Oh what to do

[Guest guest]

Hi all

Maybe, probably it's not the best forum but I'm so desperate to share. Don't

want to talk to friends.

I'm stuck in a relationship which is fine and 'functional' but I'm so bored and

over it. He's a nice, reliable and stable man but I just am not attracted to

him. Never have been. Not even at the beginning. Now 6 years down the track I'm

terribly unsettled and want to move on. But, we have 2 kids each, all 6 of us

living together. One of my boys just turned 18 and is more or less doing his own

thing. The other boy is almost 15. My partners kids are similar in age. Meaning

when we got together I chose my partner because he is stable and reliable. Which

is what I wanted and needed then. But because I've never had strong feelings for

him I just feel trapped in this 'arrangement'. What's keeping me here is that

the boys all get on so well and we're better off financially staying here.

I have often thought about my values and what's important to me and it's been

giving my boys security and stability. But I feel so dead, bored and empty.

I went to a New Year's party last week and just stood there in the loud music

with all these people around and thought I need to get out. Get out back into

life. Meet people, learn new things, have a place of my own. I want to travel,

be in a relationship with a man I can see a future with. It feels so dead end

here. Yes comfortable but so lifeless, just functional.

Of course I'm thinking maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side. What is

my family going to think. Where will I live? Will I ever be with anyone where

there's passion?

I feel confused and ungrateful.

Maybe my values have changed from focussing on my kids to focussing on myself

more?

I just want to feel again. Feel alive.

Thanks for listening and sorry for barging in with my story

Birgit

Sent from my iPhone