Guest guest Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 ,Haven't had a drink (or anything) since I was 31 (I am 53 now), started college with my EMT certification at around 46, Nursing school around 48, a BS in counseling studies at 50 and entered this MA program shortly before my 53rd birthday. As you (and Jeff) say, The journey itself is the reward.D just to toss in my 2 cents on career change. Until I was 30, I was a career drug addict (including alcohol). I had no other sustained employment....ever. I started college when I was 30 and grad school at 34 and took 9 years in grad school. I cannot say how rewarding the whole trip has been (though it has had amazing hard patches). In retrospect, even if I had lost my life to cancer when I was diagnosed in 1998, prior to even finishing my phd, I would say the trip without even completing would have counted as worthwhile. Same for my undergrad. Your mileage may vary. Why? Because all along I was doing something with my life that I valued. There is a Catholic Saint, of Siena, if memory serves who said "All the way to heaven is heaven." I don't know much about her, nor do I know that I would agree with her on many things, but I like this. It is in the values piece in ACT. It just means, to me, being in the midst of a valued pattern is enough. Understanding even hardships and what we are doing in the midst of hardship, growing a valued pattern, including a valued pattern of response to hardship, can be enough if we declare it.and for today, struggling some, and seeing if I can put my feet on the ground in a direction I value.warmest regards, from Oxford, M'sippi, G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com Thanks, everyone who sent me those encouraging words. Counseling is actually the fourth or fifth career on my list to check out but I enjoyed this discussion so much I wrote to the college I originally went to and requested information about their counseling degree. My timing could have been better. When I went there in the 80's, it was a 36 credit degree. Since then the credit requirements went up to 48 credits and this year it's a 60 credit degree. The community college idea is starting to look good. ;)JeffTo: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Wednesday, August 3, 2011 8:35:20 PMSubject: Re: Over Exposure? Jeff, I agree with Darrell. At 58, you have wealth of something only time can give you: experience. You've lived, you've loved, you've had highs and lows, you've known joy and pain, and you've learned a lot along the way about how the world and the people in it works. This is a valuable gift that can add tremendous value to your counseling once you have your degree. If it's what you really want to do, then go for it! Cheers, Stan > > > > > Wow, Gwen. This really hit home. I've been lurking on this group for a while now so I guess this is a good time to jump in. I was in a very similar situation. When I was in my twenties I was going to grad school to become a psychologist and working in a computer job for the state of New Jersey. Another worker called our job the "golden handcuffs." We made a lot of money, had great benefits and could choose how hard we wanted to work. It got to the point where if I left the computer job to become a counselor, I would have taken a large pay cut. I had a lot of bills so I decided to stay with the state job. The problem was I wasn't that interested in computers. I got married when I was 35 (I'm 58 now) and made the decision to stay with the state till retirement. I transferred to a section with in our department which was headed by a guy I really liked. I was the sole IM person in that section. The good part of that was no one bothered me. The bad part was when I was in a meeting, it was generally me against the state. That's how it felt, at least. As time went on, I got less and less work, and the work I did get, I didn't want to do. I was sick of programming. When I turned 50, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. On days when we had staff meetings, I had to call in sick. I was so stressed about each meeting that I couldn't leave the house. I overate and drank tons of beer to alleviate the stress so I could sleep at night. I ballooned up to 343 pounds. I also developed spinal stenosis, which had nothing to do with the job. But I had to do physical therapy every day and because of my size, I regularly pulled muscles in my back. I took an early retirement at age 55. When I did, my blood pressure became uncontrollable. (Retirement is one of the top ten stressors.) I was taking Vicodin for the back spasms and became addicted. Even though I never took more than the prescribed dosage, I would get withdrawal symptoms when I tried to stop. And I couldn't leave the house till noon due to the colitis. On top of everything I found out I was pre-diabetic. I'm not saying that this is what will happen to you but it happened to me. > > > > I discovered ACT right around the time I retired and worked very hard at the exercises in GOOYMAIYL and "The Happiness Trap." It's been three years since I retired. I've lost 36 pounds (which was greatly influenced by Taubes' book "Good Calories; Bad Calories." Anyone with a weight problem should read it ), I quit drinking and quit taking vicodins. I attribute most of this to ACT. While doing the value exercises, I had trouble determining my career values so I bought a book based on Jung's (later Myers/Briggs) personality types. Turns out I'm an INFP, which means I was in the wrong job for 30 years. I played the guitar and did a lot of writing and read a lot of psychology books while I was working. They were actually the things I wanted to do for a living, but didn't. For years while doing my hated job, a line from a Rational Emotive Therapy book swirled around in my head about a patient who "wasted the most productive years of his life," which is what I think I did. > > > > I have an excellent pension now and free health care for my family and I as long as I live because I stayed with that crappy job. But was it worth it? I've thought about that a lot. I lean towards it not being worth it, mostly because I'm ready to start living now but I have colitis, a bad back, high blood pressure, almost diabetic and I'm 58 years old. I know, I know, 58 is the new 38 or whatever, but when I think about going back to grad school to get a degree, I'm torn. I'll be in my sixties when I graduate and who wants to go to a therapist who's sixty and has no experience? > > > > If I had it to do over again, I would change jobs before getting married. Once married and with a kid, it's a lot harder to leave the security behind. > > > > So I guess what I would do if I were you is to take Jung's (Myer's Briggs) personality test and see if you're in the right job. You're right in calling it a spiritual dilemma. That's exactly what it is. And it's already affecting your health. If you take the test and you think you can be happy in your job, then stay and keep doing the ACT exercises cause they really work. Otherwise, get the hell out before it's too late. An important caveat, though, is if you decide to change jobs, don't quit this one until you have a new job secured. It's a lot easier to get a job if you already have one, from what I understand. > > > > Just my $.02 > > > > Jeff > > > > > > > > To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public > > > Sent: Tuesday, August 2, 2011 11:24:51 PM > > Subject: Over Exposure? > > > > > > It’s been awhile since I’ve posted to this support group but something has been nagging at me for awhile and so I thought this might be a good platform to air my concerns in hopes that you might have some advice or feedback you can give me given my situation. > > > > I am in my late 30s and have been at the same job for almost 7 years now. It has been a great experience but there are also a lot of negative aspects to my job that often seem to override the positive. > > > > My main issue is that while in my Masters program and during my divorce (all happened around the same time), I suffered from an extreme form of stress and anxiety/panic attacks that took a serious toll on my body and mind and I have never fully recovered. I don’t get the panic attacks so much any more and with my meditation practice and the exercises provided in the ACT workbook, I have acquired many beneficial tools over the years that have helped me tremendously. However, my fear is that my tolerance level for any degree of stress or anything that does give me anxiety has been lowered dramatically to the point that it takes me days to recuperate even if I have a little bit of stress or anxiety at work. It has gotten to the point that I spend countless hours and dollars with various physicians and naturopathic doctors (the one bonus of having good health insurance through my job) since there are days when I am truly scared for my health and think they’re might be something seriously wrong with me. And no I am not a hypochondriac. I really do feel sick and extremely tired and I think a lot of it has to do with my job. However, when I leave on vacation my health improves and I start to feel normal again. > > > > Some of my symptoms include slurred speech at times, bumping into things, coordination problems, the inability to sometimes formulate intelligent sentences, memory lapses, trapped energy in my body and in particular my head. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like my brain won’t shut off. It’s like there’s a hamster on a wheel spinning 24/7. > > > > The clincher is that my job is really not super stressful like a lot of other jobs and there are plenty of people who would kill to have my job. I make a pretty decent salary and have great benefits, have a lot of autonomy and am able to take up to 3 weeks off per year but the real issue is that I am not happy or fulfilled at my job. Moreover, there have also been a lot of decisions that have been made there in regards to my position that were hurtful and unfair, which has made me somewhat resentful and angry. I also still get anxiety while in staff meetings, which is simply an automatic conditioned response now that has affected my performance and self-esteem as a professional. There is also no upward mobility for me there so I feel stuck. > > > > I know I’m dragging on here so I’ll get to the point soon. I just think it’s important to have some background information first. My real issue is that I think the combination of my lack of enthusiasm, my anger and resentment towards some Supervisors and pre-conditioned anxiety that just happens while I’m there has landed me here and I am literally getting sick as a result. My boyfriend tells me I should just shake it off and be grateful for having a job especially in this economy. I am grateful and I have to pinch myself many times to remind myself just how lucky I am. However, my health is getting worse and it is getting to the point where I may get to a position where I have literally gone over the edge with no return (in regards to my sanity and health). I know that I have PTSD as a result of all of the stress I have endured over the years. I also think that I may never be able to have a child now just because of all of this stress. I think a lot of what I am dealing with is simply a spiritual and emotional crisis that has morphed into major physical and mental symptoms that I fear may be persistent if I don’t do something about it soon. > > > > I am the type of individual that strives to push myself and to expand beyond my limitations and boundaries. I joined Toastmasters two years ago to overcome my fear of public speaking. I am active in my community. I want more than anything to be involved, to be active, to be a contributor and to make a positive difference in this world but I fear that any more exposure to those things that I fear will put me over the edge. > > > > Sometimes, I feel like I need to take an entire year off just to allow my body to recuperate. I recently spoke with a good friend who was laid off of his job two years ago and he told me that his body had fully recuperated and he had never felt this relaxed since he was a teenager. > > > > The issue that I am grappling with now is that I know I need some time to heal. As much as I try (and as most of us know trying is just another form of resistance) to relax and be at peace at work, to be grateful and to strive to do better, I still typically come home exhausted and unable to do anything else for the rest of the day. I really don’t want to live my life like this but I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. > > > > I want more than anything to be open to the energies that arise and to move in the direction of my values, however I feel that by doing this, I am now compromising what little health and sanity I have left. I often practice surrendering in life and work but when the forces of anxiety, anger or sadness overcome me especially at work, I feel as if I’m taking another step back. > > > > Has anyone else experienced this or are these signs that I need to leave this job before it’s too late??!! > > > > Thanks for reading and sorry this was so long. > > > > Suffering in silence, > > Gwen > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 Randy - I would say that you can't know in advance. I suffered some on what to chose and the choice evolved along the way. I could not have wanted what I have now because I did not know there was such a thing to want. I knew what was interesting to me and I followed my heart. In retrospect though, I liked a lot of things, and I could have chosen differently. You only live once, but I would guess that I could have been pretty happy in a lot of places. I am intellectually omnivorous. I think I could have been happy in history, philosophy, literature, political science, or theology--many things in the scholarly universe interest me (funny outcome for a high school drop out).The more I did, the more I saw. I kept following the things I was passionate about. Not in a flighty way, more persistent than that. And I spent a lot of time pondering the linkages among the things that lit me up. And I am still doing that same thing now that I was doing back in '85 when I started. For example, trying to sort out how to speak to broader audiences with important behavioral health messages. The result of that? I seem to be drifting towards community psych, different teaching applications, moving towards more action in marginalized population, the developing world, how to write for nonprofessionals. What is next? Don't know? I am a professional explorer:-)warm regards, G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com > > Why? Because all along I was doing something with > my life that I valued. , Maybe what would be helpful to us struggling folks would be, how you chose that path towards a PhD in psychology and whether & when & how you knew it was something you valued? I say this because while in principle "do what you value" seems right for career choice, for many of us the execution of this principle seems fraught. For example, there may not be a ready path that once trodden on continues to reward and give. There may be false starts, failures, or economic imperatives that require not "do what you value" but rather "try to find some value in what you do." A very different proposition. In all this learning must take place. So maybe it is a matter of, what to do to allow learning to happen? I am not disagreeing with you ... just asking if you can flesh this out if you can. thanks, Randy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.