Re: College Age Craziess...

[Guest guest]

Chloespaw,

I think that when we leave the nest it definitely triggers BPD

behavior to get worse. They try to keep us at home by using guilt, and

by trying to make their children feel that they cannot live without

them. When I left, things weren't too bad between me and NADA, I lived

5 hours away. But when i went home for holidays or special occasions

shit hit the fan. I DREADED my visits home. Especially the Christmas

break when i would have to be there for weeks.

And now my NADA moved to the same town I moved to in order to get away

from her. It was so bad. She started scorning everything I did. She

hated my job, my friends, my fiancee, even started complaining about

my clothes (I always look nice! I wear suits to work!). It got so bad

that she was always bitching at me for EVERYTHING about my life that

she didn't like. She liked to call it " constructive criticizm " .

I started hating her because she made me so miserable. Then, back in

November, I gave up and went NC.

She gets worse as I grow older for two reasons:

1) I am an adult and can now see the behavior from an outside point of

view, rather than seeing her through a childs eyes.

2) as I grow older she sees more and more how I don't need her. Hence

her fear of lonliness and abandonment kicks in.

Just my thoughts.

~Sara Jo

>

> Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing up.

> Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering, etc...but

> then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic. For

> example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his sister

> was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when he got

> the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life together,

she

> got worse. WAY worse.

>

> Does anyone think that these people get worse when their kids " leave

> the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets along

> with son/daughter in laws?

>

[Guest guest]

My nada doesn't know her daughter-in-law, thankfully. All hell would break

loose!

But she absolutely got worse when I left. Before that I had 'nice mommy' and

'evil mommy', but from the moment I left her home, only 'evil mommy' shows

herself. The closest she'll get to a decent, human conversation is a huge,

manipulative drama bomb. At least she's not raging at me then. We had some good

times, despite all the insanity, but those were all over that day. She also

seems more desperate, like she feels she's losing all control, which might be

exactly it. Leaving is of course the ultimate betrayal for someone who fears

abandonment, and not being able to prevent something so upsetting for her has

probably made her feel helpless and she's chosen to respond with fury. How she

can keep one emotion going for nearly six years now, I have no idea. But, if

anything, she's only gotten angrier. She gave up on trying to get me to move

back in with her. I think that was the last straw for her. At this point, she

has no interest in a relationship with me

as long as I live outside her home. Well, that's what she says, but I still

recieve e-mails from time to time. She seems to just want to remind me that she

hates me every now and then, in case I forget I guess.

Jae

College Age Craziess...

Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing up.

Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering, etc...but

then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic. For

example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his sister

was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when he got

the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life together, she

got worse. WAY worse.

Does anyone think that these people get worse when their kids " leave

the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets along

with son/daughter in laws?

________________________________________________________________________________\

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[Guest guest]

The older I get the worse she gets,...more angry, hostile, dramatic and

unreasonable. She gets more and more intense and unpredictible. This

is why I'm NC.

Mercy

>

> Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing up.

> Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering, etc...but

> then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic. For

> example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his sister

> was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when he got

> the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life together, she

> got worse. WAY worse.

>

> Does anyone think that these people get worse when their kids " leave

> the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets along

> with son/daughter in laws?

>

[Guest guest]

Well...

Here's something that just clicked in my own head

recently...

One of the summers when I was in college, my mother

got pneumonia. She had to be hospitalized...she'd let

it go too long (when usually the slightest sniffle has

her abed and on the phone to the doctor.) From that,

she somehow was then unable to use her legs. Like,

claimed she could not move them. For three months.

Every test in the book was run on her, and there was

no medical explanation for why she all of a sudden

couldn't stand or walk. She finally got sent home from

the hospital and was in a hospital bed in our den. I

know the doctors must have said something to her about

it being psychosomatic, because she kept telling us

(me, my brother, my dad) that they told her the

condition was " stress related " and " caused by all the

stress " from all of us. Right. At the time I just

felt terribly guilty. Now I know better! She refused

home nurses. She was the great martyr and told my dad

to go on his trip to Scotland with my grandfather

(who, by the way, was born and raised there and hadn't

been back since he was 17 and the one thing he wanted

to do was to visit " home " again with his oldest

son...the trip had been planned for a YEAR.) We made

my dad go on the trip...he totally deserved it.

Anyway, my brother bore the brunt of caring for

her...I was working 2 full time nanny jobs, more than

90 hours a week...to earn tuition and rent money for

the next school year. While my dad was in Scotland,

there was an afternoon my brother went to go run

errands for her...and she freaking' called 911 saying

she couldn't breathe. She was fine.

Anyway, it was a ridiculous summer. But you know what

else was going on? My brother...the baby...had just

graduated high school. He had moved out...and hadn't

told my parents that he was going to be playing

pro-baseball. He gave that up to come home and take

care of her. (If I had known, I wouldn't have let him

do it...I'd have told him to just stay away from her!)

He did it because, of course, we owe her

" everything " ! Not only that...my mother had said for

almost my whole life that she was going to divorce our

dad once we were both out of high school. Well, there

we were...everyone finally out of high school... She

hated my dad...has nothing nice to say about him

ever...but for a few more years it was " What if I get

sick again... " to put off the divorce. (That, and

she learned that if they were married for at least 25

years then by law she was entitled to half of his

military retirement pay...which really sucks for him

since he's fully retired and she STILL WORKS and makes

a really good salary, lives in a 600k house while he

rents a crappy apartment...)

So yeah, I think they do go crazier when the empty

nest hits.

Ninera

--- chloespaw01 wrote:

> Has anyone had an experience where their mom was

> weird growing up.

> Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit

> smothering, etc...but

> then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went

> ballistic. For

> example, my husband was always the good one growing

> up and his sister

> was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But

> then when he got

> the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his

> life together, she

> got worse. WAY worse.

>

> Does anyone think that these people get worse when

> their kids " leave

> the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that

> actually gets along

> with son/daughter in laws?

>

>

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for

> help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT

> CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, "

> call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We

> also refer to “Understanding the Borderline Mother”

> (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,”

> (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome

> to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online

> Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, heavens do they get worse! I think my mom is more severe in

this area. However, when I wanted to leave home for college, she

suddenly developed amnesia...seriously...she was taken to emergency

in the hospital and they could find nothing wrong. Except,

possibly " transient amnesia " brought on by " stress. " I think I

mentioned something about this in another post. She is trying to do

something similar to me again (some 20 years later) as I'm needing

to move a little further away from her. Suddenly, she is becoming

senile! In the book about borderline mothers there is a brief blurb

about this very thing possibly happening when you try to leave a BPD

mother...her just completely losing her mind.

I hate her for this crap she has done to me over the years. Every

time that I was ready to spread my wings, here she comes ready to

clip them off!

> >

> > Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing

up.

> > Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering,

etc...but

> > then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic.

For

> > example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his

sister

> > was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when

he got

> > the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life

together,

> she

> > got worse. WAY worse.

> >

> > Does anyone think that these people get worse when their

kids " leave

> > the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets

along

> > with son/daughter in laws?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Does anyone think that these people get worse when their kids " leave

> the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets along

> with son/daughter in laws?

My NADA actually treated my husband better than she has ever treated

any of her children. I know that when he and I first married, he

didn't really believe me when I told him some of the things that

she'd do... and say... but at one point, he was just in another room

(and she didn't know it) and she went into one of her balistic rages

about something really stupid... and after that, he never questioned

me again. But she still treated him extremely well... up until he

passed away a few years ago. After he was gone, she IMMEDIATELY

started badmouthing him to our relatives. And two months after I

lost him, she told me to " get over it already... it had been long

enough... it was time to move on " AFTER JUST TWO MONTHS HAD PASSED!!!

[Guest guest]

My nada treated me horribly when I lived at home, but she definitely ratcheted

things up when I left, including acting like an idiot the day of me wedding

which is when I left home. And so began years and years of dealing with her

rages and complete confusion on my part as to why I didn't seem to be able to

really break away and have my own life like other people. She hates my husband

of 25 years who is an absolutely wonderful man. It makes no sense that a mother

would not be able to be happy for a daughter who has been blessed with a good

husband and marriage.

College Age Craziess...

Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing up.

Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering, etc...but

then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic. For

example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his sister

was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when he got

the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life together, she

got worse. WAY worse.

Does anyone think that these people get worse when their kids " leave

the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets along

with son/daughter in laws?

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

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[Guest guest]

I was blissful in college and I rarely went home to visit. I quickly

realized that the remainder of my life could be rage-free!

Soon after, my nada pulled her most extreme tantrum ever. It was so

bad that my fada came to see me at school. He was afraid that they

were going to get a divorce. He begged me to help. I was 20 years old.

There was no information about BPD then- no books, no web, nothing. I

caved. From that day on, I spent a crazy amount of time trying to

maintain nada's happiness. What a waste of time. I wish I knew then

what I know now! I should have cut them both free. I should have freed

myself.

>

> Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing up.

> Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering, etc...but

> then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic. For

> example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his sister

> was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when he got

> the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life together, she

> got worse. WAY worse.

>

> Does anyone think that these people get worse when their kids " leave

> the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets along

> with son/daughter in laws?

>

[Guest guest]

I was blissful in college too, and never went to visit unless it was

a special holiday or event.

I hated going home to visit. I avoided it whenever I could.

When I was a senior in college, my mother asked me " sara, when you

spent that first night in your dorm room away from home, did you cry

that night? " .

I said " no, i was excited about my new life, I was happy. i didn't

cry " .

and then she started crying herself and was pissed off.

Its like she wanted me to be miserable!

~Sara Jo

> >

> > Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing

up.

> > Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering,

etc...but

> > then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic.

For

> > example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his

sister

> > was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when

he got

> > the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life

together, she

> > got worse. WAY worse.

> >

> > Does anyone think that these people get worse when their

kids " leave

> > the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets

along

> > with son/daughter in laws?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

OMG, I had almost the same experience! Nada asked me if I cried my

first night away, I told her no, and then she started crying because

I hadn't cried. Love that.

> > >

> > > Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing

> up.

> > > Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering,

> etc...but

> > > then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic.

> For

> > > example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his

> sister

> > > was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when

> he got

> > > the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life

> together, she

> > > got worse. WAY worse.

> > >

> > > Does anyone think that these people get worse when their

> kids " leave

> > > the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets

> along

> > > with son/daughter in laws?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My mom didn't do anything like that but she went on and on about how much my

dad missed me and how he slept in my bed the first month I was gone (if this

is true, he probably did so to get away from her). What do you guys make of

that? Projection?

>

> OMG, I had almost the same experience! Nada asked me if I cried my

> first night away, I told her no, and then she started crying because

> I hadn't cried. Love that.

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing

> > up.

> > > > Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering,

> > etc...but

> > > > then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic.

> > For

> > > > example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his

> > sister

> > > > was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when

> > he got

> > > > the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life

> > together, she

> > > > got worse. WAY worse.

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone think that these people get worse when their

> > kids " leave

> > > > the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets

> > along

> > > > with son/daughter in laws?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

LOL...my mother totally knew I wasn't going to cry.

In fact, they drove me to college, unpacked the car to

my room...and were about to leave...not to even help

me unpack. Then my roommate showed up from marching

band rehearsal and mentioned that her feet hurt and

all of a sudden it was all about taking care of her

and going out and buying her a footbath and stuff to

soak her feet in (right after having told me that

there wasn't a dime to spend on anything I needed, not

that I had even asked for anything!)

She did, however, call at weird times. Once, she

called at about 7 am on a Sunday morning. Now, who in

their right mind calls a college student at 7 am on a

Sunday?? She told me " I knew you'd be sleeping

probably, but it was the only way to guarantee you'd

be in your room when I called. " I got kind of snarky

and said " What makes you assume I always sleep in my

own room? " She got pretty ticked off about that and

then told me I was grounded for two weeks. I just

laughed at her and told her to try and enforce it, and

by the way, here's the phone number for my RA because

I'm sure SHE is going to want to enforce that! :-)

Ninera

--- writermanque wrote:

> OMG, I had almost the same experience! Nada asked

> me if I cried my

> first night away, I told her no, and then she

> started crying because

> I hadn't cried. Love that.

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Has anyone had an experience where their mom

> was weird growing

> > up.

> > > > Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit

> smothering,

> > etc...but

> > > > then when you grew up and " left the nest " she

> went ballistic.

> > For

> > > > example, my husband was always the good one

> growing up and his

> > sister

> > > > was bad. His mom played nurse to his

> diabetes. But then when

> > he got

> > > > the insulin pump, moved out, married me and

> got his life

> > together, she

> > > > got worse. WAY worse.

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone think that these people get worse

> when their

> > kids " leave

> > > > the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that

> actually gets

> > along

> > > > with son/daughter in laws?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for

> help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT

> CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, "

> call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We

> also refer to “Understanding the Borderline Mother”

> (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,”

> (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome

> to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online

> Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

>

[Guest guest]

Ya, weird, I drove myself to college. My dad asked me if I thought I could

do it and I said why not? I never really thought about it. My dad didn't

want to take the day off and - well by that time in my life I didn't ask or

expect my mom to do anything for me, it was very clear that I did things for

Her.

>

> LOL...my mother totally knew I wasn't going to cry.

> In fact, they drove me to college, unpacked the car to

> my room...and were about to leave...not to even help

> me unpack. Then my roommate showed up from marching

> band rehearsal and mentioned that her feet hurt and

> all of a sudden it was all about taking care of her

> and going out and buying her a footbath and stuff to

> soak her feet in (right after having told me that

> there wasn't a dime to spend on anything I needed, not

> that I had even asked for anything!)

>

> She did, however, call at weird times. Once, she

> called at about 7 am on a Sunday morning. Now, who in

> their right mind calls a college student at 7 am on a

> Sunday?? She told me " I knew you'd be sleeping

> probably, but it was the only way to guarantee you'd

> be in your room when I called. " I got kind of snarky

> and said " What makes you assume I always sleep in my

> own room? " She got pretty ticked off about that and

> then told me I was grounded for two weeks. I just

> laughed at her and told her to try and enforce it, and

> by the way, here's the phone number for my RA because

> I'm sure SHE is going to want to enforce that! :-)

>

> Ninera

> --- writermanque <writermanque@... <writermanque%40yahoo.com>>

> wrote:

>

> > OMG, I had almost the same experience! Nada asked

> > me if I cried my

> > first night away, I told her no, and then she

> > started crying because

> > I hadn't cried. Love that.

> >

> >

> > > > >

> > > > > Has anyone had an experience where their mom

> > was weird growing

> > > up.

> > > > > Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit

> > smothering,

> > > etc...but

> > > > > then when you grew up and " left the nest " she

> > went ballistic.

> > > For

> > > > > example, my husband was always the good one

> > growing up and his

> > > sister

> > > > > was bad. His mom played nurse to his

> > diabetes. But then when

> > > he got

> > > > > the insulin pump, moved out, married me and

> > got his life

> > > together, she

> > > > > got worse. WAY worse.

> > > > >

> > > > > Does anyone think that these people get worse

> > when their

> > > kids " leave

> > > > > the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that

> > actually gets

> > > along

> > > > > with son/daughter in laws?

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for

> > help at @... <%40BPDCentral.com>. SEND HER ANY POSTS

> THAT

> > CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

> >

> > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, "

> > call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We

> > also refer to " Understanding the Borderline Mother "

> > (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, "

> > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome

> > to the WTO community!

> >

> > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online

> > Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

> >

[Guest guest]

Ninera-

That gave me a chuckle...there is nothing like an independent college

student to make a BPD lose their mind. Once when I was in college, a

group of us drove down to Tennessee (from Flint, Michigan) to go white

water rafting. One of my girlfriends brothers was working at a white

water rafting place and it was the last weekend of the season...it

would be free for the rafting...all we had to do was show up. I knew

if I told my Nada I was going she would tell me not to go and then get

mad when I did. So I went without saying anything and took my

chances. Of course, she ended up finding out and made all sorts of

threats. The next time I went home, she gave me the silent

treatment...oh too bad, so sad...NOT! It kind of cracks me up that she

thought not saying anything was hurting me. It's only gone down hill

since college. Ah well...not my problem!

JJFAN

>

> ...She got pretty ticked off about that and

> then told me I was grounded for two weeks. I just

> laughed at her and told her to try and enforce it, and

> by the way, here's the phone number for my RA because

> I'm sure SHE is going to want to enforce that! :-)

>

[Guest guest]

jjfan...

Glad you could laugh! I remember the freedom of

realizing, in college, that I could just go away for a

weekend without having to ASK. Or even just to leave

campus without permission! What bliss! It took a few

weeks to realize she was 2 1/2 hours away and that for

her that was too much of an inconvenient drive to just

drop in! And yeah, she would get PISSED when she

found out I'd gone away somewhere! My freshman year,

for spring break, my roommate and I were going up to

Higgins Lake (I went to college in Mt. Pleasant,

MI...so not far from where you went) with friends for

most of the week to her parents cottage. My dad made

some comment when he found out our boyfriends were in

that group...like " Wait, there are boys going? And no

parents? " and I said " Dad, you know what? There's

nothing I can do up there that I can't do on a Tuesday

afternoon in my dorm room. " He gave me a long look

and then said, " I think we don't need to tell any of

this to your mother. " hahahahahahahaha! She's always

referred to that week as my " hens week " , lol!

Ninera

--- jjfan42 wrote:

> Ninera-

>

> That gave me a chuckle...there is nothing like an

> independent college

> student to make a BPD lose their mind. Once when I

> was in college, a

> group of us drove down to Tennessee (from Flint,

> Michigan) to go white

> water rafting. One of my girlfriends brothers was

> working at a white

> water rafting place and it was the last weekend of

> the season...it

> would be free for the rafting...all we had to do was

> show up. I knew

> if I told my Nada I was going she would tell me not

> to go and then get

> mad when I did. So I went without saying anything

> and took my

> chances. Of course, she ended up finding out and

> made all sorts of

> threats. The next time I went home, she gave me the

> silent

> treatment...oh too bad, so sad...NOT! It kind of

> cracks me up that she

> thought not saying anything was hurting me. It's

> only gone down hill

> since college. Ah well...not my problem!

>

> JJFAN

>

>

> >

> > ...She got pretty ticked off about that and

> > then told me I was grounded for two weeks. I just

> > laughed at her and told her to try and enforce it,

> and

> > by the way, here's the phone number for my RA

> because

> > I'm sure SHE is going to want to enforce that!

> :-)

> >

>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

I know that when I was in college my mother made a huge deal because I

didn't go home the week she had her gallbladder surgery. It's only

recently that I'm coming to realize that really, there was no reason I

should have gone home for that (was there?). I had a surgery once I

didn't even tell my family about til it was over because it was a

biopsy and I didn't want them to worry (I was fine). I just don't

understand all that kind of behavior. I'm still in the gray area as

far as trying to understand what is and isn't required of me.

[Guest guest]

I think surgery is sometimes a really big deal to people and they

don't want to be alone. And we should, if we can, be a little

supportive. But, with a BPD mother, it's best if someone else can

do it for her...ya know? If I had money, i'd arrange for a home

health nurse for a day and leave it at that. But, I have no money,

so I'd wait it out hoping she'd get the idea and ask someone

else...cause I'd be working or something, but, can hardly stand the

idea of her their alone. You know? Sometimes, when I take the very

loving approach my mom gets off of her fears of abandonment and is

suddenly willing to go it alone. Then, I compliment her on her

strength and bravery.

WTOAdultChildren1 , " mayalisa728 "

wrote:

>

> I know that when I was in college my mother made a huge deal

because I

> didn't go home the week she had her gallbladder surgery. It's only

> recently that I'm coming to realize that really, there was no

reason I

> should have gone home for that (was there?). I had a surgery once

I

> didn't even tell my family about til it was over because it was a

> biopsy and I didn't want them to worry (I was fine). I just don't

> understand all that kind of behavior. I'm still in the gray area

as

> far as trying to understand what is and isn't required of me.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes! When I graduated, I did not move back home -duh!! So my brothr

and I had both left the nest and my mother had a very, very difficult

time with that, to put it mildly. She said to my dad, " What did WE do

wrong to make both of our children not come back? " He told her that we

were both in our 20s and successful enough to live on our own, and that

wasn't a bad thing! She didn't buy it and was in a funk for a long

time. Lately I've only seen her about once a month, and it is much

easier. But I miss my dad!!!

>

> Has anyone had an experience where their mom was weird growing up.

> Raged from time to time, always worried, a bit smothering, etc...but

> then when you grew up and " left the nest " she went ballistic. For

> example, my husband was always the good one growing up and his sister

> was bad. His mom played nurse to his diabetes. But then when he got

> the insulin pump, moved out, married me and got his life together, she

> got worse. WAY worse.

>

> Does anyone think that these people get worse when their kids " leave

> the nest " ? Also, does anyone know any bp that actually gets along

> with son/daughter in laws?

>

[Guest guest]

My now-husband and I took a drive from the dorms for a day trip -

about 3 hours one way. My mother tried to call and was so stressed

out that she didn't know where I was FOR AN ENTIRE AFTERNOON - and

the day before Father's Day, for Pete's sake (what a terrible

daughter I was for not being in my dorm ready to celebrate Father's

Day the next day!!!) She actually looked up my boyfriend's parents'

phone number (they live 8 hours away - not exactly in a posiion to

send out a search party!) and called to ask if they knew where we

were, because HE had OBVIOUSLY taken me somewhere and how could they

not know where their OWN SON was?!? What kind of parents were they

to not know where their son was and if their son took a drive on a

weekend with his girlfriend on THE DAY BEFORE FATHER'S DAY!

The horror!

Blah!

Cheryl

> > >

> > > ...She got pretty ticked off about that and

> > > then told me I was grounded for two weeks. I just

> > > laughed at her and told her to try and enforce it,

> > and

> > > by the way, here's the phone number for my RA

> > because

> > > I'm sure SHE is going to want to enforce that!

> > :-)

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

______________________________________________________________________

______________

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

> http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness, I would have been HORRIFIED to come home and find out

she'd done that!

My mom was so difficult with other parents -- giving them the 3rd

degree if they invited me along with their kids somewhere -- that I

stopped getting invitations. One friend shared with me that, when she

asked if she could take me on their annual lake trip, her mother

said " No, not her. I can't deal with her mother. "

Ouch.

[Guest guest]

I remember the feeling as I drove away from that house and back to

my life at college: like I could breathe again. I loved the

freedom. Unfortunately, I didn't make the best choices because I

wasn't used to freedom. It took quite a few years for me to gain

the maturity to manage my freedom.

I hope to do better by my own kids in that area.

But, yes, I recall that wonderful feeling of leaving home -- it only

took a couple of decades more for me to emotionally leave nada.

Just a couple of years ago -- after I discovered this board -- to be

exact.

-Kyla

> > >

> > > ...She got pretty ticked off about that and

> > > then told me I was grounded for two weeks. I just

> > > laughed at her and told her to try and enforce it,

> > and

> > > by the way, here's the phone number for my RA

> > because

> > > I'm sure SHE is going to want to enforce that!

> > :-)

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

> http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

>

[Guest guest]

chloespaw01,

I have seen this three times over, unfortunately, with my BPD In

Laws going ballistic at the thought of someone leaving the

dysfunction of their " nest. " In this family, the explosion starts

in preparation for the leaving. My inlaws have 3 adult children and

whenver one prepared to leave for marriage, they freaked out!!!

They destroyed all three weddings, as well as the showers and

parties that preceeded the weddings. When I married their oldest

son, my FIL spent 6 months in his dark basement watching the wedding

video and crying! Not to mention, he is outwardly crying ON the

video during the church service, and I don't mean a tear in the eye,

I mean standing in the church aisle and all 6 ft 2 of him holding

his face and crying for an hour. They just could not accept that

there was a world outside of their little existence and they

expected their kids to remain by their side forever.

When their second child (daughter) prepared to leave, she spent the

night out with her boyfriend once prior to the wedding. These two

were not children; they were a doctor and a nurse in their 20's.

Still, my inlaws flew into a rage and trashed her room, broke her

framed college graduation photo and called her a slut!

Unbelievable. When time came to give her a wedding shower, Nada,

who never relished the mother role, refused to be involved or pay,

so the children chipped in. (her excuse was " nobody gave ME a

wedding shower, so why should I give one to anyone else?) When she

finally got married, they threatened not to come over and over

because they didn't like the family she was marrying into. This

caused her unbelievable stress and pain. They threw hissy fits

about EVERYYTHING and paid for nothing--as parents of the bride!

They did end up coming, and my MIL wore wore a shocking hot pink

sexy dress in shiny satin. For someone who refused to " break bread "

with the new groom's family, she certainly seemed to want to be the

hit of the party on wedding day. Sadly for them, she moved to

another state after seeing the turmoil it was to live out of their

home-- now she is forced to wine and dine them endlessly on visits

where she flies them to see her or all over the world to shower them

with her generosity. Meanwhile, they fight violently from time to

time, then pretend it never happened! I can't understand any of it!

Now that my H and I are NC with his parents, this daughter is

painted white and can honestly do no wrong. They all conveniently

forget the trauma and tears these parents caused to her with her

wedding and with the birth of every baby where they did nothing to

help her out. This girl had a NADA for a mom in every sense of the

word, and her FADA caused her years of counseling as well. Yet her

undying love remains--blinders of denial allow her to take whatever

crumbs of affection they throw her way, since, after all, children

like this are just starving for a parents' love. It's all

tragically sad and sick. I'm glad my H and I are OUT of it.

~Elle

[Guest guest]

That is too funny. And brings back so many memories. Funny, how

they think that you should just be sitting there waiting by the

phone in case they get some yearning to call you. Isn't it?

> > > >

> > > > ...She got pretty ticked off about that and

> > > > then told me I was grounded for two weeks. I just

> > > > laughed at her and told her to try and enforce it,

> > > and

> > > > by the way, here's the phone number for my RA

> > > because

> > > > I'm sure SHE is going to want to enforce that!

> > > :-)

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_

> ______________

> > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

> > http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

> >

>

[Guest guest]

wow. that sounds exceptionally unhealthy. ick, and the thought of

suddenly being painted white scares the crap out of me. i would have

to do something fast to get back to black. i don't know how a kid who

has endured that kind of mom and dad could be willing to accept their

sudden change of affection. i would be SOOOO freaking suspicious...

bink

>

> chloespaw01,

> I have seen this three times over, unfortunately, with my BPD In

> Laws going ballistic at the thought of someone leaving the

> dysfunction of their " nest. " In this family, the explosion starts

> in preparation for the leaving. My inlaws have 3 adult children and

> whenver one prepared to leave for marriage, they freaked out!!!

> They destroyed all three weddings, as well as the showers and

> parties that preceeded the weddings. When I married their oldest

> son, my FIL spent 6 months in his dark basement watching the wedding

> video and crying! Not to mention, he is outwardly crying ON the

> video during the church service, and I don't mean a tear in the eye,

> I mean standing in the church aisle and all 6 ft 2 of him holding

> his face and crying for an hour. They just could not accept that

> there was a world outside of their little existence and they

> expected their kids to remain by their side forever.

>

> When their second child (daughter) prepared to leave, she spent the

> night out with her boyfriend once prior to the wedding. These two

> were not children; they were a doctor and a nurse in their 20's.

> Still, my inlaws flew into a rage and trashed her room, broke her

> framed college graduation photo and called her a slut!

> Unbelievable. When time came to give her a wedding shower, Nada,

> who never relished the mother role, refused to be involved or pay,

> so the children chipped in. (her excuse was " nobody gave ME a

> wedding shower, so why should I give one to anyone else?) When she

> finally got married, they threatened not to come over and over

> because they didn't like the family she was marrying into. This

> caused her unbelievable stress and pain. They threw hissy fits

> about EVERYYTHING and paid for nothing--as parents of the bride!

> They did end up coming, and my MIL wore wore a shocking hot pink

> sexy dress in shiny satin. For someone who refused to " break bread "

> with the new groom's family, she certainly seemed to want to be the

> hit of the party on wedding day. Sadly for them, she moved to

> another state after seeing the turmoil it was to live out of their

> home-- now she is forced to wine and dine them endlessly on visits

> where she flies them to see her or all over the world to shower them

> with her generosity. Meanwhile, they fight violently from time to

> time, then pretend it never happened! I can't understand any of it!

>

> Now that my H and I are NC with his parents, this daughter is

> painted white and can honestly do no wrong. They all conveniently

> forget the trauma and tears these parents caused to her with her

> wedding and with the birth of every baby where they did nothing to

> help her out. This girl had a NADA for a mom in every sense of the

> word, and her FADA caused her years of counseling as well. Yet her

> undying love remains--blinders of denial allow her to take whatever

> crumbs of affection they throw her way, since, after all, children

> like this are just starving for a parents' love. It's all

> tragically sad and sick. I'm glad my H and I are OUT of it.

> ~Elle

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Gang,

I have been thinking about the college-aged crazies, and I wondering why the

psycho mother didn't put me through that. Anyway, I realized that the time

when she went the craziest on me was when I started to express my own

preferences in elementary school about what I wanted to WEAR! I have all of

these terrible memories of her throwing huge tantrums in department stores

during my pre and early teen years. She would swear at sales people, lie to

my friends (there should be a special place in hell for mothers who

assassinated their 10 year old daughter's character to her friends), made up

stories to make me seem and sound awful and refuse to buy me clothes so that

I was a total ragamuffin. By the time I reached college this behavior had

done so much damage to our relationship that, even though we lived in the

same house, she didn't even know when or where I was going.

Anyone have a similar experience?

>

> wow. that sounds exceptionally unhealthy. ick, and the thought of

> suddenly being painted white scares the crap out of me. i would have

> to do something fast to get back to black. i don't know how a kid who

> has endured that kind of mom and dad could be willing to accept their

> sudden change of affection. i would be SOOOO freaking suspicious...

>

> bink

>

>

> >

> > chloespaw01,

> > I have seen this three times over, unfortunately, with my BPD In

> > Laws going ballistic at the thought of someone leaving the

> > dysfunction of their " nest. " In this family, the explosion starts

> > in preparation for the leaving. My inlaws have 3 adult children and

> > whenver one prepared to leave for marriage, they freaked out!!!

> > They destroyed all three weddings, as well as the showers and

> > parties that preceeded the weddings. When I married their oldest

> > son, my FIL spent 6 months in his dark basement watching the wedding

> > video and crying! Not to mention, he is outwardly crying ON the

> > video during the church service, and I don't mean a tear in the eye,

> > I mean standing in the church aisle and all 6 ft 2 of him holding

> > his face and crying for an hour. They just could not accept that

> > there was a world outside of their little existence and they

> > expected their kids to remain by their side forever.

> >

> > When their second child (daughter) prepared to leave, she spent the

> > night out with her boyfriend once prior to the wedding. These two

> > were not children; they were a doctor and a nurse in their 20's.

> > Still, my inlaws flew into a rage and trashed her room, broke her

> > framed college graduation photo and called her a slut!

> > Unbelievable. When time came to give her a wedding shower, Nada,

> > who never relished the mother role, refused to be involved or pay,

> > so the children chipped in. (her excuse was " nobody gave ME a

> > wedding shower, so why should I give one to anyone else?) When she

> > finally got married, they threatened not to come over and over

> > because they didn't like the family she was marrying into. This

> > caused her unbelievable stress and pain. They threw hissy fits

> > about EVERYYTHING and paid for nothing--as parents of the bride!

> > They did end up coming, and my MIL wore wore a shocking hot pink

> > sexy dress in shiny satin. For someone who refused to " break bread "

> > with the new groom's family, she certainly seemed to want to be the

> > hit of the party on wedding day. Sadly for them, she moved to

> > another state after seeing the turmoil it was to live out of their

> > home-- now she is forced to wine and dine them endlessly on visits

> > where she flies them to see her or all over the world to shower them

> > with her generosity. Meanwhile, they fight violently from time to

> > time, then pretend it never happened! I can't understand any of it!

> >

> > Now that my H and I are NC with his parents, this daughter is

> > painted white and can honestly do no wrong. They all conveniently

> > forget the trauma and tears these parents caused to her with her

> > wedding and with the birth of every baby where they did nothing to

> > help her out. This girl had a NADA for a mom in every sense of the

> > word, and her FADA caused her years of counseling as well. Yet her

> > undying love remains--blinders of denial allow her to take whatever

> > crumbs of affection they throw her way, since, after all, children

> > like this are just starving for a parents' love. It's all

> > tragically sad and sick. I'm glad my H and I are OUT of it.

> > ~Elle

> >

>

>

>