RE: Re: Anxiety as a Condition to...

[Guest guest]

Tom - I hope you are using an ACT book to structure your ACT practice. I highly recommend

http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Acceptance-Workbook-Anxiety-Commitment/dp/1572244992 . And if possible I hope you are working with an ACT therapist, at least to get you started down the right road. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: thc2000ca@...Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2012 22:13:51 +0000Subject: Re: Anxiety as a Condition to...

Thanks for this too, Bill.

It all makes sense now when placed in the ACT perspective. Of course easier said then done, as you have noted also.

I am thinking that at the end of the day, we/I am faced w a choice, a choice to let anxiety rule me, or let or accept the anxiety as it is and as it always will be but to acknowledge it and then move on regardless.

Tom

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> Glad to be helpful. It is so easy to lose track of the big picture. My ACT guitar makes much better music when I play all six strings.

> Bill

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> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> From: hbbr@...

> Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:47:07 +0000

> Subject: Re: Anxiety as a Condition to...

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> Thanks, Bill, for always getting back to the core processes. I really needed that reminder right now!

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> Helena

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> To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >

> Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2012 1:09:58 PM

> Subject: RE: Anxiety as a Condition to...

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> Hi Tom - I think you are on the right track. You might look at risk a bit differently. Our brains are wired to alert us of real risk. If there is not any real risk, my mind likes to go looking for it, which is not usually helpful. Sometimes the risk my mind sees is real and should be dealt with. More often than not my mind presents stuff that is really not risky. To pay attention to it leads me down a rabbit hole. The first thing to do with the risk alert is to determine if paying attention to it will help you live a valued life. See "defusion" below."

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> I have found that the trick is to accept my anxiety rather than struggle with it, which you have observed as well. In other words, let go of the rope attached to it. All six ACT processes help me do this as follows:

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> Self as context/observing self/perspective taking - take a step back from the struggle and see it for what it is - a self-imposed struggle.

> Contact with the present - focus on what's happening right here, right now, rather than spending time on rehashing the past or worrying about the future.

> Defusion - recognize when your thoughts are not helpful to living a valued life by taking the edge off of the thoughts using ACT exercises such as "silly song," "milk, milk, milk," ...

> Acceptance/Expansion - make room for the anxiety as you would make room for an uninvited guest who shows up at your party. Look at the anxiety with curiosity rather than fear/dread/anger.

> Values - make sure you have your values clearly in mind and in some kind of priority so you can devote your time/energy/resources to taking your life in the direction of your values.

> Committed action - whenever you have a choice about how to spend your time/energy/resources choose something that takes you in the desired direction.

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> How well I live a valued life is directly proportional to the choices I make moment by moment. I have not found a shortcut to the deliberateness of following the ACT model. It does become a habit the more I practice but there are always challenges. Some days I get really tired of having to do all the work. Some times I forget to do the work. Some times I simply fail to do the work. But it is my experience that once I start doing the work again the direction of my life is more desirable.

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> Congratulations on your revelation. Thanks for your post.

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> Bill

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> PS - I'm reading The Compassionate Mind by Gilbert. He talks about "old mind/brain" and "new mind/brain." The old mind is the one we inherited and which has been formed by living in "the flow of life." The new brain/mind" is the one that we must develop to offset the effect of the old brain/mind. My apologies to Gilbert if this is not quite correct. The book has lots of suggestions on how to develop the new brain/mind, especially in the area of self-compassion. As an anxious person, I am not very good at self-compassion. But the book is helping me with that.

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> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> From: thc2000ca@...

> Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2012 17:26:00 +0000

> Subject: Anxiety as a Condition to...

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> I was facing or experiencing my anxiety again and again recently. It seems my anxiety just seems to keep surfacing, like waves on a beach, some waves bigger than others, but they do keep crashing in again and again.

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> Then I thought WHAT IF? What if my anxiety will never go away, it will never be cured, and in fact it will always be there, it just that maybe i can deal w it better as time goes by. But it will never be defeated or cured or overcomed. Its a condition of my history, maybe my upbringing.

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> And what if? Anxiety is a condition to be lived, and that anxiety signals risk, that when anxiety comes along, that may mean that i am risking myself some how, in a way which may bring more vitality to my life. When I risk somehow, that naturally brings along w it anxiety, but risk and anxiety comes together as companions so to speak, but risking means you are doing something vital, something important.

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> I sense it is a different way of looking at my anxiety, instead of trying to defeat it or overcome it, as something to do without, maybe i can see it as a condition of living, which involves some risk, which in turn signals i am moving along.

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> Tom

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[Guest guest]

Lou - My hunch is that your friend probably didn't even notice your pettiness or if they did they did not pay any attention to it. My mind replays my day looking for these kind of things. I've gradually learned to defuse from them because the "offended person" was seldom offended and often didn't even notice the offense. My theory is that my thinking self is looking for danger and this is the best it can come up with. But it sure is good at getting my attention!BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: experiential2012@...Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:59:08 +0000Subject: Re: Anxiety as a Condition to...

The more I practice awareness, the more I come to understand that this is just me. Whatever happens, I'm going to need to learn how to live with that and carry on. As I write that, my mind tells me how unbelievable/impossible it is however, the proof is in the pudding. I recently had had two acute episodes where I went from zero (a mindful half smile) to a hundred (uncontrollable tears) within a split second. One was triggered by myself causing physical pain (totally accidental) to someone I work with and since I value caring for this person, his shrieks of pain shocked me. The other was triggered by my behaviour towards my friend, I suddenly noticed myself being petty in the face of my friends boundless generosity. Noticing the gap between what I value and my behaviour triggered instant eye water.

I acknowledge that these responses will not be `cured' or `go away' but the ability to be aware of what is going on and why (most likely attached to values) does reduce the duration of intense moments and serves as an indicator that something is not working. This type of practice has been invaluable to me. Everyday I leave the house I repeat Russ's `Present, Purpose, Privilege'. Present: I will do my best to keep coming back to a mindful stance of being engaged – Purpose: my choices and actions will reflect what is truly important to me and this will add value to my life – Privilege: I have the ability to see meaning in the actions I undertake and the experiences I encounter. Hmmm, that's not how my mind understands it exactly but I'm finding it hard to verbalise.

Lou

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> I was facing or experiencing my anxiety again and again recently. It seems my anxiety just seems to keep surfacing, like waves on a beach, some waves bigger than others, but they do keep crashing in again and again.

>

> Then I thought WHAT IF? What if my anxiety will never go away, it will never be cured, and in fact it will always be there, it just that maybe i can deal w it better as time goes by. But it will never be defeated or cured or overcomed. Its a condition of my history, maybe my upbringing.

>

> And what if? Anxiety is a condition to be lived, and that anxiety signals risk, that when anxiety comes along, that may mean that i am risking myself some how, in a way which may bring more vitality to my life. When I risk somehow, that naturally brings along w it anxiety, but risk and anxiety comes together as companions so to speak, but risking means you are doing something vital, something important.

>

> I sense it is a different way of looking at my anxiety, instead of trying to defeat it or overcome it, as something to do without, maybe i can see it as a condition of living, which involves some risk, which in turn signals i am moving along.

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> Tom

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[Guest guest]

The Happiness Trap, chapter 5, p. 48 in my version, talks about beliefs and says "all beliefs are stories ..." as are thoughts. So defusion should work. My experience is that defusion must be done on the fly as the thoughts occur.It also says that beliefs change over time - "Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy."I think it's okay to cry if you hurt someone either physically or emotionally. It indicates a you are a sensitive person - something you can be proud of. I shed tears at the drop of a hat - a touching commercial, the national anthem, singing a Christmas carol, ................................................................... I like that I do that. It's embedded somewhere in my values - being a caring person.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: experiential2012@...Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2012 16:19:38 -0800Subject: Re: Re: Anxiety as a Condition to...

You're right Bill, my friend was not offended because I acknowledged my behaviour and changed it straight away. The physical stuff is not easy to mask though, people don't know how to react when someone starts crying. At least the awareness improves things. I find defusion to be my biggest challenge though. I've used the milk, milk, milk and the writing on cards, sticking it on my fridge, writing it into a silly poem but my little success leaves me thinking that there is a different property to beliefs versus unhelpful thoughts when it comes to defusion. Lou To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Thursday, 26 January 2012 10:38 AM Subject: RE: Re: Anxiety as a Condition to...

Lou - My hunch is that your friend probably didn't even notice your pettiness or if they did they did not pay any attention to it. My mind replays my day looking for these kind of things. I've gradually learned to defuse from them because the "offended person" was seldom offended and often didn't even notice the offense. My theory is that my thinking self is looking for danger and this is the best it can come up with. But it sure is good at getting my attention!BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: experiential2012@...Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:59:08 +0000Subject: Re: Anxiety as a Condition to...

The more I practice awareness, the more I come to understand that this is just me. Whatever happens, I'm going to need to learn how to live with that and carry on. As I write that, my mind tells me how unbelievable/impossible it is however, the proof is in the pudding. I recently had had two acute episodes where I went from zero (a mindful half smile) to a hundred (uncontrollable tears) within a split second. One was triggered by myself causing physical pain (totally accidental) to someone I work with and since I value caring for this person, his shrieks of pain shocked me. The other was triggered by my behaviour towards my friend, I suddenly noticed myself being petty in the face of my friends boundless generosity. Noticing the gap between what I value and my behaviour triggered instant eye water.

I acknowledge that these responses will not be `cured' or `go away' but the ability to be aware of what is going on and why (most likely attached to values) does reduce the duration of intense moments and serves as an indicator that something is not working. This type of practice has been invaluable to me. Everyday I leave the house I repeat Russ's `Present, Purpose, Privilege'. Present: I will do my best to keep coming back to a mindful stance of being engaged – Purpose: my choices and actions will reflect what is truly important to me and this will add value to my life – Privilege: I have the ability to see meaning in the actions I undertake and the experiences I encounter. Hmmm, that's not how my mind understands it exactly but I'm finding it hard to verbalise.

Lou

>

> I was facing or experiencing my anxiety again and again recently. It seems my anxiety just seems to keep surfacing, like waves on a beach, some waves bigger than others, but they do keep crashing in again and again.

>

> Then I thought WHAT IF? What if my anxiety will never go away, it will never be cured, and in fact it will always be there, it just that maybe i can deal w it better as time goes by. But it will never be defeated or cured or overcomed. Its a condition of my history, maybe my upbringing.

>

> And what if? Anxiety is a condition to be lived, and that anxiety signals risk, that when anxiety comes along, that may mean that i am risking myself some how, in a way which may bring more vitality to my life. When I risk somehow, that naturally brings along w it anxiety, but risk and anxiety comes together as companions so to speak, but risking means you are doing something vital, something important.

>

> I sense it is a different way of looking at my anxiety, instead of trying to defeat it or overcome it, as something to do without, maybe i can see it as a condition of living, which involves some risk, which in turn signals i am moving along.

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> Tom

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