Re: This is it

[Guest guest]

Wanda, I actually have mixed feelings this morning. I wrote to Lou privately to apologize because I thought I was taking it out on her in my posts because I was having a rough time last evening. That wasn't the proper motive to say what I said so frankly (perhaps harshly). I care so much about Lou (hi Lou), and I don't want to send any message that will hurt and not help. It is difficult to know where to draw the line. I was po'd that she scares me again and again and then acts as though it never happened the next day - business as usual. Erasing drunk posts on the website does not erase them from my memory. We have all gotten to know Lou quite well because her posts are so honest and full of life, heartwarming and wrenching at the same time. I think I can say we are all quite fond of her - I know I love her as much as one can love someone they've never met in person!

Bottom line is this: Lou, I think you should take Wanda's advice to give your daughter contact information for Al-anon, etc. She may already be using? If not, you should be worried about that based on your example. You are in a position to help her and to help yourself. If you don't see that your addiction has gotten out of hand, you need to get real. Do you even consider yourself addicted? This "I'll try abstinence a little bit at a time, a little here, a little there" simply will not cut it. Your addiction will win. Your brain on drugs is not capable of making a better decision for itself, for you, unless you stop everything. You will need help with that. I'm talking rehab if possible. If not, getting a sponsor in AA at least. Maybe some medical intervention. You have decades of use and abuse behind you. What do you want the next decades of your life to look like? Same old shit? Or a brighter more grounded future where you truly live by your values? I cannot, will not, believe that you value being drunk or that it helps you toward any of your true values. You may LIKE being high on pot or drunk, but at what price?

Please get help. I know I criticized Jim when he reached out to you with contact info for AA, but I am now thinking he was right, although it bugged me at the time. Of course, just because we are all on this list does not give me or anyone else the right to barge into your life and tell you what to do. I hope you know my writing this comes from my concern for your welfare and that of your daughter. I will not bring it up again, unless you ask me to respond. I did mean what I said about not responding to any more drunk posts and I do hope you will stop putting them out here. It is not fair to us.

I apologize if I am doing the wrong thing here by saying all this.

With love and concern,

Helena

From: "WandaZ" <wandarzimmcomcast (DOT) net>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, February 25, 2012 9:32:56 AMSubject: Re: This is it

Obviously this post is for Lou, etc to read also.Dear Helena,Thank you for your post - I agree with you 100%. It took me awhile to even recognize that these were all the same person. (Which may have been intentional on her part and probably found especially entertaining?) I posted all my concerned posts, wrote to her off line---then all her posts were deleted--this is the reply I received when I asked off line if she was ok? Did she delete all her posts? *************************Yes Wanda I did delete the posts. I'm sometimes pulled by the urge to 'start again' which leads me to delete many things, not just mad posts. All the best, ***************************************Lou or or Lou or whoever you are. I will never ever respond to any post from you again. I don't have time, energy or any other resources to get hooked into responding to endless `crying wolf' posts. It will be great to hear from you when you are sober."I am sick of worrying about you. You always seem to make it to the next day - when everything you said the day before, how you worried us, how you made us fear for your life, and the life of your daughter - has no meaning anymore in the light of the next day." If you truly care an iota about your daughter's life, please inform her of the existence of Al-Anonand Alateen, a life line is available for her. Tell her she can call main AA office where you live and they will have all the information she needs. Whatever YOU are doing in your life, you daughter deserves a chance at a sane present and future for herself. If you are not able to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, or Narcotics Anonymous, or whatever 12 program would offer you recovery, your daughter will have the support system she desperately needs to continue to live with you.Wanda> Lou or or Lou or whoever you are. > I will never ever respond to a drunk post from you again. > I am sick of worrying about you. You always seem to make it to the next day - when everything you said the day before, how you worried us, how you made us fear for your life, and the life of your daughter - has no meaning anymore in the light of the next day. > >As they say on 'The Sharks'  - "I'm out." > Helena

[Guest guest]

Actually the way Jim did that was surprising to me. Not offensive, really..just

not anything like I have heard so far from anyone involved with AA for that

long.

> > Lou or or Lou or whoever you are.

> > I will never ever respond to a drunk post from you again.

> > I am sick of worrying about you.  You  always seem to make it to the

next day - when everything you said the day  before, how you worried us, how

you made us fear for your life, and the life of your daughter - has no meaning

anymore in the light of the next day. 

> >

> >As they say on 'The Sharks'   -  " I'm out. "

> > Helena

>

[Guest guest]

Honesty is something I'm just learning about, so thanks for this.

> > > > Lou or or Lou or whoever you are.

> > > > I will never ever respond to a drunk post from you again.

> > > > I am sick of worrying about you.  You always seem to make it to

the next day - when everything you said the day before, how you worried us,

how you made us fear for your life, and the life of your daughter - has no

meaning anymore in the light of the next day. 

> > > >

> > > >As they say on 'The Sharks'   -  " I'm out. "

> > > > Helena

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Were you diagnosed with BPD - is that what you are telling us?Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 8:45:48 PMSubject: Re: This is it

"Who are you to tell me how to live my life" is not my line ok...I don't advocate that particular line because I value your feedback, be it prompted as a consequence of my actions. I learn everyday. To be honest guys, I began this journey in a desperate place which had to get darker before I could see any light. My therapist stood sturdy with me and you guys reminded me of normality in times of disorder. I have `travelled' so far I can't measure the distance. I'm posting another song but this one is pure rumination (the beginning, before therapy)...to complete the circle and end this journey to make the space needed to embark on another. It makes me cry but I'm filled with joy to see/know/live that as something I can leave behind, just another memory. It tells you what Borderline Personality is like...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt9SOvILMI8--- In ACT_for_the_Public , "experiential2012" wrote:>> > I want to say a humble thanks to those who made me aware of their feelings. I've been engaged in some serious ACT and DBT practice over the last few days and it has really paid off in terms of experiencing meaning. I know people felt angry because they invested emotionally and I just took that for granted. I'm back to Viktor l's, "...responsible for one's own existence".> > Anyhoo, as many would be aware, I use music a lot as both a strategy and a tool to move through the ACT work and I found this one that kind of sums up present moment, its by Bliss n Eso, called "Addicted"...don't be fooled by the title, these guys are addicted to life :-) It has some swearing in it ok.> >

> > > > > > > > Lou or or Lou or whoever you are. > > > I will never ever respond to a drunk post from you again. > > > I am sick of worrying about you. You always seem to make it to the next day - when everything you said the day before, how you worried us, how you made us fear for your life, and the life of your daughter - has no meaning anymore in the light of the next day. > > > > > >As they say on 'The Sharks'  - "I'm out." > > > Helena> >>

[Guest guest]

Wow. I really feel for you. BPD is tough to live with. Tougher on the person than on those around them. I am so glad you are getting help and are helping yourself by so diligently doing your best to act toward your values in spite of that heavy diagnosis (heavy in that it's like carrying a big boulder on your shoulders while you're trying to stay upright).

Please think of what was said here as coming more from concern than from anger. There may have been some anger expressed, but the overwhelming thing I "read between the lines" (and even directly) was compassionate concern. Anger is sometimes experienced when we feel helpless to help someone when we think we should be able to but can't. I am SO GLAD you did not cut and run and I am SO PROUD of you!

You are brave for sharing this with us. And an inspiration. Thank you. I am humbled when I hear what other people deal with in their lives and then I see the effort they make and the progress they make. Your progress is amazing, my friend. "Carry on!" and "Make it Work" (as Tim Gunn says on Project Runway, which probably no one but me watches!).

Helena

From: " L" <experiential2012@....au>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, March 1, 2012 3:24:07 PMSubject: Re: Re: This is it

Yes Helena,

I was given the borderline personality label about six months into therapy, that's why my therapist sent me off to DBT classes. I was still in denial for months, despite the obvious and on my last day of DBT one of the other participants gave me that video clip. I broke down because it shattered my illusion and I finally had to concede to the label. After recently causing such anger in the good people here, I felt heavy with guilt and fought the the urge to cut and run but I'm trying to develop skills, persistence and resilience and can't do that by repeating old patterns. When I abandon everything that gets challenging, I remain stagnant.

Still travelling/journeying,

To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Friday, 2 March 2012 3:18 AMSubject: Re: Re: This is it

Were you diagnosed with BPD - is that what you are telling us?Helena

From: "experiential2012" <experiential2012@....au>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 8:45:48 PMSubject: Re: This is it

"Who are you to tell me how to live my life" is not my line ok...I don't advocate that particular line because I value your feedback, be it prompted as a consequence of my actions. I learn everyday. To be honest guys, I began this journey in a desperate place which had to get darker before I could see any light. My therapist stood sturdy with me and you guys reminded me of normality in times of disorder. I have `travelled' so far I can't measure the distance. I'm posting another song but this one is pure rumination (the beginning, before therapy)...to complete the circle and end this journey to make the space needed to embark on another. It makes me cry but I'm filled with joy to see/know/live that as something I can leave behind, just another memory. It tells you what Borderline Personality is like...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt9SOvILMI8--- In ACT_for_the_Public , "experiential2012" wrote:>> > I want to say a humble thanks to those who made me aware of their feelings. I've been engaged in some serious ACT and DBT practice over the last few days and it has really paid off in terms of experiencing meaning. I know people felt angry because they invested emotionally and I just took that for granted. I'm back to Viktor l's, "...responsible for one's own existence".> > Anyhoo, as many would be aware, I use music a lot as both a strategy and a tool to move through the ACT work and I found this one that kind of sums up present moment, its by Bliss n Eso, called "Addicted"...don't be fooled by the title, these guys are addicted to life :-) It has some swearing in it ok.> >

> > > > > > > > Lou or or Lou or whoever you are. > > > I will never ever respond to a drunk post from you again. > > > I am sick of worrying about you. You always seem to make it to the next day - when everything you said the day before, how you worried us, how you made us fear for your life, and the life of your daughter - has no meaning anymore in the light of the next day. > > > > > >As they say on 'The Sharks'  - "I'm out." > > > Helena> >>