Re: Is Your Nada/Fada the Gatekeeper?

[Guest guest]

Hi b - be careful about the conflict she tries to create with your sister. My

sister was NC with the whole family for 16 years. When she returned, I did what

I thought was best - I put the past behind me and tried to forge a relationship

with her. My nada was furious that we were getting along. She told me that she

thought my sister's kids were stealing from her. She told my sister that she

thought my husband and I were stealing from her. She created so much distrust

that my sister and I finally had a blow out and haven't spoken or seen eachother

for four years. Beware the crowbar effect these BP's can have.

Tag

Re: Is Your Nada/Fada the Gatekeeper?

This is a total revelation, although I never thought about it as my

Nada being the Gatekeeper- but she is!! My gosh! And she REVELS in it.

She wants to be like our Mamaw (my great-grandma who is an amazing

woman- and cook!). Everyone gathers at Mamaw's house. WHere are we

going for holidays? No question- everyone just automatically goes to

Mamaw's house. She is the Trunk of the family tree. and my Nada wants

to take her place when she dies. She likes to think she's the next

Mamaw. Everyone will gather at her house and adore her..

My Nada also always tries to keep my sister and I in conflict, and now

that my sis and I are close, she is actually really upset about it. She

used to call and tell me that my sis did XYZ (to make me mad, or get me

on Nada's side). She'd do the same to my sis. Now that we're close, we

BOTH ignore her, and she is livid.

>

> Just wondering if most of us find our Nada has made herself the

> go-between between us and our other family members. Mine seems to

> have done this. Also wondering if any of you have circumvented that?

>

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[Guest guest]

my mom seems to be a hermit type and when i was younger she refused to

answer the phone and sometimes wouldn't even get out of bed and leave

her room when people came over. at first things fell apart because i

thought mom was communicating with dad about things like what kind of

events were happening at school, extra credit projects, little

sisters' doctor's appointments...things like this (they were

divorced). when i realized that this wasn't happening, i guess i just

took responsibility for trying to facilitate communication between

mom's house and the outside world. because of this, i was basically

the person in the family that coordinated family events and made sure

little sisters' history and science fair projects got worked on, etc.

i think the way i kept mom from being in control of relationships was

that i had to develop relationships with my dad, aunts, uncles, and

grandmother that were more adultish and responsible than most kids.

mom tried very hard to control (ruin) holidays and birthdays. she

used to go behind my back and spread rumors, twist the truth about my

sisters and i to my dad and relatives so that they would side with

her, but the only person who falls for it now is her dad and he's not

someone who i expect anything from.

bink

>

> Just wondering if most of us find our Nada has made herself the

> go-between between us and our other family members. Mine seems to

> have done this. Also wondering if any of you have circumvented that?

>

[Guest guest]

i don't have any brothers (two little sisters), but when my mom would

flip out on me, she would sometimes scream about how horrible a person

i was and that she should have had sons because they would have been

able to love her enough. wtf? she likes NONEXISTENT brothers more

than me.

bink

> > > >

> > > > Just wondering if most of us find our Nada has made herself the

> > > > go-between between us and our other family members. Mine seems to

> > > > have done this. Also wondering if any of you have circumvented

that?

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