RE: The Younger Self Exercise

[Guest guest]

Hi Lou - Thanks for this post. It sounds like your contact with your younger self has been an ACT ahaaa experience. I doubt that the journey will end, especially if you continue to do the exercise. I've done this exercise several times but always seem to draw a blank. I grew up in a "Leave It To Beaver" environment. My childhood was very vanilla - I'm not complaining! Some of my earliest memories are about not wanting to be away from home. I still get homesick when I'm away from my wife, even overnight. And I can see signs of anxiety as early as I can remember.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: experiential2010@...Date: Sat, 3 Dec 2011 11:26:38 +0000Subject: The Younger Self Exercise

Of all the exercises I've practiced through ACT and other teachings, it has been the "Younger Self" exercise that Russ wrote that has carried me to the furthest places of who I am. The 'Tin Can Monster' and the 'Chess Board Analogy' too will contribute to the 'wisdom of the ages'.

When I started practicing the younger self exercise, I was taken to all the familiar safe places (escape routes), then she took me on a journey looking at the interaction with my childhood peers. We went through a dark moment together where I watched her destructive behaviour and empathised. That session she turned it on its head and showed me empathy. I felt like my inner child felt sorry for the adult she'd become. I learnt self compassion. We looked at each other differently then and I understood what meant when he uses the word 'to honour'. For a while after that we used to just hang together playing games or rehashing memories.

More recently we have connected in a more physical sense. I compare with my younger self what I can endure as an adult. When I was a child, my muscles were made of stone and now in my 40's, I have some soft spots. I used to specialise in the hurdles and the 800m so I came to understand my body from a performance sense. That and other physical activity would leave me tired and in pain. My adult self seems to struggle with this body/pain comparison. (I wish my younger self could teach me about boundaries and assertiveness).

I'm sure this journey will end at some point. For now though, I continue to learn from the lessons of my younger self.

Lou

[Guest guest]

hi lou:-)that was a wonderful post. thanks for sharing it with us Lou:-)I don't believe i have come across this exercise yet. which Russ 's book is it from?wasalaam:-)-K Designs."" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their

shoes." ~ a very pious intellectualTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: experiential2010@...Date: Sat, 3 Dec 2011 11:26:38 +0000Subject: The Younger Self Exercise

Of all the exercises I've practiced through ACT and other teachings, it has been the "Younger Self" exercise that Russ wrote that has carried me to the furthest places of who I am. The 'Tin Can Monster' and the 'Chess Board Analogy' too will contribute to the 'wisdom of the ages'.

When I started practicing the younger self exercise, I was taken to all the familiar safe places (escape routes), then she took me on a journey looking at the interaction with my childhood peers. We went through a dark moment together where I watched her destructive behaviour and empathised. That session she turned it on its head and showed me empathy. I felt like my inner child felt sorry for the adult she'd become. I learnt self compassion. We looked at each other differently then and I understood what meant when he uses the word 'to honour'. For a while after that we used to just hang together playing games or rehashing memories.

More recently we have connected in a more physical sense. I compare with my younger self what I can endure as an adult. When I was a child, my muscles were made of stone and now in my 40's, I have some soft spots. I used to specialise in the hurdles and the 800m so I came to understand my body from a performance sense. That and other physical activity would leave me tired and in pain. My adult self seems to struggle with this body/pain comparison. (I wish my younger self could teach me about boundaries and assertiveness).

I'm sure this journey will end at some point. For now though, I continue to learn from the lessons of my younger self.

Lou

[Guest guest]

JAZAKALLAH KHAIR Lou:-) that's very sweet of u to type the whole exercise. I am definately gonna try it. Though the younger version of myself who was hurt is not that long ago, only 8 years back when the racial attacks started and i developed my phobias. I don't have any childhood traumatic expereinces, so it just seems a little weird to me when i imagine that younger self and picture her looking exactly the same as my adult self, and then trying to console her. But i need to try this out a few times to c how it goes.THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN louwasalaam:-)-K Designs."" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their

shoes." ~ a very pious intellectualTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: experiential2010@...Date: Sat, 3 Dec 2011 20:20:14 +0000Subject: Re: The Younger Self Exercise

Hi ,

This is the exercise that started it all....as time has passed, I have continually modified the way I use the exercise. I no longer use this written material although I see it as my template.

__________________________________________________________

"Visiting the younger version of yourself – Russ `Advanced ACT Workshop' 2007

1.Imagine yourself going back in time to visit the younger version of yourself who got hurt by this person. Find the younger you and imagine yourself talking to him/her, around the time the hurtful event happened.

2.Tell this younger you that you know what happened. Tell him/her that they don't need anyone else to validate that experience, because YOU know.

3.Tell him/her that they survived the experience, and it is now just a memory.

4.Tell him/her that you are here for them. You know how much it hurts, and you want to help in any way you can. Ask them if there is anything they need or want from you – and whatever they ask for. Give it to them. If they ask you to take them somewhere special, go ahead and take them wherever they wish. Offer them a hug, a kiss, words of kindness, a gift of some sort...anything they want.

5.Tell them you are here for them, you care about them, and you are going to help them recover from this pain, and go on to live a full, rich, valued life.

6.Once you have a sense that this younger version of you has accepted your care,concern and support, let them be, and bring awareness to your breathing.

7.Practice mindfulness of breath for a couple of minutes, then open your eyes and connect with the room around you.

8.Do this on a regular basis, 3 to 4 times a week, until you feel like you have let go of your anger and resentment. This may take a long time. Be patient."

__________________________________________________________

I hope it is useful to others too.

Lou

[Guest guest]

Here is a better version of the exercise, from The Reality Slap. (It is also one of the recorded exercises on The Reality Slap MP3 & CD) Compassion for the Younger You Find a comfortable position and close your eyes or stare at a spot.Take a few slow, deep breaths and notice them with openness and curiosity.You are about to do an exercise in imagination. Some people imagine with vivid, colourful pictures, much like those on a TV screen; others imagine withvague, fuzzy, unclear pictures; still others imagine without using pictures at all,relying more on words and ideas. However you imagine is just fine.Now imagine yourself getting into a time machine. Once inside that machine,you travel back in time to visit yourself as a young child. Visit this child at somepoint in his or her life when he or she was in a lot of pain, immediately aftersome distressing childhood event.Now step out of the time machine and make contact with the younger you. Take a good look at this young child and get a sense of what he is goingThrough. Is she crying? Is he angry or frightened? Does she feel guilty orashamed? What does this child really need: love, kindness, understanding,forgiveness, nurturing, or acceptance? In a kind, calm, and gentle voice, tell this “younger you” that you know what just happened, that you know what he’sbeen through, that you know how much she is hurting.Tell this child that he doesn’t need anyone else to validate that experience, because you know.Tell this child that she survived the experience and it is now just a painful memory.Tell this child that you are here, that you know how much he hurts and youwant to help in any way you can.Ask this child if there’s anything she needs or wants from you— and whatevershe asks for, give it to her. If this child asks you to take him somewhere special, go ahead and do it.Offer a hug, a kiss, words of kindness, or a gift of some sort.This is an exercise in imagination, so you can give anything she wants. If this younger you doesn’t know what he wants or doesn’t trust you, then let himknow that’s fine, that you are here for support and will always be here to dowhatever you can to help.Tell this child that you are here, that you care, and that you are going to helpher recover from this pain to go on to lead a full, rich, and valued life.Continue to radiate caring and kindness toward this younger you, in any wayyou can think of, through words, gestures, or deeds.Once you have a sense that this younger you has accepted your caring andkindness, let her be, and bring awareness to your breathing.Observe your breathing with openness and curiosity for a couple of minutes,then open your eyes and connect with the room around you. • • • Many people find that it is much easier to be compassionate toward a young child in pain than it is to be compassionate toward themselves— the exercise makes good use of that fact. It’s good to practice it on a regular basis, not only developing self- compassion but also for healing old wounds.In addition to practicing these exercises, think about the actions you take— small acts of kindness you can do for yourself. How about a soothing bath or shower? Getting a massage? Eating some nutritious, healthy food? Going for a walk? Giving yourself some “me time”? Listening to your favourite music?Can you listen to yourself nonjudgmentally and acknowledge the extent your pain? Can you treat yourself gently and give yourself the benefit of the doubt?Can you recognize that you’re a fallible human being so of course you make mistakes?Can you look for the goodness in yourself? (It is definitely in there, no matterhow much your mind may deny it.) All the best,Cheers, Russ www.actmindfully.com.auwww.thehappinesstrap.com From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of KhanSent: Sunday, 4 December 2011 8:28 AMTo: act_for_the_public Subject: RE: Re: The Younger Self Exercise JAZAKALLAH KHAIR Lou:-) that's very sweet of u to type the whole exercise. I am definately gonna try it. Though the younger version of myself who was hurt is not that long ago, only 8 years back when the racial attacks started and i developed my phobias. I don't have any childhood traumatic expereinces, so it just seems a little weird to me when i imagine that younger self and picture her looking exactly the same as my adult self, and then trying to console her. But i need to try this out a few times to c how it goes.THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN louwasalaam:-)-K Designs. " " Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their shoes. " ~ a very pious intellectual To: ACT_for_the_Public From: experiential2010@...Date: Sat, 3 Dec 2011 20:20:14 +0000Subject: Re: The Younger Self Exercise Hi ,This is the exercise that started it all....as time has passed, I have continually modified the way I use the exercise. I no longer use this written material although I see it as my template.__________________________________________________________ " Visiting the younger version of yourself – Russ `Advanced ACT Workshop' 20071.Imagine yourself going back in time to visit the younger version of yourself who got hurt by this person. Find the younger you and imagine yourself talking to him/her, around the time the hurtful event happened.2.Tell this younger you that you know what happened. Tell him/her that they don't need anyone else to validate that experience, because YOU know.3.Tell him/her that they survived the experience, and it is now just a memory.4.Tell him/her that you are here for them. You know how much it hurts, and you want to help in any way you can. Ask them if there is anything they need or want from you – and whatever they ask for. Give it to them. If they ask you to take them somewhere special, go ahead and take them wherever they wish. Offer them a hug, a kiss, words of kindness, a gift of some sort...anything they want.5.Tell them you are here for them, you care about them, and you are going to help them recover from this pain, and go on to live a full, rich, valued life.6.Once you have a sense that this younger version of you has accepted your care,concern and support, let them be, and bring awareness to your breathing.7.Practice mindfulness of breath for a couple of minutes, then open your eyes and connect with the room around you.8.Do this on a regular basis, 3 to 4 times a week, until you feel like you have let go of your anger and resentment. This may take a long time. Be patient. " __________________________________________________________I hope it is useful to others too.Lou

[Guest guest]

THANK YOU SO MUCH DR. HARRIS FOR SENDING THE EXERCISE. THIS LOOKS AMAZING AND I THINK IT WILL BENEFIT A FREIND OF MINE TOO Who sorry i dont mean to write in all caps) , theeeeese kidzzzzzzzzzzzz;-(...i have a few freinds who suffer from ptsd and one from cptsd, and this exercise is exercise will be very helpful to them too as they some of them do cbt/erp and doign erps is extremely painful for them. so jazakallah khair. wasalaam:-)-K Designs."" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their

shoes." ~ a very pious intellectualTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: russharris@...Date: Sun, 4 Dec 2011 11:13:17 +1100Subject: RE: Re: The Younger Self Exercise

Here is a better version of the exercise, from The Reality Slap. (It is also one of the recorded exercises on The Reality Slap MP3 & CD) Compassion for the Younger You Find a comfortable position and close your eyes or stare at a spot.Take a few slow, deep breaths and notice them with openness and curiosity.You are about to do an exercise in imagination. Some people imagine with vivid, colourful pictures, much like those on a TV screen; others imagine withvague, fuzzy, unclear pictures; still others imagine without using pictures at all,relying more on words and ideas. However you imagine is just fine.Now imagine yourself getting into a time machine. Once inside that machine,you travel back in time to visit yourself as a young child. Visit this child at somepoint in his or her life when he or she was in a lot of pain, immediately aftersome distressing childhood event.Now step out of the time machine and make contact with the younger you. Take a good look at this young child and get a sense of what he is goingThrough. Is she crying? Is he angry or frightened? Does she feel guilty orashamed? What does this child really need: love, kindness, understanding,forgiveness, nurturing, or acceptance? In a kind, calm, and gentle voice, tell this “younger you” that you know what just happened, that you know what he’sbeen through, that you know how much she is hurting.Tell this child that he doesn’t need anyone else to validate that experience, because you know.Tell this child that she survived the experience and it is now just a painful memory.Tell this child that you are here, that you know how much he hurts and youwant to help in any way you can.Ask this child if there’s anything she needs or wants from you— and whatevershe asks for, give it to her. If this child asks you to take him somewhere special, go ahead and do it.Offer a hug, a kiss, words of kindness, or a gift of some sort.This is an exercise in imagination, so you can give anything she wants. If this younger you doesn’t know what he wants or doesn’t trust you, then let himknow that’s fine, that you are here for support and will always be here to dowhatever you can to help.Tell this child that you are here, that you care, and that you are going to helpher recover from this pain to go on to lead a full, rich, and valued life.Continue to radiate caring and kindness toward this younger you, in any wayyou can think of, through words, gestures, or deeds.Once you have a sense that this younger you has accepted your caring andkindness, let her be, and bring awareness to your breathing.Observe your breathing with openness and curiosity for a couple of minutes,then open your eyes and connect with the room around you. • • • Many people find that it is much easier to be compassionate toward a young child in pain than it is to be compassionate toward themselves— the exercise makes good use of that fact. It’s good to practice it on a regular basis, not only developing self- compassion but also for healing old wounds.In addition to practicing these exercises, think about the actions you take— small acts of kindness you can do for yourself. How about a soothing bath or shower? Getting a massage? Eating some nutritious, healthy food? Going for a walk? Giving yourself some “me time”? Listening to your favourite music?Can you listen to yourself nonjudgmentally and acknowledge the extent your pain? Can you treat yourself gently and give yourself the benefit of the doubt?Can you recognize that you’re a fallible human being so of course you make mistakes?Can you look for the goodness in yourself? (It is definitely in there, no matterhow much your mind may deny it.) All the best,Cheers, Russ www.actmindfully.com.auwww.thehappinesstrap.com From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of KhanSent: Sunday, 4 December 2011 8:28 AMTo: act_for_the_public Subject: RE: Re: The Younger Self Exercise JAZAKALLAH KHAIR Lou:-) that's very sweet of u to type the whole exercise. I am definately gonna try it. Though the younger version of myself who was hurt is not that long ago, only 8 years back when the racial attacks started and i developed my phobias. I don't have any childhood traumatic expereinces, so it just seems a little weird to me when i imagine that younger self and picture her looking exactly the same as my adult self, and then trying to console her. But i need to try this out a few times to c how it goes.THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN louwasalaam:-)-K Designs."" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their shoes." ~ a very pious intellectual To: ACT_for_the_Public From: experiential2010@...Date: Sat, 3 Dec 2011 20:20:14 +0000Subject: Re: The Younger Self Exercise Hi ,This is the exercise that started it all....as time has passed, I have continually modified the way I use the exercise. I no longer use this written material although I see it as my template.__________________________________________________________"Visiting the younger version of yourself – Russ `Advanced ACT Workshop' 20071.Imagine yourself going back in time to visit the younger version of yourself who got hurt by this person. Find the younger you and imagine yourself talking to him/her, around the time the hurtful event happened.2.Tell this younger you that you know what happened. Tell him/her that they don't need anyone else to validate that experience, because YOU know.3.Tell him/her that they survived the experience, and it is now just a memory.4.Tell him/her that you are here for them. You know how much it hurts, and you want to help in any way you can. Ask them if there is anything they need or want from you – and whatever they ask for. Give it to them. If they ask you to take them somewhere special, go ahead and take them wherever they wish. Offer them a hug, a kiss, words of kindness, a gift of some sort...anything they want.5.Tell them you are here for them, you care about them, and you are going to help them recover from this pain, and go on to live a full, rich, valued life.6.Once you have a sense that this younger version of you has accepted your care,concern and support, let them be, and bring awareness to your breathing.7.Practice mindfulness of breath for a couple of minutes, then open your eyes and connect with the room around you.8.Do this on a regular basis, 3 to 4 times a week, until you feel like you have let go of your anger and resentment. This may take a long time. Be patient."__________________________________________________________I hope it is useful to others too.Lou