new to group

[Guest guest]

Welcome Kate, we have no special format. Some folks put their starting

weight, current weight, and weight to goal at the end of their sigs. Some

don't. Our archives have some recipes. Ask for whatever help you need. We

tend to discourage whining and feeling sorry for yourself. Again, Welcome!

[Guest guest]

Hi Kate,

Welcome and nice to meet you.

Proud Mama to:

Nikolas Vasily (b. 12/19/96/a.12/97 from Irkutsk, Russia)

Tatiana (b 11/09/98)

Caleb Dimitri (b 02/23/01)

[Guest guest]

Kate,

Welcome to the list!!! This is a wonderful group of people who know just when

to offer a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen with, or a swift kick in the

heiney to get you back on program!

~~Kim~~

========Original Message========

Subj: New to Group

Date: 5/2/2002 5:18:17 PM Eastern Daylight Time

From: <A HREF= " mailto:katefifty@... " >katefifty@...</A>

Reply-to: <A

HREF= " mailto:Serious-Weight-Watchers " >Serious-Weight-Watchers@ya\

hoogroups.com</A>

To: <A

HREF= " mailto:Serious-Weight-Watchers " >Serious-Weight-Watchers@ya\

hoogroups.com</A>

Sent from the Internet (Details)

Hello,

After a bit of a struggle getting Yahoo to verify my e-mail address, I

successfully joined this group late last night. I have been on WW for the

last 13 months and am anxious to have the support of others who seem to be

committed to aggressively working the program.

Please let me know if you have a particular inroduction format or if you just

want some basic info about me-- or not. I look forard to getting to know all

of you.

Kate

Katefifty@...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/2/2002 5:18:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

katefifty@... writes:

>

> Please let me know if you have a particular inroduction format or if you

> just want some basic info about me-- or not. I look forard to getting to

> know all of you.

>

>

I'd say, just let us know who you are, and what we can do for you. As I can

attest (from the last couple of days), this is a very motivating and

supportive group. The occassional bruise on your hiney (from bumping you

back on track) will be the perfect compliment to your program. At least, it

is to mine!

Welcome, Kate!

-Crys-

171.4 / 144.4 / 135.0 Lost 27.2 since 11/2/01, lost 10% on 1/16/02

I'm not saying there was nothing wrong; I didn't think you'd ever get tired

of me. But, if that's how you're gonna leave - straight out from underneath -

then we'll see who's sorry now............... Matchbox Twenty

[Guest guest]

Shishkabobs are awesome for cookouts. You get tons of free veggies,

separate them with pieces of lean beef (marinated), chicken, or my

favorite...shrimp. (Shrimp is so low in points, you'll make it your new

best friend if you like it.) For extra flavor I skewered each shrimp

(the other night) between a slice of onion and a clove of garlic. Didn't

eat the garlic, but it added a wonderful flavor. I did two really big

kabobs (using the long metal skewers, that are about 2 feet long, a

little more) with potatoes, zucchini, cherry tomato, onion, garlic,

mushroom, and five shrimp on each one. Added a side of rice and a salad

for a very nice, low point meal. The kabobs total were 4 points (for

potatoes and shrimp), the rice 4 (1 cup), and the salad 2 (I added an

ounce of salad shrimp). I love BIG dinners (I don't do a lot of snacking

between meals, just after dinner, so I'm hungry by dinner.) This one was

huge!

Coleslaw can certainly use FF mayo or ff Miracle Whip. Of course

desserts can use ff cool whip, splenda, sf jellos, or just be plain old

naked fruit.

Add more salads and use FF dressings. I eat a salad almost every night

to accompany my meals. My favorite is to add some salad shrimp for an

extra little something.

Portabello burgers are awesome, if you're a fungus kinda gal. I love

them. They grill up nicely when marinated in a fat free dressing, or

even just a spritz of garlic flavored Pam or something. They are free,

so if you add cheese you only have to count the cheese and the bun.

Tonight's dinner was 4 ounces salmon fillet (on BBQ with a little garlic

salt, slices of onion, and dill), zucchini steamed in a foil wrap, fresh

corn on the cob, grilled, shrimp salad, and leftover rice. Came to 9.5

points.

Oooh, strawberry shortcake...the little cake cups are 2 points, cool

whip free is free (unless you go overboard), strawberries are 1 point

for 1.5 cups, add a little splenda if they need it and you can have a

wonderful summer dessert for three points!

> new to group

>

>

> Hello everyone. I looked up the McD's chicken flatbread, it is 13

> points! without dressing is 10, & without cheese & dressing is 7.

>

> I'm in my 8th week of WW. I'm looking for recipes to lighten up my

> summer BBQ's. Does anyone have any good recipes. To lighten potato

> salad is it better to use FF mayo & FF sour cream or FF mayo & FF

> plain yogurt? I've seen recipes for both.

>

> Thanks!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh! Almost forgot, fat free hot dogs are wonderful...one point each. Get

the name brand ones because they taste better. I actually like them more

than the regular ones. Add a 2 point bun, lots of ketchup, mustard, and

a little relish and it stays to 3 points and you're enjoying your dogs

with the rest of the family. (In fact, I seriously doubt the rest of the

family would even notice.) Wow potato chips are 1 point per serving, as

are fat free Pringles (1 serving is 15 chips). Just don't go overboard

because some people have problems with the non-digestible fat.

I also ways have SF jello in the fridge. Wonderfully cooling dessert or

snack. Oh, and if you have one of those ice shaver things from Pampered

Chef, freeze SF jello or FF yogurt in the little thingy, shave them, you

have an awesome dessert that is 0 or 2 points (depending on what you

use).

Otter Pops are my friend, especially since I have a sore throat right

now. One is 20 calories so I count it as 0 points, but if I have more

than one I count a point.

Oh oh, and Boca Burgers are great, and some of them are only one point.

Much nicer than the 5-7 point hamburger patties. A nice cheese sub if

you don't like the plastic wrapped stuff, is to melt a wedge of Laughing

Cow cheese and spread it on the hamburger bun. Wonderful flavor!

> new to group

>

>

> Hello everyone. I looked up the McD's chicken flatbread, it is 13

> points! without dressing is 10, & without cheese & dressing is 7.

>

> I'm in my 8th week of WW. I'm looking for recipes to lighten up my

> summer BBQ's. Does anyone have any good recipes. To lighten potato

> salad is it better to use FF mayo & FF sour cream or FF mayo & FF

> plain yogurt? I've seen recipes for both.

>

> Thanks!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

They have the portabellos at the grocery store and they are AWESOME!

Trader Joes usually carries them to. In fact, I think I'll have one for

lunch.

I remember what it was like to be a starving student. In fact, that was

when I gained the most weight because I couldn't afford to eat healthy.

We had a grocery budget for two of $50 a month and that didn't go very

far. I even remember one point where all we had in the house was a bag

of granola and a block of cream cheese my mother gave us. I hated that

time, but I got through it...we got through it. It makes me appreciate

all I have now. I don't make a lot of money, I'm a teacher, but compared

to how we lived when we were in college (we were married at the time),

man I feel like a millionaire!

Just got back from Curves and running...mile and 3/4 today! Woo! It's

getting better all the time! Now I'm going to sit down and study for my

stupid A+ test (grumble) while my husband makes me lunch. Later on we're

heading to a Mariners game!

> new to group

> > >

> > >

> > > Hello everyone. I looked up the McD's chicken flatbread, it is

> 13

> > > points! without dressing is 10, & without cheese & dressing is

> 7.

> > >

> > > I'm in my 8th week of WW. I'm looking for recipes to lighten up

> my

> > > summer BBQ's. Does anyone have any good recipes. To lighten

> potato

> > > salad is it better to use FF mayo & FF sour cream or FF mayo &

> FF

> > > plain yogurt? I've seen recipes for both.

> > >

> > > Thanks!

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I think my dad is bpd. I have been living back with them (parents)

for five years. I have a little cabin on their property but my

computer is in their house. As I was reading through the messages on

here my dad barged in the room (without knocking) several times, and

then the last time walked up behind me and read what was on the

screen (he couldn't have made out much, he was just snooping). When

I turned around and stared at him he walked out of the room and

said " kiss my *ss " . This is how my life has been for the last 5

years. I think that is kind of an example, although he rages and

lies too. For instance if I told my mother about what just happened

he'd lie about it and turn it around like I was the perpetrator. He

got caught by her viewing pornography and talking to women online,

(and banned from the internet by my mother) and every since then

he's been overly interested in my computer activity. It's upsetting

to me because porn in general is not interesting to me and most of

it grosses me out. This projection of his hurts me but it's not a

topic I want to broach with him; I would get bp rage and denial if

I did. I came to live with them after caring for a relative and

thought I would be here for a couple of years and it's been 5. I am

now obese, and my health is wrecked. I am a shell of the person I

was when I came here five years ago. There is no way for me to 'win'

any interaction with him and this is how he wants it. Sometimes I

think he wants to destroy me, push me over the edge until...well,

it's a drastic thing to say but that is how I feel. He certainly

wants I feel like there is no room for me to 'be' around he and my

mother (although when my mom and I are alone we get along well,

which threatens him), no room for me to 'live'. I left home at 19

and stayed gone for 15 years. Long enough to forget. I guess I

wanted to believe I was over-reacting as a child but now I know I

was incredibly resilient to have gottent through it. But I didn't,

because I ended up right back here. And now I am in dire financial

straits and can't even see a way out. It's miserable. I guess I am

dumping in this post...I need some hope right now.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for that reply. I can't afford to live on my own right now,

and I can't afford *any* kind of therapy that isn't free. There is

no quick fix. I just learned about the bpd stuff and made the

connection with my dad a few days ago. If I had a magic wand and

could wave it I would, the only thing keeping me here is finances.

I'm not willing to resort to crime to support myself, lol, so what I

came to this list for is to learn how to cope with the bpd behaviors

so I can get through this next year and a half at which point I will

(hopefully, god-willing) have a degree that is in demand and not

have to worry about job security. What I have learned so far reading

some of the lists has actually helped me, it helped me with the

situation yesterday because I did not confront, I just let it go by.

And I didn't talk to my mother about it or send her an e-mail

defending myself. Even though I can't leave right away I am here on

the group to learn and I hope that there are more choices than that

for the moment because I have stranded myself up the creek without a

paddle financially before (it's why I left college and went to work

in the first place when I left home the first time) and I don't want

to screw myself again like that, if I left now I would be homeless

or in the Salvation Army shelter. I really appreciate all your

feedback though, it is a good reality check. I am a little jaded

about the 'big world out there' though; I've had my share of it and

I'm not really impressed so getting 'out in the world' isn't much of

a motivator. What I want is a house and a secure job or degree,

which I will have in a short time if I don't let this drama and my

reactions to it derail me.

This is very true:

" It seems you've settled for this living arrangement at a HUGE cost

> to your well-being, emotional health and sanity, which is

priceless. "

Yep, I got myself into this mess when I left my job in another state

to care for my grandmother. That was not a good decision, although

she did need a caretaker. I know that now. When my parents offered

to let me stay here after she passed away, I rationalized that I'd

be able to deal with it. I had spent so little time around them over

the 15 years I was on my own that alot of it had faded to the past;

plus I was overconfident in my 'recovery' & ability to handle it.

Hindsight is 20/20.

You are so right about the presence being 'overpowering'. It's

depressing but it's true. argghhh...

>

> You need to get out of there. You're too enmeshed in this

> emotionally volatile and unhealthy situation. (I read your other

> post before I read this one.)

>

> You need to live your own life. I think on some level, you know

> that. The prospect of living on your own must scare you because

1)

> you've stayed in this situation for the last 5 years, and 2) you

> keep wanting to change THEM so that it would be easier to stay,

> instead of looking at the natural option to leave and strike out

on

> your own. It's just easier to manage them, right?

>

> If I were you, I'd take the time to ask myself: Is this the life

> you want? The preferred victim of a BPD father? Getting into

daily

> arguments with a man whose emotional age is that of an angry

> child?

>

> There's a big world out there just waiting for you to go out and

> take a bite out of it. Why retreat from it and settle for this

> insanity? Maybe a good therapist can help you sort out what is

> scaring you about living on your own.

>

> Sure, it looks like you've got a free place to live -- but even

your

> computer is in their house, making you further enmeshed with

them.

> It seems you've settled for this living arrangement at a HUGE cost

> to your well-being, emotional health and sanity, which is

priceless.

>

> It's as if you've faded into the background of their life. What

> about YOUR life? You were born with the basic human right of

having

> your own life in the world -- every human being is created with

> special talents and gifts, and there is a life out there waiting

for

> you that uses your talents and gifts. The aspects of you that

make

> you unique -- that make you YOU. I hate to see it buried beneath

> the overpowering presence of a BPD.

>

> -Kyla

>

[Guest guest]

Don't lose hope, mayalisa! I gained the MOST help from sharing in

the collective experience of this board, and reading some of the

books recommended. Therapy was kind of the icing on the cake, but I

did most of the work right here!

If you like, I can list some of the favorites that have been

recommended by members here.

And if you can't make a move for financial reasons, then get good at

boundaries. You can do it -- people do it all the time. And look

at the bright side: you'll get tons of practice! When a day in the

future comes when you CAN move out (if you even want to), you'll be

practically bulletproof!

-Kyla

> >

> > You need to get out of there. You're too enmeshed in this

> > emotionally volatile and unhealthy situation. (I read your

other

> > post before I read this one.)

> >

> > You need to live your own life. I think on some level, you know

> > that. The prospect of living on your own must scare you because

> 1)

> > you've stayed in this situation for the last 5 years, and 2) you

> > keep wanting to change THEM so that it would be easier to stay,

> > instead of looking at the natural option to leave and strike out

> on

> > your own. It's just easier to manage them, right?

> >

> > If I were you, I'd take the time to ask myself: Is this the

life

> > you want? The preferred victim of a BPD father? Getting into

> daily

> > arguments with a man whose emotional age is that of an angry

> > child?

> >

> > There's a big world out there just waiting for you to go out and

> > take a bite out of it. Why retreat from it and settle for this

> > insanity? Maybe a good therapist can help you sort out what is

> > scaring you about living on your own.

> >

> > Sure, it looks like you've got a free place to live -- but even

> your

> > computer is in their house, making you further enmeshed with

> them.

> > It seems you've settled for this living arrangement at a HUGE

cost

> > to your well-being, emotional health and sanity, which is

> priceless.

> >

> > It's as if you've faded into the background of their life. What

> > about YOUR life? You were born with the basic human right of

> having

> > your own life in the world -- every human being is created with

> > special talents and gifts, and there is a life out there waiting

> for

> > you that uses your talents and gifts. The aspects of you that

> make

> > you unique -- that make you YOU. I hate to see it buried

beneath

> > the overpowering presence of a BPD.

> >

> > -Kyla

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hey there,

I know how hard it is to get out of situations like this--I moved in with my

lunatic nada for almost a year after graduating from college but I finally

snapped. That overbearing presence became too unbearable and I had to do

something. I moved in with friends and then into a shared apartment I'd found

on craigslist. I worked three jobs, my roomates were slobs but it was $350 and

I was FREE and there's not enough that can be said for that.

I know how hard it can be to work out finances and we'll all support you no

matter what you decide but committing, mentally, to living another day with a

BP, not to mention another year and a half, seems tragic.

Good luck, I'll keep you in my thoughts!

mayalisa728 wrote:

Thanks for that reply. I can't afford to live on my own right now,

and I can't afford *any* kind of therapy that isn't free. There is

no quick fix. I just learned about the bpd stuff and made the

connection with my dad a few days ago. If I had a magic wand and

could wave it I would, the only thing keeping me here is finances.

I'm not willing to resort to crime to support myself, lol, so what I

came to this list for is to learn how to cope with the bpd behaviors

so I can get through this next year and a half at which point I will

(hopefully, god-willing) have a degree that is in demand and not

have to worry about job security. What I have learned so far reading

some of the lists has actually helped me, it helped me with the

situation yesterday because I did not confront, I just let it go by.

And I didn't talk to my mother about it or send her an e-mail

defending myself. Even though I can't leave right away I am here on

the group to learn and I hope that there are more choices than that

for the moment because I have stranded myself up the creek without a

paddle financially before (it's why I left college and went to work

in the first place when I left home the first time) and I don't want

to screw myself again like that, if I left now I would be homeless

or in the Salvation Army shelter. I really appreciate all your

feedback though, it is a good reality check. I am a little jaded

about the 'big world out there' though; I've had my share of it and

I'm not really impressed so getting 'out in the world' isn't much of

a motivator. What I want is a house and a secure job or degree,

which I will have in a short time if I don't let this drama and my

reactions to it derail me.

This is very true:

" It seems you've settled for this living arrangement at a HUGE cost

> to your well-being, emotional health and sanity, which is

priceless. "

Yep, I got myself into this mess when I left my job in another state

to care for my grandmother. That was not a good decision, although

she did need a caretaker. I know that now. When my parents offered

to let me stay here after she passed away, I rationalized that I'd

be able to deal with it. I had spent so little time around them over

the 15 years I was on my own that alot of it had faded to the past;

plus I was overconfident in my 'recovery' & ability to handle it.

Hindsight is 20/20.

You are so right about the presence being 'overpowering'. It's

depressing but it's true. argghhh...

>

> You need to get out of there. You're too enmeshed in this

> emotionally volatile and unhealthy situation. (I read your other

> post before I read this one.)

>

> You need to live your own life. I think on some level, you know

> that. The prospect of living on your own must scare you because

1)

> you've stayed in this situation for the last 5 years, and 2) you

> keep wanting to change THEM so that it would be easier to stay,

> instead of looking at the natural option to leave and strike out

on

> your own. It's just easier to manage them, right?

>

> If I were you, I'd take the time to ask myself: Is this the life

> you want? The preferred victim of a BPD father? Getting into

daily

> arguments with a man whose emotional age is that of an angry

> child?

>

> There's a big world out there just waiting for you to go out and

> take a bite out of it. Why retreat from it and settle for this

> insanity? Maybe a good therapist can help you sort out what is

> scaring you about living on your own.

>

> Sure, it looks like you've got a free place to live -- but even

your

> computer is in their house, making you further enmeshed with

them.

> It seems you've settled for this living arrangement at a HUGE cost

> to your well-being, emotional health and sanity, which is

priceless.

>

> It's as if you've faded into the background of their life. What

> about YOUR life? You were born with the basic human right of

having

> your own life in the world -- every human being is created with

> special talents and gifts, and there is a life out there waiting

for

> you that uses your talents and gifts. The aspects of you that

make

> you unique -- that make you YOU. I hate to see it buried beneath

> the overpowering presence of a BPD.

>

> -Kyla

>

---------------------------------

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