Introduction, confused and hurting

[Guest guest]

Hello All,

I joined this group last October when I started reading Get Out of Your

Mind. I started reading it because my therapist suggested it the day of my

last session with her. Twelve weeks prior I told her I wanted to learn some

tools I could use on a daily basis and got nothing out of venting to her for an

hour once a week. So I ended it because she offered me no tools, no homework,

nothing – she just got me venting for an hour. But that day she said I might

find something I was looking for in this book. Was she ever right about that!

Too bad I had to pay $1200. to her before buying it for $25 from Amazon.

I found it very powerful and empowering. Many exercises were

“wow!†moments. I had such hope for myself for this coming new year. Now, I am frustrated, overwhelmed and

struggling on a day to day basis.

I am older, single, successful, financially secure woman and

in a miserable relationship with no obligation. We aren’t married, living

together or even have keys to each others house. So why don’t I just leave or

end it? That is my problem. That is why I went to the therapist. That is what I’ve

done my whole life – I get involved with unstable, abusive men and stay there

for a while. One I married. This one is going on three years now and the thought

of that sickens me. Two men I stayed with for six years each. That is twelve

years of my life I wasted!! I don't feel I'll ever find the answer to why I get involved in these types of relationships until I am free of this one.

Reality is this man is a total loser: irresponsible, alcoholic,

drug user, not fulfilling any emotional needs I have except random pleasant

companionship when he's sober for a couple hours. He has no interest in

anything I do or think or care about or want. He talks a good line and I agree

with him wholeheartedly, but applies none of this to his life. Nothing that he

claims to value is revealed in his character by the way he lives or conducts

himself.

I am lonely, I know that. I’m an introvert and really don’t

need as much socialization as some people, but I do know I need more than

talking to the grocery store clerk and co-workers. I have a few friends but

they are sick of hearing about this man. They are embarrassed for me. So I stay

away from them.

For a day or two I feel strong and confident, stand my

ground, don’t put up with his verbal and emotional insults and then I don’t

know what happens. I have doubts, he talks about changing and as soon as I

start listening he starts drinking and turns into this monster. I feel like I’m

in an emotional blender. Then all I can manage to do is go to work and keep my

house fairly clean. I haven’t even done my yoga for weeks, which was very good

to settle my mind.

I feel like I will just snap and my whole life will

fall apart. I am so disgusted with myself for not standing up solidly for anything I value. He’ll be back in town

tomorrow. I know if I tell him its over he’ll barrage me with text message

raging insults about what a horrible person I am and how he was just getting

over his brother’s death and is now ready to move on but I blew it by breaking

up with him.Do I need to go back and read the book again? What part of the book can I turn to to help me now? Tosia