Re: A, B, C Guidelines / Values for this list

[Guest guest]

A core of the ACT model is that it is not what you think or feel but how you relate to what you think or feel that is most important. A flame war is the opposite. It is all about what was said and how it was said and hurt and pride and shame ... not about the function of what was said or felt and how that fits with the kind of lives we want to create ...that is how it becomes a flame war. We lose what we are about in the social back and forth. 

This is beautiful.  Actually the whole post was beautiful, but this really gets to the essence of ACT and by contrast how arrogance and pride can so easily hijack our efforts.  I for one can always do with a gentle reminder back to common core values.

 

 

This is taken from Steve ' message #6636 -- came on the heels of some heated discussion back in 2009 and and sure seems fitting reminder for all of us today.

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" I think the reason that we generally don't do flame wars

is not a matter of regulations and moderation ... it is a matter

of values and compassion. ACT is about taking a self-compassionate

stance with yourself in the service of acting toward what really matters to you. But if you link self-compassion with consciousness you cannot avoid addressing the issue of compassion because the suffering of others is felt by you. Judging others

feeds a system that eventually boomerangs back on you. Objectifying others hurts ones heart.

Of course we all violate that regularly ... we are human beings.

This list is not about who is up or down; who is right or wrong;

or who knows how to do clever put downs. It's not about personalities. It is about developing a living model of how to create a more accepting and values based approach to life.

The purpose at one level is to help deal with suffering.

People come to the list often because they are struggling.

The purpose at another level is to learn ACT. People are reading ACT

books and they are not always easy to understand so help is needed at times.

The purpose at still another level is to try to apply that model to the creation of community.

Call those three " a, b, c "

There have been times when people join the list for purpose " a " without " b. " That usually does not work. The list is not a support group disconnected from an anchor and " b " is an anchor.

But as folks really try to learn ACT and to apply the model in their own lives something starts to happen.

There we come to " c "

One reason I have never done much moderating is that I have been so

startled to see the individuals on the list connect with the model and as they move ahead in life they take the time to care about " c. "

Said is a less geeky way: over time normal people begin to take responsibility for the community. Not because they have to -- they are just moved to do it.

To me that is one of the most amazing things about this list. It can get knocked sideways but so far it always rights itself by going back to the reason it exists. That is b ...

I have learned so much just reading the wise posts that are made here.

Any caring person can post an atta boy or you go girl post .. and that is cool. But there are other posts that do that while being informed by the model in a deep way and that find a way to support other human beings develop as people.

A core of the ACT model is that it is not what you think or feel but how you relate to what you think or feel that is most important. A flame war is the opposite. It is all about what was said and how it was said and hurt and pride and shame ... not about the function of what was said or felt and how that fits with the kind of lives we want to create ...that is how it becomes a flame war. We lose what we are about in the social back and forth.

Sloooow it down.

So I would just ask this about all posts: that we think about what they are in the service of.

The list is an experiment. So far everytime it has become shaky

it rights itself by applying ACT principles to the list itself.

Will that work? Is that possible?

Do self-compassion and compassion for others really go together?

Does defusion and not judging others embody the same space?

Is a list serve a place to practice values-based action?

Is this really a " community " controlled by the values we share?

I dunno. We shall see

You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

- S

[Guest guest]

Hi Terry thanks for reposting this. Valuable stuff. Timely for me and Good to read over it.  Grant

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>> A core of the ACT model is that it is not what you think or feel but how you relate to what you think or feel that is most important. A flame war is the opposite. It is all about what was said and how it was said and hurt and pride and shame ... not about the function of what was said or felt and how that fits with the kind of lives we want to create ...that is how it becomes a flame war. We lose what we are about in the social back and forth. 

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> This is beautiful.  Actually the whole post was beautiful, but this really gets to the essence of ACT and by contrast how arrogance and pride can so easily hijack our efforts.  I for one can always do with a gentle reminder back to common core values.

>  

>

>

>>

>>  

>>

>> This is taken from Steve ' message #6636 -- came on the heels of some heated discussion back in 2009 and and sure seems fitting reminder for all of us today.

>> ------------------------------------------

>> " I think the reason that we generally don't do flame wars

>> is not a matter of regulations and moderation ... it is a matter

>> of values and compassion. ACT is about taking a self-compassionate

>> stance with yourself in the service of acting toward what really matters to you. But if you link self-compassion with consciousness you cannot avoid addressing the issue of compassion because the suffering of others is felt by you. Judging others

>> feeds a system that eventually boomerangs back on you. Objectifying others hurts ones heart.

>>

>> Of course we all violate that regularly ... we are human beings.

>>

>> This list is not about who is up or down; who is right or wrong;

>> or who knows how to do clever put downs. It's not about personalities. It is about developing a living model of how to create a more accepting and values based approach to life.

>>

>> The purpose at one level is to help deal with suffering.

>> People come to the list often because they are struggling.

>>

>> The purpose at another level is to learn ACT. People are reading ACT

>> books and they are not always easy to understand so help is needed at times.

>>

>> The purpose at still another level is to try to apply that model to the creation of community.

>>

>> Call those three " a, b, c "

>>

>> There have been times when people join the list for purpose " a " without " b. " That usually does not work. The list is not a support group disconnected from an anchor and " b " is an anchor.

>>

>> But as folks really try to learn ACT and to apply the model in their own lives something starts to happen.

>>

>> There we come to " c "

>>

>> One reason I have never done much moderating is that I have been so

>> startled to see the individuals on the list connect with the model and as they move ahead in life they take the time to care about " c. "

>> Said is a less geeky way: over time normal people begin to take responsibility for the community. Not because they have to -- they are just moved to do it.

>>

>> To me that is one of the most amazing things about this list. It can get knocked sideways but so far it always rights itself by going back to the reason it exists. That is b ...

>>

>> I have learned so much just reading the wise posts that are made here.

>> Any caring person can post an atta boy or you go girl post .. and that is cool. But there are other posts that do that while being informed by the model in a deep way and that find a way to support other human beings develop as people.

>>

>> A core of the ACT model is that it is not what you think or feel but how you relate to what you think or feel that is most important. A flame war is the opposite. It is all about what was said and how it was said and hurt and pride and shame ... not about the function of what was said or felt and how that fits with the kind of lives we want to create ...that is how it becomes a flame war. We lose what we are about in the social back and forth.

>>

>> Sloooow it down.

>>

>> So I would just ask this about all posts: that we think about what they are in the service of.

>>

>> The list is an experiment. So far everytime it has become shaky

>> it rights itself by applying ACT principles to the list itself.

>>

>> Will that work? Is that possible?

>> Do self-compassion and compassion for others really go together?

>> Does defusion and not judging others embody the same space?

>> Is a list serve a place to practice values-based action?

>> Is this really a " community " controlled by the values we share?

>>

>> I dunno. We shall see

>>

>> You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

>>

>> - S

>>

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