Re: Easter

[Guest guest]

I suspect that did "know" your state of innebriation and decided to respond anyway. He's like that."Yet there've been times in my life when I purported to do just that. And I failed."Of course you failed; we all fail at being perfect. Your benchmark is progress, not perfection.My best,HelenaTo: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, April 5, 2012 3:44:51 PMSubject: Easter

The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when I post anything here).I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything else, for that matter.When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or not. Trying in my own way to reach out.I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.Regards,Detlef

[Guest guest]

The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when I post anything here).Hi Detlef - I was not really thinking about whether you were inebriated or not. What was happening was that I was feeling down. I had been short tempered, self-involved, insensitive, and needlessly done a bit of bridge burning. Your post resonated with me and I said so. People sometimes say very profound things when they are drunk. I live in Oxford Mississippi-- Faulkner's home. My understanding is that he spent a lot of time drunk, a good bit of it writing. It does not diminish the quality of what he wrote. As to myself. I said a lot of things when I was in my cups. Some of them were incredibly hurtful and off putting and designed to be so. Once, blind drunk, I told a friend's wife with complete sincerity that I was everything she hated in the world. And, sometimes, equally drunk, I said quite heartfelt, loving, and contrite things. I stopped getting drunk a long time ago and still am quite surprised by that some days. It just seems so entirely unlikely. Nevertheless, sometimes very unlikely things happen. I went back and looked at those words you wrote and I still find it easy to slip into the heart of them--or at least the heart I perceived. For right or wrong, drunk or sober, they helped me that morning.And, btw, contra some views of me here. My mistakes are not all behind me. I make them quite frequently. Having "written the book" does not prevent me from being a fellow traveler here. In fact, that is a major point of all this effort--to notice how much common ground we share. Although I know hope seems quite remote and difficult for you Detlef, I remain hopeful for you and all in this community. This is my selected naivety. For you and for me. A hope that against all odds I/we will find our way. I have seen a lot of unlikely things happen and will stick around for the next one.warm regards,

G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677

The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when I post anything here).I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything else, for that matter.When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or not. Trying in my own way to reach out.I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.Regards,Detlef

[Guest guest]

Thanks, . I feel really close to you at this moment, as someone I can trust.My drinking is something I do late at night, after work, usually (I'm self-employed as a proofreader/copyeditor), to kick back and relax, because my wanting to do an excellent job takes great effort and leaves me frazzled, nerves-wise.When I stop work I pour myself a drink -- vodka and diet Pepsi are the poisons -- and settle down to do some - more - reading. I read emails, which are usually newsletters from various sources of news and topics I'm interested in. Then I have a look at the ACT list.Sometimes, reading some of the posts, I just weep onto my keyboard. Although I'm socially isolated, my heart knows what it knows, and it's easy to feel lamentably useless when exposed to the pain of others.Someone wrote about why they're here. Such a fundamental question, one would think. Yet it's not a question I've ever asked of myself. To me it's a nonsensical question. I have asked, "Why am I not here?"The only answer I can educe is that sometimes, in what I think are moments of clarity, I feel all life is a pulse, in tune with the universe around and within us, and it matters not whether we believe one thing or another.The beat goes on. If or when it stops> > > The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when I post anything here).> > > > I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything else, for that matter.> > > > When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or not. Trying in my own way to reach out.> > > > I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.> > > > Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.> > > > Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.> > > > > > Regards,> > > > Detlef> > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

I've just finished my "day's" work, have read the emails, and am working through new posts to this list.Nice one from , if nudging a little woo-woo. Tolle's name reminds me of Meister Eckhart, the German theologian and mystic, who said something that has stayed with me since I read it decades ago. Meister Eckhart said, "The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me." He said many other interesting things, too, many of which make sense in an Act context. Wikipedia has a good article on Eckhart for those who may be interested.I'm enjoying my chocolate covered, marzipan easter egg. I hope you have had some sweetness in your life today, too.Regards,Detlef

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/meister_eckhart.html#aZXyMdlA5JVOGa48.99"> >> > > The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that> seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if> would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and> truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote> it (as I usually am when I post anything here).> > >> > > I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or> anything else, for that matter.> > >> > > When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or> not. Trying in my own way to reach out.> > >> > > I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like> Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his> footsteps would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've> been times in my life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.> > >> > > Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.> > >> > > Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.> > >> > >> > > Regards,> > >> > > Detlef> > >> > >> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

Hey , thanks for saying mistakes are not behind me: What an inspiring place you bring here as it continues for all us of recent. More will be revealed. To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Saturday, April 7, 2012 8:50 AM Subject: Re: Easter

The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when I post anything here).Hi Detlef - I was not really thinking about whether you were inebriated or not. What was happening was that I was feeling down. I had been short tempered, self-involved, insensitive, and needlessly done a bit of bridge burning. Your

post resonated with me and I said so. People sometimes say very profound things when they are drunk. I live in Oxford Mississippi-- Faulkner's home. My understanding is that he spent a lot of time drunk, a good bit of it writing. It does not diminish the quality of what he wrote. As to myself. I said a lot of things when I was in my cups. Some of them were incredibly hurtful and off putting and designed to be so. Once, blind drunk, I told a friend's wife with complete sincerity that I was everything she hated in the world. And, sometimes, equally drunk, I said quite heartfelt, loving, and contrite things. I stopped getting drunk a long time ago and still am quite surprised by that some days. It just seems so entirely unlikely. Nevertheless, sometimes very unlikely things happen. I went back and looked at those words you wrote and I still find it easy to

slip into the heart of them--or at least the heart I perceived. For right or wrong, drunk or sober, they helped me that morning.And, btw, contra some views of me here. My mistakes are not all behind me. I make them quite frequently. Having "written the book" does not prevent me from being a fellow traveler here. In fact, that is a major point of all this effort--to notice how much common ground we share. Although I know hope seems quite remote and difficult for you Detlef, I remain hopeful for you and all in this community. This is my selected naivety. For you and for me. A hope that against all odds I/we will find our way. I have seen a lot of unlikely things happen and will stick around for the next one.warm regards,

G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677

The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when I post anything here).I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything else, for that matter.When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or not. Trying in my own way to reach out.I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out

there.Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.Regards,Detlef

[Guest guest]

Hi Detlef - (and this relates to 's recent posts) I have spoken here about the deal I made with the universe back in 1985. For those newer to the list, whether I would stay alive or not was very much on the table from the time I was an adolescent until I was 30 back in 1985. In '85, I said yes to staying. And, I was not going to stay for mere survival. My read of the existentialists, especially Camus and l had my attention, was captured in the idea that purpose was not a noun, a thing, to be found out in the world. Instead, purpose was a verb--an action. l seemed to say that "what is the meaning of life?" was not a productive question. It sure was not for me. The alternative was something like "what will you mean with your life?" The way I thought of it--How would I purpose my life?For me, in '85, with really no sense of destination, I felt for direction. I had a $4 per hour job and no marketable non-criminal skills. Whatever I was going to purpose my life for was going to require some training. I started taking classes. To do what? I had no real idea. I had a very general sense that I wanted to be useful in this world. I wanted to contribute, though I had almost no sense how I might do that. The rest has involved one day at a time (with considerable lost periods) choosing activities and situations that would prepare me as an instrument. The destination is elusive, but the sense of evolving sense of direction is what guides me day by day.warm regards -k

G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: (best phone academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilson

Thanks, . I feel really close to you at this moment, as someone I can trust.My drinking is something I do late at night, after work, usually (I'm self-employed as a proofreader/copyeditor), to kick back and relax, because my wanting to do an excellent job takes great effort and leaves me frazzled, nerves-wise.When I stop work I pour myself a drink -- vodka and diet Pepsi are the poisons -- and settle down to do some - more - reading. I read emails, which are usually newsletters from various sources of news and topics I'm interested in. Then I have a look at the ACT list.Sometimes, reading some of the posts, I just weep onto my keyboard. Although I'm socially isolated, my heart knows what it knows, and it's easy to feel lamentably useless when exposed to the pain of others.Someone wrote about why they're here. Such a fundamental question, one would think. Yet it's not a question I've ever asked of myself. To me it's a nonsensical question. I have asked, "Why am I not here?"The only answer I can educe is that sometimes, in what I think are moments of clarity, I feel all life is a pulse, in tune with the universe around and within us, and it matters not whether we believe one thing or another.The beat goes on. If or when it stops> > > The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when I post anything here).> > > > I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything else, for that matter.> > > > When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or not. Trying in my own way to reach out.> > > > I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.> > > > Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.> > > > Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.> > > > > > Regards,> > > > Detlef> > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

hi just chiming in.

That seems like how i am feeling now also, saying Yes! to staying, and not just

for mere survival but hopefully with some purpose or vitality.

I have been ruminating recently again, and i've studied the existentialists for

the past year, Sartre, Camus, etc. And it seems like i am starting to form my

own sort of life philosophy, uniquely my own of course, partly existential

philosophy, w some Act thrown in?

Anyways, lately i am thinking that there really is nothing out there to be

found, like the exists... says, but simply how we engage in our life projects,

we can do so w regret or a bit of guilt or remorse, or we can do so w more

passion, even knowing it may not amount to much in the end, except to know that

in the end you did something worthwhile, unqiuely worthwhile to yourself alone

only, the Sum of which is what you are gonna be about...

Tom

> > >

> > > > The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that

seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if

would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered

when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when

I post anything here).

> > > >

> > > > I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything

else, for that matter.

> > > >

> > > > When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or not.

Trying in my own way to reach out.

> > > >

> > > > I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like Jesus

of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps would be

the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my life when

I purported to do just that. And I failed.

> > > >

> > > > Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.

> > > >

> > > > Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Regards,

> > > >

> > > > Detlef

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I had a sense early on I wanted to contribute, and I did substantially but it

always with a nagging doubt that got louder and louder and then I got lost along

the way, somehow believing it wasn't enough and not really me. And now I see it

was.

> > >

> > > > The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that

seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if

would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered

when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when

I post anything here).

> > > >

> > > > I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything

else, for that matter.

> > > >

> > > > When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or not.

Trying in my own way to reach out.

> > > >

> > > > I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like Jesus

of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps would be

the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my life when

I purported to do just that. And I failed.

> > > >

> > > > Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.

> > > >

> > > > Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Regards,

> > > >

> > > > Detlef

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

One of the questions I have for you is if you had this too..before age 30?

I hear a lot of sad things such as how you betrayed friends and such and so did

I..but did you also have a sense of something better, something good then...or

was it only after your awakening at age 30?

thanks,

terry

> > > >

> > > > > The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that

seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if

would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered

when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when

I post anything here).

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything

else, for that matter.

> > > > >

> > > > > When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or

not. Trying in my own way to reach out.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like

Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps

would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my

life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.

> > > > >

> > > > > Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.

> > > > >

> > > > > Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Regards,

> > > > >

> > > > > Detlef

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I do not recall any such aspirations. Occasional relief through intoxication. Occasional fleeting dreams of financial success. And lots of desperation, demoralization, waiting for the end.-k

G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: (best phone academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilson

One of the questions I have for you is if you had this too..before age 30? I hear a lot of sad things such as how you betrayed friends and such and so did I..but did you also have a sense of something better, something good then...or was it only after your awakening at age 30?

thanks,

terry

> > > >

> > > > > The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I usually am when I post anything here).

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or anything else, for that matter.

> > > > >

> > > > > When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or not. Trying in my own way to reach out.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.

> > > > >

> > > > > Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.

> > > > >

> > > > > Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Regards,

> > > > >

> > > > > Detlef

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm really glad you stayed . We need each other.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > > The other day I responded to someone's post here with a message

that seemed to connect with . I was tickled that it did, but I wonder if

would've responded the same way had he known that I was well and truly

stonkered when I wrote that post. Yes, I was sozzled when I wrote it (as I

usually am when I post anything here).

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I don't have any special knowledge or understanding of Act or

anything else, for that matter.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > When all is said and done, there's just me. Happy or sad. Drunk or

not. Trying in my own way to reach out.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I'm not religious, but I can dig the goodness of a character like

Jesus of Nazareth. That was some righteous dude. Following in his footsteps

would be the most difficult thing I can imagine. Yet there've been times in my

life when I purported to do just that. And I failed.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Here's to all the sinners and all the failures out there.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Have a thoughtful and self-forgiving easter.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Regards,

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Detlef

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

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> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I too would like to know how these professional people reconciled 'self as context' but most, (mainstream and professional) don't seem to talk about that very much. Perhaps it is too personal, maybe they have described their own experiences and I missed it. I do wish they would fill us in though, perhaps repeat themselves. Hi - there are a few things that constrain my behavior on this list in terms of speaking of my own process. First, is just time. I am responsible to a lot of people for a lot of things and there are limits. Sometimes I am super busy, traveling and such and do not even see things on the list. Some conversations just don't interest me and/or I really am not moved to speak. I could, but do not need to, nor would it be productive for the community if I held forth on every arising issue. I do not want to. I do not need to.I, personally (can't say for any other professionals), do not fail to speak because matters are too private--at least with regards to my own privacy. I do not speak sometimes though because it is the privacy of others I need to watch. For better or worse, I am a public figure. I post under my own name and I tend to be easily accessible. For example, my facebook page is not locked down and is not a "fan page." Personal and professional are deeply intertwined in my life--intentionally. For example, take a look at my lab manifesto webpagehttp://kellygwilson.com/Manifesto.htmlThis is a teaching/living/scientist/mentoring philosophy. It is about due for an update, but it constitutes my evolving vision for my life especially as it relates to work.I am primarily a teacher. It could be that I would take a different approach if I were primarily a therapist. Who knows? And, I am not.Some areas I do not speak about directly when they could impact others. Because of my visibility, for example, if I said my boss is an ogre, people could, in a couple clicks, know exactly who that was along with contact information. By the way, my boss is an extraordinary department chair, but you get the idea. If I spoke directly about my wife, children, etc, it is not just my privacy being opened but theirs too. I do speak of those things where it seems not a problem--as when they are quite remote in time and even then, for example, I posted the one about my failures with my daughter Chelsea on facebook after asking her permission. I also speak o highly personal and current things when I can do so in a way that does not impinge on other's privacy.As to self as context, well, I just did not have anything to say.warm regards,kelly

G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: (best phone academic homepage:www.kellygwilson.comalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilson

[Guest guest]

, Re: "I too would like to know how these professional people reconciled 'self as context' but most, (mainstream and professional) don't seem to talk about that very much. Perhaps it is too personal, maybe they have described their own experiences and I missed it. I do wish they would fill us in though, perhaps repeat themselves" I wasn't saying folks don't talk about SAC (gee, Steve has so many lovely offerings here) like a criticism. We all have different stories, memories of who we were, are. We all focus on different parts. kind regards,terry