Guest guest Posted February 2, 2008 Report Share Posted February 2, 2008 Hi everybody! I'm on here reading all the time, but it's been sometime since I posted last. My last post was about my brothers and sister losing their dad and my grandfada and BPD grandnada taking over eveything. Things have just escalated since then, and my nineteen-year old brother had to hire a lawyer and is having to grow up so much faster than he should. He's doing fantastically, btw. I am so proud of him. Anyway, throughout this whole ordeal, my veiw of my grandfada has changed dramatically. While I was growing up with them, I saw him as the long-suffering dishrag type of man. But now, I have come to the conclusion he's just as bad as she is. I have come to think he's just a manipulative narcissist. So, I'm wondering, what are the odds he changed at some point? Part of me thinks he's probably always been like that and I was just illusioned. Another part of me wants to think my grandnada made him that way. Honestly, i'd really like to blame her for that. Also, I'm wondering the appropriate way to deal with a manipulative narcissist, because telling him he's wrong just doesn't seem to work. Thanks, neko-jaimie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2008 Report Share Posted February 2, 2008 Hi neko_jaimie, You're right - - trying to tell a maniuplative narcissist anything is a waste of breath. They are always right - reasoning doesn't work for long and then they are right back to their old tricks. I've found with my fada, that LC works best - and getting out of there as soon as I can see he's heading toward manipulation. I've been known to pop up right in the middle of a conversation and say - 'Well, I have to go now' and leave.. That's all I learned so far -- staying away and getting away. Also, not trying to use logic about his irrational demands. I just state simply what I will or won't (or can or can't) do and close the subject. End of story, case closed, I'm gone. If it is something I'm willing/able to do -- even though it may not be logical to me -- I just do it and shut up. Example: his doctor told him to take a certain dosage of a vitamin supplement. I found what he needed, but it was combined with another vitamin that is needed to support that one -- and it was in a different milligram. No problem, you just adjust the number you take. NO, that would not do! I could see that he was not budging, so I nicely complied and did not try to convince him. A small example, but got me out of a situation that used to cause me brain-damage! Surprisingly with mine, he turns to his next 'prospect' to get his demands met and never misses a beat. Hope this helps some -- maybe others can offer more ideas to us. AZClown Narcissist Hi everybody! I'm on here reading all the time, but it's been sometime since I posted last. My last post was about my brothers and sister losing their dad and my grandfada and BPD grandnada taking over eveything. Things have just escalated since then, and my nineteen-year old brother had to hire a lawyer and is having to grow up so much faster than he should. He's doing fantastically, btw. I am so proud of him. Anyway, throughout this whole ordeal, my veiw of my grandfada has changed dramatically. While I was growing up with them, I saw him as the long-suffering dishrag type of man. But now, I have come to the conclusion he's just as bad as she is. I have come to think he's just a manipulative narcissist. So, I'm wondering, what are the odds he changed at some point? Part of me thinks he's probably always been like that and I was just illusioned. Another part of me wants to think my grandnada made him that way. Honestly, i'd really like to blame her for that. Also, I'm wondering the appropriate way to deal with a manipulative narcissist, because telling him he's wrong just doesn't seem to work. Thanks, neko-jaimie ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 I'm in the middle of reading " children of the self-absorbed, a grown- ups guide to getting over narcissistic parents " and it has been really helpful with ideas. I also believe there's a workbook that accompanies it that can help you sort out how to deal with things- Good Luck to you! amber > > Hi neko_jaimie, > You're right - - trying to tell a maniuplative narcissist anything is a waste of breath. They are always right - reasoning doesn't work for long and then they are right back to their old tricks. I've found with my fada, that LC works best - and getting out of there as soon as I can see he's heading toward manipulation. I've been known to pop up right in the middle of a conversation and say - 'Well, I have to go now' and leave.. > > That's all I learned so far -- staying away and getting away. Also, not trying to use logic about his irrational demands. I just state simply what I will or won't (or can or can't) do and close the subject. End of story, case closed, I'm gone. > > If it is something I'm willing/able to do -- even though it may not be logical to me -- I just do it and shut up. Example: his doctor told him to take a certain dosage of a vitamin supplement. I found what he needed, but it was combined with another vitamin that is needed to support that one -- and it was in a different milligram. No problem, you just adjust the number you take. NO, that would not do! I could see that he was not budging, so I nicely complied and did not try to convince him. A small example, but got me out of a situation that used to cause me brain-damage! > > Surprisingly with mine, he turns to his next 'prospect' to get his demands met and never misses a beat. > > Hope this helps some -- maybe others can offer more ideas to us. > AZClown > > > > > Narcissist > > Hi everybody! I'm on here reading all the time, but it's been > sometime since I posted last. > > My last post was about my brothers and sister losing their dad and my > grandfada and BPD grandnada taking over eveything. Things have just > escalated since then, and my nineteen-year old brother had to hire a > lawyer and is having to grow up so much faster than he should. He's > doing fantastically, btw. I am so proud of him. > > Anyway, throughout this whole ordeal, my veiw of my grandfada has > changed dramatically. While I was growing up with them, I saw him as > the long-suffering dishrag type of man. But now, I have come to the > conclusion he's just as bad as she is. I have come to think he's just > a manipulative narcissist. So, I'm wondering, what are the odds he > changed at some point? Part of me thinks he's probably always been > like that and I was just illusioned. Another part of me wants to > think my grandnada made him that way. Honestly, i'd really like to > blame her for that. Also, I'm wondering the appropriate way to > deal with a manipulative narcissist, because telling him he's wrong > just doesn't seem to work. > > Thanks, > > neko-jaimie > > > > > > ______________________________________________________________________ ______________ > Be a better friend, newshound, and > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 Narcissists drive me crazy. That's the one thing, I can't handle and don't want to...when someone is so completely self absorbed that they fail to even acknowledge that others around them have needs. They don't like me either. Because, I stand up to them and defend people they are trying to put down. I point out to them that they are completely self absorbed and need to get over themselves. Probably not the best tactic. But, it works for me. > > > > Hi neko_jaimie, > > You're right - - trying to tell a maniuplative narcissist anything > is a waste of breath. They are always right - reasoning doesn't work > for long and then they are right back to their old tricks. I've > found with my fada, that LC works best - and getting out of there as > soon as I can see he's heading toward manipulation. I've been known > to pop up right in the middle of a conversation and say - 'Well, I > have to go now' and leave.. > > > > That's all I learned so far -- staying away and getting away. > Also, not trying to use logic about his irrational demands. I just > state simply what I will or won't (or can or can't) do and close the > subject. End of story, case closed, I'm gone. > > > > If it is something I'm willing/able to do -- even though it may > not be logical to me -- I just do it and shut up. Example: his > doctor told him to take a certain dosage of a vitamin supplement. I > found what he needed, but it was combined with another vitamin that > is needed to support that one -- and it was in a different > milligram. No problem, you just adjust the number you take. NO, > that would not do! I could see that he was not budging, so I nicely > complied and did not try to convince him. A small example, but got > me out of a situation that used to cause me brain-damage! > > > > Surprisingly with mine, he turns to his next 'prospect' to get his > demands met and never misses a beat. > > > > Hope this helps some -- maybe others can offer more ideas to us. > > AZClown > > > > > > > > > > Narcissist > > > > Hi everybody! I'm on here reading all the time, but it's been > > sometime since I posted last. > > > > My last post was about my brothers and sister losing their dad and > my > > grandfada and BPD grandnada taking over eveything. Things have just > > escalated since then, and my nineteen-year old brother had to hire > a > > lawyer and is having to grow up so much faster than he should. He's > > doing fantastically, btw. I am so proud of him. > > > > Anyway, throughout this whole ordeal, my veiw of my grandfada has > > changed dramatically. While I was growing up with them, I saw him > as > > the long-suffering dishrag type of man. But now, I have come to the > > conclusion he's just as bad as she is. I have come to think he's > just > > a manipulative narcissist. So, I'm wondering, what are the odds he > > changed at some point? Part of me thinks he's probably always been > > like that and I was just illusioned. Another part of me wants to > > think my grandnada made him that way. Honestly, i'd really like to > > blame her for that. Also, I'm wondering the appropriate way to > > deal with a manipulative narcissist, because telling him he's wrong > > just doesn't seem to work. > > > > Thanks, > > > > neko-jaimie > > > > > > > > > > > > > _____________________________________________________________________ _ > ______________ > > Be a better friend, newshound, and > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 Is it common for BPDs to end up in marriages/relationships with narcissists? I mean, not to play psychiatrist, but several family members have commented (and I totally agree) that my mother's husband is probably a narcissist. When I was searching on amazon for BPD books, there was actually one about the narcissist/borderline couple. But I don't know if that was just one of those really specific books for professionals or what. --- friendsofcam wrote: > Narcissists drive me crazy. That's the one thing, > I can't handle > and don't want to...when someone is so completely > self absorbed that > they fail to even acknowledge that others around > them have needs. > > They don't like me either. Because, I stand up to > them and defend > people they are trying to put down. I point out to > them that they > are completely self absorbed and need to get over > themselves. > Probably not the best tactic. But, it works for me. > > > > > > > > > > Hi neko_jaimie, > > > You're right - - trying to tell a maniuplative > narcissist > anything > > is a waste of breath. They are always right - > reasoning doesn't > work > > for long and then they are right back to their old > tricks. I've > > found with my fada, that LC works best - and > getting out of there > as > > soon as I can see he's heading toward > manipulation. I've been > known > > to pop up right in the middle of a conversation > and say - 'Well, I > > have to go now' and leave.. > > > > > > That's all I learned so far -- staying away and > getting away. > > Also, not trying to use logic about his irrational > demands. I > just > > state simply what I will or won't (or can or > can't) do and close > the > > subject. End of story, case closed, I'm gone. > > > > > > If it is something I'm willing/able to do -- > even though it may > > not be logical to me -- I just do it and shut up. > Example: his > > doctor told him to take a certain dosage of a > vitamin supplement. > I > > found what he needed, but it was combined with > another vitamin > that > > is needed to support that one -- and it was in a > different > > milligram. No problem, you just adjust the number > you take. NO, > > that would not do! I could see that he was not > budging, so I > nicely > > complied and did not try to convince him. A small > example, but > got > > me out of a situation that used to cause me > brain-damage! > > > > > > Surprisingly with mine, he turns to his next > 'prospect' to get > his > > demands met and never misses a beat. > > > > > > Hope this helps some -- maybe others can offer > more ideas to us. > > > AZClown > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Narcissist > > > > > > Hi everybody! I'm on here reading all the time, > but it's been > > > sometime since I posted last. > > > > > > My last post was about my brothers and sister > losing their dad > and > > my > > > grandfada and BPD grandnada taking over > eveything. Things have > just > > > escalated since then, and my nineteen-year old > brother had to > hire > > a > > > lawyer and is having to grow up so much faster > than he should. > He's > > > doing fantastically, btw. I am so proud of him. > > > > > > Anyway, throughout this whole ordeal, my veiw of > my grandfada > has > > > changed dramatically. While I was growing up > with them, I saw > him > > as > > > the long-suffering dishrag type of man. But now, > I have come to > the > > > conclusion he's just as bad as she is. I have > come to think he's > > just > > > a manipulative narcissist. So, I'm wondering, > what are the odds > he > > > changed at some point? Part of me thinks he's > probably always > been > > > like that and I was just illusioned. Another > part of me wants to > > > think my grandnada made him that way. Honestly, > i'd really like > to > > > blame her for that. Also, I'm wondering the > appropriate way > to > > > deal with a manipulative narcissist, because > telling him he's > wrong > > > just doesn't seem to work. > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > neko-jaimie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > _____________________________________________________________________ > _ > > ______________ > > > Be a better friend, newshound, and > > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for > help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT > CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " > call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We > also refer to “Understanding the Borderline Mother” > (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome > to the WTO community! > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online > Community === message truncated === ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 > > Is it common for BPDs to end up in > marriages/relationships with narcissists? > Yes, particularly the " queen " subtype (see UTBM). kt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.