The Straight Dope on Food & Exercise

[Guest guest]

This was just too good not to pass on......it came from " the other list "

that a few of our members of this list have been bumped from......

FINALLY, THE STRAIGHT DOPE ON FOOD AND EXERCISE

======================

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong

life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and

that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding

up your heart will not make you live longer; that's

like saying you can extend the life of your car by

driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

===================

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and

vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does

a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?

Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an

efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your

system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a

good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).

And a pork chop can give you a full100% of your

recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

=================

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and

vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide

everything in the world into three categories: animal,

mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine

are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table

of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My

advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid

vegetables.

====================

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat,

your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies,

your ratio is two to one, etc.

=====================

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to " spot " for him while

he did the bench press. What did he mean?

A: " Spotting " for someone means you stand over him

while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted

practice at health clubs; though if you find that it

becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you

probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

==================

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in

a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is

No Pain-No Pain.

===============

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little

soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it

gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want

a bigger stomach.

----------------------------