Re: Recovery Stories/ Control is the Problem

[Guest guest]

When I suffer a lot and struggle so determindly I get this feeling that maybe I

am a good boy. Years ago psychoanylists had many different terms for neurotic

people and one of the was the 'masochist' (and this has nothing to do with sex

by the way). When I willingly suffer I feel that I am being, for once, a small

hero. But who notices? And who is going to rescue me? Hmmm, that is interesting.

There seems to be this all knowing heavenly eye that knows me and will offer

grace and salvation when I have had enough and can't go on any more. But there

are no real life fairy stories in this world.

Kv

> > > > >

> > > > > I hope everyone on the list is doing well today. I myself am stuck

> > > > in

> > > > > suffering without much to do. In this situation, I struggle with

> > > > > rumination. It's another boring day on the job where I am doing

> > > > enough

> > > > > to stay employed and pull my weight but that's about it.

> > > > >

> > > > > I always look forward to messages from the list but there hasn't

> > > > been

> > > > > much in the past few days. I hope that means that things are good

> > > > for

> > > > > most of us. It's my wish that all of us would be well.

> > > > >

> > > > > Bruce

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[Guest guest]

I have this fantastic little book by Wilkie, a psychiatrist and a

passionate Christian, understanding Stress Breakdown, who took an

holistic natural approach to healing. His views might be a little

paternalistic nowadays, but he say's that he noticed in his practice

that wives were often not very supportive of their psychologically, or

physically, ill husbands. His oppinion for this was that they needed a

provider and got unconsciously scared if their man wasn't being at his

best.

I thought at the time that this sounded bogus and yet all my girfriends

would never accept that I was ill and insisted that imagined my

problems. One day I got really fed up with one af my girfriends

dismissing my problems so I set about proving it by going over that

facts of my life. As I got close to cliching my truth I saw the horror

on her face and something in me said, STOP, STOP, STOP. I realised it

was best for her that my problems were not real in any way and I saved

our relationship when I backed off. There was this big relief all round.

See my next post: The Strongest were the Weakest.

Kv

>

> I'm interested in what's been said about how depression can affect

marriages/partnerships.

>

>

> I try not to underestimate how frightening it can be for the wife /

husband / partner. My wife is worried about how my depression affects

me, and how it affects our son. She can get angry at me, and that is

quite rational of her. It must be frightening. I choose not to share

many of my thoughts and feelings with her because they may scare her,

and it seems rather pointless since it helps neither of us. I value

being a supportive father and husband, and as part of that I feel it is

important that sometimes I act a little. There are times when we join

forces together, but there are also times when we must exist separately.

When it comes to my depression, I get my support from elsewhere.

>

> I suppose the Hollywood marriage would have me laying my soul out to

her, and her opening her arms and sharing the pain. We'd gaze at each

other in a slightly rose-glazed lighting, and she'd whisper how we would

fight this thing together, and we'd rub our noses together as our tears

intertwine on our cheeks. Real marriages are more complex.

>

>

> Incidentally, my wife is absolutely wonderful. I really love her to

bits.

>

>

> x

>

[Guest guest]

Who am I trying to please? And whose approval will save me?

Kv

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I hope everyone on the list is doing well today. I myself am stuck

> > > > > in

> > > > > > suffering without much to do. In this situation, I struggle with

> > > > > > rumination. It's another boring day on the job where I am doing

> > > > > enough

> > > > > > to stay employed and pull my weight but that's about it.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I always look forward to messages from the list but there hasn't

> > > > > been

> > > > > > much in the past few days. I hope that means that things are good

> > > > > for

> > > > > > most of us. It's my wish that all of us would be well.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Bruce

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

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[Guest guest]

I guess with me it's myself and my wife's. Neither of which I can get 100%. Or if I do, it's only a matter of time until some failure or perceived failure comes around again. Who am I trying to please? And whose approval will save me? Kv > > > > > > > > > > > > I hope everyone on the list is doing well today. I myself am stuck > > > > > in > > > > > > suffering without much to do. In this situation, I struggle with > > > > > > rumination. It's another boring day on the job where I am doing > > > > > enough > > > > > > to stay employed and pull my weight but that's about it. > > > > > > > > > > > > I always look forward to messages from the list but there hasn't > > > > > been > > > > > > much in the past few days. I hope that means that things are good > > > > > for > > > > > > most of us. It's my wish that all of us would be well. > > > > > > > > > > > > Bruce > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Some of my posts are a bit more confused than others.

Kv

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I hope everyone on the list is doing well today. I

> > myself am stuck

> > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > suffering without much to do. In this situation, I

> > struggle with

> > > > > > > > rumination. It's another boring day on the job where I

> > am doing

> > > > > > > enough

> > > > > > > > to stay employed and pull my weight but that's about it.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I always look forward to messages from the list but

> > there hasn't

> > > > > > > been

> > > > > > > > much in the past few days. I hope that means that things

> > are good

> > > > > > > for

> > > > > > > > most of us. It's my wish that all of us would be well.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Bruce

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

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> > > > >

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> > > > >

> > > >

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> >

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