Work related troubles too.

[Guest guest]

Hi list, a few people have posted recently about work related troubles which has

been interesting for me because I have been going through that myself this last

month or so.

It's a very long story, which I won't go into here, but I have been off work for

about 6 weeks now. There had been some stress building up in me due to various

things at work, including job cuts and uncertainty, but I probably would have

kept on ok with that - not enough to make me necessarily NEED to take time off -

although I certainly WANTED to. But then I experienced some really nasty

bullying and harassment from my new boss which was just the last straw. I went

down in a emotional and panic stricken heap. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep,

nausea and choking feeling a lot of the time, crying etc. I guess it would have

been called a " nervous breakdown " in the old days. Not a good place to be....

As I am putting in a workers compensation claim a whole lot of processes have

had to be put in train, including an independent rehabilitation person being

appointed who acts as the liaison between me and my employer to plan/negotiate

my return to work. She accompanies me to my appointment with my medical doctor

tomorrow. I apparently have to be assessed by an independent psychiatrist. The

whole thing is quite invasive and bizarre for me, all of a sudden all these

people are being given access to my medical records, details of my personal life

and situation etc. I am being sort of " put through the ringer " . I have to

trust that the outcome will be positive.

Anyway, I went along yesterday to an initial appointment with a psychologist.

At the end of the session, which was mostly her getting a handle on my

situation, I noticed that she had a bunch of ACT books on her shelf. I had been

referred to her with no knowledge of her " treatment " approach or philosophy. I

had a brief discussion with her about ACT and CBT, I was so relieved that she

wasn't a CBT " fanatic " but an " ACT person " . She told me how she had met

a few times (at workshops or conferences I think) and was really

impressed with his humility and everything about him. Another fan, !

Anyway, I'm seeing her again next week, and will be very interested to see how

it goes.

I'm quite terrified that I'm going to have to go back to work into what feels

for me a very toxic and " dangerous " place for me with the hateful and aggressive

boss that I have. She is a person that I have known socially for some years,

which adds a layer of murkiness and " yuckiness " to the situation. What's

interesting for me is the amount of " shame " feelings that have been coming up

for me in relation to this whole thing. And knowing that I am going to have to

accept those feelings and act (by going back to work) despite them, when

everything in me yells out " keep away! " " not safe! " . Urrggggghhhh. Not sure

I'm ready for that at all. Just thinking about it brings up the feelings of

panic etc.

Anyway I'll report back on my " ACT therapy experience " , and how I find it. I've

never actually seen an ACT practitioner before, all my knowledge about it has

come from books and reading and this list. I'll try not to have too many

preconceived ideas, could be difficult!

Kate