need some advice from my fellow group members:-)

[Guest guest]

hi guys:-)i hope you don't mind, but i would TRULY APPRECIATE it if i could get some advice from u'll. As i mentioned before, i did a lecture introducing how i use ACT to cope with my own set of challanges, my next lexture is coming up. Nov 12th. It will be twice the no. of people atleast if not more, it will be publicised this week, so i needed some help, advice, guidance, support, from u'll:-) While i willl be simultaneosuly applying ACT on myself, need help with the muslims sisters issues, as i will have to adress them there, and base my second presentation on it. While i not a professional, simply a sufferer, hence can't give any 'theraputic'advice, these sisters are in a situation where they r so stuck anyways, and seeking profesionaly advice is out of the question for now, for several reason. So even if what i havta offer them is minor relief, enough to keep them going temporarilty, that initself will be A HUUUGE HELP to them!sister 1got divorced 3 yrs back. husband cheated on her. extreme daily verbal abuse, left her while she got pregnant. had a miscarriage from immense stress & depression. Comes from very conservative family. Surrounded by a community, some who undiretcly blame her, some try to advice her as to what she could have done better to keep the marriage etc. etc. Had no one to confide in, asked if she could seeek prof. help. STIGMA,TABOO, hence never happened. mentally Blocked those 6 months of pain (marriage lasted 6 months) from her life completely. then left for egypt for 4 months to get of of the country. came back , Drowned herself in skoool to keep herself busy. Problem now everytime stress level incrases (either finals, papers, family reminding her) she goes into depression/anxiety mode. has trouble functioning daily. +marriage took place in oct. so the toughest month for her coz it reminds her of her abusive life with the man, and the distress goes on until spring, so suffering lasts a few months. confided in me today about not being able to focus on midterms , plus family casually mentions something or the other about the past, but she can't take it. even if it is not something hurtful. has flashbacks of what she has wroked so hard to block. my advice: (i am gonna try to make it very brief so i don't ramble off:blocking, distracting or any control stratergy will not work to completely rid that painful memory. we cannot rid a memory, especially one that has had such a neg. impact on ur lifechanging your relationship with that memory is what u need to work on. what u expreinced those 6 months of daily torture was PAIN. what u r expercing now is immense SUFFERING.the great news, while pain not in our control, suffering is. though it is hard to pull apart the 2 in the begining, yet it is possible.how to change relationship: when u feel the pain from the memory popping up, show some compassion

and kindness towards urself, truth is, it was a horribly painful

expereince. hence accept that it causes pain. i asked her what does it say about her when the memory pops up, she said she getz upset at herself & critizes herslef (so judgement right there)if this month is hard on u, then accept that it is. don't have same academic expections and results here, as u would on the other months. u don't get an A, no biggie, adding extra stress over stress won't help. can u still do what it is u need to do with the memories being there? only to the best of ur capacity. my question, HOW THOUGH?u know i completely forgot what else i told her, we had a 20 min chat, then another sister came , and she had another very traumatic expereince, so i got busy with her. my question, she has not fully dealt with that pain from her expreince then. HOW should she accept it now after 4 yrs? relatives r constatly reminding her of the past, how to deal with that and function normally?shoot..i do apologize for my lenght of this email...any advice or input would be greatly appreciated and i do hope me posting these questions doesn't offend anyone. wasalaam:-)-K Designs.