Re: Emotional Fluctuations

[Guest guest]

For sure I have ebbs and flows. Most of my life I have spent withdrawing when I

feel that I have been hurt. Mostly it's because I become fused with the past or

current event/thought that triggers this emotion. I think I withdraw or become

angry to protect myself from more hurt.

For twenty years of my life, I spent almost every day drunk or high on drugs so

that I didn't have to honestly feel my pain.

This happened to me this past weekend while I was in prison ministering. At the

hotel one night I felt that others did not understand what I was saying. I

became resentful and immediately I closed the door to them and me. Lying in

bed, I told myself that I would be silent the next day and not be engaged. Upon

waking, my mind again told me this story. Then I realized that I would be of not

much value to the residents if I was not willing to interact. During the day, I

noticed that one of the residents looked confused and was withdrawing. When I

asked her what happened, she replied that some things were said that had hurt

her. I was able to share my same feelings of the night before and I think she

found some comfort. If I had chosen my original path of being silent and not

engaged, I would not have been able to help her.

Often I think that good is healthy and bad is unhealthy. This leads to black and

white thinking and leads to a place where I get stuck. My counselor has been

trying to instill a paradigm shift. Where I think of things as a continuum -

problematic, distributive, painful, improving - from which there can be

movement.

You mention that your mood changed when you spent time with your daughter. I

think that this is because you were engaged with someone else that you cared

about.

I am learning that this too shall pass, sometimes more slowly that I would hope.

Blessings!

Values + committed action = joy!

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Over the last few months I've been improving in my practice of all the skills. I

have been highly motivated to take on new and existing challenges, as well as

being able to notice more of what is going on both internal and external. When I

crash though, I fall hard. The story goes....

Wednesday my patience was thin and I abused all the slow drivers on my way to

work. I maintained patience with the people I work with but noticed myself

withdrawing. By Thursday afternoon I was ready to burst into tears. It seemed

like nothing was really possible at all and I'm stuck in fanciful thinking to

believe that I might make a difference. My mind was in a loop of, " It's all

gonna come crashing on down. You're just gonna mess it all up again and they'll

ditch you! " Over and over in a variety of forms. I lost it and fear dominated my

thinking. The bawling began. I had a shower, ate some food, watched some TV, put

on my music but couldn't seem to shake it. I didn't sleep well and woke at

5:30am so by Friday morning I was chomping at the bit. The emotions were

intense.

Then I made a big mistake and bought some alcohol. I don't entirely remember all

the events, I have some blank spots. I slept again, (well this time), and

started fresh on Saturday. I had arrangements with my daughter. *sigh*. It is

all about that meaning right there. I breathed, noticing the knot in my throat

and engaged with her. By the time I dropped her home, my whole world had

changed. My focus returned, maybe I returned to being focused :-)

Some days I could take on Mt. Everest (so to speak), my energy is boundless and

others, well the story tells all. Are there others on this list who experience

these fluctuations? What do you do that helps?

Lou

[Guest guest]

Hi ...could you tell us more about:   " continuum - problematic, distributive, painful, improving - from which there can be movement? "  Jerry

 

For sure I have ebbs and flows. Most of my life I have spent withdrawing when I feel that I have been hurt. Mostly it's because I become fused with the past or current event/thought that triggers this emotion. I think I withdraw or become angry to protect myself from more hurt.

For twenty years of my life, I spent almost every day drunk or high on drugs so that I didn't have to honestly feel my pain.

This happened to me this past weekend while I was in prison ministering. At the hotel one night I felt that others did not understand what I was saying. I became resentful and immediately I closed the door to them and me. Lying in bed, I told myself that I would be silent the next day and not be engaged. Upon waking, my mind again told me this story. Then I realized that I would be of not much value to the residents if I was not willing to interact. During the day, I noticed that one of the residents looked confused and was withdrawing. When I asked her what happened, she replied that some things were said that had hurt her. I was able to share my same feelings of the night before and I think she found some comfort. If I had chosen my original path of being silent and not engaged, I would not have been able to help her.

Often I think that good is healthy and bad is unhealthy. This leads to black and white thinking and leads to a place where I get stuck. My counselor has been trying to instill a paradigm shift. Where I think of things as a continuum - problematic, distributive, painful, improving - from which there can be movement.

You mention that your mood changed when you spent time with your daughter. I think that this is because you were engaged with someone else that you cared about.

I am learning that this too shall pass, sometimes more slowly that I would hope.

Blessings!

Values + committed action = joy!

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Over the last few months I've been improving in my practice of all the skills. I have been highly motivated to take on new and existing challenges, as well as being able to notice more of what is going on both internal and external. When I crash though, I fall hard. The story goes....

Wednesday my patience was thin and I abused all the slow drivers on my way to work. I maintained patience with the people I work with but noticed myself withdrawing. By Thursday afternoon I was ready to burst into tears. It seemed like nothing was really possible at all and I'm stuck in fanciful thinking to believe that I might make a difference. My mind was in a loop of, " It's all gonna come crashing on down. You're just gonna mess it all up again and they'll ditch you! " Over and over in a variety of forms. I lost it and fear dominated my thinking. The bawling began. I had a shower, ate some food, watched some TV, put on my music but couldn't seem to shake it. I didn't sleep well and woke at 5:30am so by Friday morning I was chomping at the bit. The emotions were intense.

Then I made a big mistake and bought some alcohol. I don't entirely remember all the events, I have some blank spots. I slept again, (well this time), and started fresh on Saturday. I had arrangements with my daughter. *sigh*. It is all about that meaning right there. I breathed, noticing the knot in my throat and engaged with her. By the time I dropped her home, my whole world had changed. My focus returned, maybe I returned to being focused :-)

Some days I could take on Mt. Everest (so to speak), my energy is boundless and others, well the story tells all. Are there others on this list who experience these fluctuations? What do you do that helps?

Lou

-- Jerry jraypeterson@...

[Guest guest]

I can put in an enormous amount of effort into something, like being more brave,

or facing terrible anxieties, and when things start to get better I might get

over excited about it, thinking, yes! yes! this is working, wow! I think that an

incredible amount of momentum, or push, can build up, when we try so hard

because we really want this to work, and along with the fear that you might

never get any better, any sudden improvement is bound to cause an overshoot.

Your problems sound a bit like mine.

Kv

>

>

> Over the last few months I've been improving in my practice of all the skills.

I have been highly motivated to take on new and existing challenges, as well as

being able to notice more of what is going on both internal and external. When I

crash though, I fall hard. The story goes....

>

> Wednesday my patience was thin and I abused all the slow drivers on my way to

work. I maintained patience with the people I work with but noticed myself

withdrawing. By Thursday afternoon I was ready to burst into tears. It seemed

like nothing was really possible at all and I'm stuck in fanciful thinking to

believe that I might make a difference. My mind was in a loop of, " It's all

gonna come crashing on down. You're just gonna mess it all up again and they'll

ditch you! " Over and over in a variety of forms. I lost it and fear dominated my

thinking. The bawling began. I had a shower, ate some food, watched some TV, put

on my music but couldn't seem to shake it. I didn't sleep well and woke at

5:30am so by Friday morning I was chomping at the bit. The emotions were

intense.

>

> Then I made a big mistake and bought some alcohol. I don't entirely remember

all the events, I have some blank spots. I slept again, (well this time), and

started fresh on Saturday. I had arrangements with my daughter. *sigh*. It is

all about that meaning right there. I breathed, noticing the knot in my throat

and engaged with her. By the time I dropped her home, my whole world had

changed. My focus returned, maybe I returned to being focused :-)

>

> Some days I could take on Mt. Everest (so to speak), my energy is boundless

and others, well the story tells all.

>

> Are there others on this list who experience these fluctuations? What do you

do that helps?

>

> Lou

>

[Guest guest]

When I was seeing an ACT therapist she told me I was very "binary" and taught me how to entertain the possibility of more than two outcomes - good or bad. She said I should at least add a third one - "I don't know!"BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: susandck@...Date: Sat, 10 Dec 2011 16:46:07 +0000Subject: Re: Emotional Fluctuations

For sure I have ebbs and flows. Most of my life I have spent withdrawing when I feel that I have been hurt. Mostly it's because I become fused with the past or current event/thought that triggers this emotion. I think I withdraw or become angry to protect myself from more hurt.

For twenty years of my life, I spent almost every day drunk or high on drugs so that I didn't have to honestly feel my pain.

This happened to me this past weekend while I was in prison ministering. At the hotel one night I felt that others did not understand what I was saying. I became resentful and immediately I closed the door to them and me. Lying in bed, I told myself that I would be silent the next day and not be engaged. Upon waking, my mind again told me this story. Then I realized that I would be of not much value to the residents if I was not willing to interact. During the day, I noticed that one of the residents looked confused and was withdrawing. When I asked her what happened, she replied that some things were said that had hurt her. I was able to share my same feelings of the night before and I think she found some comfort. If I had chosen my original path of being silent and not engaged, I would not have been able to help her.

Often I think that good is healthy and bad is unhealthy. This leads to black and white thinking and leads to a place where I get stuck. My counselor has been trying to instill a paradigm shift. Where I think of things as a continuum - problematic, distributive, painful, improving - from which there can be movement.

You mention that your mood changed when you spent time with your daughter. I think that this is because you were engaged with someone else that you cared about.

I am learning that this too shall pass, sometimes more slowly that I would hope.

Blessings!

Values + committed action = joy!

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Over the last few months I've been improving in my practice of all the skills. I have been highly motivated to take on new and existing challenges, as well as being able to notice more of what is going on both internal and external. When I crash though, I fall hard. The story goes....

Wednesday my patience was thin and I abused all the slow drivers on my way to work. I maintained patience with the people I work with but noticed myself withdrawing. By Thursday afternoon I was ready to burst into tears. It seemed like nothing was really possible at all and I'm stuck in fanciful thinking to believe that I might make a difference. My mind was in a loop of, "It's all gonna come crashing on down. You're just gonna mess it all up again and they'll ditch you!" Over and over in a variety of forms. I lost it and fear dominated my thinking. The bawling began. I had a shower, ate some food, watched some TV, put on my music but couldn't seem to shake it. I didn't sleep well and woke at 5:30am so by Friday morning I was chomping at the bit. The emotions were intense.

Then I made a big mistake and bought some alcohol. I don't entirely remember all the events, I have some blank spots. I slept again, (well this time), and started fresh on Saturday. I had arrangements with my daughter. *sigh*. It is all about that meaning right there. I breathed, noticing the knot in my throat and engaged with her. By the time I dropped her home, my whole world had changed. My focus returned, maybe I returned to being focused :-)

Some days I could take on Mt. Everest (so to speak), my energy is boundless and others, well the story tells all. Are there others on this list who experience these fluctuations? What do you do that helps?

Lou

[Guest guest]

That reminds me of a story:A man who lived on the northern frontier of China was skilled in interpreting events. One day, for no reason, his horse ran away to the nomads across the border. Everyone tried to console him, but his father said, "What makes you so sure this isn't a blessing?" Some months later his horse returned, bringing a splendid nomad stallion. Everyone congratulated him, but his father said, "What makes you so sure this isn't a disaster?" Their household was richer by a fine horse, which his son loved to ride. One day he fell and broke his hip. Everyone tried to console him, but his father said, "What makes you so sure this isn't a blessing?"A year later the nomads came in force across the border, and every able-bodied man took his bow and went into battle. The Chinese frontiersmen lost nine of every ten men. Only because the son was lame did the father and son survive to take care of each other. Truly, blessing turns to disaster, and disaster to blessing: the changes have no end, nor can the mystery be fathomed. The Lost Horse,Chinese Folktale.As told by Ellen J. Langer, in" The Power of Mindful Learning," Reading, Mass: -Wesley, page 99-100. (1997). When I was seeing an ACT therapist she told me I was very "binary" and taught me how to entertain the possibility of more than two outcomes - good or bad. She said I should at least add a third one - "I don't know!"BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: susandck@...Date: Sat, 10 Dec 2011 16:46:07 +0000Subject: Re: Emotional Fluctuations For sure I have ebbs and flows. Most of my life I have spent withdrawing when I feel that I have been hurt. Mostly it's because I become fused with the past or current event/thought that triggers this emotion. I think I withdraw or become angry to protect myself from more hurt. For twenty years of my life, I spent almost every day drunk or high on drugs so that I didn't have to honestly feel my pain. This happened to me this past weekend while I was in prison ministering. At the hotel one night I felt that others did not understand what I was saying. I became resentful and immediately I closed the door to them and me. Lying in bed, I told myself that I would be silent the next day and not be engaged. Upon waking, my mind again told me this story. Then I realized that I would be of not much value to the residents if I was not willing to interact. During the day, I noticed that one of the residents looked confused and was withdrawing. When I asked her what happened, she replied that some things were said that had hurt her. I was able to share my same feelings of the night before and I think she found some comfort. If I had chosen my original path of being silent and not engaged, I would not have been able to help her. Often I think that good is healthy and bad is unhealthy. This leads to black and white thinking and leads to a place where I get stuck. My counselor has been trying to instill a paradigm shift. Where I think of things as a continuum - problematic, distributive, painful, improving - from which there can be movement. You mention that your mood changed when you spent time with your daughter. I think that this is because you were engaged with someone else that you cared about. I am learning that this too shall pass, sometimes more slowly that I would hope. Blessings! Values + committed action = joy! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Over the last few months I've been improving in my practice of all the skills. I have been highly motivated to take on new and existing challenges, as well as being able to notice more of what is going on both internal and external. When I crash though, I fall hard. The story goes.... Wednesday my patience was thin and I abused all the slow drivers on my way to work. I maintained patience with the people I work with but noticed myself withdrawing. By Thursday afternoon I was ready to burst into tears. It seemed like nothing was really possible at all and I'm stuck in fanciful thinking to believe that I might make a difference. My mind was in a loop of, "It's all gonna come crashing on down. You're just gonna mess it all up again and they'll ditch you!" Over and over in a variety of forms. I lost it and fear dominated my thinking. The bawling began. I had a shower, ate some food, watched some TV, put on my music but couldn't seem to shake it. I didn't sleep well and woke at 5:30am so by Friday morning I was chomping at the bit. The emotions were intense. Then I made a big mistake and bought some alcohol. I don't entirely remember all the events, I have some blank spots. I slept again, (well this time), and started fresh on Saturday. I had arrangements with my daughter. *sigh*. It is all about that meaning right there. I breathed, noticing the knot in my throat and engaged with her. By the time I dropped her home, my whole world had changed. My focus returned, maybe I returned to being focused :-) Some days I could take on Mt. Everest (so to speak), my energy is boundless and others, well the story tells all. Are there others on this list who experience these fluctuations? What do you do that helps? Lou

[Guest guest]

Lou,I am much like you - lots of fluctuation.  Russ talks a little about this in The Confidence Gap.  He says some days he feels he's a great writer, a loving husband and a great dad and other days he feels he writes crap, is a selfish husband and a lousy dad.  Not exact quote but something close to that.

Cheers! 

 

Over the last few months I've been improving in my practice of all the skills. I have been highly motivated to take on new and existing challenges, as well as being able to notice more of what is going on both internal and external. When I crash though, I fall hard. The story goes....

Wednesday my patience was thin and I abused all the slow drivers on my way to work. I maintained patience with the people I work with but noticed myself withdrawing. By Thursday afternoon I was ready to burst into tears. It seemed like nothing was really possible at all and I'm stuck in fanciful thinking to believe that I might make a difference. My mind was in a loop of, " It's all gonna come crashing on down. You're just gonna mess it all up again and they'll ditch you! " Over and over in a variety of forms. I lost it and fear dominated my thinking. The bawling began. I had a shower, ate some food, watched some TV, put on my music but couldn't seem to shake it. I didn't sleep well and woke at 5:30am so by Friday morning I was chomping at the bit. The emotions were intense.

Then I made a big mistake and bought some alcohol. I don't entirely remember all the events, I have some blank spots. I slept again, (well this time), and started fresh on Saturday. I had arrangements with my daughter. *sigh*. It is all about that meaning right there. I breathed, noticing the knot in my throat and engaged with her. By the time I dropped her home, my whole world had changed. My focus returned, maybe I returned to being focused :-)

Some days I could take on Mt. Everest (so to speak), my energy is boundless and others, well the story tells all.

Are there others on this list who experience these fluctuations? What do you do that helps?

Lou

[Guest guest]

Hi Jerry;

You ask;

could you tell us more about: " continuum - problematic, distributive, painful,

improving - from which there can be movement? "

I can try perhaps best with an example from my life.

15 months ago I attended a spiritual retreat. At the time, I was really looking

for friends in my life. The retreat was fantastic and those of us at our table

really bonded. There were promises of staying in touch. In the few weeks after,

this didn't materialize. I grew frustrated and resentful of the others. So, I

initiated requests for getting together, which is way beyond my comfort zone. We

did get together last Christmas but the relationships seemed strained. So, I

gave up and told myself that it had been a waste to go to the retreat and to

have thought that others cared about me.

The same group that organized the retreat also is involved in prison ministry. I

attended a closing ceremony for this ministry and became drawn to it. I recently

was on the team for a weekend where we went to the prison and ministered. While

there, I realized that what brought me to this place was my involvement in the

spiritual retreat 15 months back. My thoughts began to shift from the fusion

that this original retreat had been bad to that this experience brought me to

the place where I was today.

Yes I had been disappointed (am still am) by the lack of follow through of

others to stay in touch.

But I also see that I gained much from the retreat. Instead of thinking of it as

a bad experience, I saw it as painful and one that lead to growth in other area.

Blessings!

Values + committed action = joy!

Over the last few months I've been improving in my practice of all the skills. I

have been highly motivated to take on new and existing challenges, as well as

being able to notice more of what is going on both internal and external. When I

crash though, I fall hard. The story goes....

Wednesday my patience was thin and I abused all the slow drivers on my way to

work. I maintained patience with the people I work with but noticed myself

withdrawing. By Thursday afternoon I was ready to burst into tears. It seemed

like nothing was really possible at all and I'm stuck in fanciful thinking to

believe that I might make a difference. My mind was in a loop of, " It's all

gonna come crashing on down. You're just gonna mess it all up again and they'll

ditch you! " Over and over in a variety of forms. I lost it and fear dominated my

thinking. The bawling began. I had a shower, ate some food, watched some TV, put

on my music but couldn't seem to shake it. I didn't sleep well and woke at

5:30am so by Friday morning I was chomping at the bit. The emotions were

intense.

Then I made a big mistake and bought some alcohol. I don't entirely remember all

the events, I have some blank spots. I slept again, (well this time), and

started fresh on Saturday. I had arrangements with my daughter. *sigh*. It is

all about that meaning right there. I breathed, noticing the knot in my throat

and engaged with her. By the time I dropped her home, my whole world had

changed. My focus returned, maybe I returned to being focused :-)

Some days I could take on Mt. Everest (so to speak), my energy is boundless and

others, well the story tells all. Are there others on this list who experience

these fluctuations? What do you do that helps?

Lou

[Guest guest]

This is an absolutely beautiful story. Goodness, how many times have I readily

storied up experiences as regretful, not worth it, etc. only to find days,

months, years later threads in there that have proved so fruitful? Even if we

never notice any connection between events, this opening you maintained

throughout is most inspiring to hear. Thanks.

>

> Over the last few months I've been improving in my practice of all the skills.

I have been highly motivated to take on new and existing challenges, as well as

being able to notice more of what is going on both internal and external. When I

crash though, I fall hard. The story goes....

>

> Wednesday my patience was thin and I abused all the slow drivers on my way to

work. I maintained patience with the people I work with but noticed myself

withdrawing. By Thursday afternoon I was ready to burst into tears. It seemed

like nothing was really possible at all and I'm stuck in fanciful thinking to

believe that I might make a difference. My mind was in a loop of, " It's all

gonna come crashing on down. You're just gonna mess it all up again and they'll

ditch you! " Over and over in a variety of forms. I lost it and fear dominated my

thinking. The bawling began. I had a shower, ate some food, watched some TV, put

on my music but couldn't seem to shake it. I didn't sleep well and woke at

5:30am so by Friday morning I was chomping at the bit. The emotions were

intense.

>

> Then I made a big mistake and bought some alcohol. I don't entirely remember

all the events, I have some blank spots. I slept again, (well this time), and

started fresh on Saturday. I had arrangements with my daughter. *sigh*. It is

all about that meaning right there. I breathed, noticing the knot in my throat

and engaged with her. By the time I dropped her home, my whole world had

changed. My focus returned, maybe I returned to being focused :-)

>

> Some days I could take on Mt. Everest (so to speak), my energy is boundless

and others, well the story tells all. Are there others on this list who

experience these fluctuations? What do you do that helps?

>

> Lou

>