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The Lightbulb

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Hello All,

I wanted to share the huge lightbulb of my feelings over the last couple of

days. For my entire lifetime, I've had this huge guilt on me, this belief

that I owe my parents my life. That I must owe other people too. I've always

felt terrible when I do something for myself, ask for something, take care

of myself, or do something I enjoy. I've been NC with my mother for 5 years

- since I realized that every time I saw her or spoke to her she said or did

something so unforgivable that I would be in pain for at least 2 weeks

following a 2 minute conversation, and that this was never going to change -

but I've felt terrible guilt about it.

Now that I have learned about BPD all of this has changed. For the first

time I feel that my life is my own. It's amazing. I can't believe I lived to

be 33 years old without knowing that I am a valuable human being who

deserves the air she breathes and the space she occupies. I take pleasure in

simple things like brushing my hair or picking up my house, I don't feel

like I have to rush through everything so that I have plenty of time to take

care of other people. My time and my life belong to me.

Wow, Thanks for being here. Girlscout

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