Guest guest Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 "At least I don't suck at life!" How true for me, now that I ACT. Thanks, Helena To: "act_for_the_public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 1:27:50 PMSubject: I keep on moving A good song for when life is tough if you don't over think it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Home (use sparingly): Cell (even more so): Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinor the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 Yeah, that is why you can't over think it.We belong here. No matter how crappy our behavior is right now, we don't suck at life: we ARE life.Of course a problem solving mode of mind is inherently conditional (if ... then) so it can't get that. " Does not compute " (read that sentence with a computer voice)You need a different mode of mind to click into the wholeness of life itself;into the wholeness of consciousness itself.If that ever happens, once you go back toconditionality ( " I will belong here if .... " or " will belong here when ... " ) you need not go back 100%.I was talking to someone about when Iremember showing up in that way -- long beforeall the ACT stuff. There were lots of examples butI want to mention one that is such a common experiencethat it may help. I think all of us have glimpses of another mode of mindand seeing that helps keep from going back 100% into conditionality. Do you ever remember being in a situation in whichyou thought you might not make it out alive? A car accident. Falling a long distance.A robbery. A natural disaster. Getting caught in a machine. etc. etc A very common experience is that time slows downand it is oddly peaceful. You know you should be horribly afraidand at one level you are (your heart is racing etc), but at another level it is as if you've stepping back just a step and you are wide awake, watching it unfoldwhile you deal with the situation. You might run full tilt but it seems likeyou are running in slow motion. The memories are very clear ... as if your eyes were held wide. Life is happening.I don't want to over dramatize this but it seems to meit is as if when life is threatened, wholeness reasserts itself.Life reasserts itself. You show up. This can happen over longer periods too -- e.g., when you get a diagnosis like " you have two months to live " I think this kind of showing up is why so many people report being transformed by such experiences. The data on the positive effects of near death experiences (e.g., thingslike natural disasters etc) are pretty clear. They produce both growth and deterioration. Thedifferences between these two paths occurs as we handle such experiences but that sense of showing up is an interesting light into the darkness that isworth following.Anyway, unpacking that would take us away from my point, which is just this. We all have had moments when we are inherently whole ... not because we conclude thator think that but because it is the only way to talk about an actual experience of being that. We don't suck at life -- we ARE life.Peace, love, and life in the new year.- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298 University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join " At least I don't suck at life! " How true for me, now that I ACT. Thanks, Helena To: " act_for_the_public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 1:27:50 PMSubject: I keep on moving A good song for when life is tough if you don't over think it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Home (use sparingly): Cell (even more so): Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 I thought I might not make it out alive when I was raped in 1971. I shared that with this forum some months ago - how I became calm and wise (in terms of how to act, what to do), but I also shared how the fear came raging back the next day and for a long time after. But in that moment of crisis, I was fully alive. I showed up. I had no other choice, it seemed. It probably saved my life. I have no idea where that "power," that "aliveness," that "knowing" came from. But I was not transformed by that experience; at least not then (but perhaps the memory in and of itself was transforming over time). I was, perhaps, too young to realize its value and impact. I am now starting to experience that sense of calm and knowingness (not constant, but enough to tickle me) each and every day, for the first time in my life. I am very happy about that! One can never be too old to learn and to reap the joys of learning to be here differently. Consciously. Lovingly. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 3:00:20 PMSubject: Re: I keep on moving Yeah, that is why you can't over think it. We belong here. No matter how crappy our behavior is right now, we don't suck at life: we ARE life. Of course a problem solving mode of mind is inherently conditional (if ... then) so it can't get that. "Does not compute" (read that sentence with a computer voice) You need a different mode of mind to click into the wholeness of life itself; into the wholeness of consciousness itself. If that ever happens, once you go back to conditionality ("I will belong here if ...." or "will belong here when ...") you need not go back 100%. I was talking to someone about when I remember showing up in that way -- long before all the ACT stuff. There were lots of examples but I want to mention one that is such a common experience that it may help. I think all of us have glimpses of another mode of mind and seeing that helps keep from going back 100% into conditionality. Do you ever remember being in a situation in which you thought you might not make it out alive? A car accident. Falling a long distance. A robbery. A natural disaster. Getting caught in a machine. etc. etc A very common experience is that time slows down and it is oddly peaceful. You know you should be horribly afraid and at one level you are (your heart is racing etc), but at another level it is as if you've stepping back just a step and you are wide awake, watching it unfold while you deal with the situation. You might run full tilt but it seems like you are running in slow motion. The memories are very clear ... as if your eyes were held wide. Life is happening. I don't want to over dramatize this but it seems to me it is as if when life is threatened, wholeness reasserts itself. Life reasserts itself. You show up. This can happen over longer periods too -- e.g., when you get a diagnosis like "you have two months to live" I think this kind of showing up is why so many people report being transformed by such experiences. The data on the positive effects of near death experiences (e.g., things like natural disasters etc) are pretty clear. They produce both growth and deterioration. The differences between these two paths occurs as we handle such experiences but that sense of showing up is an interesting light into the darkness that is worth following. Anyway, unpacking that would take us away from my point, which is just this. We all have had moments when we are inherently whole ... not because we conclude that or think that but because it is the only way to talk about an actual experience of being that. We don't suck at life -- we ARE life. Peace, love, and life in the new year. - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinor the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join "At least I don't suck at life!" How true for me, now that I ACT. Thanks, Helena To: "act_for_the_public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 1:27:50 PMSubject: I keep on moving A good song for when life is tough if you don't over think it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Home (use sparingly): Cell (even more so): Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinor the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 Yeah, I told that story with some trepidation because I knowit can seem invalidating. The transformational part is not the pain ...its showing up.There is a deep message in the naturalness of it ... and also the sequence. It is as is life itselflifts us up when life is at stake, like a bubble floating to the surface.And what do we find there? In your words: " power, " " aliveness, " " knowing " Some spiritual leaders carry this in the direction of " this is who we really are " etc. I personally don't want to make an argument about what is real.My point is more like this: we all know something of the power, aliveness, and knowing that resides inside wholeness. It isjust momentary for most of us ... still if we slow it down, those moments carry amessage.In the words of that YouTube song At least I don’t suck at lifeI keep on tryin’ despiteAt least I don’t suck at lifeI keep on tryin’ despite”- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join I thought I might not make it out alive when I was raped in 1971. I shared that with this forum some months ago - how I became calm and wise (in terms of how to act, what to do), but I also shared how the fear came raging back the next day and for a long time after. But in that moment of crisis, I was fully alive. I showed up. I had no other choice, it seemed. It probably saved my life. I have no idea where that " power, " that " aliveness, " that " knowing " came from. But I was not transformed by that experience; at least not then (but perhaps the memory in and of itself was transforming over time). I was, perhaps, too young to realize its value and impact. I am now starting to experience that sense of calm and knowingness (not constant, but enough to tickle me) each and every day, for the first time in my life. I am very happy about that! One can never be too old to learn and to reap the joys of learning to be here differently. Consciously. Lovingly. Helena To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 3:00:20 PMSubject: Re: I keep on moving Yeah, that is why you can't over think it. We belong here. No matter how crappy our behavior is right now, we don't suck at life: we ARE life. Of course a problem solving mode of mind is inherently conditional (if ... then) so it can't get that. " Does not compute " (read that sentence with a computer voice) You need a different mode of mind to click into the wholeness of life itself; into the wholeness of consciousness itself. If that ever happens, once you go back to conditionality ( " I will belong here if .... " or " will belong here when ... " ) you need not go back 100%. I was talking to someone about when I remember showing up in that way -- long before all the ACT stuff. There were lots of examples but I want to mention one that is such a common experience that it may help. I think all of us have glimpses of another mode of mind and seeing that helps keep from going back 100% into conditionality. Do you ever remember being in a situation in which you thought you might not make it out alive? A car accident. Falling a long distance. A robbery. A natural disaster. Getting caught in a machine. etc. etc A very common experience is that time slows down and it is oddly peaceful. You know you should be horribly afraid and at one level you are (your heart is racing etc), but at another level it is as if you've stepping back just a step and you are wide awake, watching it unfold while you deal with the situation. You might run full tilt but it seems like you are running in slow motion. The memories are very clear ... as if your eyes were held wide. Life is happening. I don't want to over dramatize this but it seems to me it is as if when life is threatened, wholeness reasserts itself. Life reasserts itself. You show up. This can happen over longer periods too -- e.g., when you get a diagnosis like " you have two months to live " I think this kind of showing up is why so many people report being transformed by such experiences. The data on the positive effects of near death experiences (e.g., things like natural disasters etc) are pretty clear. They produce both growth and deterioration. The differences between these two paths occurs as we handle such experiences but that sense of showing up is an interesting light into the darkness that is worth following. Anyway, unpacking that would take us away from my point, which is just this. We all have had moments when we are inherently whole ... not because we conclude that or think that but because it is the only way to talk about an actual experience of being that. We don't suck at life -- we ARE life. Peace, love, and life in the new year. - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join " At least I don't suck at life! " How true for me, now that I ACT. Thanks, Helena To: " act_for_the_public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 1:27:50 PMSubject: I keep on moving A good song for when life is tough if you don't over think it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Home (use sparingly): Cell (even more so): Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 Nice bounce to it..I like that he's strolling along as he's singing/reflecting about his discomfort. To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 12:41 PM Subject: Re: I keep on moving Yeah, I told that story with some trepidation because I knowit can seem invalidating. The transformational part is not the pain ...its showing up.There is a deep message in the naturalness of it ... and also the sequence. It is as is life itselflifts us up when life is at stake, like a bubble floating to the surface.And what do we find there? In your words:"power," "aliveness," "knowing" Some spiritual leaders carry this in the direction of "this is who we really are"etc. I personally don't want to make an argument about what is real.My point is more like this: we all know something of the power, aliveness, and knowing that resides inside wholeness. It isjust momentary for most of us ... still if we slow it down, those moments carry amessage.In the words of that YouTube song At least I don’t suck at lifeI keep on tryin’ despiteAt least I don’t suck at lifeI keep on tryin’ despiteâ€- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join I thought I might not make it out alive when I was raped in 1971. I shared that with this forum some months ago - how I became calm and wise (in terms of how to act, what to do), but I also shared how the fear came raging back the next day and for a long time after. But in that moment of crisis, I was fully alive. I showed up. I had no other choice, it seemed. It probably saved my life. I have no idea where that "power," that "aliveness," that "knowing" came from. But I was not transformed by that experience; at least not then (but perhaps the memory in and of itself was transforming over time). I was, perhaps, too young to realize its value and impact. I am now starting to experience that sense of calm and knowingness (not constant, but enough to tickle me) each and every day, for the first time in my life. I am very happy about that! One can never be too old to learn and to reap the joys of learning to be here differently. Consciously. Lovingly. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 3:00:20 PMSubject: Re: I keep on moving Yeah, that is why you can't over think it. We belong here. No matter how crappy our behavior is right now, we don't suck at life: we ARE life. Of course a problem solving mode of mind is inherently conditional (if ... then) so it can't get that. "Does not compute" (read that sentence with a computer voice) You need a different mode of mind to click into the wholeness of life itself; into the wholeness of consciousness itself. If that ever happens, once you go back to conditionality ("I will belong here if ...." or "will belong here when ...") you need not go back 100%. I was talking to someone about when I remember showing up in that way -- long before all the ACT stuff. There were lots of examples but I want to mention one that is such a common experience that it may help. I think all of us have glimpses of another mode of mind and seeing that helps keep from going back 100% into conditionality. Do you ever remember being in a situation in which you thought you might not make it out alive? A car accident. Falling a long distance. A robbery. A natural disaster. Getting caught in a machine. etc. etc A very common experience is that time slows down and it is oddly peaceful. You know you should be horribly afraid and at one level you are (your heart is racing etc), but at another level it is as if you've stepping back just a step and you are wide awake, watching it unfold while you deal with the situation. You might run full tilt but it seems like you are running in slow motion. The memories are very clear ... as if your eyes were held wide. Life is happening. I don't want to over dramatize this but it seems to me it is as if when life is threatened, wholeness reasserts itself. Life reasserts itself. You show up. This can happen over longer periods too -- e.g., when you get a diagnosis like "you have two months to live" I think this kind of showing up is why so many people report being transformed by such experiences. The data on the positive effects of near death experiences (e.g., things like natural disasters etc) are pretty clear. They produce both growth and deterioration. The differences between these two paths occurs as we handle such experiences but that sense of showing up is an interesting light into the darkness that is worth following. Anyway, unpacking that would take us away from my point, which is just this. We all have had moments when we are inherently whole ... not because we conclude that or think that but because it is the only way to talk about an actual experience of being that. We don't suck at life -- we ARE life. Peace, love, and life in the new year. - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join "At least I don't suck at life!" How true for me, now that I ACT. Thanks, Helena To: "act_for_the_public" <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 1:27:50 PMSubject: I keep on moving A good song for when life is tough if you don't over think it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Home (use sparingly): Cell (even more so): Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 Hummm, interesting this song doesn't say much more than " This is a song I sing when I'm scared of somethingI don't know why but it help be get over it..... " But it works! I mean just listening to it seem to help me get over some worries I have presently. Why? Oh yeah, don't over think it. ++++Right now I remember three times I was in scary situations and as Steve described time slows down. Once when my niece's dog got hit by a car. I ran out to her as she was yelping and flopping around in the middle of the road. It seems I was running in slow motion. Dog turned out fine - just a small bone in hip area broken. And once I was knocked out of tree with a running chainsaw in my hands. In the second it took to fall, It was in slow motion in my mind. In that time I decided to hold chainsaw away from my body to keep from sawing myself and decided landing on a dilapidated fence would be softest landing. It turned out fine. I was shaking for some time afterwards, though. And finally a time as a teenager I hit a bridge while driving a car. (My poor parents.)Interestingly, all these times the state I was in was very similar to the state I was in a few times playing tennis and playing basketball. I mean emotionally it felt similar. Often this state is called " in the zone " or " flow " . In this state, everything goes so well. And it seems it was in slow motion. In tennis I could so easily hit a perfect passing shot with a such strong topspin that the ball would bite down and land inside the court easily or hit a down the line winning shot that seem with little thought. I generally can not hit topspin lobs - (Agassi was really good at that). Most lops are underspin. But a topspin lob you actually swing hard but racket brushes up on ball and imparts topspin. Ball goes over your opponent at the the net and then bites down hard because of the topspin and lands inside of court. It's a difficult shot. Normally when I try it I hit back fence or ball hits off frame and flys straight up. But when I was in this flow one time I decided to try. I hit it perfectly several times without a miss! It was amazing! And it seemed to be in slow motion. In basketball, it seems so effortless to take the jump shot as soon as I had the space and I'd see the ball just lightly tickle the net. Or I see the floor really well, like in slow motion, and make a great pass to a teammate for an easy basket. And it seems like I wasn't really consciously deciding what to do. Just suddenly, I take the shot or make a pass and don't really recall it ever being a conscious decision. It's an amazing feeling. Anyway, in tennis and basketball it wasn't life threatening situation but the state I was in, the emotional state and the how things seem like in slow motion is so similar to the the more life threatening situations. Cheers! Yeah, I told that story with some trepidation because I knowit can seem invalidating. The transformational part is not the pain ...its showing up.There is a deep message in the naturalness of it ... and also the sequence. It is as is life itselflifts us up when life is at stake, like a bubble floating to the surface.And what do we find there? In your words: " power, " " aliveness, " " knowing " Some spiritual leaders carry this in the direction of " this is who we really are " etc. I personally don't want to make an argument about what is real.My point is more like this: we all know something of the power, aliveness, and knowing that resides inside wholeness. It isjust momentary for most of us ... still if we slow it down, those moments carry amessage.In the words of that YouTube song At least I don’t suck at lifeI keep on tryin’ despiteAt least I don’t suck at lifeI keep on tryin’ despite” - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join I thought I might not make it out alive when I was raped in 1971. I shared that with this forum some months ago - how I became calm and wise (in terms of how to act, what to do), but I also shared how the fear came raging back the next day and for a long time after. But in that moment of crisis, I was fully alive. I showed up. I had no other choice, it seemed. It probably saved my life. I have no idea where that " power, " that " aliveness, " that " knowing " came from. But I was not transformed by that experience; at least not then (but perhaps the memory in and of itself was transforming over time). I was, perhaps, too young to realize its value and impact. I am now starting to experience that sense of calm and knowingness (not constant, but enough to tickle me) each and every day, for the first time in my life. I am very happy about that! One can never be too old to learn and to reap the joys of learning to be here differently. Consciously. Lovingly. Helena To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 3:00:20 PMSubject: Re: I keep on moving Yeah, that is why you can't over think it. We belong here. No matter how crappy our behavior is right now, we don't suck at life: we ARE life. Of course a problem solving mode of mind is inherently conditional (if ... then) so it can't get that. " Does not compute " (read that sentence with a computer voice) You need a different mode of mind to click into the wholeness of life itself; into the wholeness of consciousness itself. If that ever happens, once you go back to conditionality ( " I will belong here if .... " or " will belong here when ... " ) you need not go back 100%. I was talking to someone about when I remember showing up in that way -- long before all the ACT stuff. There were lots of examples but I want to mention one that is such a common experience that it may help. I think all of us have glimpses of another mode of mind and seeing that helps keep from going back 100% into conditionality. Do you ever remember being in a situation in which you thought you might not make it out alive? A car accident. Falling a long distance. A robbery. A natural disaster. Getting caught in a machine. etc. etc A very common experience is that time slows down and it is oddly peaceful. You know you should be horribly afraid and at one level you are (your heart is racing etc), but at another level it is as if you've stepping back just a step and you are wide awake, watching it unfold while you deal with the situation. You might run full tilt but it seems like you are running in slow motion. The memories are very clear ... as if your eyes were held wide. Life is happening. I don't want to over dramatize this but it seems to me it is as if when life is threatened, wholeness reasserts itself. Life reasserts itself. You show up. This can happen over longer periods too -- e.g., when you get a diagnosis like " you have two months to live " I think this kind of showing up is why so many people report being transformed by such experiences. The data on the positive effects of near death experiences (e.g., things like natural disasters etc) are pretty clear. They produce both growth and deterioration. The differences between these two paths occurs as we handle such experiences but that sense of showing up is an interesting light into the darkness that is worth following. Anyway, unpacking that would take us away from my point, which is just this. We all have had moments when we are inherently whole ... not because we conclude that or think that but because it is the only way to talk about an actual experience of being that. We don't suck at life -- we ARE life. Peace, love, and life in the new year. - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join " At least I don't suck at life! " How true for me, now that I ACT. Thanks, Helena To: " act_for_the_public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 1:27:50 PMSubject: I keep on moving A good song for when life is tough if you don't over think it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Home (use sparingly): Cell (even more so): Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 Hmmm, I know this...."A very common experience is that time slows down and it is oddly peaceful", I wrote about it a couple of years ago....called, The Video, this is the last verse....it goes.... .... That place is calm and time is almost motionless.Mental detachment exists alongside an abstract connection.Attachment to possession dissipates,Leaving you with pure simplicity.The raw beauty or horror manifestsIn glorious abundance,As it speaks only the truthAbout the nature of things. Thats what you're talking about, right Steve? Lou To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tuesday, 3 January 2012 6:30 AM Subject: Re: I keep on moving Yeah, that is why you can't over think it.We belong here. No matter how crappy our behavior is right now, we don't suck at life: we ARE life.Of course a problem solving mode of mind is inherently conditional (if ... then) so it can't get that."Does not compute" (read that sentence with a computer voice)You need a different mode of mind to click into the wholeness of life itself;into the wholeness of consciousness itself.If that ever happens, once you go back toconditionality ("I will belong here if ...." or "will belong here when ...") you need not go back 100%.I was talking to someone about when Iremember showing up in that way -- long beforeall the ACT stuff. There were lots of examples butI want to mention one that is such a common experiencethat it may help. I think all of us have glimpses of another mode of mindand seeing that helps keep from going back 100% into conditionality. Do you ever remember being in a situation in whichyou thought you might not make it out alive? A car accident. Falling a long distance.A robbery. A natural disaster. Getting caught in a machine. etc. etc A very common experience is that time slows downand it is oddly peaceful. You know you should be horribly afraidand at one level you are (your heart is racing etc), but at another level it is as if you've stepping back just a step and you are wide awake, watching it unfoldwhile you deal with the situation. You might run full tilt but it seems likeyou are running in slow motion. The memories are very clear ... as if your eyes were held wide. Life is happening.I don't want to over dramatize this but it seems to meit is as if when life is threatened, wholeness reasserts itself.Life reasserts itself. You show up. This can happen over longer periods too -- e.g., when you get a diagnosis like "you have two months to live"I think this kind of showing up is why so many people report being transformed by such experiences. The data on the positive effects of near death experiences (e.g., thingslike natural disasters etc) are pretty clear. They produce both growth and deterioration. Thedifferences between these two paths occurs as we handle such experiences but that sense of showing up is an interesting light into the darkness that isworth following.Anyway, unpacking that would take us away from my point, which is just this. We all have had moments when we are inherently whole ... not because we conclude thator think that but because it is the only way to talk about an actual experience of being that. We don't suck at life -- we ARE life.Peace, love, and life in the new year.- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298 University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join "At least I don't suck at life!" How true for me, now that I ACT. Thanks, Helena To: "act_for_the_public" <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 1:27:50 PMSubject: I keep on moving A good song for when life is tough if you don't over think it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Home (use sparingly): Cell (even more so): Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayesor you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 You will have to forgive my grammer as usual, but I put it down to my exhuastion and tiredness. Anyway, I have downloaded a number of free ebooks on English grammer recently, and even one on the Latin roots of the English language. And then there is Detlef's fine Engilsh that I can study too. Kv > > > > A good song for when life is tough if you > > don't over think it > > > > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA > > > > - S > > > > C. > > Foundation Professor > > Department of Psychology /298 > > University of Nevada > > Reno, NV 89557-0062 > > > > " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " > > > > hayes@ or stevenchayes@ > > Fax: > > Psych Department: > > Home (use sparingly): > > Cell (even more so): > > Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): (775) > > 746-2013 > > > > Blogs: > > *Psychology Today* http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind > > *Huffington Post * http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd > > > > If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training > > page: > > http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayes > > or you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com > > > > If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), > > please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for > > Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You > > have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your > > own values. > > > > If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide > > ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: > > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join > > or the RFT list: > > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/join > > > > If you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get > > Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that > > conversation go to: > > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Hi Kaivey Thank you so much for this really inspiring post. I have been away for a while and really noticed the change in what you have to say. I was really struck by what you said about acceptance being the ARTof it.Yes!!! Stopping struggling with 'this should not be happening to me!' but just being with what is happening. I am not saying that that is definitely your point - I just wanted to say thank you for being honest and helping me. Ingrid A nice song. I sat there in the Emergency and Accident room at my local hospital today waiting for my X rays ('Hey man, those things are cancerous! Sh*t!' - I'm just worrying all the time about this). Then I saw in my mind's eye the enormous struggle that I have going through over the last year. But I felt proud, 'Wow!', I thought,'I took on all my worst monsters and faced them even though this has destroyed me'. I'm dead right now, finished. I had fallen over at work and injured myself due to the enormous stress I feel there (I have spoken a lot about this stress here before). Then I remember what I read in one of my ACT books about the moth that has to spread its wings by pumping blood into them and that this is an enormous 'Struggle' for it. But if you assist this process by pulling its wings out it wings out they will never again function properly. So I see that my suffering has a purpose and my struggle is not in vain (ACT gives me purpose and a belief that going through this is so worthwhile). But what is a weird is, 'give up the struggle and live! I still can't get my head around that one, although I think it means acceptting the struggle and do not pump extra energy into it -just go with it. Acceptance! yes that is the ART of it, I believe. Anyway, I have this lovely girlfriend who adores me and she is also my best friend (she's a little dear). But this love for me is so weird because her love is completetly unconditional. Everything is so wrong with me, I reckon, but she still thinks the world of me. So maybe I'm okay then! Wow! this is healing, you know. Kv > > A good song for when life is tough if you > don't over think it > > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZMmi5TzkA > > - S > > C. > Foundation Professor > Department of Psychology /298 > University of Nevada > Reno, NV 89557-0062 > > " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " > > hayes@... or stevenchayes@... > Fax: > Psych Department: > Home (use sparingly): > Cell (even more so): > Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): (775) > 746-2013 > > Blogs: > *Psychology Today* http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind > *Huffington Post * http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd > > If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training > page: > http://contextualpsychology.org/steve_hayes > or you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com > > If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), > please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for > Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You > have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your > own values. > > If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide > ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join > or the RFT list: > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/join > > If you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get > Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that > conversation go to: > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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