RE: Learning what I'm Actually Avoiding

[Guest guest]

Hi - I read somewhere that the problem with a diagnosis/ "functional class" such as yours or mine is that we tend to become the diagnosis and think that we are broken. We are not broken just stuck. It sounds like your bus is pointed in the right direction. Jump in the seat and make it go.Congratulations.BillPS - You seemed very confident (and patient) while leading the live stream.To: ACT_for_the_Public From: solesoul3909@...Date: Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:20:22 -0500Subject: Learning what I'm Actually Avoiding

Hello fellow Actors,Yesterday, I was planning to attend a Sunday service at a Unitarian-Universalist church for the first time. I wanted to attend out of curiosity but also to possibly expand my social support, since research has shown that it is an important factor for physical and mental health. Indeed, my social life has become severely restricted to just my family.

Unfortunately, I decided to remain home instead because I was still avoiding something that I didn't knew what specifically. But now I know! It is the avoidance of receiving evaluations (especially critical ones) from others and of feeling the discomfort or distress from them. I was avoiding the church not only because I was avoiding all the worries about what people would think of me. I was keeping myself away from just being in contact with people's judgements of me and how that would feel for me.

What convinces me of that is that I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, which its main symptoms are worries about being judged critically and avoiding social situations or certain aspects of them. Indeed, it seems like such a plausible hypothesis that I'm surprised that it hadn't dawn on me earlier. I think it's because when I think of experiential avoidance, I thought it referred only to avoiding our feelings or thoughts. But I learned through GOYMIYL that it could also involve avoiding our behavioral predispositions, like receiving evaluations (ex. listening to what someone has to say about our speech, observing how they are looking at us, reading a teacher's constructive criticism of our essay, etc.). Indeed, I find that the functional class "avoidance of receiving an evaluation" is a much better functional class than "avoidance of social situations."

Furthermore, it puts to light a few of my behaviors. For instance, I recall that I would feel anxious when I talked to a neighbor while wearing glasses. But if I took them off while speaking to her, then I wasn't so anxious (I'm short-sighted). That happened because I wasn't in contact with the details of her face and thus, I didn't had to read her facial expressions. Also, I had trouble looking at people's eyes without averting my own immediately. I didn't wanted to see any anger or irritation in their faces.

I feel that I've made a huge stride! It's like I'm running a 10,000 meter race: after running slow for so long, all of a sudden I surge ahead of my opponents in the middle of the race. So I feel excited. ;-)

C.

[Guest guest]

Congratulations, . I'm very glad for you. A huge stride sounds wonderful.Bruce Hi - I read somewhere that the problem with a diagnosis/ "functional class" such as yours or mine is that we tend to become the diagnosis and think that we are broken. We are not broken just stuck. It sounds like your bus is pointed in the right direction. Jump in the seat and make it go.Congratulations.BillPS - You seemed very confident (and patient) while leading the live stream.To: ACT_for_the_Public From: solesoul3909@...Date: Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:20:22 -0500Subject: Learning what I'm Actually Avoiding Hello fellow Actors,Yesterday, I was planning to attend a Sunday service at a Unitarian-Universalist church for the first time. I wanted to attend out of curiosity but also to possibly expand my social support, since research has shown that it is an important factor for physical and mental health. Indeed, my social life has become severely restricted to just my family. Unfortunately, I decided to remain home instead because I was still avoiding something that I didn't knew what specifically. But now I know! It is the avoidance of receiving evaluations (especially critical ones) from others and of feeling the discomfort or distress from them. I was avoiding the church not only because I was avoiding all the worries about what people would think of me. I was keeping myself away from just being in contact with people's judgements of me and how that would feel for me. What convinces me of that is that I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, which its main symptoms are worries about being judged critically and avoiding social situations or certain aspects of them. Indeed, it seems like such a plausible hypothesis that I'm surprised that it hadn't dawn on me earlier. I think it's because when I think of experiential avoidance, I thought it referred only to avoiding our feelings or thoughts. But I learned through GOYMIYL that it could also involve avoiding our behavioral predispositions, like receiving evaluations (ex. listening to what someone has to say about our speech, observing how they are looking at us, reading a teacher's constructive criticism of our essay, etc.). Indeed, I find that the functional class "avoidance of receiving an evaluation" is a much better functional class than "avoidance of social situations." Furthermore, it puts to light a few of my behaviors. For instance, I recall that I would feel anxious when I talked to a neighbor while wearing glasses. But if I took them off while speaking to her, then I wasn't so anxious (I'm short-sighted). That happened because I wasn't in contact with the details of her face and thus, I didn't had to read her facial expressions. Also, I had trouble looking at people's eyes without averting my own immediately. I didn't wanted to see any anger or irritation in their faces. I feel that I've made a huge stride! It's like I'm running a 10,000 meter race: after running slow for so long, all of a sudden I surge ahead of my opponents in the middle of the race. So I feel excited. ;-) C.

[Guest guest]

Trying to control for negative evaluation (along with many other outcomes) is a

huge suffering point for me. Underneath that is a whole lot of I'm not " _______ "

enough. Underneath that is a lot of longing, a lot of desire to connect, belong,

join in the dance.

Plenty more Sundays out there, lots of dancing going on to.

>

> Hello fellow Actors,

> Yesterday, I was planning to attend a Sunday service at a

> Unitarian-Universalist church for the first time. I wanted to attend out of

> curiosity but also to possibly expand my social support, since research has

> shown that it is an important factor for physical and mental health.

> Indeed, my social life has become severely restricted to just my family.

>

> Unfortunately, I decided to remain home instead because I was still

> avoiding something that I didn't knew what specifically. But now I know! *It

> is the avoidance of receiving evaluations (especially critical ones) from

> others and of feeling the discomfort or distress from them.* I was avoiding

> the church not only because I was avoiding all the worries about what

> people would think of me. I was keeping myself away from just being in

> contact with people's judgements of me and how that would feel for me.

>

> What convinces me of that is that I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety

> Disorder, which its main symptoms are worries about being judged critically

> and avoiding social situations or certain aspects of them. Indeed, it seems

> like such a plausible hypothesis that I'm surprised that it hadn't dawn on

> me earlier. I think it's because when I think of experiential avoidance, I

> thought it referred only to avoiding our feelings or thoughts. But I

> learned through GOYMIYL that it could also involve avoiding our behavioral

> predispositions, like receiving evaluations (ex. listening to what someone

> has to say about our speech, observing how they are looking at us, reading

> a teacher's constructive criticism of our essay, etc.). Indeed, I find that

> the functional class " avoidance of receiving an evaluation " is a much

> better functional class than " avoidance of social situations. "

>

> *Furthermore, it puts to light a few of my behaviors.* For instance, I

> recall that I would feel anxious when I talked to a neighbor while wearing

> glasses. But if I took them off while speaking to her, then I wasn't so

> anxious (I'm short-sighted). That happened because I wasn't in contact with

> the details of her face and thus, I didn't had to read her facial

> expressions. Also, I had trouble looking at people's eyes without averting

> my own immediately. I didn't wanted to see any anger or irritation in their

> faces.

>

> I feel that I've made a huge stride! It's like I'm running a 10,000 meter

> race: after running slow for so long, all of a sudden I surge ahead of my

> opponents in the middle of the race. So I feel excited. ;-)

>

> C.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for your responses and compliments. Yesterday I had to attend

the Social Security Office to obtain an important document. I fully committed

myself to receiving any evaluations of me from others. Interestingly enough, I

didn't felt any social anxiety nor had any worries. In fact, the only minor

worries I had was whether I'll obtain the letter in time and wondering if I

didn't heard them call my number.

All in all, everything went well, worries and all. I'm definitely committing

myself to receiving evaluations about myself and feeling the discomfort or

distress of that.

C.

> >

> > Hello fellow Actors,

> > Yesterday, I was planning to attend a Sunday service at a

> > Unitarian-Universalist church for the first time. I wanted to attend out of

> > curiosity but also to possibly expand my social support, since research has

> > shown that it is an important factor for physical and mental health.

> > Indeed, my social life has become severely restricted to just my family.

> >

> > Unfortunately, I decided to remain home instead because I was still

> > avoiding something that I didn't knew what specifically. But now I know! *It

> > is the avoidance of receiving evaluations (especially critical ones) from

> > others and of feeling the discomfort or distress from them.* I was avoiding

> > the church not only because I was avoiding all the worries about what

> > people would think of me. I was keeping myself away from just being in

> > contact with people's judgements of me and how that would feel for me.

> >

> > What convinces me of that is that I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety

> > Disorder, which its main symptoms are worries about being judged critically

> > and avoiding social situations or certain aspects of them. Indeed, it seems

> > like such a plausible hypothesis that I'm surprised that it hadn't dawn on

> > me earlier. I think it's because when I think of experiential avoidance, I

> > thought it referred only to avoiding our feelings or thoughts. But I

> > learned through GOYMIYL that it could also involve avoiding our behavioral

> > predispositions, like receiving evaluations (ex. listening to what someone

> > has to say about our speech, observing how they are looking at us, reading

> > a teacher's constructive criticism of our essay, etc.). Indeed, I find that

> > the functional class " avoidance of receiving an evaluation " is a much

> > better functional class than " avoidance of social situations. "

> >

> > *Furthermore, it puts to light a few of my behaviors.* For instance, I

> > recall that I would feel anxious when I talked to a neighbor while wearing

> > glasses. But if I took them off while speaking to her, then I wasn't so

> > anxious (I'm short-sighted). That happened because I wasn't in contact with

> > the details of her face and thus, I didn't had to read her facial

> > expressions. Also, I had trouble looking at people's eyes without averting

> > my own immediately. I didn't wanted to see any anger or irritation in their

> > faces.

> >

> > I feel that I've made a huge stride! It's like I'm running a 10,000 meter

> > race: after running slow for so long, all of a sudden I surge ahead of my

> > opponents in the middle of the race. So I feel excited. ;-)

> >

> > C.

> >

>