Re: mere 'awareness' of my pain seems painful today.

February 11, 2012

Hey, I noticed you left off your very funny quote at the end here-- from the

" pious individual " ! kidding aside, I'm listening. Sorry for that experience,

which sounds very hurtful. Remember that you're greatest gifts are sometimes

right there in the pain. And they may not appear right away. I'll bet you'll be

able to use this experience with your speaking about ACT in the future, and

maybe even more useful, with opening up to being carried some more, in addition

to carrying others. Me, I am still looking for that balance. Hang in there. Be

kind with yourself as you were here, sharing, opening up. Thanks for being so

honest.

kind regards,

terry

>

> salaamz. I notice myself feeling helpless today. I have gone through my own

share of much pain and suffering in the past, & have felt that i have learnt

from those expereinces & grown from them. There is NOTHING in my past that i

wish i didn't have to go through, as Had i not gone through whatever i did all

those years, i would not have known and appreciatiated the essence of being

'alive' being 'awake', and the virtues of gratitude. throughout my journey,

everytime i have stumbled, i have streach my hand out for support, and the hand

that grabs it and lifts it up, has been my own. Today unfortunately that other

hand is not there to lift me, as that too streaches out . I can't remember the

last time tears rolled down my eyes, perhaps that time when someone almost run

over me and my little boyz at a parking lot, yelling and cusing at us. that was

3 years back. I can't stop the tears today. I guess it helps purify the heart

as it clenses it from any grudge/despair/resentment one could have aganist the

person who has wronged us. Last night was a tough 'moment' for me, it seemed

like it stretched to infinity. I expereinced moments of clinging and moments of

awarenessing all that i was clinging on to, but i must admit these tears r a

proof of the sadness i 'feel' rather than 'notice'. I know i am at a much

better place right now, had i have gone trhough what i did yesterday last year,

i would be shattered & unmendable.

> But someone i respected greatly has let me down. They have put me, or more

accurately it has 'FELT LIKE' they have put me in my place, belittled me,

questioned my sincerely towards others, my values, pointed out all my flaws

(which include poor writing skills, difficulty expressing myself in words). I

am sure NONE of these were intentional, & perhaps becoz of difference in culture

i surely MUST BE taking it more personallly than i should, but their words came

across as very hurtful indeed. While i have overlooked that in the past, this

time it has made a scar so deep, i can't simply brush it off. i know i will be

back to 'normal' soon, even if that 'normal' means simply noticing howmuch i am

indirectly beeating myself up over anothers behaviour towards me. elenor says

" no one can insult u without ur permission'. that has been tthe most beautiful

words for me lately. What function do 'those' words have on me, is solely my

decision to make. Feeling hurt is a normal 'reaction', but that moment was a

moment of the past, these r moments for 'action', no need to drag those

'reactions' any further, i guess i have not fully accepted that i have a choice

here. Before, All my painful moments of the past would streatech out to years

of suffering becoz i have always been trying to 'recover'. what's there to

recover from, i don' t know. I now realize 'healing' is what is esseicallly

required- coming to terms with things AS THEY R., seems much simpler & easier,

it's a huge burden off my shoulder as i am not being expected to do anything

more than what is already there to be done, YET it is admittidly the toughest

thing to do, healing, a blessing 'in disguise' no doubt. There is always

something to learn from every expereince i do believe that, if we can only open

ourslves up to the 'learning'. Today i have learnt that perhahps it is OK for me

to reach out, to open up. I struggle with that, as i have always been the

shoulder to cry on. The thought that i can't possibly burden anyone else with my

'rpoblem', i can't confide in those who confide in me as that will be very

selfish of me, all those 'beliefs' have always left me alone at times when

probably just a listening ear is all i needed.

> JAZAKALLAH KHAIR (thank you:-) for being that listening ear for me today.

wasalaam.K Designs.

>

February 11, 2012

Hi

I'm listening. And am inspired by you. Even in your helplessness you are able to reach out - for help - and like you said, that is not always easy to do.

In your posts, you have rarely, may be never, turned away from what is difficult. That is your choice. That is the way towards living a valued life. That is something that a lot of people (including myself) don't do enough of.

Even in your helplessness you are able to see past the hurt and look for the lesson of your experience - you continued to practice ACT. Thank You for sharing your experience and being a role model for the rest of us.

Van Khan wrote:

salaamz. I notice myself feeling helpless today. I have gone through my own share of much pain and suffering in the past, & have felt that i have learnt from those expereinces & grown from them. There is NOTHING in my past that i wish i didn't have to go through, as Had i not gone through whatever i did all those years, i would not have known and appreciatiated the essence of being 'alive' being 'awake', and the virtues of gratitude. throughout my journey, everytime i have stumbled, i have streach my hand out for support, and the hand that grabs it and lifts it up, has been my own. Today unfortunately that other hand is not there to lift me, as that too streaches out . I can't remember the last time tears rolled down my eyes, perhaps that time when someone almost run over me and my little boyz at a parking lot, yelling and cusing at us. that was 3 years back. I can't stop the tears today. I guess it helps purify

the heart as it clenses it from any grudge/despair/resentment one could have aganist the person who has wronged us. Last night was a tough 'moment' for me, it seemed like it stretched to infinity. I expereinced moments of clinging and moments of awarenessing all that i was clinging on to, but i must admit these tears r a proof of the sadness i 'feel' rather than 'notice'. I know i am at a much better place right now, had i have gone trhough what i did yesterday last year, i would be shattered & unmendable. But someone i respected greatly has let me down. They have put me, or more accurately it has 'FELT LIKE' they have put me in my place, belittled me, questioned my sincerely towards others, my values, pointed out all my flaws (which include poor writing skills, difficulty expressing myself in words). I am sure NONE of these were intentional, & perhaps becoz of difference in culture

i surely MUST BE taking it more personallly than i should, but their words came across as very hurtful indeed. While i have overlooked that in the past, this time it has made a scar so deep, i can't simply brush it off. i know i will be back to 'normal' soon, even if that 'normal' means simply noticing howmuch i am indirectly beeating myself up over anothers behaviour towards me. elenor says "no one can insult u without ur permission'. that has been tthe most beautiful words for me lately. What function do 'those' words have on me, is solely my decision to make. Feeling hurt is a normal 'reaction', but that moment was a moment of the past, these r moments for 'action', no need to drag those 'reactions' any further, i guess i have not fully accepted that i have a choice here. Before, All my painful moments of the past would streatech out to years of suffering becoz i have always been trying to 'recover'. what's there to

recover from, i don' t know. I now realize 'healing' is what is esseicallly required- coming to terms with things AS THEY R., seems much simpler & easier, it's a huge burden off my shoulder as i am not being expected to do anything more than what is already there to be done, YET it is admittidly the toughest thing to do, healing, a blessing 'in disguise' no doubt. There is always something to learn from every expereince i do believe that, if we can only open ourslves up to the 'learning'. Today i have learnt that perhahps it is OK for me to reach out, to open up. I struggle with that, as i have always been the shoulder to cry on. The thought that i can't possibly burden anyone else with my 'rpoblem', i can't confide in those who confide in me as that will be very selfish of me, all those 'beliefs' have always left me alone at times when probably just a listening ear is all i needed. JAZAKALLAH KHAIR (thank you:-) for being that listening ear

for me today. wasalaam.K Designs.

February 12, 2012

@ Terry, Lou & Van:-) THANKYOU sooooo much for ur WONDERFUL words of kindness and support. I truly appreciate it. There is always so much to learn from each other here, and i truly value the opinions, and advices u all give here. Today is new day for me, so i hope to be more 'mindful' in it, as an 'act friendly' sayin would go, practise makes u 'better at practise', as 'perfection' is not a goal worth achieving. self-compassion is truly a great value. helps u c the joys & fulfilment even in every imperfection. wasalaam:-) p.s. @ terry, hehe...it's funny u noticed that. i am a sucker for humour! I hadta take that off becoz i hadta email some college professeurs. Since College started this week, & no more back & forth emails, i can put that quote back on;) -K Designs."" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their

shoes." ~ a very pious intellectual To: ACT_for_the_Public From: vtpsychs@...Date: Sun, 12 Feb 2012 10:14:13 +1100Subject: Re: mere 'awareness' of my pain seems painful today.

Hi

I'm listening. And am inspired by you. Even in your helplessness you are able to reach out - for help - and like you said, that is not always easy to do.

In your posts, you have rarely, may be never, turned away from what is difficult. That is your choice. That is the way towards living a valued life. That is something that a lot of people (including myself) don't do enough of.

Even in your helplessness you are able to see past the hurt and look for the lesson of your experience - you continued to practice ACT. Thank You for sharing your experience and being a role model for the rest of us.

Van Khan wrote:

salaamz. I notice myself feeling helpless today. I have gone through my own share of much pain and suffering in the past, & have felt that i have learnt from those expereinces & grown from them. There is NOTHING in my past that i wish i didn't have to go through, as Had i not gone through whatever i did all those years, i would not have known and appreciatiated the essence of being 'alive' being 'awake', and the virtues of gratitude. throughout my journey, everytime i have stumbled, i have streach my hand out for support, and the hand that grabs it and lifts it up, has been my own. Today unfortunately that other hand is not there to lift me, as that too streaches out . I can't remember the last time tears rolled down my eyes, perhaps that time when someone almost run over me and my little boyz at a parking lot, yelling and cusing at us. that was 3 years back. I can't stop the tears today. I guess it helps purify

the heart as it clenses it from any grudge/despair/resentment one could have aganist the person who has wronged us. Last night was a tough 'moment' for me, it seemed like it stretched to infinity. I expereinced moments of clinging and moments of awarenessing all that i was clinging on to, but i must admit these tears r a proof of the sadness i 'feel' rather than 'notice'. I know i am at a much better place right now, had i have gone trhough what i did yesterday last year, i would be shattered & unmendable. But someone i respected greatly has let me down. They have put me, or more accurately it has 'FELT LIKE' they have put me in my place, belittled me, questioned my sincerely towards others, my values, pointed out all my flaws (which include poor writing skills, difficulty expressing myself in words). I am sure NONE of these were intentional, & perhaps becoz of difference in culture

i surely MUST BE taking it more personallly than i should, but their words came across as very hurtful indeed. While i have overlooked that in the past, this time it has made a scar so deep, i can't simply brush it off. i know i will be back to 'normal' soon, even if that 'normal' means simply noticing howmuch i am indirectly beeating myself up over anothers behaviour towards me. elenor says "no one can insult u without ur permission'. that has been tthe most beautiful words for me lately. What function do 'those' words have on me, is solely my decision to make. Feeling hurt is a normal 'reaction', but that moment was a moment of the past, these r moments for 'action', no need to drag those 'reactions' any further, i guess i have not fully accepted that i have a choice here. Before, All my painful moments of the past would streatech out to years of suffering becoz i have always been trying to 'recover'. what's there to

recover from, i don' t know. I now realize 'healing' is what is esseicallly required- coming to terms with things AS THEY R., seems much simpler & easier, it's a huge burden off my shoulder as i am not being expected to do anything more than what is already there to be done, YET it is admittidly the toughest thing to do, healing, a blessing 'in disguise' no doubt. There is always something to learn from every expereince i do believe that, if we can only open ourslves up to the 'learning'. Today i have learnt that perhahps it is OK for me to reach out, to open up. I struggle with that, as i have always been the shoulder to cry on. The thought that i can't possibly burden anyone else with my 'rpoblem', i can't confide in those who confide in me as that will be very selfish of me, all those 'beliefs' have always left me alone at times when probably just a listening ear is all i needed. JAZAKALLAH KHAIR (thank you:-) for being that listening ear

for me today. wasalaam.K Designs.

February 12, 2012

It's a very funny quote and I've used it with others. :-)