Loneliness

[Guest guest]

I think I have a better understanding about loneliness today, after talking to my sister. Loneliness is not about being alone, nor about wishing you had more people nearby and around you. At least, it's not ONLY about that. It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes. Like when you're facing imminent death.

My sister called me early this morning. She is suffering with many health problems and needs daily nursing care at home. She is in constant severe pain. She cried and cried about how lonely she was. I didn't understand how she could be lonely. She has lots of people around her--her kids and her caretakers stopping in every day, her phone and doorbell constantly ringing, people bringing her treats and gifts. How could she feel lonely?

Then it hit me. She is lonely because she knows that her time on earth will end soon and nobody can get into her shoes and feel the way she does. She is facing death. Everybody who does that is alone. I've heard it said that you are never more alone than when you arrive on this earth and when you leave it. You make that journey, in both cases, totally helpless and alone, not knowing what is at the end of the journey in either case. Totally helpless. Alone.

Searching my brain for what to say and what to do, I gently and carefully broached the subject of her death, how she thought she might die in the end. She seemed eager to talk about it. She told me exactly what she thought would "get her" in the end and how she didn't want any heroic life support measures, if it came to that. I'm glad I was there with her to discuss that. I'm glad we were able to talk about death. She needed to do that.

We ended up laughing like we did when we were kids - big belly laughs, just like old times.

Helena

[Guest guest]

Thank you for this Helena. Such a sensitive post about how it feels to be inside one's own skin! We can think we know how someone else 'should' feel because we see what they have - but when you are inside that 'skin' you see things differently!

 I have been alone much of my life and been through very difficult times. From the outside I knew it looked as if I had all the support I needed!  I understand this aloneness.

 I really just wanted to encourage you. I am a 'lurker' who learns a lot from you. thank you.

 

I think I have a better understanding about loneliness today, after talking to my sister.  Loneliness is not about being alone, nor about wishing you had more people nearby and around you.  At least, it's not ONLY about that.  It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes.  Like when you're facing imminent death.

 

My sister called me early this morning.  She is suffering with many health problems and needs daily nursing care at home.  She is in constant severe pain.  She cried and cried about how lonely she was.  I didn't understand how she could be lonely. She has lots of people around her--her kids and her caretakers stopping in every day, her phone and doorbell constantly ringing, people bringing her treats and gifts.    How could she feel lonely?

 

Then it hit me.  She is lonely because she knows that her time on earth will end soon and nobody can get into her shoes and feel the way she does.  She is facing death.  Everybody who does that is alone.  I've heard it said that you are never more alone than when you arrive on this earth and when you leave it.  You make that journey, in both cases, totally helpless and alone, not knowing what is at the end of the journey in either case.  Totally helpless.  Alone.

 

Searching my brain for what to say and what to do, I gently and carefully broached the subject of her death, how she thought she might die in the end.  She seemed eager to talk about it.  She told me exactly what she thought would " get her " in the end and how she didn't want any heroic life support measures, if it came to that.  I'm glad I was there with her to discuss that.  I'm glad we were able to talk about death.  She needed to do that.

 

We ended up laughing like we did when we were kids - big belly laughs, just like old times.

 

Helena