Re: The Myth of Personal Growth

[Guest guest]

brilliant gary. thank you.

robyn

[Guest guest]

,It is wonderful what you wrote, a great inspiration for the day, or more accurately for this precise moment. Keep on linvg ACT, it has done great things for many of us.Rodolfo

 

I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth.  This is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as Russ .  

For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy.  Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health.  It was confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth.  That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one.  And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of frustration.  There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life.  This lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can.  I dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums that I connect so deeply with.  Music has been such a source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.  

But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring friendships and social engagement.  I have been enjoying the value of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city.  It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be cherished.  

My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value.  The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity?  The height and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment.  When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration.  For life will serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive.  It is our values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair.  At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

[Guest guest]

Thanks .Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the values work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy to mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.It's also easy to use "mindfulness" (defusion, acceptance, contact with the present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work and taking committed action.It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many ACT books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any myths lurking.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: garysmeade@...Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as Russ .

For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be cherished.

My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value. The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

[Guest guest]

Amen to that, Bill. Values lead us on the life we wish to lead. Everything else tries to make us as comfortable and connected as possible whilst living it. I actually feel that the values and goals work is rather under-developed within ACT. It feels like a business model for living life: set a business philosophy, and some nice quarterly targets, and off you go. I think that there may be some other ways of setting values and help for achieving what you want to achieve. x. To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Tuesday, 14 February 2012, 16:39 Subject: RE: The Myth of Personal Growth

Thanks .Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the values work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy to mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.It's also easy to use "mindfulness" (defusion, acceptance, contact with the present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work and taking committed action.It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many ACT books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any

myths lurking.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: garysmeade@...Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as Russ .

For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be cherished.

My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value. The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

[Guest guest]

Bill,

Re: the values stuff being at the end: Here is my experience so far.

The ACT model is about flexibility so if there is one message loud and clear

it's to start where-ever you are. And also... CBS is a holistic, contextual

approach. So meaning, wherever you do start here/ now, it will set off sparks in

another area. The stance is open, willing, curious and look see honestly where

your focus needs to be today.

That said, maybe it's these very points that are not highlighted enough for

literal people like me, people who are afraid of doing things wrong, getting a

bad grade, blowing it. People like me who want a formula. I didn't get this till

spending serious time here and the other forum where and Steve began

explicitly detailing this stance.

Values work is in the beginning and middle everywhere too, just not explicitly.

It's tucked into every process. If we don't value stillness, for example, why do

present moment work?

It's the same problem with other contextual approaches programs that present

Steps or Phases for recovery/growth. I hear folks get really fused (not saying

you are) with doing it all " in order " to the point where they get all mindy and

tense. I will hear folks say: I am not on that step yet, so I don't meditate, I

can't sit still. I don't know what that's about " . It's sad.

>

>

> Thanks .

> Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the values

work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy to

mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths

carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.

> It's also easy to use " mindfulness " (defusion, acceptance, contact with the

present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work and

taking committed action.

> It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many ACT

books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.

> I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important

components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.

> I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any myths lurking.

> Bill

> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> From: garysmeade@...

> Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000

> Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

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> I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by,

and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is

analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as

Russ .

>

> For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature,

and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow

to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a topic so very

common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and

movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and

success as being paramount.

>

> When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was

not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope

- firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now

through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told that such

hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour

modification just plain would not work.

>

> Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth.

That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one. And

secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of

frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring

the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things

of value and meaning.

>

> So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead me

to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived into

exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums

that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of enrichment that

a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

>

> But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring

friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship

immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to

develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my

conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be

cherished.

>

> My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value.

The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet

how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in

their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually

degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence

is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a

cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of

fulfilment we so desperately crave.

>

> Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve

dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and

our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair.

At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go

of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting

nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Perhaps said another way, if including acceptance, defusion, contact with

present moment and observing self into definition of mindfulness, you also need

to include values and committed goals.

> >

> >

> > Thanks .

> > Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the values

work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy to

mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths

carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.

> > It's also easy to use " mindfulness " (defusion, acceptance, contact with the

present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work and

taking committed action.

> > It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many ACT

books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.

> > I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important

components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.

> > I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any myths lurking.

> > Bill

> > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > From: garysmeade@

> > Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000

> > Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

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> > I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living

by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is

analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as

Russ .

> >

> > For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and

immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I

could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a

topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract

millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout

human potential and success as being paramount.

> >

> > When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was

not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope

- firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now

through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told that such

hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour

modification just plain would not work.

> >

> > Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential

truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one.

And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of

frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring

the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things

of value and meaning.

> >

> > So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead me

to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived into

exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums

that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of enrichment that

a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

> >

> > But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring

friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship

immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to

develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my

conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be

cherished.

> >

> > My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value.

The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet

how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in

their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually

degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence

is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a

cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of

fulfilment we so desperately crave.

> >

> > Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve

dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and

our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair.

At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go

of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting

nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Personal Growth is what my life is all about. It's real, it's happening now.

It's no myth if lived as a process and not concept, if I'm living, breathing,

opening as a process and not an object.

Congrats BTW on you opening up to human connections. I'd call that huge growth

if you've been otherwise closed off to same in one way or another.

>

> I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and

> one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This

> is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people

> such as Russ .

>

> For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and

> immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour

> modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy.

> Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of

> Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of

> Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

>

> When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I

> was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset

> of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life

> here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to

> be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that

> techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

>

> Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential

> truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this

> one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in

> circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though

> that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my

> lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

>

> So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead

> me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I

> dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some

> artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a

> source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently

> inconceivable.

>

> But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring

> friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of

> friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for

> friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city.

> It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is

> rare, and must be cherished.

>

> My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value.

> The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured -

> yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred

> early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to

> actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and

> zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment.

> When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we

> can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

>

> Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve

> dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our

> values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the

> grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let

> me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every

> movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just

> as it is.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

- I've had the same thought about the ACT values work seeming like a business model. But I've found that I had to come at my values in that way to fully get at them. What I've found is that my values are hard-wired into who I am. Finding them has been a real process of discovery, rather than deciding what life to pick from a menu.Interestingly, I've discovered my values more by understanding when I'm uncomfortable with the way I'm living my life. I think that might be what was saying. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: oscar.robson@...Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:11:25 +0000Subject: Re: The Myth of Personal Growth

Amen to that, Bill. Values lead us on the life we wish to lead. Everything else tries to make us as comfortable and connected as possible whilst living it. I actually feel that the values and goals work is rather under-developed within ACT. It feels like a business model for living life: set a business philosophy, and some nice quarterly targets, and off you go. I think that there may be some other ways of setting values and help for achieving what you want to achieve. x. To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Tuesday, 14 February 2012, 16:39 Subject: RE: The Myth of Personal Growth

Thanks .Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the values work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy to mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.It's also easy to use "mindfulness" (defusion, acceptance, contact with the present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work and taking committed action.It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many ACT books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any

myths lurking.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: garysmeade@...Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as Russ .

For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be cherished.

My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value. The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

[Guest guest]

Mindfulness has many meanings. I was referring to the meaning in The Happiness Trap page 34 - "The first four principles above are collectively known as "mindfulness skills.""Committed action and values are the other two ACT principles.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: theresa.linder@...Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 21:36:01 +0000Subject: Re: The Myth of Personal Growth

Perhaps said another way, if including acceptance, defusion, contact with present moment and observing self into definition of mindfulness, you also need to include values and committed goals.

> >

> >

> > Thanks .

> > Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the values work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy to mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.

> > It's also easy to use "mindfulness" (defusion, acceptance, contact with the present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work and taking committed action.

> > It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many ACT books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.

> > I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.

> > I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any myths lurking.

> > Bill

> > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > From: garysmeade@

> > Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000

> > Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

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> > I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as Russ .

> >

> > For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

> >

> > When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

> >

> > Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

> >

> > So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

> >

> > But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be cherished.

> >

> > My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value. The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

> >

> > Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I found Russ did a splendid job of sandwiching values work within the core ACT theory and practices in The Confidence Gap.  That book has been my most recent journey in ACT work, and is very kind in the way he engages with the reader in the context they find themselves.  This is probably what Theresa suggested - that ACT does contain a different entry point depending upon individual circumstance.  It's likely that a skilled therapist/coach could guide in this path.

I should probably define what I mean by myth - it is the story I live by.  I do not wish to suggest that either the concepts of personal growth or eternal life are fiction; rather than they are not conducive to me living a rich and fulfilling life.  Personal Growth in my experience suggests a measurement of one's life, a spectrum of development.  The only concept outside of this one that I do find meaningful is evolution, as a myth or story that is not so much about progression as it is change.  I can see aspects of my life as growth, but as an overarching narrative which is focused on improvement based on inherited values, it was entirely deficient.

 

Personal Growth is what my life is all about. It's real, it's happening now. It's no myth if lived as a process and not concept, if I'm living, breathing, opening as a process and not an object.

Congrats BTW on you opening up to human connections. I'd call that huge growth if you've been otherwise closed off to same in one way or another.

>

> I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and

> one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This

> is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people

> such as Russ .

>

> For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and

> immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour

> modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy.

> Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of

> Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of

> Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

>

> When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I

> was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset

> of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life

> here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to

> be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that

> techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

>

> Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential

> truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this

> one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in

> circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though

> that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my

> lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

>

> So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead

> me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I

> dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some

> artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a

> source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently

> inconceivable.

>

> But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring

> friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of

> friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for

> friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city.

> It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is

> rare, and must be cherished.

>

> My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value.

> The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured -

> yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred

> early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to

> actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and

> zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment.

> When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we

> can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

>

> Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve

> dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our

> values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the

> grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let

> me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every

> movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just

> as it is.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, interesting interpretation. Thanks for citing your reference point.

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> > > Thanks .

>

> > > Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the

values work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy

to mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths

carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.

>

> > > It's also easy to use " mindfulness " (defusion, acceptance, contact with

the present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work

and taking committed action.

>

> > > It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many

ACT books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.

>

> > > I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important

components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.

>

> > > I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any myths lurking.

>

> > > Bill

>

> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

>

> > > From: garysmeade@

>

> > > Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000

>

> > > Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

>

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>

> > > I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living

by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is

analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as

Russ .

>

> > >

>

> > > For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and

immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I

could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a

topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract

millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout

human potential and success as being paramount.

>

> > >

>

> > > When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I

was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of

hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here

and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told

that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of

behaviour modification just plain would not work.

>

> > >

>

> > > Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential

truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one.

And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of

frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring

the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things

of value and meaning.

>

> > >

>

> > > So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead

me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived

into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and

albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of

enrichment that a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

>

> > >

>

> > > But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring

friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship

immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to

develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my

conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be

cherished.

>

> > >

>

> > > My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and

value. The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured

- yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early

in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually

degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence

is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a

cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of

fulfilment we so desperately crave.

>

> > >

>

> > > Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve

dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and

our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair.

At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go

of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting

nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I thought I might like to add a little more on what drove me to this particular piece of writing.I have been reading Man's Search for Meaning where Viktor l speaks of self-transcendence as key to fulfilment and freedom from mental distress.  This pretty much lines up with the core of ACT where self-focus perpetuates misery, whereas meaning-focus engages one in life, freeing oneself from the struggle with emotional disturbance.  

This is where I relate self-indulgence and self-help.  Seeing your problem as one of self-esteem or self-confidence, you indulge the problem; coming to see that you are inherently human with flaws and finding a meaningful existence in spite of them leads to the greatest fulfilment.  l must have been a great predecessor of ACT.

 

Oh, interesting interpretation. Thanks for citing your reference point.

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> > > Thanks .

>

> > > Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the values work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy to mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.

>

> > > It's also easy to use " mindfulness " (defusion, acceptance, contact with the present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work and taking committed action.

>

> > > It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many ACT books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.

>

> > > I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.

>

> > > I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any myths lurking.

>

> > > Bill

>

> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

>

> > > From: garysmeade@

>

> > > Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000

>

> > > Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

>

> > >

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> > >

>

> > > I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as Russ .

>

> > >

>

> > > For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

>

> > >

>

> > > When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

>

> > >

>

> > > Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

>

> > >

>

> > > So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

>

> > >

>

> > > But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be cherished.

>

> > >

>

> > > My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value. The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

>

> > >

>

> > > Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Me too, Bill. Separating values work out from acceptance and the other processes

really messed me up with getting values are intrinsic to acceptance and the

other processes. And don't know what is talking about but I too have

noticed that just backing up, telling the truth about what is uncomfortable

here/now what seems not so worthwhile is just as useful as noticing what is. And

not like to plow through--or even look at acceptance as letting go of, per se--

not like go ahead and do acceptance work in order " to get to " the other side--

values. Very mechanistic, mindy i was for a long time. Acceptance and Values are

found not in the words we use about them for sure. I don't know much, but I do

know that. Of course, if you make money with your words, maybe your committed

goals are found in talking about this stuff.

>

>

> - I've had the same thought about the ACT values work seeming like a

business model. But I've found that I had to come at my values in that way to

fully get at them. What I've found is that my values are hard-wired into who I

am. Finding them has been a real process of discovery, rather than deciding what

life to pick from a menu.

> Interestingly, I've discovered my values more by understanding when I'm

uncomfortable with the way I'm living my life. I think that might be what

was saying.

> Bill

>

> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> From: oscar.robson@...

> Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:11:25 +0000

> Subject: Re: The Myth of Personal Growth

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> Amen to that, Bill. Values lead us on the life we wish to lead.

Everything else tries to make us as comfortable and connected as possible whilst

living it. I actually feel that the values and goals work is rather

under-developed within ACT. It feels like a business model for living life: set

a business philosophy, and some nice quarterly targets, and off you go. I think

that there may be some other ways of setting values and help for achieving what

you want to achieve. x.

>

> To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public >

> Sent: Tuesday, 14 February 2012, 16:39

> Subject: RE: The Myth of Personal Growth

>

>

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>

> Thanks .

> Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing the values

work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's so easy to

mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let those myths

carry us in a direction so different from where we really want to go.

> It's also easy to use " mindfulness " (defusion, acceptance, contact with the

present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard values work and

taking committed action.

> It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of many ACT

books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.

> I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most important

components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the experience.

> I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any

> myths lurking.

> Bill

> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> From: garysmeade@...

> Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000

> Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

>

>

>

>

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> I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by,

and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is

analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as

Russ .

>

>

> For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature,

and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow

to become so much more fulfilled and happy. Personal growth is a topic so very

common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and

movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and

success as being paramount.

>

> When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was

not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope

- firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now

through prosperity, success, and health. It was confusing to be told that such

hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour

modification just plain would not work.

>

> Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth.

That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one. And

secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of

frustration. There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring

the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things

of value and meaning.

>

> So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This lead me

to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I dived into

exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums

that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a source of enrichment that

a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.

>

> But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring

friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value of friendship

immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to

develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It has become my

conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be

cherished.

>

> My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value.

The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet

how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in

their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually

degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height and zenith of existence

is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment. When we have a

cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of

fulfilment we so desperately crave.

>

> Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will serve

dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our values and

our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair.

At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go

of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting

nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

i read l's book 20 years ago, and i recall it left quite an impression on

me, at the time, late 20 early 30 something searching for meaning.

My take is that ACT deals w emotional and psychological pain, like anxiety. The

way ACT addresses existential vacuum though, is through it's values and

committments.

Where i am at now, l and the whole body of existential work, gives me a

philosophy of on life which i can attach as my own unique perspective on life,

something i was lacking some 20 years ago.

Having said this, this journey is never ending, never over, of self discovery

and getting to know myself a little better a little at a time.

Tom

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > Thanks .

> > >

> > > > > Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing

> > the values work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's

> > so easy to mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let

> > those myths carry us in a direction so different from where we really want

> > to go.

> > >

> > > > > It's also easy to use " mindfulness " (defusion, acceptance, contact

> > with the present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard

> > values work and taking committed action.

> > >

> > > > > It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of

> > many ACT books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.

> > >

> > > > > I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most

> > important components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the

> > experience.

> > >

> > > > > I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any myths lurking.

> > >

> > > > > Bill

> > >

> > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > >

> > > > > From: garysmeade@

> > >

> > > > > Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000

> > >

> > > > > Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

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> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living

> > by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is

> > analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people

> > such as Russ .

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and

> > immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour

> > modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy.

> > Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of

> > Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of

> > Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this

> > notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in

> > a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a

> > better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was

> > confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and

> > that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the

> > existential truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life

> > after this one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead

> > me in circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do

> > though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved:

> > accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This

> > lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I

> > dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some

> > artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a

> > source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently

> > inconceivable.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from

> > inspiring friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value

> > of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for

> > friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It

> > has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare,

> > and must be cherished.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and

> > value. The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be

> > measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work

> > occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas

> > went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height

> > and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this

> > moment. When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in

> > that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will

> > serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our

> > values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the

> > grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let

> > me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every

> > movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just

> > as it is.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Tom I think you have captured pretty much how I have been feeling about the book.  A couple of marvellous quotes:

....a tragic optimism, that is, an optimism in the face of tragedy and in view of the human potential which at its best always allows for: (1) turning suffering into a human achievement and accomplishment; (2) deriving from guilt the opportunity to change oneself for the better; and (3) deriving from life's transitoriness an incentive to take responsible action.

Hmm.....very nice.

To the European, it is a characteristic of the American culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to " be happy. "  But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.  One must have a reason to " be happy. "  Once the reason is found, however, one becomes happy automatically.  As we see, a human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy, last but not least, through actualizing the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given situation.

Sounds a bit like The Happiness Trap to me!Thanks for sharing. 

 

i read l's book 20 years ago, and i recall it left quite an impression on me, at the time, late 20 early 30 something searching for meaning.

My take is that ACT deals w emotional and psychological pain, like anxiety. The way ACT addresses existential vacuum though, is through it's values and committments.

Where i am at now, l and the whole body of existential work, gives me a philosophy of on life which i can attach as my own unique perspective on life, something i was lacking some 20 years ago.

Having said this, this journey is never ending, never over, of self discovery and getting to know myself a little better a little at a time.

Tom

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > Thanks .

> > >

> > > > > Your story is a powerful one about the importance of really doing

> > the values work and then taking committed action towards those values. It's

> > so easy to mistake our myths for real values. And it's also so easy to let

> > those myths carry us in a direction so different from where we really want

> > to go.

> > >

> > > > > It's also easy to use " mindfulness " (defusion, acceptance, contact

> > with the present and observing self) as a substitute for doing the hard

> > values work and taking committed action.

> > >

> > > > > It's interesting to me that the values stuff is towards the end of

> > many ACT books, when the values work might be the key to ending a struggle.

> > >

> > > > > I read somewhere that values and committed action are the most

> > important components of ACT and that the mindfulness components add to the

> > experience.

> > >

> > > > > I'm going to revisit my values to see if there are any myths lurking.

> > >

> > > > > Bill

> > >

> > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > >

> > > > > From: garysmeade@

> > >

> > > > > Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:49:18 +1000

> > >

> > > > > Subject: The Myth of Personal Growth

> > >

> > > > >

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> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living

> > by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth. This is

> > analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people

> > such as Russ .

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and

> > immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour

> > modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy.

> > Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of

> > Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of

> > Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this

> > notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in

> > a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a

> > better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health. It was

> > confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and

> > that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the

> > existential truth. That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life

> > after this one. And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead

> > me in circles of frustration. There was but one thing that I could do

> > though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved:

> > accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life. This

> > lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can. I

> > dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some

> > artists and albums that I connect so deeply with. Music has been such a

> > source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently

> > inconceivable.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from

> > inspiring friendships and social engagement. I have been enjoying the value

> > of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for

> > friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city. It

> > has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare,

> > and must be cherished.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and

> > value. The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be

> > measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work

> > occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas

> > went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity? The height

> > and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this

> > moment. When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in

> > that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration. For life will

> > serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive. It is our

> > values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the

> > grip of despair. At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let

> > me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every

> > movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just

> > as it is.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>