Taking time off work

[Guest guest]

Hello friends. I've been signed off work by my GP (initially for a month). I've made some mistakes at work, which has shattered my confidence, and has caused difficulties for colleagues. But now I am stuck in a cycle of panic, and unable to think straight whenever I pick up my work... which led me to my GP. I have a tough choice of whether or not to use the sick note or not. I can see a few consequences. First, for my bosses, it is a signal that I cannot handle the pressures of the job (as if the recent mistakes were not enough - and this is not ideal given threat of redundancy at the moment). Second, it would add a substantial extra burden to my colleagues covering for me. Last, I can't see how would a

month off help, and would it just lead to more time to ruminate? I imagine I would feel helpless at home, licking my wounds. But I've been forced into coming home three times already. I try my best to concentrate, but the words all get jumbled up on the page. I try my defusion, I try my breathing and connection with the present moment, and whilst this gives temporary respite, each time I return to my work my chest tightens and my mind blurs. I end up leaving the building to avoid colleagues witnessing my tears and gaspings for breath. My behaviours are becoming strange - today I spent a number of hours in the local A & E waiting room without booking in. Just felt safer there. Anyway, back to my decision. I want to stay at work, but I just don't seem able to. I am trying to play the curious scientist with this

decision. Has anyone else been here? What did you do? Thanks x