Re: when sleep won't come

[Guest guest]

>

> I want to just connect and value being able to enhance the lives

> of these students. It makes me feel critical of myself when I

> hear you say you wonder if I could focus on other aspects of our

> relationship. I would love to do that!!! I start my struggle

> switch with " you must quit focusing on the authority issue or

> you'll never get over this! " So what ACT skill do I need to work

> on? Just let those fearful thoughts just run and try to focus on

> what I am doing in the present? I thought I was doing that

> yesterday but the anxiety still seemed to increase at bedtime.

What I hear you saying doesn't sound like valuing, but fusing with

worries as if worries must be dealt because they are what define

you. I've been there. I visit still. It is like being locked out of

life till we solve a problem that can't be solved.

So maybe try something different, less direct? Your mind is telling

you that you must address the " authority figure " concern NOW before

you can begin living; that your " struggle switch " is a problem to be

solved; that you need to do more of something (even if it is not

clear what that " something " is). When we are that amped up, values

are a million miles away.

I would highly recommend revisiting 's work and doing

the exercises he proposes - slowly. Especially exercises that do not

seem to relate at first to your problems.

I believe you have read 's " Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly

Wrong " ? That's a good book, but even better (despite being written

for therapists rather than clients) is " Mindfulness For Two. " It's a

bunch o' bucks ($32 or so on Amazon) and has some parts that are

heavily technical, but it also has some great stuff if you can hack

the technical part. He speaks directly to therapists as being in the

same boat as regular old folks like us. However it is quite quite

technical ... so you could just re-visit " Things " if that seems less

intimidating. Look for the exercises that seem to make no sense and

do those.

And there is also a really good chapter by him & Amy Murrell on

values that is available as a PDF from the ACBS web site - you have

to be a member and log in to see the download link, but membership

is " values based, " meaning you only have to pay $5 or $10 or $25 or

whatever you want for a year's membership. Worth taking the time to

do, in my opinion, not only to support ACT but to get access to

amazing publications (if you are into reading this sort of thing).

Again, the chapter in question is meant for clinicians, but again,

it has wonderful good stuff for us ordinary folks too.

Plus here are a few links to posts by on the ACT list for

professionals that you may find of use. Again, they are sometimes

technical, but if you can get around the technical jargon, he has a

lot to say that I have never heard anyone else say quite as well:

http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/message/6350

http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/message/17092?\

threaded=1 & l=1

http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/message/7284?t\

hreaded=1 & l=1

http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/message/8636?t\

hreaded=1 & l=1

Among the many ideas I pull out of 's messages are these: (a)

fusion is naturally going to happen if we have spent a lot of time

running from what we value because of related fears; ( that is OK,

because fusion gives us something to work with; and © it is useful

to acknowledge not only our anxiety but the longing & the sweetness

of life as well. Pain > sweetness sometimes. Or sometimes just

sweetness > sweetness.

There is a quote I love by the novelist Fowles, who had a

difficult life but in his fiction aspired to human values at their

best; it is from possibly his best novel, " " -

" Whole sight; or all the rest is desolation. "

- which I take to mean something very similar to what says.

I.e., we need not think of our lives as made up of nothing but

problems. Seeing with whole sight is seeing the sweet as well as the

sad, the longing as well as the hurt.

- Randy