Re: A couple of things ACT is helping me with

[Guest guest]

hi, i started reading about ACT around Dec 2008, probably read 6-8 ACT books,

countless internet stuff and have been following this forum since March 2009?

Anyways, from time to time, i find alot of the ACT metaphors are helpful, like

both sides of the coin, values, chessboard, annoying aunt, passengers on the

bus, etc. When I struggle w my own feelings now and then, rather than invalidate

them, i validate them and then try to remember an ACT metaphor that may be

helpful.

Lately I have been adding philosophy readings which for me, puts a more global

perspective on things, whereas ACT deals more w personal emotional and

psychological distress.

yeah, this ACT thing is a continuing process, but i would say that my

" psychological growth " is definitely many times what it has been before ACT.

Tom

>

> Wanted to post a note about a couple of ACT-related things I'm

> doing in regards to friends & community. These are things I

> couldn't do so well without ACT resources to help me.

>

> 1) I have a friend whose home was hit hard by Hurricane Irene. She

> & her husband live in a rural town near me, in midstate New York -

> " rural " as in their home & three other homes are on an island in

> the woods & you get to the houses via a bridge across a creek.

>

> The biggest damage for them was that flooding from Irene took out

> the bridge. They have put up a footbridge for now, but can't

> rebuild the bridge proper because the creek is choked with logjams

> - the next big rain or storm will drive the logs down the creek &

> could take out a new bridge. Removing that many logjams costs more

> money than these families could ever hope to raise on their own, so

> they are hoping that their town (which was hard-hit in general by

> flooding caused by Irene) will get federal or state disaster aid.

>

> However, the town manager is an incompetent - he had turned down

> free disaster training last year for himself & his staff, and he

> is trying to hide this fact by refusing to apply for state &

> federal aid. Other towns are getting aid, but not my friend's town.

> Apparently the most important thing for the town manager is to get

> re-elected next month & he fears that coming clean would turn

> voters against him. But it is a small town so everyone knows it

> anyway. But the candidate running against him is even more

> incompetent, so he will probably get re-relected regardless.

>

> And my friend is also suffering & in pain because so much damage

> was done elsewhere in town - friends lost homes, etc. She has

> lived there for decades and is totally wired into other people's

> lives, so their pain is her pain.

>

> So she is a mess of PTSD, anxiety, rage, anxiety, depression, etc.

> She is trying EMDR with limited success - it does nothing for

> the rage or depression or anxiety. She says she feels she has

> lost her place in the world.

>

> I'm loaning her " Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong, " plus

> another ACT workbook, " Finding Life Beyond Trauma. " I hope she can

> try these out & see if they help. I really don't know if she will

> go for the ACT message, but at least I have something rather

> than nothing to offer.

>

> 2) I mentioned last week I had a sticky community situation to

> deal with and wasn't sure how, but wanted to use K.'s

> example of public speaking as inspiration.

>

> What I am choosing to do is write a letter to my town newspaper

> about the situation, casting the problems involved in a positive

> light by suggesting they are really opportunities; I then list

> recommendations backed by best practices.

>

> I am deliberately taking any blame out of the letter & adding in

> some praise of the little that has been done right. At the same

> time, I hope the letter's recommendations for change will serve as

> a stake in the ground (if that is the right metaphor) so that there

> will be more public accountability on the part of certain persons.

> I don't want to get into detail because that would be a VERY long

> story indeed, but I am hopeful this approach will work - it allows

> me to do something that MAY be helpful, whether or not it actually

> works out.

>

> - Randy

>

[Guest guest]

This morning I emailed my friend with the bridge problem an ebook copy of

Russ 's " The Reality Slap " , since it seems appropriate & probably a

friendly read like his previous books. About a half hour later I found out

that the heavy rain up here overnight swelled her creek again and

washed out the temporary footbridge - she & her neighbors had to be

evacuated this morning. And the town government is still not doing

anything to help them. That's a pretty big reality slap. I called an editor

I know at a local paper to urge them to do a story on town stalling - we'll see.

- R.

>

> Wanted to post a note about a couple of ACT-related things I'm

> doing in regards to friends & community. These are things I

> couldn't do so well without ACT resources to help me.

>

> 1) I have a friend whose home was hit hard by Hurricane Irene. She

> & her husband live in a rural town near me, in midstate New York -

> " rural " as in their home & three other homes are on an island in

> the woods & you get to the houses via a bridge across a creek.

>

> The biggest damage for them was that flooding from Irene took out

> the bridge. They have put up a footbridge for now, but can't

> rebuild the bridge proper because the creek is choked with logjams

> - the next big rain or storm will drive the logs down the creek &

> could take out a new bridge. Removing that many logjams costs more

> money than these families could ever hope to raise on their own, so

> they are hoping that their town (which was hard-hit in general by

> flooding caused by Irene) will get federal or state disaster aid.

>

> However, the town manager is an incompetent - he had turned down

> free disaster training last year for himself & his staff, and he

> is trying to hide this fact by refusing to apply for state &

> federal aid. Other towns are getting aid, but not my friend's town.

> Apparently the most important thing for the town manager is to get

> re-elected next month & he fears that coming clean would turn

> voters against him. But it is a small town so everyone knows it

> anyway. But the candidate running against him is even more

> incompetent, so he will probably get re-relected regardless.

>

> And my friend is also suffering & in pain because so much damage

> was done elsewhere in town - friends lost homes, etc. She has

> lived there for decades and is totally wired into other people's

> lives, so their pain is her pain.

>

> So she is a mess of PTSD, anxiety, rage, anxiety, depression, etc.

> She is trying EMDR with limited success - it does nothing for

> the rage or depression or anxiety. She says she feels she has

> lost her place in the world.

>

> I'm loaning her " Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong, " plus

> another ACT workbook, " Finding Life Beyond Trauma. " I hope she can

> try these out & see if they help. I really don't know if she will

> go for the ACT message, but at least I have something rather

> than nothing to offer.

>

> 2) I mentioned last week I had a sticky community situation to

> deal with and wasn't sure how, but wanted to use K.'s

> example of public speaking as inspiration.

>

> What I am choosing to do is write a letter to my town newspaper

> about the situation, casting the problems involved in a positive

> light by suggesting they are really opportunities; I then list

> recommendations backed by best practices.

>

> I am deliberately taking any blame out of the letter & adding in

> some praise of the little that has been done right. At the same

> time, I hope the letter's recommendations for change will serve as

> a stake in the ground (if that is the right metaphor) so that there

> will be more public accountability on the part of certain persons.

> I don't want to get into detail because that would be a VERY long

> story indeed, but I am hopeful this approach will work - it allows

> me to do something that MAY be helpful, whether or not it actually

> works out.

>

> - Randy

>

[Guest guest]

dear randy:-)

i have been meaning to write to u since i read ur post, but i can't begin to

tell u how crazy it's been for me since yesterday:-)

I am so poud of u, masha'allah for the stpes u have taken.

MABROOK ! (congratulastions!)

U r there as a support for her, and that is the biggest help u can offer. plus

alhamdullaah you have enough ACT knowledge to 'share' with her, and i am sure it

will help her. I have noticed, from my own expreince (twice ) at Joann's

intensive therapy how ACT how it would make a difference in people's lives. If

nothing, they atleast realize what they were doing is wrong, and here is an

oppurtunity to learn about a new way , a new set of skills, to cope with their

challanges. How how long it takes to learn thoose skills, and how good u get,

just depends solely on howmuch u apply it on ur life, on a daily basis. The

reason i have found peace in my life is becoz i apply ACT in my life, every

minute of my day, in every single thing i do. i try to do it the 'ACT' way. not

from reading all the books, coz franly the only reading i havedone is 1/2 of the

happiness trap. And as much as i would looooooooove to read each and every

books, i can't i have a family, i have little boyz, plus i have abolsutely no

time to myself. Act teaches me how to prioratize my life and be able to divide

my time to the best of my capability. But i am so glad ur frined has u as a

support and allah (god) make it easier on her, insha'allah.

2) u r willing to move forward in what matters to u and taking effective action,

an that is commendable.

<<<<it allows me to do something that MAY be helpful, whether or not it actually

works out. >>>>

this is and excellent reminder for all of us. All we can do is give it our best

short, and commend ourselves for doing just that. Not worrying too much about if

that 'goal' was achieved. giving ur best shot= walking in ur valued direction.

I sent my facebook evite day b4 yesterday at night randy, just from sending one

evite to the muslim women, that very night i got a long email about a muslim

sister (not litearlly we call each others sisters out of rspect) emailed me with

her struggles. Next morning i got a call from someone else who wanted t come

visit and discuss somthign else. This afternoon i got a call from a 3rd who

cried for an hour on the fone. And this is merely from saying " On this dsy,

sister sarah khan would like to share with u'll some tips how she uses ACT in

her daily life to cope with her own personal struggles " . Yesterday i had a

halaqa (religious class at my house i conduct weekly) and i mentioned some of

the things, e.g. mental suffering not being abnormal, un common etc. etc. just

some misconceptions about mental healh disorders, the concept of happiness, etc

etc...very briefly, and i was bombarded with sisters telling me can we write u

notes with our problems and make it enonymous..then i realized how even more

imp. it is for me to COMPLETELY open up. unless i do, people won't realize it is

OK, and they will not seek support from the community as a whole, they will seek

support SOLELY from me, and while i don't mind, it will once again give them the

false idea that , pain/struggle/suffering infact is something that one cannot

open up about, cannot get help for, can only be something can be confided in

sarah about. my community is so bavckward in thid randy i cannot even begin to

tell u.

But plz keep us up to dated on how ur things go and i will surely keep u up to

date on how mine goes

take care and all the best to u

wsalaam:-)

>

[Guest guest]

>

> then i realized how even more imp. it is for me to COMPLETELY open

> up. unless i do, people won't realize it is OK, and they will not

> seek support from the community as a whole, they will seek support

> SOLELY from me, and while i don't mind, it will once again give

> them the false idea that pain / struggle / suffering in fact is

> something that one cannot open up about, cannot get help for, can

> only be something can be confided in sarah about.

Ah! I was reading along and had an alarm bell going off in my head

that I didn't quite understand. And then I came to this & saw how

far ahead you are already seeing. Like an explorer discovering

a new land.

My friend with the bridge problem got rescued yesterday, along

with two of her neighbors, by the fire department which brought in

a ladder truck to pick them up from the far side of the swollen

creek, where they were trapped, & bring them back to the near side

& civilization. For the moment she is homeless (though not

literally - many friends she can stay with) but if & when she

eventually gets to the ACT books I'll post here about it.

- R.