Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Wow, that's a tough spot to be in, . I had to take a month off once due to stress, and it was a good experience for me - but that doesn't mean it would be for you. Is there a compromise you could reach - perhaps take it week by week and see how it goes? If you do decide to take the month off, plan ahead to make the best use of the time to de-stress and get back in touch with your values (not to say you haven't been, but maybe a little adjustment/tweaking is in order). You do not have to helplessly lick your wounds at home, tempting though it may be; have an action plan to reclaim your energy and focus and stick with it. I wouldn't worry too much about the effect on your colleagues - you would do the same for them if they needed time off. If you need this time, take it without guilt.Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Sending you a cyber hug of encouragement : )HelenaTo: "act for the public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 12:59:35 PMSubject: Taking time off work Hello friends. I've been signed off work by my GP (initially for a month). I've made some mistakes at work, which has shattered my confidence, and has caused difficulties for colleagues. But now I am stuck in a cycle of panic, and unable to think straight whenever I pick up my work... which led me to my GP. I have a tough choice of whether or not to use the sick note or not. I can see a few consequences. First, for my bosses, it is a signal that I cannot handle the pressures of the job (as if the recent mistakes were not enough - and this is not ideal given threat of redundancy at the moment). Second, it would add a substantial extra burden to my colleagues covering for me. Last, I can't see how would a month off help, and would it just lead to more time to ruminate? I imagine I would feel helpless at home, licking my wounds. But I've been forced into coming home three times already. I try my best to concentrate, but the words all get jumbled up on the page. I try my defusion, I try my breathing and connection with the present moment, and whilst this gives temporary respite, each time I return to my work my chest tightens and my mind blurs. I end up leaving the building to avoid colleagues witnessing my tears and gaspings for breath. My behaviours are becoming strange - today I spent a number of hours in the local A & E waiting room without booking in. Just felt safer there. Anyway, back to my decision. I want to stay at work, but I just don't seem able to. I am trying to play the curious scientist with this decision. Has anyone else been here? What did you do? Thanks x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I'm sorry I can't give any useful advice, except to say I have been feeling this at work too. There comes a point when you get so exhausted things seem to stop working and you get overwhelmed and scared. It's quite frightening and you have been very brave to keep going all this time. I'm not a manager, but I have been terrified on occasions at work too unable to think, and then I keep losing things as well. I have been thinking a lot about long term sick myself recently because this is killing me. One of my managers walked out last year because of stress causing him heart pains, and he never came back. Another one, who was probably their most professional manager, and was very highy qualified (he sorted out the whole company computer system for them ) left the other day with no job to go to. He was always destined to go to the top because he was so into his career, and did lots of college. When I saw him recently he told me he had had enough, too many long hours, with countless more tasks forever given, and never any appreciation. He was so angry. The management at my place are really hard. And a co-worker, who is only 30 years old, went sick over 3 weeks with stress and heart pains. He had lots of qualications too and had worked really hard at his job because he wanted to work his way up. So it's not just us. The mindful advice would be to really soak up the here and now and try not to worry about work too much. Of course you can't stop the mind from worrying but you can let these thoughts go and concentrate on what is pleasant in the pressent moment instead. You might feel much better after a good rest. All the best, Kv > > Hello friends. > > I've been signed off work by my GP (initially for a month). I've made some mistakes at work, which has shattered my confidence, and has caused difficulties for colleagues. But now I am stuck in a cycle of panic, and unable to think straight whenever I pick up my work... which led me to my GP. > > I have a tough choice of whether or not to use the sick note or not. > > I can see a few consequences. First, for my bosses, it is a signal that I cannot handle the pressures of the job (as if the recent mistakes were not enough - and this is not ideal given threat of redundancy at the moment). Second, it would add a substantial extra burden to my colleagues covering for me. Last, I can't see how would a month off help, and would it just lead to more time to ruminate? I imagine I would feel helpless at home, licking my wounds. > > But I've been forced into coming home three times already. I try my best to concentrate, but the words all get jumbled up on the page. I try my defusion, I try my breathing and connection with the present moment, and whilst this gives temporary respite, each time I return to my work my chest tightens and my mind blurs. I end up leaving the building to avoid colleagues witnessing my tears and gaspings for breath. My behaviours are becoming strange - today I spent a number of hours in the local A & E waiting room without booking in. Just felt safer there. > > Anyway, back to my decision. I want to stay at work, but I just don't seem able to. I am trying to play the curious scientist with this decision. > > Has anyone else been here? What did you do? > > Thanks > > x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Do you know, , if I was in your shoes I really would concentrate on enjoying your month off work. I would see this as developing a skill which you can then use when you get back - i.e, how to enjoy things in the pressent more. So just soak it up, knowing that the better you are at it, the more rested you will be when you get back, and the more skills you would have learned. Seeing this as stepping stone to the next stage -you are not staying away, you are working at a new skill which will really help you in future. I don't know if this helps, and maybe I'm just making things worse. Knowing me! Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. Kv > > > > Hello friends. > > > > I've been signed off work by my GP (initially for a month). I've made > some mistakes at work, which has shattered my confidence, and has caused > difficulties for colleagues. But now I am stuck in a cycle of panic, > and unable to think straight whenever I pick up my work... which led me > to my GP. > > > > I have a tough choice of whether or not to use the sick note or not. > > > > I can see a few consequences. First, for my bosses, it is a signal > that I cannot handle the pressures of the job (as if the recent mistakes > were not enough - and this is not ideal given threat of redundancy at > the moment). Second, it would add a substantial extra burden to my > colleagues covering for me. Last, I can't see how would a month off > help, and would it just lead to more time to ruminate? I imagine I > would feel helpless at home, licking my wounds. > > > > But I've been forced into coming home three times already. I try my > best to concentrate, but the words all get jumbled up on the page. I > try my defusion, I try my breathing and connection with the present > moment, and whilst this gives temporary respite, each time I return to > my work my chest tightens and my mind blurs. I end up leaving the > building to avoid colleagues witnessing my tears and gaspings for > breath. My behaviours are becoming strange - today I spent a number of > hours in the local A & E waiting room without booking in. Just felt safer > there. > > > > Anyway, back to my decision. I want to stay at work, but I just don't > seem able to. I am trying to play the curious scientist with this > decision. > > > > Has anyone else been here? What did you do? > > > > Thanks > > > > x > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Hi , Is there a middle way? Say, A three day week, or shorter hours? Or maybe working from home? That sort of thing. Sometimes, battering yourself to keep going is counter-productive - we all need a good rest sometimes, and there is nothing at all wrong with that - it would be the most compassionate thing to do. You have a right as a human being to feel what you feel and not be judged for it. Taking time off would be handling the pressure, in a sensible, compassionate way. You need a rest, so why not take it. My husband works for the NHS - and staff have all sorts of different personal problems, whilst they struggle to hold down a job. It's not easy. I really feel that as a society we need to be more compassionate in the workplace. People work better when they are rested and appreciated. I'm fed up with the culture of fear in this country. ( Sorry, slight rant there!) You have your rights as an employee - you have your rights as a living, breathing, imperfect human being. You are not a robot. Try some compassion. Simone To: "act_for_the_public " <act_for_the_public > Sent: Tuesday, 10 April 2012, 17:59Subject: Taking time off work Hello friends. I've been signed off work by my GP (initially for a month). I've made some mistakes at work, which has shattered my confidence, and has caused difficulties for colleagues. But now I am stuck in a cycle of panic, and unable to think straight whenever I pick up my work... which led me to my GP. I have a tough choice of whether or not to use the sick note or not. I can see a few consequences. First, for my bosses, it is a signal that I cannot handle the pressures of the job (as if the recent mistakes were not enough - and this is not ideal given threat of redundancy at the moment). Second, it would add a substantial extra burden to my colleagues covering for me. Last, I can't see how would a month off help, and would it just lead to more time to ruminate? I imagine I would feel helpless at home, licking my wounds. But I've been forced into coming home three times already. I try my best to concentrate, but the words all get jumbled up on the page. I try my defusion, I try my breathing and connection with the present moment, and whilst this gives temporary respite, each time I return to my work my chest tightens and my mind blurs. I end up leaving the building to avoid colleagues witnessing my tears and gaspings for breath. My behaviours are becoming strange - today I spent a number of hours in the local A & E waiting room without booking in. Just felt safer there. Anyway, back to my decision. I want to stay at work, but I just don't seem able to. I am trying to play the curious scientist with this decision. Has anyone else been here? What did you do? Thanks x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Years ago, management would support staff, giving assistance and help if needed. Also allowing shorter hours and getting others to help out. To feel that mangers are your firends and not your enemies would lower stress virtually immediatally. Then a manager would slowly overcome his difficult moment and continue to become more skilled and better at his job. A manager can build up lots of skills over a lifetime and it is worthwhile higher managment supporting their staff. We all have moments when things get on top of us. There should be nothing wrong with needing some help sometimes. Business can be kinder and still be very efficient, probably more so, because they will keep their best staff who have years of experience. Kv > > > > Hello friends. > > > > I've been signed off work by my GP (initially for a month). I've made > some mistakes at work, which has shattered my confidence, and has caused > difficulties for colleagues. But now I am stuck in a cycle of panic, > and unable to think straight whenever I pick up my work... which led me > to my GP. > > > > I have a tough choice of whether or not to use the sick note or not. > > > > I can see a few consequences. First, for my bosses, it is a signal > that I cannot handle the pressures of the job (as if the recent mistakes > were not enough - and this is not ideal given threat of redundancy at > the moment). Second, it would add a substantial extra burden to my > colleagues covering for me. Last, I can't see how would a month off > help, and would it just lead to more time to ruminate? I imagine I > would feel helpless at home, licking my wounds. > > > > But I've been forced into coming home three times already. I try my > best to concentrate, but the words all get jumbled up on the page. I > try my defusion, I try my breathing and connection with the present > moment, and whilst this gives temporary respite, each time I return to > my work my chest tightens and my mind blurs. I end up leaving the > building to avoid colleagues witnessing my tears and gaspings for > breath. My behaviours are becoming strange - today I spent a number of > hours in the local A & E waiting room without booking in. Just felt safer > there. > > > > Anyway, back to my decision. I want to stay at work, but I just don't > seem able to. I am trying to play the curious scientist with this > decision. > > > > Has anyone else been here? What did you do? > > > > Thanks > > > > x > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 THanks kv, helena, Simone. This is all useful and supportive. I've taken a good hard look at my values, to try and work out an answer. I think it has helped. I have a responsibility to the project I work on: if I try and struggle on and make a dog's dinner of it all, I will have been irresponsible. It is also irresponsible of me to cast aside the project and go off on sick, at least without putting in some contingencies or some support. I will speak to my boss about what's the most sensible course of action, painful though it will be. As you each have said, there may be a middle way we can work out together. THanks again to you all. x To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Tuesday, 10 April 2012, 19:46 Subject: Re: Taking time off work Hi , Is there a middle way? Say, A three day week, or shorter hours? Or maybe working from home? That sort of thing. Sometimes, battering yourself to keep going is counter-productive - we all need a good rest sometimes, and there is nothing at all wrong with that - it would be the most compassionate thing to do. You have a right as a human being to feel what you feel and not be judged for it. Taking time off would be handling the pressure, in a sensible, compassionate way. You need a rest, so why not take it. My husband works for the NHS - and staff have all sorts of different personal problems, whilst they struggle to hold down a job. It's not easy. I really feel that as a society we need to be more compassionate in the workplace. People work better when they are rested and appreciated. I'm fed up with the culture of fear in this country. ( Sorry, slight rant there!) You have your rights as an employee - you have your rights as a living, breathing, imperfect human being. You are not a robot. Try some compassion. Simone To: "act_for_the_public " <act_for_the_public > Sent: Tuesday, 10 April 2012, 17:59Subject: Taking time off work Hello friends. I've been signed off work by my GP (initially for a month). I've made some mistakes at work, which has shattered my confidence, and has caused difficulties for colleagues. But now I am stuck in a cycle of panic, and unable to think straight whenever I pick up my work... which led me to my GP. I have a tough choice of whether or not to use the sick note or not. I can see a few consequences. First, for my bosses, it is a signal that I cannot handle the pressures of the job (as if the recent mistakes were not enough - and this is not ideal given threat of redundancy at the moment). Second, it would add a substantial extra burden to my colleagues covering for me. Last, I can't see how would a month off help, and would it just lead to more time to ruminate? I imagine I would feel helpless at home, licking my wounds. But I've been forced into coming home three times already. I try my best to concentrate, but the words all get jumbled up on the page. I try my defusion, I try my breathing and connection with the present moment, and whilst this gives temporary respite, each time I return to my work my chest tightens and my mind blurs. I end up leaving the building to avoid colleagues witnessing my tears and gaspings for breath. My behaviours are becoming strange - today I spent a number of hours in the local A & E waiting room without booking in. Just felt safer there. Anyway, back to my decision. I want to stay at work, but I just don't seem able to. I am trying to play the curious scientist with this decision. Has anyone else been here? What did you do? Thanks x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Dear , It sounds to me that your month away from work will give you an opportunity to re-establish your sense of equilibrium. My experience is that doctors don't prescribe a month off capriciously. Respectfully disagreeing with others who have posted, your doctor did not prescribe finding a `middle way'; the prescription is for a month. I think to have been sent home from work 3 times is a profound signal that your attention needs to be away from work for now. You HAVE been integrating ACT into your life, AND now a brief break from an aspect of your life is fine. The `shoulds' that are rattling around in your brain are paralyzing and deceptive. You `should' not let your colleagues down. You `should' be able to do this work. How about this one? I can [should] take the time that has been prescribed; I will [should] be certain that I find the activities that will support me during this time away from work. Your distress level appears to be such that you are not able to contribute at work as you have been able to in the past, and then, recognizing that your skills are not up to par causing stress and anxiety and, for right now, the month off would bring an end to this vicious cycle. If you are able, divorce yourself from the guilt of your perceived failures at work, that you `should' be able to handle. You will have time to breathe, take long walks, practice with Russ's meditations, attend a Tai Chi class? A pottery class? Visit arboretums and museums? If you derive joy from animals the Animal Humane folks always need people to take the dogs for walks? You are right that you need to find the ways to use this time away from work so that you are not at home ruminating and becoming more and more upset. Perhaps some of my suggestions will resonate with you. What suggestions does your doctor have for this time away from work? Love, Wanda in Albuquerque Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Thanks Wanda, it means a lot to me to have different perspectives. The "shoulds" that you raise are important. I feel that the "shoulds" are being directed, mostly, by my values. My biggest concern is letting other people down - and that is so important to me. But if I would let them down more by trying to work whilst I am in a complete mess, and which might jeapordize the quality of my work... well, then maybe I can reconcile taking time off with my value. I'm trying to stay in there, and not rush into a decision. (Or am I just ruminating and brooding over the decision..... I don't know) Thanks again Wanda x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Wednesday, 11 April 2012, 16:33 Subject: Re: Taking time off work Dear , It sounds to me that your month away from work will give you an opportunity to re-establish your sense of equilibrium. My experience is that doctors don't prescribe a month off capriciously. Respectfully disagreeing with others who have posted, your doctor did not prescribe finding a `middle way'; the prescription is for a month. I think to have been sent home from work 3 times is a profound signal that your attention needs to be away from work for now. You HAVE been integrating ACT into your life, AND now a brief break from an aspect of your life is fine. The `shoulds' that are rattling around in your brain are paralyzing and deceptive. You `should' not let your colleagues down. You `should' be able to do this work. How about this one? I can [should] take the time that has been prescribed; I will [should] be certain that I find the activities that will support me during this time away from work. Your distress level appears to be such that you are not able to contribute at work as you have been able to in the past, and then, recognizing that your skills are not up to par causing stress and anxiety and, for right now, the month off would bring an end to this vicious cycle. If you are able, divorce yourself from the guilt of your perceived failures at work, that you `should' be able to handle. You will have time to breathe, take long walks, practice with Russ's meditations, attend a Tai Chi class? A pottery class? Visit arboretums and museums? If you derive joy from animals the Animal Humane folks always need people to take the dogs for walks? You are right that you need to find the ways to use this time away from work so that you are not at home ruminating and becoming more and more upset. Perhaps some of my suggestions will resonate with you. What suggestions does your doctor have for this time away from work? Love, Wanda in Albuquerque Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 > I'm trying to stay in there, and not rush into a decision. (Or am I just ruminating and brooding over the decision..... I don't know) > Thanks again Wanda x ******* I am getting on in years, 58. last year sometime, in a discussion with my brother, he said to me 'let me give it some thought and I will get back to you'. I was dumbfounded--I realized that I had never done that in my life, never said those words either outloud or to myself-- given myself time and space to give anything some thought and consideration--always always feeling I needed to decide and act immediately. I realy don't advise living ones life like that. I think that your awareness of not rushing into your decision..giving yourself the time it takes to make a comfortable decision...not impulsively reacting... is very wise amd admirable. wanda in albuquerque Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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