Re: Must fear be overcome?

[Guest guest]

This was the first book I read after being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I did find it helpful at the time. There was a simple message that was powerful to me in that particular moment of my life: You've been raised on fear, it is all around us, and it is simply inescapable. But if you face it, you will find it can't stop you. But how it managed to spin that out over a couple of hundred pages is amazing. It felt a bit silly after a while. I remember it told me to choose something scary to do each day, to prove that I could do it.... and then went into a hasty footnote about how you should not choose something illegal like speeding or drug-taking.

Thanks! Maybe a fridge magnet, rather than a book, was in order!!!! x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Saturday, 31 March 2012, 9:37 Subject:

Re: Must fear be overcome?

My apologies for my messed up Emglish again (and what happened to my 24 hour draft folder, I shall have to get it back in commision).

Here's another review of, 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway', that I like:

ordered this book on the strength of the earlier reviews saying how good it was. I personally found the book very simplistic and unhelpful. All it seems to say is 'Just go out and do whatever worries you' and also had a very unhelpful message to people who may have low self esteem that if things worry you then basically thats your fault. If your job worries you change it, if your partner worries you... well change them... hey if your house worries you, change it... life is not as easy as that. Lets change everything shall we? A very unrealistic book....

Kv >

>> > Interesting article in the Financial Times (of all places) that refers> to ACT :> >> >> http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/1dc1ecea-396f-11e0-97ca-00144feabdc0.html#axzz\> 1qdErVCiH> >> > In fact the author is a philosophical counsellor and a supporter of> ACT, as she says at> http://www.antoniamacaro.com/Site/who_I_am_and_what_Im_doing.html> >>

[Guest guest]

Now I have calmed down a bit that book probably is useful to many

people. But when I was handed it I was going through murder and I

thought it made light of the very serious fears and terrible pain some

people might be going through. It wasn't for me, but 'feel the fear and

do it anyway' is something I have always done, although it never made

much difference. Well, I did get an interesting life, and I did get

girlfrinds, and I did go to lots of parties, and I was out alot in the

evenings and weekends, but I still ended up entirely alone again one day

and back to square one when a girfriend split with me. And I still did

not find any peace of mind, or felt physically better, so I wasn't very

impressed by the title. ACT is different, though, and does make sense to

me with its acceptance, defusion, and mindfulness, and going gently into

fear, etc.

After splitting with my girlfriend I was suffering lots of pains in my

hips which I believed was arthritus caused by doing too much dancing.

I'm the sort of hypochondraic who stays away from doctors hoping things

will eventually heal themselves. It turned out I did not have arthritus

at all but my hip pains were casued by my chronic muscular tension

pressing into my hips while sitting in the classical position when

playing guitar for hours on end. As a result I did not go dancing for a

year and became a recluse during that period. I was mythed at the time

about how all years of hard work could come to absolutelly nothing. But

of course, I knew how to dance, so I eventually got back into jive,

lindy hop, swing, and rock & roll.

But I liked your reply, -fair and ballanced.

Kv

> > >

> > > Interesting article in the Financial Times (of all places) that

refers

> > to ACT :

> > >

> > >

> >

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/1dc1ecea-396f-11e0-97ca-00144feabdc0.html#axzz\

\

> > 1qdErVCiH

> > >

> > > In fact the author is a philosophical counsellor and a supporter

of

> > ACT, as she says at

> > http://www.antoniamacaro.com/Site/who_I_am_and_what_Im_doing.html

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi all, it would appear that Ms. Jeffers, and others, are using a variation of a

much older quote, from someone I respect much more than most of today's

`self-help' authors . " Always do what you are afraid to do " Ralph Waldo

Emerson (1803 –1882)

I think this would make a great 'fridge magnet. Wanda

> > >

> > > Interesting article in the Financial Times (of all places) that refers

> > to ACT :

> > >

> > >

> > http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/1dc1ecea-396f-11e0-97ca-00144feabdc0.html#axzz\

> > 1qdErVCiH

> > >

> > > In fact the author is a philosophical counsellor and a supporter of

> > ACT, as she says at

> > http://www.antoniamacaro.com/Site/who_I_am_and_what_Im_doing.html

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

The concept of not letting fear stop you, which was indeed prevalent in the self-help books of the 80's, was actually the catalyst that got me back into college in 1986 to finish my degree that I had started many years earlier. I also think you have to honor and respect your fears. They are there for a reason and sometimes they can stop you from making a mistake. However, it is tragic if they stop you from fulfilling your potential. My fear was that I would be unable to "compete" with the traditional age students in college. As it turned out, those students actually complained about me for throwing off the curve in classes that were graded on the curve. My fears, as so many fears, were completely unfounded.HelenaTo: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, April 1, 2012 10:51:42 AMSubject: Re: Must fear be overcome?

Hi all, it would appear that Ms. Jeffers, and others, are using a variation of a much older quote, from someone I respect much more than most of today's `self-help' authors . "Always do what you are afraid to do" Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 –1882)

I think this would make a great 'fridge magnet. Wanda

> > >

> > > Interesting article in the Financial Times (of all places) that refers

> > to ACT :

> > >

> > >

> > http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/1dc1ecea-396f-11e0-97ca-00144feabdc0.html#axzz\

> > 1qdErVCiH

> > >

> > > In fact the author is a philosophical counsellor and a supporter of

> > ACT, as she says at

> > http://www.antoniamacaro.com/Site/who_I_am_and_what_Im_doing.html

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

i haven't read this entire thread, but i am coming to see that fears are not the problem, but fusion with them and acting on them sure creates suffering. In 12 steps, I sadly hear a lot of fusion with fear. A lot of fear of fear, if you will. Fear is BAD, something to get rid of ASAP, something dangerous. The only fear that is good and "healthy" is the fear of "going out". If you don't have this fear, you better get it. "Don't drink and Don't die" is what I hear a lot. It's hard after my experience with ACT to hear so much fusion with naturally occurring thoughts and feelings. I honestly don't have a fear of "going out", don't have a fear of dying by relapse. I do have a fear of wasting one more moment of my precious life. Now that is a real loving concern that I can wrap my arms around and

listen to more closely. To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, April 1, 2012 8:03 AM Subject: Re: Re: Must fear be overcome?

The concept of not letting fear stop you, which was indeed prevalent in the self-help books of the 80's, was actually the catalyst that got me back into college in 1986 to finish my degree that I had started many years earlier. I also think you have to honor and respect your fears. They are there for a reason and sometimes they can stop you from making a mistake. However, it is tragic if they stop you from fulfilling your potential. My fear was that I would be unable to "compete" with the traditional age students in college. As it turned out, those students actually complained about me for throwing off the curve in classes that were graded on the curve. My fears, as so many fears, were completely unfounded.HelenaTo: "ACT for the Public"

<ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, April 1, 2012 10:51:42 AMSubject: Re: Must fear be overcome?

Hi all, it would appear that Ms. Jeffers, and others, are using a variation of a much older quote, from someone I respect much more than most of today's `self-help' authors . "Always do what you are afraid to do" Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 –1882)

I think this would make a great 'fridge magnet. Wanda

> > >

> > > Interesting article in the Financial Times (of all places) that refers

> > to ACT :

> > >

> > >

> > http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/1dc1ecea-396f-11e0-97ca-00144feabdc0.html#axzz\

> > 1qdErVCiH

> > >

> > > In fact the author is a philosophical counsellor and a supporter of

> > ACT, as she says at

> > http://www.antoniamacaro.com/Site/who_I_am_and_what_Im_doing.html

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Nicely put.D

 

i haven't read this entire thread, but i am coming to see that fears are not the problem, but fusion with them and acting on them sure creates suffering. In 12 steps, I sadly hear a lot of fusion with fear.   A lot of fear of fear, if you will. Fear is BAD, something to get rid of ASAP, something dangerous. The only fear that is good and " healthy " is the fear of " going out " . If you don't have this fear, you better get it. " Don't drink and Don't die " is what I hear a lot. It's hard after my experience with ACT to hear so much fusion with naturally occurring thoughts and feelings. I honestly don't have a fear of " going out " , don't have a fear of dying by relapse. I do have a fear of wasting one more moment of my precious life. Now that is a real loving concern that I can wrap my arms around and

listen to more closely.

-- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@...

[Guest guest]

When I was young I feared death intensley, but now I am older I often

think who cares! But I am sure I was much healthier in my views about

death when I was a child. The world was beautiful, and was just too

gorgeous to ever leave. I hope one day I get those amazing feelings

back.

Kv

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > i haven't read this entire thread, but i am coming to see that fears

are

> > not the problem, but fusion with them and acting on them sure

creates

> > suffering. In 12 steps, I sadly hear a lot of fusion with fear. A

lot of

> > fear of fear, if you will. Fear is BAD, something to get rid of

ASAP,

> > something dangerous. The only fear that is good and " healthy " is the

fear

> > of " going out " . If you don't have this fear, you better get it.

" Don't

> > drink and Don't die " is what I hear a lot. It's hard after my

experience

> > with ACT to hear so much fusion with naturally occurring thoughts

and

> > feelings. I honestly don't have a fear of " going out " , don't have a

fear of

> > dying by relapse. I do have a fear of wasting one more moment of my

> > precious life. Now that is a real loving concern that I can wrap my

arms

> > around and listen to more closely.

> >

> >

>

> --

> Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-T

> Rochester, NY, US

> http://darrellking.com

> DarrellGKing@...

>

[Guest guest]

Fearing death is a good thing because life is fabulous. Or should be

one day again, when we have got our lives back. Even ten years of

enlightmement at the end of our lives is worth every penny of hard work

we have put in.

Kv

..

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > i haven't read this entire thread, but i am coming to see that

fears

> are

> > > not the problem, but fusion with them and acting on them sure

> creates

> > > suffering. In 12 steps, I sadly hear a lot of fusion with fear. A

> lot of

> > > fear of fear, if you will. Fear is BAD, something to get rid of

> ASAP,

> > > something dangerous. The only fear that is good and " healthy " is

the

> fear

> > > of " going out " . If you don't have this fear, you better get it.

> " Don't

> > > drink and Don't die " is what I hear a lot. It's hard after my

> experience

> > > with ACT to hear so much fusion with naturally occurring thoughts

> and

> > > feelings. I honestly don't have a fear of " going out " , don't have

a

> fear of

> > > dying by relapse. I do have a fear of wasting one more moment of

my

> > > precious life. Now that is a real loving concern that I can wrap

my

> arms

> > > around and listen to more closely.

> > >

> > >

> >

> > --

> > Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-T

> > Rochester, NY, US

> > http://darrellking.com

> > DarrellGKing@

> >

>

[Guest guest]

In the softer world of choice, not of blame and shame, " one day " is today. In that bittersweet world, " one day " is now.I had the TV on this morning. My six year old was watching.

A science show was on and the announcer said " there are billion of galaxies, each with billions of stars. " My son looked at me and said " that's a lot. "

This film below speaks to this bitterweet quality of being here  (I think I posted it earlier ... stillI love it)

We are walking where millions of our ancestors other walked. Theirstruggles and vitality gave birth to us. Some of our ancestors died in childbirthor we would not exist. Some father fought a fire to save an ancestor and died doing so.

Some mother gave food at her expense. Countless others have struggled and even died ...in a way, for us.We are not special. Our suffering is not unique. If we struggle or we do not struggle, life will

go on regardless. If we hurt or we do not hurt, fear or do not fear, life will move forward. All the drama is just our attempt to be other than who we are.Special. Unique. Grand. If not grand in our achievement, then at least

grand in our suffering. It's not true.Tolle said something I rather like: the story of the human ego is a tragedy and a comedy at the same time.And meanwhile, as we walk where millions of others have walked,

all around us there is something special. Look. Unique. Grand. Here it is. " One day " could indeed be today.Or maybe even now.Your fellow traveler

- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing "

*******

 

Fearing death is a good thing because life is fabulous. Or should be

one day again, when we have got our lives back. Even ten years of

enlightmement at the end of our lives is worth every penny of hard work

we have put in.

Kv

..

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > i haven't read this entire thread, but i am coming to see that

fears

> are

> > > not the problem, but fusion with them and acting on them sure

> creates

> > > suffering. In 12 steps, I sadly hear a lot of fusion with fear. A

> lot of

> > > fear of fear, if you will. Fear is BAD, something to get rid of

> ASAP,

> > > something dangerous. The only fear that is good and " healthy " is

the

> fear

> > > of " going out " . If you don't have this fear, you better get it.

> " Don't

> > > drink and Don't die " is what I hear a lot. It's hard after my

> experience

> > > with ACT to hear so much fusion with naturally occurring thoughts

> and

> > > feelings. I honestly don't have a fear of " going out " , don't have

a

> fear of

> > > dying by relapse. I do have a fear of wasting one more moment of

my

> > > precious life. Now that is a real loving concern that I can wrap

my

> arms

> > > around and listen to more closely.

> > >

> > >

> >

> > --

> > Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-T

> > Rochester, NY, US

> > http://darrellking.com

> > DarrellGKing@

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Just me, Kv, but it seems the clue to success is in the mindfully immediacy of the child, a natural state for them secondary to the incomplete rain development (or, at least that is one theory). Things are right because attention is not diffused.

The key to finding the feelings is in finding the original, beginner's mind. Mindfulness.D

 

When I was young I feared death intensley, but now I am older I often

think who cares! But I am sure I was much healthier in my views about

death when I was a child. The world was beautiful, and was just too

gorgeous to ever leave. I hope one day I get those amazing feelings

back.

Kv

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > i haven't read this entire thread, but i am coming to see that fears

are

> > not the problem, but fusion with them and acting on them sure

creates

> > suffering. In 12 steps, I sadly hear a lot of fusion with fear. A

lot of

> > fear of fear, if you will. Fear is BAD, something to get rid of

ASAP,

> > something dangerous. The only fear that is good and " healthy " is the

fear

> > of " going out " . If you don't have this fear, you better get it.

" Don't

> > drink and Don't die " is what I hear a lot. It's hard after my

experience

> > with ACT to hear so much fusion with naturally occurring thoughts

and

> > feelings. I honestly don't have a fear of " going out " , don't have a

fear of

> > dying by relapse. I do have a fear of wasting one more moment of my

> > precious life. Now that is a real loving concern that I can wrap my

arms

> > around and listen to more closely.

> >

> >

>

> --

> Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-T

> Rochester, NY, US

> http://darrellking.com

> DarrellGKing@...

>

-- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@...