Guest guest Posted June 1, 2012 Report Share Posted June 1, 2012 I want to go one step ahead. It is said in pain lies your value.then my pain is that i am not able to chose anything with conviction . Can anyone shed more light and show what could be the list of values be. I start the first guess 1. Could assertivness be a value Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2012 Report Share Posted June 1, 2012 I think values gravitate towards the direction of love, which contains altruism. Pain arises when the mind appraises phenomenon in direct correlation to the ego. If the mind do not grasp on that ego-centric perspective (a natural functioning), other perspectives of that phenomenon can be derived (from other parts of the mind).When we are able to observe within us, which part of our mind is feeling the anger or pain, resolutions to these emotions will arise.We will also realize that ownership of being a loving person isn't a value, only the action is.TC>> > > I forgot to address the issue of pain. I agree that  pain does indicate where your values lie. If your daughter is angry with you or runs away from home , it hurts, because you value being a loving mother. Same thing within a marriage - husband and wife feel pain when they are fighting or if one wan ts t o leave the other - the value of connection with others is threatened. If you are a professor and sharing your knowledge with others is a value, then a poor rating from your students will cause you much pain. If you value learning and cannot afford books or a computer, that would hurt , too. If you value financial inde pendence but are in a position of needing charity from others to meet your needs, that, too,  is painful. > > > > ...just some exampes. > > > > Helena > > > > Re: mind trap > >  > > > > > I want to go one step ahead. It is said in pain lies your value.then my pain is that i am not able to chose anything with conviction . Can anyone shed more light and show what could be the list of values be. I start the first guess > 1. Could assertivness be a value> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2012 Report Share Posted June 1, 2012 Helena, " For me, one of my values is " living healthy " - my thanks to who suggested that term instead of " being healthy. " We may not be able to BE healthy, but we can choose to live healthy, even if our health is poor. To express my value of living healthy, I exercise, make wise food choices, learn how to handle stress, etc. " That is way awesome and very well put. Thak you.D Hi Rajesh, I don't see assertiveness so much as a value but as a personal trait that might help you to achieve what you value. For example, if you value connection with others (most of us do), then assertive would help you to live according to the value of connection with others; someone who is shy and fearful might have a hard time connecting with others. For those with children, being a good parent is most likely an important value. So being engaged in their children's lives, listening to them, and spending one-on-one time with them are all " things to do " that help them express the value of being a good parent. For me, one of my values is " living healthy " - my thanks to who suggested that term instead of " being healthy. " We may not be able to BE healthy, but we can choose to live healthy, even if our health is poor. To express my value of living healthy, I exercise, make wise food choices, learn how to handle stress, etc. The bottom line, to me, is this: To determine your values, ask yourself what is important to you in life. Be careful not to list a goal, such as getting a college degree, because a goal is a way of getting to what you value - it is not the value itself. Getting a college degree may help you in your value of being open to learning, being financially independent, etc. The value does not have a time-line or a due date; it is never " finished " - although you may change or tweak your values as you live life and change your perspective on some things. Also, it is not so much a particular personal attribute, such as the one you mention of assertiveness; it is deeper than that. On your tombstone, would you want it written: - " He was a great father and a good friend " ? or " He was assertive " - " He was a fabulous teacher " or " He got a PhD " ? - " He was kind to everyone " or " He gave $$$ to charity? " The first example in each line listed above indicate values; the second example on each line indicate some of the things he did (or traits he had) to help him live according to those values. Hope this helps a little. Helena To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Friday, June 1, 2012 9:39:36 AMSubject: Re: mind trap I want to go one step ahead. It is said in pain lies your value.then my pain is that i am not able to chose anything with conviction . Can anyone shed more light and show what could be the list of values be. I start the first guess 1. Could assertivness be a value -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2012 Report Share Posted June 1, 2012 I think pain arises from not gaining goals. Values are unattainable,therefore cannot cause pain.Wanting or craving to achieve, possess or gain something, status, affection, knowledge, etc, will end in short-lived joy/happiness or pain (may escalate to depression) depending on outcome.TC > > > > > > > > I forgot to address the issue of pain. I agree that  pain does indicate where your values lie. If your daughter is angry with you or runs away from home , it hurts, because you value being a loving mother. Same thing within a marriage - husband and wife feel pain when they are fighting or if one wan ts t o leave the other - the value of connection with others is threatened. If you are a professor and sharing your knowledge with others is a value, then a poor rating from your students will cause you much pain. If you value learning and cannot afford books or a computer, that would hurt , too. If you value financial inde pendence but are in a position of needing charity from others to meet your needs, that, too,  is painful. > > > > > > > > ...just some exampes. > > > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > Re: mind trap > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > I want to go one step ahead. It is said in pain lies your value.then my pain is that i am not able to chose anything with conviction . Can anyone shed more light and show what could be the list of values be. I start the first guess > > 1. Could assertivness be a value > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2012 Report Share Posted June 2, 2012 OH yes, just got my hands on TheHappinessTrap, which is my 2nd book on ACT. I gave up on psychiatry, CBT and trauma work. 6 weeks back, desperation led to an ACT therapist and numdness turned to excitement!What I meant by 'resolutions to emotions' is solutions to our (negative) emotions will make it's own way to our consciousness once mindfulness creates space to accommodate them.Thanks for that hum: que sera sera... Yes, values is my way out from sorrow, and my pillow feels different now..TC > > > > > > > > > > > > I forgot to address the issue of pain. Ià ‚ agree that  pain does indicate where your values lie. If your daughter is angry with you or runs away from home , it hurts, because you value being a loving mother. Same thing within a marriage - husband and wife feel pain when they are fighting or if one wan ts t o leave the other - the value of connection with others is threatened. If you are a professor and sharing your knowledge with others is a value, then a poor rating from your students will cause you much pain. If you value learning and cannot afford books or a computer, that would hurt , too. If you value financial inde pendence but are in a position of needing charity from others to meet your needs, that, too,  is painful. > > > > > > > > > > > > ...just some exampes . > > > > > > > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > Re: mind trap > > > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I want to go one step ahead. It is said in pain lies your value.then my pain is that i am not able to chose anything with conviction . Can anyone shed more light and show what could be the list of values be. I start the first guess > > > 1. Could assertivness be a value > > > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2012 Report Share Posted June 2, 2012 OH yes, just got my hands on TheHappinessTrap, which is my 2nd book on ACT. I gave up on psychiatry, CBT and trauma work. 6 weeks back, desperation led to an ACT therapist and numdness turned to excitement!What I meant by 'resolutions to emotions' is solutions to our (negative) emotions will make it's own way to our consciousness once mindfulness creates space to accommodate them.Thanks for that hum: que sera sera... Yes, values is my way out from sorrow, and my pillow feels different now..TC > > > > > > > > > > > > I forgot to address the issue of pain. Ià ‚ agree that  pain does indicate where your values lie. If your daughter is angry with you or runs away from home , it hurts, because you value being a loving mother. Same thing within a marriage - husband and wife feel pain when they are fighting or if one wan ts t o leave the other - the value of connection with others is threatened. If you are a professor and sharing your knowledge with others is a value, then a poor rating from your students will cause you much pain. If you value learning and cannot afford books or a computer, that would hurt , too. If you value financial inde pendence but are in a position of needing charity from others to meet your needs, that, too,  is painful. > > > > > > > > > > > > ...just some exampes . > > > > > > > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > Re: mind trap > > > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I want to go one step ahead. It is said in pain lies your value.then my pain is that i am not able to chose anything with conviction . Can anyone shed more light and show what could be the list of values be. I start the first guess > > > 1. Could assertivness be a value > > > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2012 Report Share Posted June 3, 2012 rhat good news , I am very happy for you! Wanda in Albuquerque > > OH yes, just got my hands on TheHappinessTrap, which is my 2nd book on > ACT. I gave up on psychiatry, CBT and trauma work. 6 weeks back, > desperation led to an ACT therapist and numdness turned to > excitement!What I meant by 'resolutions to emotions' is solutions to our > (negative) emotions will make it's own way to our consciousness once > mindfulness creates space to accommodate them.Thanks for that hum: que > sera sera... Yes, values is my way out from sorrow, and my pillow > feels different now.. > TC > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2012 Report Share Posted June 3, 2012 rhat good news , I am very happy for you! Wanda in Albuquerque > > OH yes, just got my hands on TheHappinessTrap, which is my 2nd book on > ACT. I gave up on psychiatry, CBT and trauma work. 6 weeks back, > desperation led to an ACT therapist and numdness turned to > excitement!What I meant by 'resolutions to emotions' is solutions to our > (negative) emotions will make it's own way to our consciousness once > mindfulness creates space to accommodate them.Thanks for that hum: que > sera sera... Yes, values is my way out from sorrow, and my pillow > feels different now.. > TC > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2012 Report Share Posted June 3, 2012 Thanks Wanda:)Things seem even more optimistic now that I found this list,I really look up to people here who bit the bullet to make something out of their ill-fated past.> >> > OH yes, just got my hands on TheHappinessTrap, which is my 2nd book on> > ACT. I gave up on psychiatry, CBT and trauma work. 6 weeks back,> > desperation led to an ACT therapist and numdness turned to> > excitement!What I meant by 'resolutions to emotions' is solutions to our> > (negative) emotions will make it's own way to our consciousness once> > mindfulness creates space to accommodate them.Thanks for that hum: que> > sera sera... Yes, values is my way out from sorrow, and my pillow> > feels different now..> > TC> > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2012 Report Share Posted June 3, 2012 Thanks Wanda:)Things seem even more optimistic now that I found this list,I really look up to people here who bit the bullet to make something out of their ill-fated past.> >> > OH yes, just got my hands on TheHappinessTrap, which is my 2nd book on> > ACT. I gave up on psychiatry, CBT and trauma work. 6 weeks back,> > desperation led to an ACT therapist and numdness turned to> > excitement!What I meant by 'resolutions to emotions' is solutions to our> > (negative) emotions will make it's own way to our consciousness once> > mindfulness creates space to accommodate them.Thanks for that hum: que> > sera sera... Yes, values is my way out from sorrow, and my pillow> > feels different now..> > TC> > > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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