Re: Compassionate detachment

[Guest guest]

Hi - I'm learning a lot about compassion from The Compassionate Mind by Gilbert. The first part is lots of foundation information. The last part has lots of exercises on compassionate imagery, compassionate thinking, etc. I under4stand that Gilbert is addressing an ACT conference this summer. Go to post 17774, ACTforthePublic, to read a thread about the book's ACT consistency.Nice to hear from you,BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: buddha.nature68@...Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:47:22 -0400Subject: Compassionate detachment

Is compassionate detachment an oxymoron? This question was

posed in a film review I just read:

http://movies.nytimes.com/2012/03/16/movies/detachment-starring-adrien-brody-directed-by-tony-kaye.html

I admit that I have trouble with this at times. When I started to learn, thru ACT, to distance myself from my painful feelings triggered by certain thoughts, I resisted that. I felt like I had distanced myself from my feelings my whole life, so I wanted to honor them and give them a voice. The expansion component of ACT feels compassionate, and when combined with defusion, which I consider detachment, it can be quite powerful, but I still resist.

Do others feel that ACT can be a way to practice compassionate detachment with yourself? Does it affect how you relate to others?

~ lisa

[Guest guest]

's stuff is great.

About the detachment piece ….

It depends on how you stand.

Compassion means " to suffer with, " with the intention to alleviate that suffering.

So, what does alleviate mean from an ACT point of view?

It doesn't mean get rid of. It means get with the experience as it is, the rawness of the energy, the thoughts as thoughts, feelings as feelings, memories as memories, in the service of something more than the rawness, the pain, the struggle.

The suffering then is the spin off, the entanglement, the struggle, the turning away, the shutting down, closing off.

When you step back and watch, you do that with a sense of kindness, gentleness. The intention is to be free from the suffering -- the spin off — not the rawness of the pain of life. Much of that pain is just our histories manifesting in the present.

We need to learn how to meet the painful aspects of our histories with a new, more gentle, response. That is probably one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.

It is how you stand. You stand open, defused, and get with the energy with gentleness, kindness, and a sense of allowing. You get curious, and want to know what's there.

So yes, you need some perspective … a bit of distance so you can notice and watch.

When we can open up to and meet our pain with compassion, we are then positioned to open up and be present with the pain of others in a compassionate way too. The reason has to do with how the pain of others can easily bring on our own pain. And so,

if we continue to turn away from our pain, it will be difficult to be compassionate and with the pain of others, with a desire to alleviate the suffering — the spin off — they struggle with.

Peace, kindness, and compassion to all of you!

-j

P. Forsyth, Ph.D.

Professor of Psychology

Director, Anxiety Disorders Research Program

University at Albany, SUNY

Department of Psychology

Social Sciences 399

1400 Washington Avenue

Albany, NY 12222

Ph:

Fax:

email: forsyth@...

Lab Web Page:

Anxiety Disorders Research Program

Blogs:

Mindfulness & Acceptance for Anxiety

Peace of Mind at

Psychology Today

Dr. Forsyth's Books on Amazon.com

Our Clinical Trials Evaluating ACT for Anxiety:

Visit ACTforAnxiety.com

Reply-To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 10:32:32 -0600

To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Subject: RE: Compassionate detachment

Hi - I'm learning a lot about compassion from The Compassionate Mind by Gilbert. The first part is lots of foundation information. The last part has lots of exercises on compassionate imagery, compassionate thinking, etc. I under4stand

that Gilbert is addressing an ACT conference this summer. Go to post 17774, ACTforthePublic, to read a thread about the book's ACT consistency.

Nice to hear from you,

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public

From: buddha.nature68@...

Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:47:22 -0400

Subject: Compassionate detachment

Is compassionate detachment an oxymoron? This question was posed in a film review I just read:

http://movies.nytimes.com/2012/03/16/movies/detachment-starring-adrien-brody-directed-by-tony-kaye.html

I admit that I have trouble with this at times. When I started to learn, thru ACT, to distance myself from my painful feelings triggered by certain thoughts, I resisted that. I felt like I had distanced

myself from my feelings my whole life, so I wanted to honor them and give them a voice. The expansion component of ACT feels compassionate, and when combined with defusion, which I consider detachment, it can be quite powerful, but I still resist.

Do others feel that ACT can be a way to practice compassionate detachment with yourself? Does it affect how you relate to others?

~ lisa

[Guest guest]

Hi Bill,

I'm lucky enough to go and hear Gilbert speak in London soon. His work really began to make me see with fresh eyes.

Simone

To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Friday, 16 March 2012, 16:32Subject: RE: Compassionate detachment

Hi - I'm learning a lot about compassion from The Compassionate Mind by Gilbert. The first part is lots of foundation information. The last part has lots of exercises on compassionate imagery, compassionate thinking, etc. I under4stand that Gilbert is addressing an ACT conference this summer. Go to post 17774, ACTforthePublic, to read a thread about the book's ACT consistency.

Nice to hear from you,

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: buddha.nature68@...Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:47:22 -0400Subject: Compassionate detachment

Is compassionate detachment an oxymoron? This question was posed in a film review I just read:

http://movies.nytimes.com/2012/03/16/movies/detachment-starring-adrien-brody-directed-by-tony-kaye.html

I admit that I have trouble with this at times. When I started to learn, thru ACT, to distance myself from my painful feelings triggered by certain thoughts, I resisted that. I felt like I had distanced myself from my feelings my whole life, so I wanted to honor them and give them a voice. The expansion component of ACT feels compassionate, and when combined with defusion, which I consider detachment, it can be quite powerful, but I still resist.

Do others feel that ACT can be a way to practice compassionate detachment with yourself? Does it affect how you relate to others?

~ lisa

[Guest guest]

I'm always into natural cures and the indian spice turmeric is very good

at helping the brain to repair itself by encouraging neurogenesis of

brain cells. Turmeric is also one of the most powerful anti-arthritic

drugs around. But the stomach does not absorb turmeric very well so you

have to cook it in a curry with some oil (I use a small amount of

creamed coconut).

Anyway, black pepper greatly enhances the absorbtion of turmeric so I

added a load of that to my burry yesterday to make it a bit hot. This is

usually okay but yesterday that was a big big mistake. My stomach as

been playing up occasionally with acid problems which is caused by

stress. It usually heals within a few weeks and then it is okay for

months on end. Yesterday I ate my black pepper curry and my stomach just

seemed to keep exploding like it was filled with dynamite. This went on

for 24 hours and was very painful keeping me up all night, but I did not

panic and just accepted it. I added no extra fear and eventually got

some sleep sitting upright on my sofa. I guess I knew it would

eventually pass.

Actually, the bit that intrigues me about sufering is how it can make

you more a bit more sympathetic to other people's irritating behaviour

(they are suffering too). I am also fascinated about how you can

transend suffering by going into it, which doesn't make it go away, but

might make it heal it quicker. I sit here every night playing keyboards

(learning at a maddening slow pace) and my guitar feeling quite

dreadful, but I think I will never get anywhere if I just go to bed, or

drink some beer. It seems to me that being amongst the thick of it is

the only true way out; that is to master these things and not run away.

It seems to just go on forever, though.

I feel nearly dead right now but perhaps it a bit like one of those

movies where a person is almost finished and then he looks up and sees

some daylight coming in, and then he knows he is going to be safe. I

could do with a bit of Hollywood around here. Hmmm!

All the best,

Kv

>

> 's stuff is great.

>

> About the detachment piece ….

>

> It depends on how you stand.

>

> Compassion means " to suffer with, " with the intention to alleviate

that suffering.

>

> So, what does alleviate mean from an ACT point of view?

>

> It doesn't mean get rid of. It means get with the experience as it is,

the rawness of the energy, the thoughts as thoughts, feelings as

feelings, memories as memories, in the service of something more than

the rawness, the pain, the struggle.

>

> The suffering then is the spin off, the entanglement, the struggle,

the turning away, the shutting down, closing off.

>

> When you step back and watch, you do that with a sense of kindness,

gentleness. The intention is to be free from the suffering -- the spin

off — not the rawness of the pain of life. Much of that pain is just

our histories manifesting in the present. We need to learn how to meet

the painful aspects of our histories with a new, more gentle, response.

That is probably one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.

>

> It is how you stand. You stand open, defused, and get with the energy

with gentleness, kindness, and a sense of allowing. You get curious, and

want to know what's there.

>

> So yes, you need some perspective … a bit of distance so you can

notice and watch.

>

> When we can open up to and meet our pain with compassion, we are then

positioned to open up and be present with the pain of others in a

compassionate way too. The reason has to do with how the pain of others

can easily bring on our own pain. And so, if we continue to turn away

from our pain, it will be difficult to be compassionate and with the

pain of others, with a desire to alleviate the suffering — the spin

off — they struggle with.

>

> Peace, kindness, and compassion to all of you!

>

> -j

>

> P. Forsyth, Ph.D.

>

>

> Professor of Psychology

> Director, Anxiety Disorders Research Program

> University at Albany, SUNY

> Department of Psychology

> Social Sciences 399

> 1400 Washington Avenue

> Albany, NY 12222

> Ph:

> Fax:

> email: forsyth@...

>

> Lab Web Page:

> Anxiety Disorders Research Program

>

> Blogs:

> Mindfulness & Acceptance for Anxiety

>

> Peace of Mind at Psychology Today

>

> Dr. Forsyth's Books on Amazon.com

>

> Our Clinical Trials Evaluating ACT for Anxiety:

> Visit ACTforAnxiety.com

>

>

> Reply-To:

" ACT_for_the_Public <mailto:ACT_for_the_Public@yahoogroup\

s.com "

ACT_for_the_Public <mailto:ACT_for_the_Public@yahoogroups\

..com>

> Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 10:32:32 -0600

> To:

" ACT_for_the_Public <mailto:ACT_for_the_Public@yahoogroup\

s.com "

ACT_for_the_Public <mailto:ACT_for_the_Public@yahoogroups\

..com>

> Subject: RE: Compassionate detachment

>

>

>

> Hi - I'm learning a lot about compassion from The Compassionate

Mind by Gilbert. The first part is lots of foundation information.

The last part has lots of exercises on compassionate imagery,

compassionate thinking, etc. I under4stand that Gilbert is addressing an

ACT conference this summer. Go to post 17774, ACTforthePublic, to read a

thread about the book's ACT consistency.

>

> Nice to hear from you,

> Bill

>

> ________________________________

> To:

ACT_for_the_Public <mailto:ACT_for_the_Public@yahoogroups\

..com

> From: buddha.nature68@...<mailto:buddha.nature68@...

> Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:47:22 -0400

> Subject: Compassionate detachment

>

>

>

>

> Is compassionate detachment an oxymoron? This question was posed in a

film review I just read:

>

>

http://movies.nytimes.com/2012/03/16/movies/detachment-starring-adrien-b\

rody-directed-by-tony-kaye.html

> I admit that I have trouble with this at times. When I started to

learn, thru ACT, to distance myself from my painful feelings triggered

by certain thoughts, I resisted that. I felt like I had distanced myself

from my feelings my whole life, so I wanted to honor them and give them

a voice. The expansion component of ACT feels compassionate, and when

combined with defusion, which I consider detachment, it can be quite

powerful, but I still resist.

> Do others feel that ACT can be a way to practice compassionate

detachment with yourself? Does it affect how you relate to others?

> ~ lisa

>

[Guest guest]

Lucky gal! Send him out West. Thanks for recommending the book to me. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: adrianandboo@...Date: Sat, 17 Mar 2012 09:20:11 +0000Subject: Re: Compassionate detachment

Hi Bill,

I'm lucky enough to go and hear Gilbert speak in London soon. His work really began to make me see with fresh eyes.

Simone

To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Friday, 16 March 2012, 16:32Subject: RE: Compassionate detachment

Hi - I'm learning a lot about compassion from The Compassionate Mind by Gilbert. The first part is lots of foundation information. The last part has lots of exercises on compassionate imagery, compassionate thinking, etc. I under4stand that Gilbert is addressing an ACT conference this summer. Go to post 17774, ACTforthePublic, to read a thread about the book's ACT consistency.

Nice to hear from you,

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: buddha.nature68@...Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:47:22 -0400Subject: Compassionate detachment

Is compassionate detachment an oxymoron? This question was posed in a film review I just read:

http://movies.nytimes.com/2012/03/16/movies/detachment-starring-adrien-brody-directed-by-tony-kaye.html

I admit that I have trouble with this at times. When I started to learn, thru ACT, to distance myself from my painful feelings triggered by certain thoughts, I resisted that. I felt like I had distanced myself from my feelings my whole life, so I wanted to honor them and give them a voice. The expansion component of ACT feels compassionate, and when combined with defusion, which I consider detachment, it can be quite powerful, but I still resist.

Do others feel that ACT can be a way to practice compassionate detachment with yourself? Does it affect how you relate to others?

~ lisa