Guest guest Posted January 22, 2012 Report Share Posted January 22, 2012 Are you letting his anxiety and dysfunction feed right into you and become a part of you? If so, step back. You don't need words to comfort or give him relief. Relief doesn't come that way. You can't fix it or him. To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 9:26:15 AMSubject: Re: my son Oh Helena thanks for the response but the longer he is here and the more he opens up I see he has been struggling for several months and it just now has gotten to a point of crisis. I think he does have symptoms of depression possibly brought on by anxiety. He is hardly able to eat and is not sleeping much. He really is not able to function on his job right now, so I think he needs the long term medication. He is so overwhelmed by the uncomfortable feelings that he is stuck,only able to concentrate on how miserable he is. I know that feeling all too well but I don't know how to help him without him feeling like I am pushing him. IT is so hard, I want him to feel better but I don't know what words are going to give him comfort and relief!!!>> > > Hi , > >  > > Regarding your question about Celexa , I was on that for years for depression with good results for treating my depression and no side effects - but be aware that there can be undesirable side effects in some people. I think there may be other meds more appropriate for anxiety that are faster-acting and for short-term use. I once took Klonopin as needed, and it did wonders for me and I only had to take it a couple of times a week when I was really stressed out. So I would suggest that you ask his doctor if something else may be more appropriate for anxiety rather than starting with a drug for depression that may be required long-term and may be difficult to go off of in the future. However, I am not the doctor and maybe he or she feels that depression is the unlying cause of the anxiety your son is experiencing, but your description did not sound as though that is the case. A lot of doctors aren't really savvy about psychotropic meds, so be sure you find one who is and also one who isn't just about prescribing meds for everything automatically. > >  > > I think the book you suggested is great. Anything by Russ is excellent and easy to understand as an introduction to ACT. I would also suggest The Happiness Trap for a newbie to ACT. > >  > > You can let him know that he may indeed always have such thoughts as never being able to find a great job or girlfriend, but those thoughts aren't necessarily true and can't have any power if he learns to view them as just his mind jerking him around; it is over-reacting to a perceived threat when there is none - minds do that. He can move forward with action toward his values in his work and relationships, which is the only way he will one day achieve his goals, and let his mind chatter on as it may while he does that. Eventually, he will just notice his mind chattering in the background and not let it get in the way of valued living. In time, the mind chatter may lessen or go away, but that should not be the expectation; acceptance (allowing what is to just be) is called for rather than trying to change what is. > >  > > I hope this is helpful in some way. Hard to know what to say! I have never had any success in introducing my sisters to ACT, but I let them know how it is working for me anyway. They get the concept (superficially) but don't want to really do the work it takes to practice it. If your son is like that, perhaps you will only show him what it's all about by living it and being an example. > >  > > Helena > > > > my son > >  > > > > > Well, I haven't been on here in a while!! Been having more success with my practice of accepting and defusion. Well, nothing lasts forever as we all know. During the time that my 28 year old son was home for Christmas, he said some things that gave me the inkling that he was beginning to have some anxiety struggles. I didn't know how to approach the subject with him, so before he left I just told him that what he might sometime be feeling was normal, everybody had those feelings. Well, I thought he seemed, from his phone calls, to be doing pretty well. Then this past Tuesday night, he called and said he had had one of those anxious days and just began sobbing. I have not heard him cry like that since he was a little boy. I tried to pull all of my ACT info out of my head but it is hard to explain to someone else!! He finally said, can I just come home. He had personal and sick time he could take off. I said of course. He came Wednesday afternoon and is in quite a state of anxiety. He is very nauseated and can hardly eat and the anxiety feels overwhelming. I decided to call a doctor friend and he prescribed Celexa for him. He began that yesterday but he is still so frozen with the anxiety. He has never done this before and is just paralyzed by the fear of never feeling better. I know a lot of what I am saying is not what ACT would say, I know he needs to get better at feeling but at this point he really does just need to feel a little better before he can begin processing ACT. He bought the Confidence Gap? Do yall think that is a good intro to ACT for someone who is not at all familiar with it? Also, anyone have any luck with Celexa ? It is so hard for me to know what to say. I feel like sometimes my explaining of ACT has made it worse. For instance he said to me, you mean I am never going to quit thinking that I'll never find a good job or stop thinking I'll never find a girl to be in a relationship? I think I have just confused him!!HELP!!!> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2012 Report Share Posted January 22, 2012 Hi , maybe that sounded a little harsh. I did not mean it to be. I guess what I'm trying to say is to not allow his issues to become yours because you identify so closely with his pain. I know that must be sooooooo hard as a mother (I can't even imagine how hard)! And you need to realize that you can't fix him or it, because none of us is capable of doing that. Just knowing you are there in his corner and that you care so much about him is worth so much, and perhaps that is all you can do right now for him. If you get sucked into his pain and let it lead you into the ditch yourself, you won't be able to be there for him - I hope that makes sense. I still think that some short-term anxiety meds may be worth a try before signing on to long-term antidepressant medication. Unless you really, really trust this doctor, I would give that some more thought. If he gets some short-term relief from the overwhelming anxiety, he may be able to make room (get some space for "psychological flexibility") to assess his entire situation and make some grounded choices about what to do. Celexa is not a quick-acting drug; it could take weeks to bring relief, and may not work at all. Some anti-anxiety drugs work instantly. Sounds like he may be a candidate for something like that - but please know I am not a professional and am just speaking from my personal experience. It's hard to know what to say or do from where I sit. I wish you both the very best. Hang in there. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 10:07:10 AMSubject: Re: Re: my son Are you letting his anxiety and dysfunction feed right into you and become a part of you? If so, step back. You don't need words to comfort or give him relief. Relief doesn't come that way. You can't fix it or him. To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 9:26:15 AMSubject: Re: my son Oh Helena thanks for the response but the longer he is here and the more he opens up I see he has been struggling for several months and it just now has gotten to a point of crisis. I think he does have symptoms of depression possibly brought on by anxiety. He is hardly able to eat and is not sleeping much. He really is not able to function on his job right now, so I think he needs the long term medication. He is so overwhelmed by the uncomfortable feelings that he is stuck,only able to concentrate on how miserable he is. I know that feeling all too well but I don't know how to help him without him feeling like I am pushing him. IT is so hard, I want him to feel better but I don't know what words are going to give him comfort and relief!!!>> > > Hi , > >  > > Regarding your question about Celexa , I was on that for years for depression with good results for treating my depression and no side effects - but be aware that there can be undesirable side effects in some people. I think there may be other meds more appropriate for anxiety that are faster-acting and for short-term use. I once took Klonopin as needed, and it did wonders for me and I only had to take it a couple of times a week when I was really stressed out. So I would suggest that you ask his doctor if something else may be more appropriate for anxiety rather than starting with a drug for depression that may be required long-term and may be difficult to go off of in the future. However, I am not the doctor and maybe he or she feels that depression is the unlying cause of the anxiety your son is experiencing, but your description did not sound as though that is the case. A lot of doctors aren't really savvy about psychotropic meds, so be sure you find one who is and also one who isn't just about prescribing meds for everything automatically. > >  > > I think the book you suggested is great. Anything by Russ is excellent and easy to understand as an introduction to ACT. I would also suggest The Happiness Trap for a newbie to ACT. > >  > > You can let him know that he may indeed always have such thoughts as never being able to find a great job or girlfriend, but those thoughts aren't necessarily true and can't have any power if he learns to view them as just his mind jerking him around; it is over-reacting to a perceived threat when there is none - minds do that. He can move forward with action toward his values in his work and relationships, which is the only way he will one day achieve his goals, and let his mind chatter on as it may while he does that. Eventually, he will just notice his mind chattering in the background and not let it get in the way of valued living. In time, the mind chatter may lessen or go away, but that should not be the expectation; acceptance (allowing what is to just be) is called for rather than trying to change what is. > >  > > I hope this is helpful in some way. Hard to know what to say! I have never had any success in introducing my sisters to ACT, but I let them know how it is working for me anyway. They get the concept (superficially) but don't want to really do the work it takes to practice it. If your son is like that, perhaps you will only show him what it's all about by living it and being an example. > >  > > Helena > > > > my son > >  > > > > > Well, I haven't been on here in a while!! Been having more success with my practice of accepting and defusion. Well, nothing lasts forever as we all know. During the time that my 28 year old son was home for Christmas, he said some things that gave me the inkling that he was beginning to have some anxiety struggles. I didn't know how to approach the subject with him, so before he left I just told him that what he might sometime be feeling was normal, everybody had those feelings. Well, I thought he seemed, from his phone calls, to be doing pretty well. Then this past Tuesday night, he called and said he had had one of those anxious days and just began sobbing. I have not heard him cry like that since he was a little boy. I tried to pull all of my ACT info out of my head but it is hard to explain to someone else!! He finally said, can I just come home. He had personal and sick time he could take off. I said of course. He came Wednesday afternoon and is in quite a state of anxiety. He is very nauseated and can hardly eat and the anxiety feels overwhelming. I decided to call a doctor friend and he prescribed Celexa for him. He began that yesterday but he is still so frozen with the anxiety. He has never done this before and is just paralyzed by the fear of never feeling better. I know a lot of what I am saying is not what ACT would say, I know he needs to get better at feeling but at this point he really does just need to feel a little better before he can begin processing ACT. He bought the Confidence Gap? Do yall think that is a good intro to ACT for someone who is not at all familiar with it? Also, anyone have any luck with Celexa ? It is so hard for me to know what to say. I feel like sometimes my explaining of ACT has made it worse. For instance he said to me, you mean I am never going to quit thinking that I'll never find a good job or stop thinking I'll never find a girl to be in a relationship? I think I have just confused him!!HELP!!!> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2012 Report Share Posted January 22, 2012 hi I am very sorry to hear that your child is going through such pain. I take Prozac which does come in various strengths but I do believe that xanax is very effective. If you could get your child to talk to you about the cause of his anxiety it would be helpful. However if he is unwilling to do this may I suggest that you consider sending him to the child psychologist to get in the appropriate therapy. Medication alone will not solve his problem as he does need coping strategies to deal effectively with the anxiety. It is quite legitimate to experience worry about this as it is a genuine feeling and nothing to do with any type of anxiety condition or depression. But allow yourself to fully feel the feelings while at the same time proceeding with a value activity. Best wishes from your friend Francis To: ACT_for_the_Public From: leslie.vanbuskirk@...Date: Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:02:24 +0000Subject: Re: my son I appreciate everything you have said. This is new territory for me, knowing how to be there for my child when he is suffering. I always wondered if my children would go through this like I have and been scared to death that it would happen to them. God, I want to help. I need to know how to be supportive without causing him more stress. You may be right about the anxiety med. Was Klonopin the only one you tried? Do you think it is better or about the same as Ativan or Xanax? So far, it hasn't sucked my down the tubes. Now I can't say that I am not worried sick about him, I think I need to be able to allow myself to have those feelings. I have to feel what I feel. I think it is natural for me to want to figure out a way to help him get rid of this. My sleeping and appetite are out of whack too. But is it not ACT consistent to let myself feel upset about my the terrible hurt my child is enduring? Don't I need to allow myself to have those uncomfortable feelings? Thanks so much for your responses, that is what I need now more than anything, just some dialogue to help me while we go through this!!!!! > > > > > > > > Hi , > > > >  > > > > Regarding your question about Celexa , I was on that for years for depression with good results for treating my depression and no side effects - but be aware that there can be undesirable side effects in some people. I think there may be other meds more appropriate for anxiety that are faster-acting and for short-term use. I once took Klonopin as needed, and it did wonders for me and I only had to take it a couple of times a week when I was really stressed out. So I would suggest that you ask his doctor if something else may be more appropriate for anxiety rather than starting with a drug for depression that may be required long-term and may be difficult to go off of in the future. However, I am not the doctor and maybe he or she feels that depression is the unlying cause of the anxiety your son is experiencing, but your description did not sound as though that is the case. A lot of doctors aren't really savvy about psychotropic meds, so be sure you find one who is and also one who isn't just about prescribing meds for everything automatically. > > > >  > > > > I think the book you suggested is great. Anything by Russ is excellent and easy to understand as an introduction to ACT. I would also suggest The Happiness Trap for a newbie to ACT. > > > >  > > > > You can let him know that he may indeed always have such thoughts as never being able to find a great job or girlfriend, but those thoughts aren't necessarily true and can't have any power if he learns to view them as just his mind jerking him around; it is over-reacting to a perceived threat when there is none - minds do that. He can move forward with action toward his values in his work and relationships, which is the only way he will one day achieve his goals, and let his mind chatter on as it may while he does that. Eventually, he will just notice his mind chattering in the background and not let it get in the way of valued living. In time, the mind chatter may lessen or go away, but that should not be the expectation; acceptance (allowing what is to just be) is called for rather than trying to change what is. > > > >  > > > > I hope this is helpful in some way. Hard to know what to say! I have never had any success in introducing my sisters to ACT, but I let them know how it is working for me anyway. They get the concept (superficially) but don't want to really do the work it takes to practice it. If your son is like that, perhaps you will only show him what it's all about by living it and being an example. > > > >  > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > my son > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > Well, I haven't been on here in a while!! Been having more success with my practice of accepting and defusion. Well, nothing lasts forever as we all know. During the time that my 28 year old son was home for Christmas, he said some things that gave me the inkling that he was beginning to have some anxiety struggles. I didn't know how to approach the subject with him, so before he left I just told him that what he might sometime be feeling was normal, everybody had those feelings. Well, I thought he seemed, from his phone calls, to be doing pretty well. Then this past Tuesday night, he called and said he had had one of those anxious days and just began sobbing. I have not heard him cry like that since he was a little boy. I tried to pull all of my ACT info out of my head but it is hard to explain to someone else!! He finally said, can I just come home. He had personal and sick time he could take off. I said of course. He came Wednesday afternoon and is in quite a state of anxiety. He is very nauseated and can hardly eat and the anxiety feels overwhelming. I decided to call a doctor friend and he prescribed Celexa for him. He began that yesterday but he is still so frozen with the anxiety. He has never done this before and is just paralyzed by the fear of never feeling better. I know a lot of what I am saying is not what ACT would say, I know he needs to get better at feeling but at this point he really does just need to feel a little better before he can begin processing ACT. He bought the Confidence Gap? Do yall think that is a good intro to ACT for someone who is not at all familiar with it? Also, anyone have any luck with Celexa ? It is so hard for me to know what to say. I feel like sometimes my explaining of ACT has made it worse. For instance he said to me, you mean I am never going to quit thinking that I'll never find a good job or stop thinking I'll never find a girl to be in a relationship? I think I have just confused him!!HELP!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2012 Report Share Posted January 22, 2012 Yes In my opinion it is ACT consistent to allow yourself to experience what you are already experiencing. I think it is part of the human condition to want to alleviate another's suffering. You sound like an intelligent caring person and you have probably already done this...I can see you are hurting and I want to help. If you like or if it's possible please let me know what I can do to support you while you are experiencing this. Perhaps you can engage the social networks in the brain using a warm gentle smile (polyvagal theory- if I'm remembering correctly). This isn't to say don't go the medicine route, it's about workability. My intent is to share ideas in the realm where you have control. Behaviors you can engage in that are consistent with your values which to me sound like connection support and caring (these values are what I sense from your posts and they may not be your values).Warm regardsBeverly Connected by DROID on Verizon Wireless Re: my son I appreciate everything you have said. This is new territory for me, knowing how to be there for my child when he is suffering. I always wondered if my children would go through this like I have and been scared to death that it would happen to them. God, I want to help. I need to know how to be supportive without causing him more stress. You may be right about the anxiety med. Was Klonopin the only one you tried? Do you think it is better or about the same as Ativan or Xanax?So far, it hasn't sucked my down the tubes. Now I can't say that I am not worried sick about him, I think I need to be able to allow myself to have those feelings. I have to feel what I feel. I think it is natural for me to want to figure out a way to help him get rid of this. My sleeping and appetite are out of whack too. But is it not ACT consistent to let myself feel upset about my the terrible hurt my child is enduring? Don't I need to allow myself to have those uncomfortable feelings? Thanks so much for your responses, that is what I need now more than anything, just some dialogue to help me while we go through this!!!!! > > > > > > > > Hi , > > > >  > > > > Regarding your question about Celexa , I was on that for years for depression with good results for treating my depression and no side effects - but be aware that there can be undesirable side effects in some people. I think there may be other meds more appropriate for anxiety that are faster-acting and for short-term use. I once took Klonopin as needed, and it did wonders for me and I only had to take it a couple of times a week when I was really stressed out. So I would suggest that you ask his doctor if something else may be more appropriate for anxiety rather than starting with a drug for depression that may be required long-term and may be difficult to go off of in the future. However, I am not the doctor and maybe he or she feels that depression is the unlying cause of the anxiety your son is experiencing, but your description did not sound as though that is the case. A lot of doctors aren't really savvy about psychotropic meds, so be sure you find one who is and also one who isn't just about prescribing meds for everything automatically. > > > >  > > > > I think the book you suggested is great. Anything by Russ is excellent and easy to understand as an introduction to ACT. I would also suggest The Happiness Trap for a newbie to ACT. > > > >  > > > > You can let him know that he may indeed always have such thoughts as never being able to find a great job or girlfriend, but those thoughts aren't necessarily true and can't have any power if he learns to view them as just his mind jerking him around; it is over-reacting to a perceived threat when there is none - minds do that. He can move forward with action toward his values in his work and relationships, which is the only way he will one day achieve his goals, and let his mind chatter on as it may while he does that. Eventually, he will just notice his mind chattering in the background and not let it get in the way of valued living. In time, the mind chatter may lessen or go away, but that should not be the expectation; acceptance (allowing what is to just be) is called for rather than trying to change what is. > > > >  > > > > I hope this is helpful in some way. Hard to know what to say! I have never had any success in introducing my sisters to ACT, but I let them know how it is working for me anyway. They get the concept (superficially) but don't want to really do the work it takes to practice it. If your son is like that, perhaps you will only show him what it's all about by living it and being an example. > > > >  > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > my son > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > Well, I haven't been on here in a while!! Been having more success with my practice of accepting and defusion. Well, nothing lasts forever as we all know. During the time that my 28 year old son was home for Christmas, he said some things that gave me the inkling that he was beginning to have some anxiety struggles. I didn't know how to approach the subject with him, so before he left I just told him that what he might sometime be feeling was normal, everybody had those feelings. Well, I thought he seemed, from his phone calls, to be doing pretty well. Then this past Tuesday night, he called and said he had had one of those anxious days and just began sobbing. I have not heard him cry like that since he was a little boy. I tried to pull all of my ACT info out of my head but it is hard to explain to someone else!! He finally said, can I just come home. He had personal and sick time he could take off. I said of course. He came Wednesday afternoon and is in quite a state of anxiety. He is very nauseated and can hardly eat and the anxiety feels overwhelming. I decided to call a doctor friend and he prescribed Celexa for him. He began that yesterday but he is still so frozen with the anxiety. He has never done this before and is just paralyzed by the fear of never feeling better. I know a lot of what I am saying is not what ACT would say, I know he needs to get better at feeling but at this point he really does just need to feel a little better before he can begin processing ACT. He bought the Confidence Gap? Do yall think that is a good intro to ACT for someone who is not at all familiar with it? Also, anyone have any luck with Celexa ? It is so hard for me to know what to say. I feel like sometimes my explaining of ACT has made it worse. For instance he said to me, you mean I am never going to quit thinking that I'll never find a good job or stop thinking I'll never find a girl to be in a relationship? I think I have just confused him!!HELP!!! > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2012 Report Share Posted January 22, 2012 So, it is hard to watch him suffer. So watch him. He feels frozen. So let him feel frozen. He will get moving when he wants to or is able. You are not responsible for getting him moving. You are only responsible for moving yourself. The man is not a child. He is 28 years old. I get he will always be your child. And he is also an adult. I doubt that either of you can be gentle with yourselves right now. Be OK with that? Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 3:09:21 PMSubject: Re: my son It is just so hard to watch him suffer!! Right now he has just had 3 days of Celexa and has taken .25 of ativan today. That has relaxed him some but he has just been on the couch all day. He feels so frozen by it all and I understand that. I don't know whether to try and push him to get up and do something or just let him "sit on his hands" as says. I think right now it is ok to just let him lay there and be gentle with himself. That is such a fine line. I want him to be compassionate with himself and not be hard on himself, so does it make sense to just let him be right now? Or is he not going to get better until he gets moving??? Such a quandry as to what to help him with!!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi , > > > > > >  > > > > > > Regarding your question about Celexa , I was on that for years for depression with good results for treating my depression and no side effects - but be aware that there can be undesirable side effects in some people. I think there may be other meds more appropriate for anxiety that are faster-acting and for short-term use. I once took Klonopin as needed, and it did wonders for me and I only had to take it a couple of times a week when I was really stressed out. So I would suggest that you ask his doctor if something else may be more appropriate for anxiety rather than starting with a drug for depression that may be required long-term and may be difficult to go off of in the future. However, I am not the doctor and maybe he or she feels that depression is the unlying cause of the anxiety your son is experiencing, but your description did not sound as though that is the case. A lot of doctors aren't really savvy about psychotropic meds, so be sure you find one who is and also one who isn't just about prescribing meds for everything automatically. > > > > > >  > > > > > > I think the book you suggested is great. Anything by Russ is excellent and easy to understand as an introduction to ACT. I would also suggest The Happiness Trap for a newbie to ACT. > > > > > >  > > > > > > You can let him know that he may indeed always have such thoughts as never being able to find a great job or girlfriend, but those thoughts aren't necessarily true and can't have any power if he learns to view them as just his mind jerking him around; it is over-reacting to a perceived threat when there is none - minds do that. He can move forward with action toward his values in his work and relationships, which is the only way he will one day achieve his goals, and let his mind chatter on as it may while he does that. Eventually, he will just notice his mind chattering in the background and not let it get in the way of valued living. In time, the mind chatter may lessen or go away, but that should not be the expectation; acceptance (allowing what is to just be) is called for rather than trying to change what is. > > > > > >  > > > > > > I hope this is helpful in some way. Hard to know what to say! I have never had any success in introducing my sisters to ACT, but I let them know how it is working for me anyway. They get the concept (superficially) but don't want to really do the work it takes to practice it. If your son is like that, perhaps you will only show him what it's all about by living it and being an example. > > > > > >  > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > my son > > > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Well, I haven't been on here in a while!! Been having more success with my practice of accepting and defusion. Well, nothing lasts forever as we all know. During the time that my 28 year old son was home for Christmas, he said some things that gave me the inkling that he was beginning to have some anxiety struggles. I didn't know how to approach the subject with him, so before he left I just told him that what he might sometime be feeling was normal, everybody had those feelings. Well, I thought he seemed, from his phone calls, to be doing pretty well. Then this past Tuesday night, he called and said he had had one of those anxious days and just began sobbing. I have not heard him cry like that since he was a little boy. I tried to pull all of my ACT info out of my head but it is hard to explain to someone else!! He finally said, can I just come home. He had personal and sick time he could take off. I said of course. He came Wednesday afternoon and is in quite a state of anxiety. He is very nauseated and can hardly eat and the anxiety feels overwhelming. I decided to call a doctor friend and he prescribed Celexa for him. He began that yesterday but he is still so frozen with the anxiety. He has never done this before and is just paralyzed by the fear of never feeling better. I know a lot of what I am saying is not what ACT would say, I know he needs to get better at feeling but at this point he really does just need to feel a little better before he can begin processing ACT. He bought the Confidence Gap? Do yall think that is a good intro to ACT for someone who is not at all familiar with it? Also, anyone have any luck with Celexa ? It is so hard for me to know what to say. I feel like sometimes my explaining of ACT has made it worse. For instance he said to me, you mean I am never going to quit thinking that I'll never find a good job or stop thinking I'll never find a girl to be in a relationship? I think I have just confused him!!HELP!!! > > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2012 Report Share Posted January 22, 2012 Your son has headed for a place of safety, and I think he is incredibly lucky to have such a place. You and your home offers him sanctuary: a place to lick his wounds, and to regroup in a place of safety.I remember well when I first came face-to-face with my anxiety - when I really understood I was in some trouble. The anxiety finally broke through the last of my stoical defenses and met me at my most vulnerable core - I'd been pushing it away for so long, which has only made it more of a shock when it took me. It is frightening. But I think you are also right to focus on healing, not on hiding. I can only imagine the pain to watch someone you love so dearly in that sort of state - but I think you are the key to making sure he doesn't stay in his shell for longer than he needs to. You've got to get back on the bike as soon as you can after a fall.I'd say trust your instincts, which seem pretty much spot-on. x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, 22 January 2012, 20:09 Subject: Re: my son It is just so hard to watch him suffer!! Right now he has just had 3 days of Celexa and has taken .25 of ativan today. That has relaxed him some but he has just been on the couch all day. He feels so frozen by it all and I understand that. I don't know whether to try and push him to get up and do something or just let him "sit on his hands" as says. I think right now it is ok to just let him lay there and be gentle with himself. That is such a fine line. I want him to be compassionate with himself and not be hard on himself, so does it make sense to just let him be right now? Or is he not going to get better until he gets moving??? Such a quandry as to what to help him with!!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi , > > > > > >  > > > > > > Regarding your question about Celexa , I was on that for years for depression with good results for treating my depression and no side effects - but be aware that there can be undesirable side effects in some people. I think there may be other meds more appropriate for anxiety that are faster-acting and for short-term use. I once took Klonopin as needed, and it did wonders for me and I only had to take it a couple of times a week when I was really stressed out. So I would suggest that you ask his doctor if something else may be more appropriate for anxiety rather than starting with a drug for depression that may be required long-term and may be difficult to go off of in the future. However, I am not the doctor and maybe he or she feels that depression is the unlying cause of the anxiety your son is experiencing, but your description did not sound as though that is the case. A lot of doctors aren't really savvy about psychotropic meds, so be sure you find one who is and also one who isn't just about prescribing meds for everything automatically. > > > > > >  > > > > > > I think the book you suggested is great. Anything by Russ is excellent and easy to understand as an introduction to ACT. I would also suggest The Happiness Trap for a newbie to ACT. > > > > > >  > > > > > > You can let him know that he may indeed always have such thoughts as never being able to find a great job or girlfriend, but those thoughts aren't necessarily true and can't have any power if he learns to view them as just his mind jerking him around; it is over-reacting to a perceived threat when there is none - minds do that. He can move forward with action toward his values in his work and relationships, which is the only way he will one day achieve his goals, and let his mind chatter on as it may while he does that. Eventually, he will just notice his mind chattering in the background and not let it get in the way of valued living. In time, the mind chatter may lessen or go away, but that should not be the expectation; acceptance (allowing what is to just be) is called for rather than trying to change what is. > > > > > >  > > > > > > I hope this is helpful in some way. Hard to know what to say! I have never had any success in introducing my sisters to ACT, but I let them know how it is working for me anyway. They get the concept (superficially) but don't want to really do the work it takes to practice it. If your son is like that, perhaps you will only show him what it's all about by living it and being an example. > > > > > >  > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > my son > > > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Well, I haven't been on here in a while!! Been having more success with my practice of accepting and defusion. Well, nothing lasts forever as we all know. During the time that my 28 year old son was home for Christmas, he said some things that gave me the inkling that he was beginning to have some anxiety struggles. I didn't know how to approach the subject with him, so before he left I just told him that what he might sometime be feeling was normal, everybody had those feelings. Well, I thought he seemed, from his phone calls, to be doing pretty well. Then this past Tuesday night, he called and said he had had one of those anxious days and just began sobbing. I have not heard him cry like that since he was a little boy. I tried to pull all of my ACT info out of my head but it is hard to explain to someone else!! He finally said, can I just come home. He had personal and sick time he could take off. I said of course. He came Wednesday afternoon and is in quite a state of anxiety. He is very nauseated and can hardly eat and the anxiety feels overwhelming. I decided to call a doctor friend and he prescribed Celexa for him. He began that yesterday but he is still so frozen with the anxiety. He has never done this before and is just paralyzed by the fear of never feeling better. I know a lot of what I am saying is not what ACT would say, I know he needs to get better at feeling but at this point he really does just need to feel a little better before he can begin processing ACT. He bought the Confidence Gap? Do yall think that is a good intro to ACT for someone who is not at all familiar with it? Also, anyone have any luck with Celexa ? It is so hard for me to know what to say. I feel like sometimes my explaining of ACT has made it worse. For instance he said to me, you mean I am never going to quit thinking that I'll never find a good job or stop thinking I'll never find a girl to be in a relationship? I think I have just confused him!!HELP!!! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 , you are right, I think, to not try to explain ACT very deeply right now. Your response sounds good to me. He can "grow" into learning ACT later, if he is interested. Right now he just needs to know he has a safe place to fall, as pointed out so eloquently, and he has that, thanks you. I hope this crisis will pass soon. And it just might change his life for the better in the end, as often happens when one comes face to face with the pain and is compelled to learn how to cope with it and move forward anyway. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 7:41:00 PMSubject: Re: my son I get it and I have been telling him it is all ok, to be compassionate with himself!!!! You are helping me so much by your helpful responses. I hope I am not going over some posting limit because I really need this forum right now. It is so nice to know it is here!!! It is hard to explain the being ok with his pain right now to him. I understand that it is hard to be gentle right now but he doesn't of course since he is not familiar with ACT. He asked me today if it was weird to think you are being selfish to be anxious. That about killed me. I said that is just your mind telling you that but it is just what the feeling of anxiety is telling you right now. I said you are not selfish it is normal to have these thoughts and feelings. But I didn't get too much into the let your mind chatter in the background. Don't think he is ready for that. I think he would interpret me as saying he has to endure or put up with the thoughts and I don't want to put that on him right now. Does my response sound ok? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi , > > > > > > > > ÃÆ'‚ > > > > > > > > Regarding your question about Celexa , I was on that for years for depression with good results for treating my depression and no side effects - but be aware that there can beÃÆ'‚ undesirable side effects in some people.ÃÆ'‚ I think there may be other meds more appropriate for anxiety that are faster-acting and for short-term use.ÃÆ'‚ I once took Klonopin as needed, and it did wonders for me and I only had to take it aÃÆ'‚ couple of times a week when I was really stressed out.ÃÆ'‚ SoÃÆ'‚ I would suggest that you askÃÆ'‚ his doctor if something else may be more appropriate for anxiety rather than starting with a drug for depression that may be required long-term and may be difficult to go off of in the future.ÃÆ'‚ However, I am not the doctor and maybe he or she feels that depression is the unlying cause of the anxiety your son is experiencing, but your description did not sound as though that is the case.ÃÆ'‚ A lot of doctors aren't really savvy about psychotropic meds, so be sure you find oneÃÆ'‚ who is and also one who isn'tÃÆ'‚ just about prescribing meds for everything automatically. > > > > > > > > ÃÆ'‚ > > > > > > > > I think the book you suggested isÃÆ'‚ great.ÃÆ'‚ AnythingÃÆ'‚ by Russ is excellent and easy to understand as an introduction to ACT.ÃÆ'‚ I would also suggest The Happiness Trap for a newbie to ACT. > > > > > > > > ÃÆ'‚ > > > > > > > > You can let him know that he may indeed always have such thoughts as never being able to find a great job or girlfriend, but those thoughts aren't necessarily true and can't have anyÃÆ'‚ power if heÃÆ'‚ learns to view them as just his mindÃÆ'‚ jerking him around; it is over-reacting to a perceived threat when there is none - minds do that.ÃÆ'‚ He can move forward with action towardÃÆ'‚ his values in his work and relationships, which is the only way he will one day achieve his goals, and let his mind chatter on as it may while he does that.ÃÆ'‚ Eventually, he will just notice his mind chattering in the background and not let it get in the way of valued living.ÃÆ'‚ In time, the mind chatter may lessen or go away, but that should notÃÆ'‚ be the expectation; acceptance (allowing what is to just be) is called for rather than trying to change what is. > > > > > > > > ÃÆ'‚ > > > > > > > > I hope this is helpful in some way.ÃÆ'‚ Hard to know what to say!ÃÆ'‚ I have never had any success in introducing my sisters to ACT, but I let them know how it is working for me anyway.ÃÆ'‚ They get the concept (superficially) but don't want to really do the work it takes to practice it.ÃÆ'‚ If your son is like that, perhaps you will only show him what it's all about by living it and being an example. > > > > > > > > ÃÆ'‚ > > > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > my son > > > > > > > > ÃÆ'‚ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Well, I haven't been on here in a while!! Been having more success with my practice of accepting and defusion. Well, nothing lasts forever as we all know. During the time that my 28 year old son was home for Christmas, he said some things that gave me the inkling that he was beginning to have some anxiety struggles. I didn't know how to approach the subject with him, so before he left I just told him that what he might sometime be feeling was normal, everybody had those feelings. Well, I thought he seemed, from his phone calls, to be doing pretty well. Then this past Tuesday night, he called and said he had had one of those anxious days and just began sobbing. I have not heard him cry like that since he was a little boy. I tried to pull all of my ACT info out of my head but it is hard to explain to someone else!! He finally said, can I just come home. He had personal and sick time he could take off. I said of course. He came Wednesday afternoon and is in quite a state of anxiety. He is very nauseated and can hardly eat and the anxiety feels overwhelming. I decided to call a doctor friend and he prescribed Celexa for him. He began that yesterday but he is still so frozen with the anxiety. He has never done this before and is just paralyzed by the fear of never feeling better. I know a lot of what I am saying is not what ACT would say, I know he needs to get better at feeling but at this point he really does just need to feel a little better before he can begin processing ACT. He bought the Confidence Gap? Do yall think that is a good intro to ACT for someone who is not at all familiar with it? Also, anyone have any luck with Celexa ? It is so hard for me to know what to say. I feel like sometimes my explaining of ACT has made it worse. For instance he said to me, you mean I am never going to quit thinking that I'll never find a good job or stop thinking I'll never find a girl to be in a relationship? I think I have just confused him!!HELP!!! > > > > > > > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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