The Myth of Personal Growth

[Guest guest]

I have been seriously challenging the myths that I have been living by, and one of the strongest has been the myth of personal growth.  This is analogous to the myth of self-esteem that has been referred to by people such as Russ .  

For a long time I worked under the suspicion that I was inferior and immature, and if only I could go through some kind of behaviour modification, I could grow to become so much more fulfilled and happy.  Personal growth is a topic so very common that websites such as that of Steve Pavlina attract millions of hits, and movements such as The Law of Attraction/The Secret tout human potential and success as being paramount.

When ACT came along and totally confronted and challenged this notion, I was not ready to hear it, for I had been heavily indoctrinated in a mindset of hope - firstly hope for an eternal home, and then hope for a better life here and now through prosperity, success, and health.  It was confusing to be told that such hopes were pointless and mere fantasy, and that techniques of behaviour modification just plain would not work.

Eventually through much pain and struggle I had to face the existential truth.  That firstly I could not live in the notion of a life after this one.  And secondly that methods of control would continue to lead me in circles of frustration.  There was but one thing that I could do though that would bring the satisfaction that I so desperately craved: accept my lot, and chase things of value and meaning.

So I began a path of finding firstly what I treasured in life.  This lead me to music, and its power to move me in ways that nothing else can.  I dived into exploring both the local indie music scene, and finding some artists and albums that I connect so deeply with.  Music has been such a source of enrichment that a life without it to me is currently inconceivable.  

But yet even music falls short of the fulfilment that comes from inspiring friendships and social engagement.  I have been enjoying the value of friendship immensely, and have had the opportunity to provide spaces for friendships to develop and nurture, by hosting Meetup groups in my city.  It has become my conviction that real, genuine, and pure friendship is rare, and must be cherished.  

My attention has been captured now by pursuing a life of meaning and value.  The myth of personal growth states that a person's life can be measured - yet how many brilliant minds have come and gone whose best work occurred early in their life, who even in the development of their ideas went on to actually degrade in meaningful and creative activity?  The height and zenith of existence is to find the highest and best meaning in this moment.  When we have a cherished focus, and find ourselves captured in that, we can find that level of fulfilment we so desperately crave.

Yet not every moment will lend us such inspiration.  For life will serve dishes randomly, sometimes exquisite, sometimes repulsive.  It is our values and our healthy appreciation of reality that will save us from the grip of despair.  At least now I can say, if this is all there is, then let me do my best, let go of my unrealistic expectations, and face life's every movement resisting nothing, regretting nothing, accepting everything just as it is.