Guest guest Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 You are 1000% right. And, I really do wish you the best and hope you find your own way to one day resolve your pain and anguish too. > > I can't answer how you get from point A to B. I wish I could answer that > question for you and for others. If I could, I'd probably be the richest > therapist on the planet and this web forum wouldn't be necessary. Every person's > pain is different and every person's ability to move past it is different as > well, but it is about choices. I've chosen to get past the fact that my mother > used to physically abuse me also, I've chosen to let go of the fact that once > my mother took a knife to me in a crazed trance and stabbed my hand on which > there is a still a scar 20 years later. There are plenty of other people on > this forum who also have similar horror stories. That's why we come here. It > brings us comfort that others know what we're going through. > > You stated, " I get it but, I feel the way I feel. And, I will bet money that > if I am struggling > inside with these feelings other people are also. " > > Of course we've all struggled with anger at some point or another. Some of > us still do and others of us don't. Holding on to or letting go of the anger > doesn't make any one of us better than the other. Since this is a forum where > we support one another, your anger is certainly appropriate. I and others have > been in a similar place and we understand where you're coming from. But you > posted the thread, " Why forgive? " and I presented an alternative. Again, > acceptance has worked for me. Part of the purpose of this site is not only to > provide a place for people to vent, but it is also a place for people to offer > alternative ways of thinking as to help one another move past the things that > hold us back as children of BP's. > > > I just wanted to clarify that acceptance doesn't mean that you should accept > continuing abuse. It means accepting that there is nothing we can do to > change the past. Accepting that there is a physiological reason for the abusive > behavior enables us to see that nothing we said or did warranted the abuse. > Understanding the reason for the abuse is only meant to help us realize that > there is nothing we did or said to deserve the abuse. It is simply a defect on > the abuser's part that caused them to behave abusively...simply put...it's not > our fault. > > Acceptance doesn't mean the behavior has to be excused. Any mental or > physical abuse is inexcusable, no matter what the cause, physiological or otherwise, > and should not be tolerated. The only thing we have control of is how we > live our lives in the future. It doesn't mean that you have to accept your > mother and sister beating your siblings. That needs to be reported to the proper > authorities immediately...over and over again if it continues to happen. > > > Perhaps you already have, but if you haven't made any reports yet, you can > call your siblings' local division of youth services and anonymously report the > abuse. By law, they are required to follow up on any and all reports of > abuse. You can contact their school and notify their counselors of the abuse and > request the counselors speak with their teachers to request that they look out > for signs of abuse in their classrooms. They won't divulge any information on > your siblings to you as they do not have the authority to do that since > you're not their guardian, but they will at least have another piece of information > that can help your siblings. > > You took meaning from my following statement that I didn't intend to convey. > I stated, " Remember, wanting vengeance and justice is very much a BP trait. > They can't let go, but we should. It's the only way to make a better life for > ourselves. " > > That was in no way meant to imply that you are a BP. But the reality of it is > that we were raised by BP parents and some of our learned behaviors have to > be relearned. For example, one of the things I've been working on in therapy > is how to be less controlling in my daughter's life and how to allow her to be > her own person and make her own mistakes. I learned controlling behavior from > my mother. Since we are not BP's, we are able to recognize the things that > hold us back, take responsibility for them, and then change them. No one is > saying it is easy either. Just from reading all of the posts on this site, we > know that nothing about overcoming the effects of BP is easy. > > Acceptance doesn't mean that you can't be angry. No person can order another > to stop being angry. It can be suggested through this forum, however, that > the energy we use on the anger is wasted because nothing can be done to change > the past. When and only when a person is ready to let the anger go, is when > the anger will go. And if we choose to continue using our energy to fuel the > anger instead of other positive outlets, that is our choice, too and you won't > be judged here. We feel what we feel. > > > We are amazing people...all of us who have come to this forum. Including you > and including me. We have found love in our lives, we are good parents, good > friends, we are productive members of our communities. We have taken steps > to find out what the problem is in our lives, we've recognized it as having a > BP parent, and we've empowered ourselves to do something about it...simply by > sharing our stories. What we do with our own stories after that is our own > personal decision. We are resilient but do we still have problems? Sure. Does > pain and resentment still rear its ugly head to us when least expected? Sure. > But in the end, how we challenge that pain and resentment is what is going > to allow us to be as free as we possibly can be, on or not. It's not a > judgment on anyone's part. It is simply the reality of this horrible situation we > were born into. > > I really do wish you the best and hope you find your own way to one day > resolve your pain and anguish. That is what I wish for everyone in this forum. > > > > > **************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living. > (http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel- campos-duffy/ > 2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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