Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 Sometimes I play the game of mindfulness during a long day at work: what is necessary right now, and what is the best way to accomplish it? I love my work–the result of consciously choosing at about 47 a new career path in close alignment with my values–but it is not always pleasant despite that. When the sails suddenly sag due to loss of the wind that comes from enjoying the day, I turn on the motor of mindfulness to keep moving on course. D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 Im my oppinion the desire to feel happy at work is a perfectly healthier one, and working towards feeling better there is noble and honorable. This does not countradict true acceptance in anyway. Exceptance can still be practiced even if there is a desire for change. Afterall, what is the art of buddhist radical acceptance anyway, if is not a desire for more contentment and peace in your life. The two things don't contradict. Kv > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > > > I hear my own voice in every post in this thread. > > > > > > For myself, though, I've come to the conclusion that questions like > > > " Do we have a right to expect happiness in our work? " etc., are > > > misleading. They seem plausible, but they set us up in ways that > > > aren't helpful. > > > > > > Such questions tend to boil down to a single assumption: that work > > > is a game to be won, and that winning involves playing by " the > > > rules. " These rules are supposedly " universal " - literally " out > > > there in the universe " as unwritten but all-governing laws. > > > > > > What's really going on, I think, is that work is uncertain; and > > > since minds hate uncertainty, they make up rules. Everybody's got a > > > mind, so everybody's got rules. > > > > > > We debate these rules with each other & ourselves, and never come to > > > an answer. The rules conflict with each other. Worse, they never > > > actually help us DO anything; they just hem us in. We start to spend > > > our time drawing imaginary lines we can't cross. > > > > > > I also think that asking a question like " Do I have the right? " is > > > very often an attempt to ward off disappointment. We are essentially > > > asking whether hope is an acceptable or unacceptable risk. And since > > > the question is not resolvable in the mind, we freeze up. We keep > > > trying to censor ourselves. And the pain bleeds out between the > > > lines anyway. > > > > > > On the other hand ... if there ARE no rules ... then it's up to us. > > > We get to choose. We get to be responsible, if we are willing. > > > > > > Practical advice exists. Universal rules do not. One of my issues > > > is that too often I misread this or that piece of practical advice > > > as constituting a rule. The rule is actually in my head! So I'm > > > working on that. > > > > > > We can hope & yearn for something without the universe being obliged > > > to give it to us. We can work toward our hopes anyway. We'll feel > > > the pain of being mortal, not just at work but in every aspect of > > > our lives. That seems to be part of the deal. > > > > > > - Randy > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 I wanted to thank everyone for their replies - I will digest them fully when I have more time to do them justice, but it is nice to know that they are here waiting after my deadline. My brain continues in all its glory (or gory?) to come up with new depressing thoughts, let me share them with you :0)1. The modern workplace has become more stressful since expectations of standards have become so high. "Doing ok" is the new failure. Everything has to be "excellece this" and "excellence that". I feel heretical in the modern world to think "I did ok", and be satisfied.2. ACT talks a lot of small, baby steps, towards you values. Work doesn't operate like that. I have a deadline to bid for research funding to save my job. If I am shortlisted, I will have to defend my application in front of a panel of Professors whose sole job is to find faults in the name of academic peer review. You can't control the steps you can take - it's a huge stride (forward, or backward)3. I am a mental health services researcher - you'd think the workplace would be less stressful! Hah!4. I'd be stressed stacking supermarket shelves, so ...... shut up mind.I am again warmed by the replies on the forum and thank everyone for them x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 13 January 2012, 3:54 Subject: Re: Stress at work , I was moved by your post when I read it this morning and want to say something to help you, but I don't know what. However, I value sharing whatever I've learned on my way through life, so I'll give it a somewhat rambling go. One of the key causes of stress in the workplace is lack of control. The less control we have over how we do the tasks assigned to us and when, the worse we'll feel. I was lucky in my case. Before I retired a couple of years ago, I worked as a programmer and database administrator in a government department. As long I completed the jobs assigned to me, I was allowed to be pretty flexible in how and when I did them, as long I completed them on time. I still experienced stress at times. Meetings were a bugger, thanks to my social anxiety, as were the nights and weekends when I had to help fix urgent problems with our servers and networks. For the most part though, I had a lot of control over how I did my job, and I valued creating the programs and databases that made my colleagues' work a little easier. While a certain amount of stress and anxiety is useful because it fires us up and gets us moving and improves our performance (an actor about to go on stage for example, or someone about to give a speech at Toastmasters), too much of it can do us physical and emotional harm. When I was very stressed at work, my body was tight, I couldn't string two thoughts together. I couldn't do my job, and the rest of my life suffered as a result. Programming requires a clear head and an ability to think in a very logical, analytical way, and excessive stress was a sure-fire way to stop me doing that. Result, missed deadlines, a feeling that I was a failure, and even more stress! Changing our lives to reduce this kind of damaging stress is not avoidance. On the contrary, I think it's the best thing we can do for ourselves. It makes us feel better, it loosens our body, it clears our head, it allows us to think more clearly, and it frees us to do the things we want to do and live a better life. While googling workplace stress in an effort to come up with something useful to say to you, I read some research that says that women tend to handle stress better than men. Apparently, women cope better because they are able to talk about their feelings with their friends. We men don't do this. We bottle it up, we go the pub with our mates and get drunk while talking about sport or cars or the great new show on TV or the hot redhead on the other side of the bar. Anything but how we really feel. It works for a while but, over the long haul, it leaves us stressed and frustrated and sometimes angry. Are you close enough to your friend to risk some emotional intimacy and talk to her about what's happening in your life? Easier said than done, I know, given how reluctant we men are about revealing ourselves, but it might be worth the risk. Re commuting, one of the ways I found to reduce the stress I experienced while going to work was to catch an earlier, less crowded train a couple of hours before I was due to start work. Once in the city (Melbourne), I would go a cafe and sit quietly with a cup of coffee and read a paper, surf the internet, and do some writing (I keep a journal and write fiction as a hobby). For me, this was a great way to start the day. It gave me time to relax and be by myself for a while. Plus, I avoided the morning crush on my way to work. Not the going home part, unfortunately! Another way I dealt with stress was to duck out of the office a couple of times during the day to buy a coffee and sit down for a few minutes. This might not be practical in your case, but if you can do it, I recommend it. Cheers, Stan > > Hello > > I'm mulling over my career. Not in the best frame of mind to do that (job is under threat, and I'm applying for new funding with deadline of next Weds!) but a question keeps returning. Is it legitimate to want a lower-stress job, or is that just avoidance? > > I long for a rather more wholesome working life than the one I have now, which is full of competitiveness (both in a business sense, and amongst coworkers), judgmental attitudes, late working, horrendous god-awful commuting and - yes, most of all - high stress. > > I would like a job with less stress. Or are all jobs stressful - because they are what we make of them. I have a friend who is more experienced than me, but my junior, who never sought advancement because she didn't want the responsibility. I don't think it was because she lacked confidence. She certainly doesn't regret her choices. Should that be where I should go? I've followed promotions and moved jobs, actually because I thought to avoid doing so would make me feel like a failure, by avoidance. But that's not a very good reason, is it? > > I've read a pamplet on workplace stress. Stress is a gap between the pressures of responsibility and demands upon you, against (your perceptions of) your capacity to manage them. If I "step down" into a job with fewer pressures, will my perception of my capacity to manage them also reduce... so I'm left in the same boat? > > At the moment I can't do my job well. I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting things. I leave the office regularly because tears force me out. I'm left weeping (so humiliating) on the train home. This is not all in the mind - this is stopping me from functioning. > > Thank you. Cathartic. A stream of thoughts written onto this forum actually acts as defusion for me. I will leave them here and go to bed. Have the answer for me ready for the morning, will you please? :0) > > Night x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 What you are saying makes complete sense, Kaivey. It is OK to want to feel happy and fulfilled at work, but I bet that is the exception for most people rather than the norm. I guess my point is if you get all caught up with that expectation - I SHOULD be happy at work, or with my work - it can leave you disappointed and feeling that something is wrong because you are not getting the outcome you expect to get. So I think it's OK to not be totally happy with your job, because that's more realistic, in my mind. On the other hand, being in a job that makes you totally miserable or one that does not fit in with your values is not OK. I don't really like my job right now and have seldom been in a job I liked, but I weighed my options and decided to accept it, most times. At other times, I quit and got something more suitable for me. The one time I really loved my job was when I was a computer programmer, but the company went out of business and I couldn't find another job in my field at that time. In my present job as an office manager, I try to find meaningful ways to use my time - develop better ways of doing things, prepare reports for the managers they didn't expect, make sure everyone gets their favorite coffee and snacks, keep everything running smoothly, etc. The job is beneath my capabilities (and they know that), but I elevate the job to go beyond what is expected, because I am capable of that and everyone benefits if I have that attitude, including myself. No, I am not happy with my job; it is boring. But I am content with it. There is a striking difference between being content with what is and being happy with it, in my opinion. Of course, I am nearing retirement age or I would most likely try to get something on a more promising career path. And I certainly encourage everyone to not just "settle" for a job that is making you pull your hair out. Helena From: "Kaivey" <akaivey>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 2:55:22 PMSubject: Re: Stress at work Im my oppinion the desire to feel happy at work is a perfectly healthierone, and working towards feeling better there is noble and honorable.This does not countradict true acceptance in anyway. Exceptance canstill be practiced even if there is a desire for change. Afterall, whatis the art of buddhist radical acceptance anyway, if is not a desire formore contentment and peace in your life. The two things don'tcontradict.Kv> > >> > > Hi all,> > >> > > I hear my own voice in every post in this thread.> > >> > > For myself, though, I've come to the conclusion that questionslike> > > "Do we have a right to expect happiness in our work?" etc., are> > > misleading. They seem plausible, but they set us up in ways that> > > aren't helpful.> > >> > > Such questions tend to boil down to a single assumption: that work> > > is a game to be won, and that winning involves playing by "the> > > rules." These rules are supposedly "universal" - literally "out> > > there in the universe" as unwritten but all-governing laws.> > >> > > What's really going on, I think, is that work is uncertain; and> > > since minds hate uncertainty, they make up rules. Everybody's gota> > > mind, so everybody's got rules.> > >> > > We debate these rules with each other & ourselves, and never cometo> > > an answer. The rules conflict with each other. Worse, they never> > > actually help us DO anything; they just hem us in. We start tospend> > > our time drawing imaginary lines we can't cross.> > >> > > I also think that asking a question like "Do I have the right?" is> > > very often an attempt to ward off disappointment. We areessentially> > > asking whether hope is an acceptable or unacceptable risk. Andsince> > > the question is not resolvable in the mind, we freeze up. We keep> > > trying to censor ourselves. And the pain bleeds out between the> > > lines anyway.> > >> > > On the other hand ... if there ARE no rules ... then it's up tous.> > > We get to choose. We get to be responsible, if we are willing.> > >> > > Practical advice exists. Universal rules do not. One of my issues> > > is that too often I misread this or that piece of practical advice> > > as constituting a rule. The rule is actually in my head! So I'm> > > working on that.> > >> > > We can hope & yearn for something without the universe beingobliged> > > to give it to us. We can work toward our hopes anyway. We'll feel> > > the pain of being mortal, not just at work but in every aspect of> > > our lives. That seems to be part of the deal.> > >> > > - Randy> > >> >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 You opened up an excellent and interesting thread, . And I agree, the modern world is much more stressful, but in its own way. We don't have famines anymore, or so many diseases (most diseases - like the plague - came about after we started farming, where animals were kept together in tight places incubating germs). But modern life is stressful in a way that we have not fully evolved to cope with. In ancient times if your house burnt down everyone in your village would help you rebuid it. And no one bartered before money came about. If you needed some new shoes and someone had a spare pair they would just give them to you. If later, they needed help gathering their crops, you would just help out until the job was done. You didn't think that one pair of shoes is four hours gathering crops, you just helped out until the job was done. This modern rugged individualism idea we have is BS, the main reason that we are the most successful species on the planet is because of the intense way that we co-operate with each other. Mankind evolved to have very close friends and never to be lonely. This one of the reasons why we suffer so much today. Kv > > > > Hello > > > > I'm mulling over my career. Not in the best frame of mind to do that (job is under threat, and I'm applying for new funding with deadline of next Weds!) but a question keeps returning. Is it legitimate to want a lower-stress job, or is that just avoidance? > > > > I long for a rather more wholesome working life than the one I have now, which is full of competitiveness (both in a business sense, and amongst coworkers), judgmental attitudes, late working, horrendous god-awful commuting and - yes, most of all - high stress. > > > > I would like a job with less stress. Or are all jobs stressful - because they are what we make of them. I have a friend who is more experienced than me, but my junior, who never sought advancement because she didn't want the responsibility. I don't think it was because she lacked confidence. She certainly doesn't regret her choices. Should that be where I should go? I've followed promotions and moved jobs, actually because I thought to avoid doing so would make me feel like a failure, by avoidance. But that's not a very good reason, is it? > > > > I've read a pamplet on workplace stress. Stress is a gap between the pressures of responsibility and demands upon you, against (your perceptions of) your capacity to manage them. If I " step down " into a job with fewer pressures, will my perception of my capacity to manage them also reduce... so I'm left in the same boat? > > > > At the moment I can't do my job well. I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting things. I leave the office regularly because tears force me out. I'm left weeping (so humiliating) on the train home. This is not all in the mind - this is stopping me from functioning. > > > > Thank you. Cathartic. A stream of thoughts written onto this forum actually acts as defusion for me. I will leave them here and go to bed. Have the answer for me ready for the morning, will you please? :0) > > > > Night x > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 I attended a networking event last week, and it dawned on me, there were 60~80 other people at this event, and none of us were saving the world from hunger, nor finding a cure for cancer or anything like that, or running for president of... all of us were simply trying to make a living in the most dignified way possible, earning a living to help keep things afloat and pay the bills. Choosing not to choose is also a choice. If we feel a certain way about something, and we choose not to do anything about it, then we are also choosing... not to do anything about it or something. Knowing that we are ultimately responsible for our choice(s) or lack thereof. In the end, maybe if we can visualize when we're 80 or something, and we look back at what we did in our careers or our work, and maybe all it was was to earn a living, to pay the bills, put your kids through college, go on vacation once in a awhile, and along the way get to know some people or be about something, and maybe or maybe not, along the way we will find some meaning or find something meaningful... along the way... then maybe that is all we have acknowledge. As long as we are open to it. Tom > > > > Hello > > > > I'm mulling over my career. Not in the best frame of mind to do that (job is under threat, and I'm applying for new funding with deadline of next Weds!) but a question keeps returning. Is it legitimate to want a lower-stress job, or is that just avoidance? > > > > I long for a rather more wholesome working life than the one I have now, which is full of competitiveness (both in a business sense, and amongst coworkers), judgmental attitudes, late working, horrendous god-awful commuting and - yes, most of all - high stress. > > > > I would like a job with less stress. Or are all jobs stressful - because they are what we make of them. I have a friend who is more experienced than me, but my junior, who never sought advancement because she didn't want the responsibility. I don't think it was because she lacked confidence. She certainly doesn't regret her choices. Should that be where I should go? I've followed promotions and moved jobs, actually because I thought to avoid doing so would make me feel like a failure, by avoidance. But that's not a very good reason, is it? > > > > I've read a pamplet on workplace stress. Stress is a gap between the pressures of responsibility and demands upon you, against (your perceptions of) your capacity to manage them. If I " step down " into a job with fewer pressures, will my perception of my capacity to manage them also reduce... so I'm left in the same boat? > > > > At the moment I can't do my job well. I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting things. I leave the office regularly because tears force me out. I'm left weeping (so humiliating) on the train home. This is not all in the mind - this is stopping me from functioning. > > > > Thank you. Cathartic. A stream of thoughts written onto this forum actually acts as defusion for me. I will leave them here and go to bed. Have the answer for me ready for the morning, will you please? :0) > > > > Night x > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 I received a whole load of comments back over the weekend and Monday on my proposal, and they offered suggested improvements but every one of them said it was "strong", or something similar. My boss was disappointed. He said "strong" doesn't stand out, we need to push more buttons and go further. We must excel to survive.I don't think I have the psychological flexibility, as they say, to accept both the positive vibe that I am heading in the right direction, and that apparantly this is not good enough.T minus one day. x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, 15 January 2012, 20:40 Subject: Re: Stress at work You opened up an excellent and interesting thread, . And I agree, the modern world is much more stressful, but in its own way. We don't have famines anymore, or so many diseases (most diseases - like the plague - came about after we started farming, where animals were kept together in tight places incubating germs). But modern life is stressful in a way that we have not fully evolved to cope with. In ancient times if your house burnt down everyone in your village would help you rebuid it. And no one bartered before money came about. If you needed some new shoes and someone had a spare pair they would just give them to you. If later, they needed help gathering their crops, you would just help out until the job was done. You didn't think that one pair of shoes is four hours gathering crops, you just helped out until the job was done. This modern rugged individualism idea we have is BS, the main reason that we are the most successful species on the planet is because of the intense way that we co-operate with each other. Mankind evolved to have very close friends and never to be lonely. This one of the reasons why we suffer so much today. Kv > > > > Hello > > > > I'm mulling over my career. Not in the best frame of mind to do that (job is under threat, and I'm applying for new funding with deadline of next Weds!) but a question keeps returning. Is it legitimate to want a lower-stress job, or is that just avoidance? > > > > I long for a rather more wholesome working life than the one I have now, which is full of competitiveness (both in a business sense, and amongst coworkers), judgmental attitudes, late working, horrendous god-awful commuting and - yes, most of all - high stress. > > > > I would like a job with less stress. Or are all jobs stressful - because they are what we make of them. I have a friend who is more experienced than me, but my junior, who never sought advancement because she didn't want the responsibility. I don't think it was because she lacked confidence. She certainly doesn't regret her choices. Should that be where I should go? I've followed promotions and moved jobs, actually because I thought to avoid doing so would make me feel like a failure, by avoidance. But that's not a very good reason, is it? > > > > I've read a pamplet on workplace stress. Stress is a gap between the pressures of responsibility and demands upon you, against (your perceptions of) your capacity to manage them. If I "step down" into a job with fewer pressures, will my perception of my capacity to manage them also reduce... so I'm left in the same boat? > > > > At the moment I can't do my job well. I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting things. I leave the office regularly because tears force me out. I'm left weeping (so humiliating) on the train home. This is not all in the mind - this is stopping me from functioning. > > > > Thank you. Cathartic. A stream of thoughts written onto this forum actually acts as defusion for me. I will leave them here and go to bed. Have the answer for me ready for the morning, will you please? :0) > > > > Night x > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 , you may be giving too much weight to your boss's opinion. Didn't you do your best? Didn't those who heard or read your proposal react to it positively? If so, you DID excel. That there might have been suggestions for some improvement is great - no one is perfect, not even your boss, and when an idea or document is presented to a lot of different people, there are bound to be some helpful suggestions offered. Excuse my French, but your boss sounds like a bit of an arrogant jackass. (That's the most profound thing I can say before I've had my first cup of coffee this morning.) You can sit back now and let the chips fall where they may, having put much effort and thought into your responsibility to acquire funding for your job. Ahhhhhhhhhh! ....... what a good feeling that must be. Your boss reminds me of that miserable aunt who always shows up for the party. Make room for her but don't give her the power (I know it's your boss, but you are in charge of the contents of your mind when it comes to giving your thoughts and reactions any power). And I know I may be reading more into this than is actually there; your boss may be a wonderful person for the most part. You can listen to that wonderful part of him or her and the doubting, harsh part - not so much. YOU KNOW YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BEST. Accept that with pride. You can consider what your boss says, too, but with a grain of salt; he or she is not necessarily right, but you, as a good employee, can be open to helpful feedback. If it isn't helpful, you can do with it what we have learned to do with our unhelpful thoughts - defuse, baby! You are heading in the right direction and you are good enough. Your boss probably thinks so, too, but his/her style of management may be to use a whip rather than a carrot. I have never responded well to that kind of management. And you can take it in stride without believing you deserve the whipping. I know my input here may be way off base; if so, ignore it! I'm off to feed my brain cells some coffee. Helena From: " Robson" <oscar.robsonyahoo (DOT) co.uk>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 4:39:03 AMSubject: Re: Re: Stress at work I received a whole load of comments back over the weekend and Monday on my proposal, and they offered suggested improvements but every one of them said it was "strong", or something similar. My boss was disappointed. He said "strong" doesn't stand out, we need to push more buttons and go further. We must excel to survive. I don't think I have the psychological flexibility, as they say, to accept both the positive vibe that I am heading in the right direction, and that apparantly this is not good enough. T minus one day. x From: Kaivey <akaivey>To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, 15 January 2012, 20:40Subject: Re: Stress at work You opened up an excellent and interesting thread, . And I agree, the modern world is much more stressful, but in its own way. We don't have famines anymore, or so many diseases (most diseases - like the plague - came about after we started farming, where animals were kept together in tight places incubating germs). But modern life is stressful in a way that we have not fully evolved to cope with. In ancient times if your house burnt down everyone in your village would help you rebuid it. And no one bartered before money came about. If you needed some new shoes and someone had a spare pair they would just give them to you. If later, they needed help gathering their crops, you would just help out until the job was done. You didn't think that one pair of shoes is four hours gathering crops, you just helped out until the job was done. This modern rugged individualism idea we have is BS, the main reason that we are the most successful species on the planet is because of the intense way that we co-operate with each other. Mankind evolved to have very close friends and never to be lonely. This one of the reasons why we suffer so much today.Kv> >> > Hello> > > > I'm mulling over my career. Not in the best frame of mind to do that (job is under threat, and I'm applying for new funding with deadline of next Weds!) but a question keeps returning. Is it legitimate to want a lower-stress job, or is that just avoidance?> > > > I long for a rather more wholesome working life than the one I have now, which is full of competitiveness (both in a business sense, and amongst coworkers), judgmental attitudes, late working, horrendous god-awful commuting and - yes, most of all - high stress. > > > > I would like a job with less stress. Or are all jobs stressful - because they are what we make of them. I have a friend who is more experienced than me, but my junior, who never sought advancement because she didn't want the responsibility. I don't think it was because she lacked confidence. She certainly doesn't regret her choices. Should that be where I should go? I've followed promotions and moved jobs, actually because I thought to avoid doing so would make me feel like a failure, by avoidance. But that's not a very good reason, is it? > > > > I've read a pamplet on workplace stress. Stress is a gap between the pressures of responsibility and demands upon you, against (your perceptions of) your capacity to manage them. If I "step down" into a job with fewer pressures, will my perception of my capacity to manage them also reduce... so I'm left in the same boat?> > > > At the moment I can't do my job well. I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting things. I leave the office regularly because tears force me out. I'm left weeping (so humiliating) on the train home. This is not all in the mind - this is stopping me from functioning.> > > > Thank you. Cathartic. A stream of thoughts written onto this forum actually acts as defusion for me. I will leave them here and go to bed. Have the answer for me ready for the morning, will you please? :0)> > > > Night x> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 As if to make my point for me.http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-16579644 x To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Tuesday, 17 January 2012, 9:39 Subject: Re: Re: Stress at work I received a whole load of comments back over the weekend and Monday on my proposal, and they offered suggested improvements but every one of them said it was "strong", or something similar. My boss was disappointed. He said "strong" doesn't stand out, we need to push more buttons and go further. We must excel to survive.I don't think I have the psychological flexibility, as they say, to accept both the positive vibe that I am heading in the right direction, and that apparantly this is not good enough.T minus one day. x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, 15 January 2012, 20:40 Subject: Re: Stress at work You opened up an excellent and interesting thread, . And I agree, the modern world is much more stressful, but in its own way. We don't have famines anymore, or so many diseases (most diseases - like the plague - came about after we started farming, where animals were kept together in tight places incubating germs). But modern life is stressful in a way that we have not fully evolved to cope with. In ancient times if your house burnt down everyone in your village would help you rebuid it. And no one bartered before money came about. If you needed some new shoes and someone had a spare pair they would just give them to you. If later, they needed help gathering their crops, you would just help out until the job was done. You didn't think that one pair of shoes is four hours gathering crops, you just helped out until the job was done. This modern rugged individualism idea we have is BS, the main reason that we are the most successful species on the planet is because of the intense way that we co-operate with each other. Mankind evolved to have very close friends and never to be lonely. This one of the reasons why we suffer so much today. Kv > > > > Hello > > > > I'm mulling over my career. Not in the best frame of mind to do that (job is under threat, and I'm applying for new funding with deadline of next Weds!) but a question keeps returning. Is it legitimate to want a lower-stress job, or is that just avoidance? > > > > I long for a rather more wholesome working life than the one I have now, which is full of competitiveness (both in a business sense, and amongst coworkers), judgmental attitudes, late working, horrendous god-awful commuting and - yes, most of all - high stress. > > > > I would like a job with less stress. Or are all jobs stressful - because they are what we make of them. I have a friend who is more experienced than me, but my junior, who never sought advancement because she didn't want the responsibility. I don't think it was because she lacked confidence. She certainly doesn't regret her choices. Should that be where I should go? I've followed promotions and moved jobs, actually because I thought to avoid doing so would make me feel like a failure, by avoidance. But that's not a very good reason, is it? > > > > I've read a pamplet on workplace stress. Stress is a gap between the pressures of responsibility and demands upon you, against (your perceptions of) your capacity to manage them. If I "step down" into a job with fewer pressures, will my perception of my capacity to manage them also reduce... so I'm left in the same boat? > > > > At the moment I can't do my job well. I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting things. I leave the office regularly because tears force me out. I'm left weeping (so humiliating) on the train home. This is not all in the mind - this is stopping me from functioning. > > > > Thank you. Cathartic. A stream of thoughts written onto this forum actually acts as defusion for me. I will leave them here and go to bed. Have the answer for me ready for the morning, will you please? :0) > > > > Night x > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 We have had a new supervisor start a few months back and it has been push, push, push, ever since which is why I had an accident and went sick but I now can't face going back to work. I might tell my supervisor that this part has now come in and I shall fit it tomorrow but he say's no, we will stop the whole process right now and you fit it right away. There is never any spaces at all it is just solid work and with my chronic tension condition I just fell apart recently. I was working through lunch and tea breaks to keep up with it fearing that they might get rid of me if I can't do it. Kv > > > > > > Hello > > > > > > I'm mulling over my career. Not in the best frame of mind to do that (job is under threat, and I'm applying for new funding with deadline of next Weds!) but a question keeps returning. Is it legitimate to want a lower-stress job, or is that just avoidance? > > > > > > I long for a rather more wholesome working life than the one I have now, which is full of competitiveness (both in a business sense, and amongst coworkers), judgmental attitudes, late working, horrendous god-awful commuting and - yes, most of all - high stress. > > > > > > I would like a job with less stress. Or are all jobs stressful - because they are what we make of them. I have a friend who is more experienced than me, but my junior, who never sought advancement because she didn't want the responsibility. I don't think it was because she lacked confidence. She certainly doesn't regret her choices. Should that be where I should go? I've followed promotions and moved jobs, actually because I thought to avoid doing so would make me feel like a failure, by avoidance. But that's not a very good reason, is it? > > > > > > I've read a pamplet on workplace stress. Stress is a gap between the pressures of responsibility and demands upon you, against (your perceptions of) your capacity to manage them. If I " step down " into a job with fewer pressures, will my perception of my capacity to manage them also reduce... so I'm left in the same boat? > > > > > > At the moment I can't do my job well. I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting things. I leave the office regularly because tears force me out. I'm left weeping (so humiliating) on the train home. This is not all in the mind - this is stopping me from functioning. > > > > > > Thank you. Cathartic. A stream of thoughts written onto this forum actually acts as defusion for me. I will leave them here and go to bed. Have the answer for me ready for the morning, will you please? :0) > > > > > > Night x > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 My brother works a toolmaker and it is a very stressfull job. He has to design his own tools and sometimes they takes months to make and are worth £1000's but if they don't work that well when they are near completion he is under heavy stress until he finally gets it to work. Because of the recession his company has been laying off staff recently and they get rid of the least performing ones. But someone has to be at the bottom and so they are all under a lot of pressure to stay on top. So when someone slips behind they have to work even harder to get ahead. This is life I guess, but is it right when it causes extreme stress, mental breakdowns, or drives people to drink too much, or have take medicines presribed by their doctor? Kv > > > > > > Hello > > > > > > I'm mulling over my career. Not in the best frame of mind to do that (job is under threat, and I'm applying for new funding with deadline of next Weds!) but a question keeps returning. Is it legitimate to want a lower-stress job, or is that just avoidance? > > > > > > I long for a rather more wholesome working life than the one I have now, which is full of competitiveness (both in a business sense, and amongst coworkers), judgmental attitudes, late working, horrendous god-awful commuting and - yes, most of all - high stress. > > > > > > I would like a job with less stress. Or are all jobs stressful - because they are what we make of them. I have a friend who is more experienced than me, but my junior, who never sought advancement because she didn't want the responsibility. I don't think it was because she lacked confidence. She certainly doesn't regret her choices. Should that be where I should go? I've followed promotions and moved jobs, actually because I thought to avoid doing so would make me feel like a failure, by avoidance. But that's not a very good reason, is it? > > > > > > I've read a pamplet on workplace stress. Stress is a gap between the pressures of responsibility and demands upon you, against (your perceptions of) your capacity to manage them. If I " step down " into a job with fewer pressures, will my perception of my capacity to manage them also reduce... so I'm left in the same boat? > > > > > > At the moment I can't do my job well. I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting things. I leave the office regularly because tears force me out. I'm left weeping (so humiliating) on the train home. This is not all in the mind - this is stopping me from functioning. > > > > > > Thank you. Cathartic. A stream of thoughts written onto this forum actually acts as defusion for me. I will leave them here and go to bed. Have the answer for me ready for the morning, will you please? :0) > > > > > > Night x > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 , To me this would not be an ACT issue, but a communication issue - pretty common in the workplace. If it were me, I would ask my boss for specifics on what he felt would make the proposal stronger. Even if he couldn't give specifics I would still ask him to clarify best he could what he meant. For example, he could give examples of other proposals he liked, etc. I would then have something I could respond to. If I didn't agree with him, it would be up to me to make my case. If I did agree with him, I could try & improve the proposal still further. As for the notion that your boss is giving you negative feedback and the other persons who said your proposal was " strong " are somehow validating you - what's the goal here? Is it to feel good about yourself? To make yourself right and your boss wrong? Or is it to deliver a good proposal that will help you keep your job? Having angry thoughts about a work dispute is common. If it were my job hanging on the proposal, I would keep working on it if I felt there were a slight chance of making it better. Or even if I wasn't sure. - Randy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 How dk Sent from Yahoo!7 Mail on Android From: Randy Burgess ; To: <ACT_for_the_Public >; Subject: Re: Stress at work Sent: Tue, Jan 17, 2012 1:35:59 PM , To me this would not be an ACT issue, but a communication issue - pretty common in the workplace. If it were me, I would ask my boss for specifics on what he felt would make the proposal stronger. Even if he couldn't give specifics I would still ask him to clarify best he could what he meant. For example, he could give examples of other proposals he liked, etc. I would then have something I could respond to. If I didn't agree with him, it would be up to me to make my case. If I did agree with him, I could try & improve the proposal still further. As for the notion that your boss is giving you negative feedback and the other persons who said your proposal was " strong " are somehow validating you - what's the goal here? Is it to feel good about yourself? To make yourself right and your boss wrong? Or is it to deliver a good proposal that will help you keep your job? Having angry thoughts about a work dispute is common. If it were my job hanging on the proposal, I would keep working on it if I felt there were a slight chance of making it better. Or even if I wasn't sure. - Randy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 When a thought comes in a obsessive nature and doesnt go , it take a lot of mindfullness in. Real time to help you, while still engaging with the environment youre in....then when the thought goes away ...and you think the bothersome thought is gone it intrusively randonly pops in again you have engage the mindfullness process again and do the noticing the thoughts and feelings. Sent from Yahoo!7 Mail on Android From: Vi c Vi ; To: ACT_for_the_Public <ACT_for_the_Public >; usable.thought@... ; Subject: Re: Re: Stress at work Sent: Tue, Jan 17, 2012 1:36:41 PM How dk Sent from Yahoo!7 Mail on Android From: Randy Burgess ; To: <ACT_for_the_Public >; Subject: Re: Stress at work Sent: Tue, Jan 17, 2012 1:35:59 PM , To me this would not be an ACT issue, but a communication issue - pretty common in the workplace. If it were me, I would ask my boss for specifics on what he felt would make the proposal stronger. Even if he couldn't give specifics I would still ask him to clarify best he could what he meant. For example, he could give examples of other proposals he liked, etc. I would then have something I could respond to. If I didn't agree with him, it would be up to me to make my case. If I did agree with him, I could try & improve the proposal still further. As for the notion that your boss is giving you negative feedback and the other persons who said your proposal was " strong " are somehow validating you - what's the goal here? Is it to feel good about yourself? To make yourself right and your boss wrong? Or is it to deliver a good proposal that will help you keep your job? Having angry thoughts about a work dispute is common. If it were my job hanging on the proposal, I would keep working on it if I felt there were a slight chance of making it better. Or even if I wasn't sure. - Randy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 Last week I was able to do mindfulness while I was off work and it was bliss. Although it increased muscular tension, for short periods of time I did not have a care in the world. Just lovely! All I could hear was the peaceful sounds around me and there was nothing to worry about anymore. This week it does not work as usual but I have much hope for the power of mindfulness for me one day. I'm going to have another practice now but it sometimes takes my mind over 30 minutes to calm down and then maybe it can start. At one point last week my head seems to develop four large port holes with one on each side. There was nothing but space inside and the beautiful breeze was gently blowing all the tension and fear away. Now I know what Buddhists mean by the bliss of emptiness. On another occasion I saw great landscapes in my mind as if I was in a plane overlooking the world which was turning all over the place and at other times I seemed to be soaring right up into the sky over looking an immense ocean of beautiful clouds. Why can't it work this week, I know this could save me? Kv > > When a thought comes in a obsessive nature and doesnt go , it take a lot of mindfullness in. Real time to help you, while still engaging with the environment youre in....then when the thought goes away ...and you think the bothersome thought is gone it intrusively randonly pops in again you have engage the mindfullness process again and do the noticing the thoughts and feelings. > > > Sent from Yahoo!7 Mail on Android > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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