you have written, Daly, could have been written by or about me.  It meant a lot to me to realize, once again, that I am not unique in this world.  When I was a kid, I thought I was " the only one " like me - the loneliest and most unwanted child in the world, I felt.  In several children's homes and finally a foster home (a mean home that " meant well " !), I longed to know what it would feel like to belong to a " real " family, a loving family who would actually want to take care of me and didn't just need a " farm hand " foster daughter.  Now I know that family does not mean blood relatives, or even foster parents.  In fact, I consider many on this forum to be part of my current family.

 

Lou, I don't think it's ego talking when we recognize ourselves in others.  Such recognition comes from a longing to belong and relief in knowing we are not alone; there are others who feel the way we do.

 

Thank you so much for sharing this, Daly.

 

Helena

To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 4:51:18 PMSubject: Re: Reflections fr a Wounded Healer

 

What a great piece of writing Daly. I notice my ego as my mind tells me it was written for me. There is a lot for me to take from that.Thank you,Lou

>> I put up a blog> post<http://www.exuberanteclectic.com/2011/12/somber-thoughts-christmas-reflections.html>yesterday

> which reflects some of my experiences and feelings as a therapist> and chaplain who falls under the umbrella of " wounded healer. " Although not> speaking specifically in terms of ACT, I've used ACT successfully with

> clients and with myself. The blog post speaks of the importance of> mindfulness and reflects the need for acceptance.> > The post also reflects my deep respect for the clients and patients I've

> worked with, and what I have and have not learned which I believe have> been beneficent for people.> > My hope is that it may be of some value to those who read it> here<http://www.exuberanteclectic.com/2011/12/somber-thoughts-christmas-reflections.html>

> .> > Daly de Gagne> Chaplain and Therapist> Winnipeg, MB, Canada> > -- > www.ExuberantEclectic.com is my personal blog where I'll be writing about

> some of the many things which interest and excite me. You're welcome to> join me there, and to take issue with anything I write. Upcoming posts deal> with civility, the challenges of youth gangs, trends in psychotherapy, the

> latest and best murder mysteries, personal organization and development,> spirituality, and living with greater health and quality of life.> > Simply get things done (web, mobile, iPhone) - easily manage your tasks,

> projects, and due dates. NOZBE is recommended by Lifehacker, Getting Things> Done blog, Office Evolution, and many more knowledgeable users. Check it> out using the free version: http://www.nozbe.com/a-A3F240E3

> > " We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full. " Proust>

-- www.ExuberantEclectic.com is my personal blog where I'll be writing about some of the many things which interest and excite me. You're welcome to join me there, and to take issue with anything I write. Upcoming posts deal with civility, the challenges of youth gangs, trends in psychotherapy, the latest and best murder mysteries, personal organization and development, spirituality, and living with greater health and quality of life.

Simply get things done (web, mobile, iPhone) - easily manage your tasks, projects, and due dates. NOZBE is recommended by Lifehacker, Getting Things Done blog, Office Evolution, and many more knowledgeable users. Check it out using the free version: http://www.nozbe.com/a-A3F240E3

" We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full. "   Proust