Re: update on my son

January 24, 2012

Hi - I've been out of the ACT for the Public loop for a few days so I don't know how old your son is. Here's a link to a book my family has found helpful for kids with anxiety.

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Anxious-Child-Mindfulness-Acceptance/dp/1572245794/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1 Sorry if it is not appropriate for your situation.McCurry says that a parent's job is to help the child with "the dance." He also has some interesting things to say about wantingness vs. willingness. He's in the Seattle area.Hang in there,BillI look at meds as a way to buy some time and breathing room while working with ACT, ...To: ACT_for_the_Public From: leslie.vanbuskirk@...Date: Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:42:36 +0000Subject: update on my son

Well, my son is still so frozen with the anxiety. The doctor he went to added buspar to the 20 mg of Celexa. I know this medication is not the point of ACT but my intuition tells me that he needs something more in his system to jump start him. This doctor was just an internist friend, not someone who specializes in this kind of medicine. He needs to be able to find a comfort zone before he can have the strength to step out of the comfort zone. Anyway,someone told me about a psychiatrist that had helped someone else. We are in a relatively small community, about 40,000 and we are so limited in our choices of psychiatrists. I have heard horror stories about so many of them. Since someone had success with this doctor, I made an appointment with her for today. I am so hoping we can find the right combination to get him some relief so he can move forward. I really don't think he has enough in his system to start the process. I do think his is more of the generalized anxiety disorder that has gone untreated for so long that it has turned into depression. He just kept trying to stuff it down until it came to a head last week. I am just so confused as to how much to push him. I know he can not hide here forever but any movement is so painful to him right now. I just keep going back to W. and his story about sitting on his hands, but how do you know when to quit sitting?????

January 24, 2012

I really feel for you. What I will say is easier said than done, but try not to allow your mutual fears about the current events to reinforce and feed off each other. If he is in a bad place, watching you react is a panicked way will reinforce the story in his mind about how terrible this all is. Watch your own thoughts too. How terrible is this? I don't know. He has not been diagnosed with anything terminal. He doesn't suffer from a mystery illness. He has anxiety and depression, currently at an acute phase, for which there are well-evidenced treatments. He has the opportunity to face this now, and not turn away from it. Best of all, you know one of the better treatments quite well!!I don't want to belittle your fears:

please know, that in the same position, I would be climbing the walls with worry. Just keep being mindful of what anxiety and depression is, and what it isn't. When I am in a state of acute anxiety, I think: "what would I tell someone in the same position on the ACT forum?" I find it a useful way of tapping into my "curious scientist" persona.I wonder if you can try to negotiate a small step with him. This might be agreeing, tomorrow, to go for a coffee, or go for a walk together. The first and most powerful ACT techniques I learned was noticing 5 things. I was in a fit of panic in my therapist's office, and he told me to describe the colour and fabric of the chair I was sitting on, using as many different words as I could. Felt a bit of a gimmick at the time, but I saw immediately what it meant to be

"hooked". I wonder if a brisk walk or something could be an opportunity to get you both out?Good luck, . x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tuesday, 24 January 2012, 17:42

Subject: update on my son

Well, my son is still so frozen with the anxiety. The doctor he went to added buspar to the 20 mg of Celexa. I know this medication is not the point of ACT but my intuition tells me that he needs something more in his system to jump start him. This doctor was just an internist friend, not someone who specializes in this kind of medicine. He needs to be able to find a comfort zone before he can have the strength to step out of the comfort zone. Anyway,someone told me about a psychiatrist that had helped someone else. We are in a relatively small community, about 40,000 and we are so limited in our choices of psychiatrists. I have heard horror stories about so many of them. Since someone had success with this doctor, I made an appointment with her for today. I am so hoping we can find the right combination to get him some relief so he can move forward. I really don't think he has enough in his system to start the process. I do think his is more

of the generalized anxiety disorder that has gone untreated for so long that it has turned into depression. He just kept trying to stuff it down until it came to a head last week. I am just so confused as to how much to push him. I know he can not hide here forever but any movement is so painful to him right now. I just keep going back to W. and his story about sitting on his hands, but how do you know when to quit sitting?????

January 24, 2012

Hi

I really feel for you as any parent would, it must be very distressing seeing

your son in this state. I am reluctant to give advice, but...... my gut

instinct tells me that the best thing at the moment is just to let him be.

Don't push, don't cajole. It's only been - what, a week or so? - since he came

home to you. That is not long in the scheme of things. If this has been

building up for a while then he is going to need time for things to settle. He

needs to know that you are there for him and that, to me, is more important than

getting him " moving " . If you start pushing him, it could just exacerbate his

anxiety and your reaction to it. He can't move until HE is ready - it has to

come from within. Your efforts to make him move could just reinforce his sense

that something is " wrong " with him and that that is freaking you out. Let him

soak in the feeling of safety that being home with his mum invokes in him. I

think that is the best thing you can do for him at this moment.

All the best

Kate

>

> Well, my son is still so frozen with the anxiety. The doctor he went to added

buspar to the 20 mg of Celexa. I know this medication is not the point of ACT

but my intuition tells me that he needs something more in his system to jump

start him. This doctor was just an internist friend, not someone who specializes

in this kind of medicine. He needs to be able to find a comfort zone before he

can have the strength to step out of the comfort zone. Anyway,someone told me

about a psychiatrist that had helped someone else. We are in a relatively small

community, about 40,000 and we are so limited in our choices of psychiatrists. I

have heard horror stories about so many of them. Since someone had success with

this doctor, I made an appointment with her for today. I am so hoping we can

find the right combination to get him some relief so he can move forward. I

really don't think he has enough in his system to start the process. I do think

his is more of the generalized anxiety disorder that has gone untreated for so

long that it has turned into depression. He just kept trying to stuff it down

until it came to a head last week. I am just so confused as to how much to push

him. I know he can not hide here forever but any movement is so painful to him

right now. I just keep going back to W. and his story about sitting on his

hands, but how do you know when to quit sitting?????

>

January 24, 2012

Hi

Just adding to 's suggestions, I'm wondering if just doing some diaphragm breathing together might help to start with. The rest can come later when your son is ready.

Diaphragm breathing is when you consciously push your belly out as much as possible when you breath in (slow count of one), then consciously suck your belly in as much as possible when you breath out (slow count of two). It's a variation of mindful breathing.

All the best,

Van

Robson wrote:

I really feel for you. What I will say is easier said than done, but try not to allow your mutual fears about the current events to reinforce and feed off each other. If he is in a bad place, watching you react is a panicked way will reinforce the story in his mind about how terrible this all is. Watch your own thoughts too. How terrible is this? I don't know. He has not been diagnosed with anything terminal. He doesn't suffer from a mystery illness. He has anxiety and depression, currently at an acute phase, for which there are well-evidenced treatments. He has the opportunity to face this now, and not turn away from it. Best of all, you know one of the better treatments quite well!!I don't want to belittle your fears:

please know, that in the same position, I would be climbing the walls with worry. Just keep being mindful of what anxiety and depression is, and what it isn't. When I am in a state of acute anxiety, I think: "what would I tell someone in the same position on the ACT forum?" I find it a useful way of tapping into my "curious scientist" persona.I wonder if you can try to negotiate a small step with him. This might be agreeing, tomorrow, to go for a coffee, or go for a walk together. The first and most powerful ACT techniques I learned was noticing 5 things. I was in a fit of panic in my therapist's office, and he told me to describe the colour and fabric of the chair I was sitting on, using as many different words as I could. Felt a bit of a gimmick at the time, but I saw immediately what it meant to be

"hooked". I wonder if a brisk walk or something could be an opportunity to get you both out?Good luck, . x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tuesday, 24 January 2012, 17:42

Subject: update on my son

Well, my son is still so frozen with the anxiety. The doctor he went to added buspar to the 20 mg of Celexa. I know this medication is not the point of ACT but my intuition tells me that he needs something more in his system to jump start him. This doctor was just an internist friend, not someone who specializes in this kind of medicine. He needs to be able to find a comfort zone before he can have the strength to step out of the comfort zone. Anyway,someone told me about a psychiatrist that had helped someone else. We are in a relatively small community, about 40,000 and we are so limited in our choices of psychiatrists. I have heard horror stories about so many of them. Since someone had success with this doctor, I made an appointment with her for today. I am so hoping we can find the right combination to get him some relief so he can move forward. I really don't think he has enough in his system to start the process. I do think his is more

of the generalized anxiety disorder that has gone untreated for so long that it has turned into depression. He just kept trying to stuff it down until it came to a head last week. I am just so confused as to how much to push him. I know he can not hide here forever but any movement is so painful to him right now. I just keep going back to W. and his story about sitting on his hands, but how do you know when to quit sitting?????

January 24, 2012

oh Kate, thank you for the reassurance. That is exactly what I feel. This is

another good life lesson for me, to learn to go with my instincts even if that

goes against what my mind says I should do!!!

> >

> > Well, my son is still so frozen with the anxiety. The doctor he went to

added buspar to the 20 mg of Celexa. I know this medication is not the point of

ACT but my intuition tells me that he needs something more in his system to jump