Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 When reading a posta few days ago, I read about waiting. I am familar with waiting in this way. After a breakup in a relationship, I have spent much time and tried many antidotes to my waiting. If I was to define what I was waiting or really notice the missing ,I would state it this way. Waiting for something to do, someone to love and something to hope for. Today I cope most of the time because I have found some things to do and have started loving myself more and found some companionship with friends from time to time. However, I truly miss what I had in the relationship.... always having something to do with each other, being loved and loving and beliveing that there would be more love tomorrow. It wasnt till I asked myself how do I act when I am missing that I picked up the remaining pieces and did something. I stil miss yesterday but dont spend as much time thinking of it. Today, I am afraid to have that kind of relationship for fear of they're not being a tomorrow. Heartbreak is just too hard, my heart is still too fragile. Lin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Near the bottom of this email, click on "Visit Your Group" You may be requested to enter your password next unless you are already signed in to Yahoo. After you are on the website, click on "Edit Membership" - near the top Next, click on "Leave Group" - at the bottom Good luck. - Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Wednesday, March 21, 2012 8:10:54 AMSubject: Re: Waiting How do I unsubscribe from this as it is making me unhappy To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, 19 March 2012 12:14 AMSubject: Re: Waiting Thank you, . Your understanding means a lot. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 10:06:55 AMSubject: Re: Waiting No need to apologize in my world Helena. I know of no requirement for clarity. If this list is not a place where one can let loose of sense making for a benign moment, where is. In fact, I liked your poem. I read it more than once. I could feel in it the heart of waiting and the press of urgency to "RESPOND!" I know that place well. Although I had no idea what your post was about in terms of content, I think I got the process piece. Maybe not exactly what you meant, but a bit of process that is familiar and interesting to me. best G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: (best phone academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm also check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilson I'm sorry, and everyone, to be so ambiguous about this. I am going through something right now that I can't find the words for and don't quite know how to share. Thanks for the "wanting to help" and kindness I see in your replies. I realize it is rather unfair of me to put this out there like this ... incomplete and confusing. Just a few tough things to handle/process right now. I am feeling better - stronger - this morning after a good night's sleep. I reached out to this list to help me feel less alone, and it did help. I am, again, sorry to be so vague. Please know that I am - will be - OK. Thanks again. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:04:43 PMSubject: Re: Waiting Would you like to say what you are struggling with, Helena? Waiting is fine if there's nothing you can do at the moment about whatever the problem is. But presumably you have more than one value, and you can't be waiting on all of them? Maybe work on something else? x To: ACT <act_for_the_public > Sent: Saturday, 17 March 2012, 15:08Subject: Waiting What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week, I have been challenged to do just that. You sit back and you wait. You sit back and you wait. You sit back and you wait. All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING. When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait, that is what you do. That is all you can do. It isn't easy. ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting. Helena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Hi Lin, Your heart is too fragile - for what? Heartbreak is too hard - for what? To keep risking it? To keep living? Is that really true? Or something your protective mind is telling you? You can protect yourself against possible future heartbreak, pain and loss to a certain extent by closing yourself off, but not if you value connection with others. You don't have to be in a committed romantic love relationship to have that kind of connection with others, but with any kind of connection, there is always a risk of getting hurt. Just some things to think about ... (I've been through the relationship mill, too). Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Wednesday, March 21, 2012 8:41:14 AMSubject: Waiting When reading a posta few days ago, I read about waiting. I am familar with waiting in this way. After a breakup in a relationship, I have spent much time and tried many antidotes to my waiting. If I was to define what I was waiting or really notice the missing ,I would state it this way. Waiting for something to do, someone to love and something to hope for. Today I cope most of the time because I have found some things to do and have started loving myself more and found some companionship with friends from time to time. However, I truly miss what I had in the relationship.... always having something to do with each other, being loved and loving and beliveing that there would be more love tomorrow. It wasnt till I asked myself how do I act when I am missing that I picked up the remaining pieces and did something. I stil miss yesterdaybut dont spend as much time thinking of it. Today, I am afraid to havethat kind of relationship for fear of they're not being a tomorrow.Heartbreak is just too hard, my heart is still too fragile. Lin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 1. Get really, really drunk (or choose your preferred method for zoning out).2. Post the most egregious message you possibly can to this list.3. With some perseverance on your part, the moderators may bump you from the list.Mission accomplished!Or you could open up to whatever it is that's troubling you, to yourself, alone, and, if you feel up to doing so, to others here on the list.Burn bridges only if you are absolutely sure you'll never pass this way again.I've been unhappy most of my life, and think of burning bridges a lot. I've even burned some. But it's a mug's game.Burning bridges, closing doors -- they're another way of "asking" for help, but they seldom if ever work.You may think most people will never understand you. You may think that no one will ever understand you. But how real is that? Just how many of the 7 billion plus people on the planet have you trusted with your innermost thoughts and feelings?Play a game: be both yourself and an "understanding" person. Have a dialog. See how understanding you can be.***Just a few thoughts for your and my edification.Detlef> > > >> >> >I'm sorry, and everyone, to be so ambiguous about this. I am going through something right now that I can't find the words for and don't quite know how to share. Thanks for the "wanting to help" and kindness I see in your replies. I realize it is rather unfair of me to put this out there like this ... incomplete and confusing. Just a few tough things to handle/process right now. I am feeling better - stronger - this morning after a good night's sleep. I reached out to this list to help me feel less alone, and it did help. I am, again, sorry to be so vague. Please know that I am - will be - OK. Thanks again.> > > >> >Helena> >> >> >> >> >________________________________> > > >> >> > >To: "ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > >Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:04:43 PM> >Subject: Re: Waiting> >> > > >> >> >Would you like to say what you are struggling with, Helena?> >Waiting is fine if there's nothing you can do at the moment about whatever the problem is. But presumably you have more than one value, and you can't be waiting on all of them? Maybe work on something else?> > > > x> >> > >To: ACT act_for_the_public > >Sent: Saturday, 17 March 2012, 15:08> >Subject: Waiting> >> >> > > >What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week, I have been challenged to do just that.> > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > >All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING.> > > >When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait, that is what you do. That is all you can do.> > > >It isn't easy.> > > >ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting.> > > >Helena> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 This is entirely scrumptious post Detlef. I will certainly sit with this and will share it with a few thousand people, attributing it to a friend, without identifying you of course. Do you mind? I think this could help a lot of people, me very much included, if they let themselves sit with it.I have not gotten drunk or anything like drunk for a long time...coming up on 27 years I think. But I still have my own ways of setting fires to bridges. Mostly not making them impassable, but certainly not inviting--but cause and effect are the same. This is timely also, since this was very much on my mind this morning as I am making an attempt at doing something...something different...not sure if it is "right" but at least not the same pattern, which is a proven nonstarter. The pattern is old, gone in its most destructive forms, but I think maybe I am ready to let go of some of the less obvious, but still hurtful, variants.thanks from a fellow bridge burner,kelly G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: (best phone academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilson 1. Get really, really drunk (or choose your preferred method for zoning out).2. Post the most egregious message you possibly can to this list.3. With some perseverance on your part, the moderators may bump you from the list.Mission accomplished!Or you could open up to whatever it is that's troubling you, to yourself, alone, and, if you feel up to doing so, to others here on the list.Burn bridges only if you are absolutely sure you'll never pass this way again.I've been unhappy most of my life, and think of burning bridges a lot. I've even burned some. But it's a mug's game.Burning bridges, closing doors -- they're another way of "asking" for help, but they seldom if ever work.You may think most people will never understand you. You may think that no one will ever understand you. But how real is that? Just how many of the 7 billion plus people on the planet have you trusted with your innermost thoughts and feelings?Play a game: be both yourself and an "understanding" person. Have a dialog. See how understanding you can be.***Just a few thoughts for your and my edification.Detlef> > > >> >> >I'm sorry, and everyone, to be so ambiguous about this. I am going through something right now that I can't find the words for and don't quite know how to share. Thanks for the "wanting to help" and kindness I see in your replies. I realize it is rather unfair of me to put this out there like this ... incomplete and confusing. Just a few tough things to handle/process right now. I am feeling better - stronger - this morning after a good night's sleep. I reached out to this list to help me feel less alone, and it did help. I am, again, sorry to be so vague. Please know that I am - will be - OK. Thanks again.> > > >> >Helena> >> >> >> >> >________________________________> > > >> >> > >To: "ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > >Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:04:43 PM> >Subject: Re: Waiting> >> > > >> >> >Would you like to say what you are struggling with, Helena?> >Waiting is fine if there's nothing you can do at the moment about whatever the problem is. But presumably you have more than one value, and you can't be waiting on all of them? Maybe work on something else?> > > > x> >> > >To: ACT act_for_the_public > >Sent: Saturday, 17 March 2012, 15:08> >Subject: Waiting> >> >> > > >What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week, I have been challenged to do just that.> > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > >All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING.> > > >When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait, that is what you do. That is all you can do.> > > >It isn't easy.> > > >ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting.> > > >Helena> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 They're my words, , but they're synthesized from the words of folks too numerous to mention, including your kind self. If they can help open a door, or assist someone to take those first tremulous steps towards a bridge, let alone actually go all the way across, well, that would be marvelous.Best wishes,Detlef> > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > >I'm sorry, and everyone, to be so ambiguous about this. I am going through something right now that I can't find the words for and don't quite know how to share. Thanks for the "wanting to help" and kindness I see in your replies. I realize it is rather unfair of me to put this out there like this ... incomplete and confusing. Just a few tough things to handle/process right now. I am feeling better - stronger - this morning after a good night's sleep. I reached out to this list to help me feel less alone, and it did help. I am, again, sorry to be so vague. Please know that I am - will be - OK. Thanks again.> > > > > > > >> > > >Helena> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >________________________________> > > > > > > >> > > >> > > >From: " Robson" oscar.robson@> > > >To: "ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > > > >Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:04:43 PM> > > >Subject: Re: Waiting> > > >> > > > > > > >> > > >> > > >Would you like to say what you are struggling with, Helena?> > > >Waiting is fine if there's nothing you can do at the moment about whatever the problem is. But presumably you have more than one value, and you can't be waiting on all of them? Maybe work on something else?> > > > > > > > x> > > >> > > >From: hbbr hbbr@> > > >To: ACT act_for_the_public > > > >Sent: Saturday, 17 March 2012, 15:08> > > >Subject: Waiting> > > >> > > >> > > > > > > >What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week, I have been challenged to do just that.> > > > > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > > > > >All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING.> > > > > > > >When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait, that is what you do. That is all you can do.> > > > > > > >It isn't easy.> > > > > > > >ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting.> > > > > > > >Helena> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Re: " You may think most people will never understand you. You may think that no one will ever understand you. But how real is that? Just how many of the 7 billion plus people on the planet have you trusted with your innermost thoughts and feelings? Play a game: be both yourself and an " understanding " person. Have a dialog. See how understanding you can be. " ``````````````````````` Some questions: What is the goal of the game? To convince myself that being understood is possible? What does an understanding person do, say? By understanding, are you meaning acceptance? Non-judgmental space, compassionate? I'm asking because I see " understanding " as overused and complicated term in my life, a term hard to define and yet one my mind will cling to as part of a larger pattern of avoidance, to keep things on hold. I mean where do we know that understanding is happening? When will there ever be enough proof? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Theresa, to gain knowledge, you'll need to do the exercise. There is no knowing before experiencing. At least, there hasn't been for me.By "understanding" I mean whatever happens when you do the exercise. I can't predict ahead of time how it will go for you or anyone else. For all I know doing this may be totally useless for you, or worse, cause grief deeper than you may be feeling now. The only way to find out is to do it. On the face of it, it's easy as pie. Kids do it all the time.That's all I can offer by way of explanation. Give it a try. You be you, and then be whoever you think would represent a totally compassionate, understanding person. Have that essential dialog. Find out what's going on.As an old Aboriginal Australian used to say to me, here we are alone, altogether.Best wishes,Detlef>> Re: "You may think most people will never understand you. You may think that no one will ever understand you. But how real is that? Just how many of the 7 billion plus people on the planet have you trusted with your innermost thoughts and feelings? Play a game: be both yourself and an "understanding" person. Have a dialog. See how understanding you can be."> > ```````````````````````> Some questions: What is the goal of the game? To convince myself that being understood is possible? What does an understanding person do, say? By understanding, are you meaning acceptance? Non-judgmental space, compassionate? I'm asking because I see "understanding" as overused and complicated term in my life, a term hard to define and yet one my mind will cling to as part of a larger pattern of avoidance, to keep things on hold. I mean where do we know that understanding is happening? When will there ever be enough proof?> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 I think I have burnt some bridges here in the past but folks here never threw me out. That was indeed humbling. Kv > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >I'm sorry, and everyone, to be so ambiguous about this. I am going through something right now that I can't find the words for and don't quite know how to share. Thanks for the " wanting to help " and kindness I see in your replies. I realize it is rather unfair of me to put this out there like this ... incomplete and confusing. Just a few tough things to handle/process right now. I am feeling better - stronger - this morning after a good night's sleep. I reached out to this list to help me feel less alone, and it did help. I am, again, sorry to be so vague. Please know that I am - will be - OK. Thanks again. > > > > > > > > > > > >Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >From: " Robson " oscar.robson@ > > > >To: " ACT for the Public " ACT_for_the_Public > > > >Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:04:43 PM > > > >Subject: Re: Waiting > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Would you like to say what you are struggling with, Helena? > > > >Waiting is fine if there's nothing you can do at the moment about whatever the problem is. But presumably you have more than one value, and you can't be waiting on all of them? Maybe work on something else? > > > > > > > > x > > > > > > > >From: hbbr hbbr@ > > > >To: ACT act_for_the_public > > > >Sent: Saturday, 17 March 2012, 15:08 > > > >Subject: Waiting > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week, I have been challenged to do just that. > > > > > > > >You sit back and you wait. > > > > > > > >You sit back and you wait. > > > > > > > >You sit back and you wait. > > > > > > > >All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING. > > > > > > > >When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait, that is what you do. That is all you can do. > > > > > > > >It isn't easy. > > > > > > > >ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting. > > > > > > > >Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Alastiar was a very succesful man in British politics, the media, and was part of the New Labour project. I now find out that he has suffered chronic depression for as long as I have. Just goes to show, hey! that it can happen to anyone, despite how successful they are. The Happy Depressive: In Pursuit of Personal and Political Happiness [Kindle Edition] by Alastair http://www.amazon.co.uk/Happy-Depressive-Political-Happiness-ebook/dp/B006OM79MU Kv > > > >> > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >I'm sorry, and everyone, to be so ambiguous about this. I> am going through something right now that I can't find the words for and> don't quite know how to share. Thanks for the "wanting to help" and> kindness I see in your replies. I realize it is rather unfair of me to> put this out there like this ... incomplete and confusing. Just a few> tough things to handle/process right now. I am feeling better - stronger> - this morning after a good night's sleep. I reached out to this list to> help me feel less alone, and it did help. I am, again, sorry to be so> vague. Please know that I am - will be - OK. Thanks again.> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >Helena> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >________________________________> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >From: " Robson" oscar.robson@> > > > >To: "ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > > > > >Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:04:43 PM> > > > >Subject: Re: Waiting> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >Would you like to say what you are struggling with, Helena?> > > > >Waiting is fine if there's nothing you can do at the moment about> whatever the problem is. But presumably you have more than one value,> and you can't be waiting on all of them? Maybe work on something else?> > > > >> > > > > x> > > > >> > > > >From: hbbr hbbr@> > > > >To: ACT act_for_the_public > > > > >Sent: Saturday, 17 March 2012, 15:08> > > > >Subject: Waiting> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week,> I have been challenged to do just that.> > > > >> > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > >> > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > >> > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > >> > > > >All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING.> > > > >> > > > >When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait,> that is what you do. That is all you can do.> > > > >> > > > >It isn't easy.> > > > >> > > > >ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting.> > > > >> > > > >Helena> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > >> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Also, just goes to show how we can be successful (live a valued life), no matter what life cooks up. Can't recall any serious bridge-burnings on your part.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: akaivey@...Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2012 20:51:38 +0000Subject: Re: Waiting Alastiar was a very succesful man in British politics, the media, and was part of the New Labour project. I now find out that he has suffered chronic depression for as long as I have. Just goes to show, hey! that it can happen to anyone, despite how successful they are. The Happy Depressive: In Pursuit of Personal and Political Happiness [Kindle Edition] by Alastair http://www.amazon.co.uk/Happy-Depressive-Political-Happiness-ebook/dp/B006OM79MU Kv > > > >> > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >I'm sorry, and everyone, to be so ambiguous about this. I> am going through something right now that I can't find the words for and> don't quite know how to share. Thanks for the "wanting to help" and> kindness I see in your replies. I realize it is rather unfair of me to> put this out there like this ... incomplete and confusing. Just a few> tough things to handle/process right now. I am feeling better - stronger> - this morning after a good night's sleep. I reached out to this list to> help me feel less alone, and it did help. I am, again, sorry to be so> vague. Please know that I am - will be - OK. Thanks again.> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >Helena> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >________________________________> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >From: " Robson" oscar.robson@> > > > >To: "ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > > > > >Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 5:04:43 PM> > > > >Subject: Re: Waiting> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >Would you like to say what you are struggling with, Helena?> > > > >Waiting is fine if there's nothing you can do at the moment about> whatever the problem is. But presumably you have more than one value,> and you can't be waiting on all of them? Maybe work on something else?> > > > >> > > > > x> > > > >> > > > >From: hbbr hbbr@> > > > >To: ACT act_for_the_public > > > > >Sent: Saturday, 17 March 2012, 15:08> > > > >Subject: Waiting> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week,> I have been challenged to do just that.> > > > >> > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > >> > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > >> > > > >You sit back and you wait.> > > > >> > > > >All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING.> > > > >> > > > >When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait,> that is what you do. That is all you can do.> > > > >> > > > >It isn't easy.> > > > >> > > > >ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting.> > > > >> > > > >Helena> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > >> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Very true for me. The scrambled eggs are already perfectly cooked but they do need me to play along some. > > > > > > > > What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week, I have been challenged to do just that. > > > >  > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > >  > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > >  > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > >  > > > > All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING. > > > >  > > > > When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait, that is what you do. That is all you can do. > > > >  > > > > It isn't easy. > > > >  > > > > ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting. > > > >  > > > > Helena > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 But yeah, this is all sort of abstract but obviously depending on the situation, waiting can be problematic avoidance for me or it can be the wisest move, albeit uncomfortable, unfamiliar. Not as a passive move, but a more active letting life teach me without unnecessarily imposing on the situation, where i sense i may complicate things more. As in all too often. > > > > > > > > > > > > What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week, I have been challenged to do just that. > > > > > >  > > > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > > > >  > > > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > > > >  > > > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > > > >  > > > > > > All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING. > > > > > >  > > > > > > When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait, that is what you do. That is all you can do. > > > > > >  > > > > > > It isn't easy. > > > > > >  > > > > > > ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting. > > > > > >  > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2012 Report Share Posted March 22, 2012 For me, the the hardest part is determining when to patiently wait and when to act. o To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 12:40 AM Subject: Re: Waiting But yeah, this is all sort of abstract but obviously depending on the situation, waiting can be problematic avoidance for me or it can be the wisest move, albeit uncomfortable, unfamiliar. Not as a passive move, but a more active letting life teach me without unnecessarily imposing on the situation, where i sense i may complicate things more. As in all too often.> > >> > > > > > > > > What is so hard for me to learn this week is waiting. This week, I have been challenged to do just that. > > > > > >  > > > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > > > >  > > > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > > > >  > > > > > > You sit back and you wait. > > > > > >  > > > > > > All the while, chomping at the bit, wanting to DO SOMETHING. > > > > > >  > > > > > > When there is absolutely nothing you can do, other than wait, that is what you do. That is all you can do. > > > > > >  > > > > > > It isn't easy. > > > > > >  > > > > > > ACT has helped me a lot with just waiting. > > > > > >  > > > > > > Helena> > >> >>------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2012 Report Share Posted March 22, 2012 Yes, my heart is fragile to get to close to someone especially a man. I do get out and make friends. It is the trusting again that they wont go away. It's been too hard to recover. I am working on myself spirtually and physically and being there for myself . But as was pointed out in the post I have 7 million people. I like that one,it gives me hope. I know there is no guarentee that noone will never leave you. I also know its a very deep childhood wound for me. Just want to know someone is in the foxhole of life for me would make me smile through and through. Maybe its time I stop leaving me. Today, it has to be more then one person. Lin > > > > Hi Lin, > > > > Your heart is too fragile - for what? Heartbreak is too hard - for what? To keep risking it? To keep living?  Is that really true? Or something your protective mind is telling you? > > > > You can protect yourself against possible future heartbreak, pain and loss to a certain extent by closing yourself off , but not if you value connection with others. You don't have to be in a committed romantic love relationship to have that kind of connection with others, but with any kind of connection, there is always a risk of getting hurt. > > > > Just some things to think about ... (I've been through the relationship mill, too). > > > > Helena > > > > > Waiting > >  > > > > > When reading a posta few days ago, I read about waiting. I am familar with waiting in this way. After a breakup in a relationship, I have spent much time and tried many antidotes to my waiting. If I was to define what I was waiting or really notice the missing ,I would state it this way. Waiting for something to do, someone to love and something to hope for. > Today I cope most of the time because I have found some things to do and have started loving myself more and found some companionship with friends from time to time. > However, I truly miss what I had in the relationship.... always having something to do with each other, being loved and loving and beliveing that there would be more love tomorrow. > It wasnt till I asked myself how do I act when I am missing that I picked up the remaining pieces and did something. I stil miss yesterday > but dont spend as much time thinking of it. Today, I am afraid to have > that kind of relationship for fear of they're not being a tomorrow. > Heartbreak is just too hard, my heart is still too fragile. > Lin > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2012 Report Share Posted March 22, 2012 I need to read this - I just know there is more for me to get out of this message. Thank you Lin > > Re: " You may think most people will never understand you. You may think that no one will ever understand you. But how real is that? Just how many of the 7 billion plus people on the planet have you trusted with your innermost thoughts and feelings? Play a game: be both yourself and an " understanding " person. Have a dialog. See how understanding you can be. " > > ``````````````````````` > Some questions: What is the goal of the game? To convince myself that being understood is possible? What does an understanding person do, say? By understanding, are you meaning acceptance? Non-judgmental space, compassionate? I'm asking because I see " understanding " as overused and complicated term in my life, a term hard to define and yet one my mind will cling to as part of a larger pattern of avoidance, to keep things on hold. I mean where do we know that understanding is happening? When will there ever be enough proof? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2012 Report Share Posted March 22, 2012 i can completely relate to the foxhole longing. i am finding that to the extent i let go of what that looks like lots and lots of people are in that foxhole. But that is a big if there. Because i have a script for you, oh boy do i have a script for you..and it's a very detailed script that almost guarantees i won't find too many in the foxhole with me, or soon enough most of you will be running for the hills. Go gentle today. > > > > > > > > Hi Lin, > > > > > > > > Your heart is too fragile - for what? Heartbreak is too hard - for what? To keep risking it? To keep living?  Is that really true? Or something your protective mind is telling you? > > > > > > > > You can protect yourself against possible future heartbreak, pain and loss to a certain extent by closing yourself off , but not if you value connection with others. You don't have to be in a committed romantic love relationship to have that kind of connection with others, but with any kind of connection, there is always a risk of getting hurt. > > > > > > > > Just some things to think about ... (I've been through the relationship mill, too). > > > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > > > Waiting > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > When reading a posta few days ago, I read about waiting. I am familar with waiting in this way. After a breakup in a relationship, I have spent much time and tried many antidotes to my waiting. If I was to define what I was waiting or really notice the missing ,I would state it this way. Waiting for something to do, someone to love and something to hope for. > > Today I cope most of the time because I have found some things to do and have started loving myself more and found some companionship with friends from time to time. > > However, I truly miss what I had in the relationship.... always having something to do with each other, being loved and loving and beliveing that there would be more love tomorrow. > > It wasnt till I asked myself how do I act when I am missing that I picked up the remaining pieces and did something. I stil miss yesterday > > but dont spend as much time thinking of it. Today, I am afraid to have > > that kind of relationship for fear of they're not being a tomorrow. > > Heartbreak is just too hard, my heart is still too fragile. > > Lin > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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