skeptical about anti-depressants

[Guest guest]

Ever since I started seeing my therapist earlier this year, I've been adamant

about not taking any anti-depressants. But lately, I've been feeling that my

problems are biological (not acceptance?) and that I should start. I scheduled

an appointment with a psychiatrist, but I'm still worried and a little skeptical

about taking them. I really don't trust man-made items all too much, I'd rather

put my faith into nature. Man has proven to be failures and the stem off all

problems in the world today. Nothing man has made has ever survived to be more

than memory, except maybe ceramic pottery, but clay is naturally from the earth

so that's subjective to perception. Straight up, I don't trust man, especially

when it comes to altering body chemistry. But then I look at myself and I'm

already pretty self-destructive in the sense that I repress almost all emotions

at all times, I have self-loathing and rage-filled episodes over really stupid

stuff. The last was me getting mad at my grandma because she wouldn't answer me

when I asked her how is she happy. She answered with an attack saying, " I don't

need blah, blah, blah to be happy, I enjoy solitary things... " It pissed me off

because after living with her for 23 years, she still hasn't opened up and I

still feel a communication barrier between us. That led to me throwing and

breaking everything that touched my hands and punching holes in my door. I can't

handle myself and a part of me thinks anti-depressants will help, but taking

them will put me against my value of natural > man-made. I'm delusional, I know.

But I'm stuck and need advice, personal experiences, etc. And how long do people

usually stay on this shit. One of my main concerns is that when my medical runs

out, where am I going to get my fix? My therapists said they are non-addictive

kinds... wtf, bananas can be addictive. Skateboarding has proven to be

addictive.