Perspective

[Guest guest]

Fellow actors. I was wondering if I could get some ideas for how you go about getting perspective, when things seem out of control. How do you "centre" yourself? How do you know if you are giving a problem too much attention, or adding importance to the problem where there shouldn't be any? How do you sit back and remember, that in the grand scheme of things, this is not "life or death"? I had a first session with a new therapist yesterday, and I think we centred on a core problem. In the heat of the moment, I lose all perspective, and the techniques I have been using so far (mostly breathing exercises) don't seem to work well enough yet. I am usually engaging in some work issue that needs addressing (so I can't just defuse, and move on) but

can't judge how serious the problem is, and what response is needed. Does it need a gentle tap, or a hefty whack? The problem then becomes worse: the more I think about it, the tighter the knot becomes. I think my therapist is winding up to some 'challenging catastrophising thoughts', and holding them up against positive thoughts, as a way of addressing the problem. I said I was skeptical of positive affirmations, and he said that he didn't want me to blinker myself into either positive or negative thinking. He wanted me to work on "balanced thinking". Not sure where this is headed. But I go back to work on Monday, and I want something with me to use in the moment, when (yes, when) I lose perspective. How do you summon the curious scientist? Any ideas? How do you do

it? x

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Personally, I find Pema Chodron very helpful. And also knowing that there is no 'centre' to get to. I think it's more about staying with whatever arises rather than trying to fix it - as if you are a problem. I remind myself to let life 'unfold' rather than trying to mould it into something that fits my ideas about how it should be.

So instead of worrying about the worrying, and worrying about the knot in your stomach - just try feeling it instead, open up to it, embrace it. Maybe it doesn't need a tap or a whack - maybe it needs a hug?

Simone

' The basic ground of compassionate action is the importance of working with rather than struggling against, and what I mean by that is working with your own unwanted, unacceptable stuff, so that when the unacceptable and unwanted appears out there, you can relate to it based on loving-kindness for yourself................It has to do with not knowing what will happen. Its about keeping your heart and mind open to whatever arises without hope of fruition. Problem solving is first based on thinking there is a problem and second on thinking that there is a solution.. The concepts of problem and solution can keep us stuck in thinking that there is an enemy and a saint or a right way or a wrong way. The source of wisdom is whatever is happening to us right in this very instance.' Pema Chodron

To: "act_for_the_public " <act_for_the_public > Sent: Thursday, 24 May 2012, 15:36Subject: Perspective

Fellow actors.

I was wondering if I could get some ideas for how you go about getting perspective, when things seem out of control. How do you "centre" yourself? How do you know if you are giving a problem too much attention, or adding importance to the problem where there shouldn't be any? How do you sit back and remember, that in the grand scheme of things, this is not "life or death"?

I had a first session with a new therapist yesterday, and I think we centred on a core problem. In the heat of the moment, I lose all perspective, and the techniques I have been using so far (mostly breathing exercises) don't seem to work well enough yet. I am usually engaging in some work issue that needs addressing (so I can't just defuse, and move on) but can't judge how serious the problem is, and what response is needed. Does it need a gentle tap, or a hefty whack?

The problem then becomes worse: the more I think about it, the tighter the knot becomes.

I think my therapist is winding up to some 'challenging catastrophising thoughts', and holding them up against positive thoughts, as a way of addressing the problem. I said I was skeptical of positive affirmations, and he said that he didn't want me to blinker myself into either positive or negative thinking. He wanted me to work on "balanced thinking". Not sure where this is headed. But I go back to work on Monday, and I want something with me to use in the moment, when (yes, when) I lose perspective.

How do you summon the curious scientist?

Any ideas? How do you do it?

x

[Guest guest]

Simone,I think you are absolutely right about this. Personally, I'm very frustrated by the almost-universal tendency of therapists to fall--no, jump gleefully and self-righteously- into the language traps ACT (and Pema's Buddhism) warn us against. Their thinking appears to go like this:

" Hmm...what is the problem this person is experiencing? Not sure, but I think I'll call it " Snoon "

So what we need now is:...A snoon remover, or ...a bottle of anti-snoonor... a set of snoon-negative actions they can take...and if it doesn't work, I'll label THEM 'Snoon-Alleviation-Resistant' (or SAR--where would we be without another good acronym?). 

And who knows, with any luck, it'll make it into the DSM!! " Thanks,Jim

 

 

 

Hi ,

 

Personally, I find Pema Chodron very helpful. And also knowing that there is no 'centre' to get to. I think it's more about staying with whatever arises rather than trying to fix it - as if you are a problem. I remind myself to let life 'unfold' rather than trying to mould it into something that fits my ideas about how it should be.

So instead of worrying about the worrying, and worrying about the knot in your stomach - just try feeling it instead, open up to it, embrace it. Maybe it doesn't need a tap or a whack - maybe it needs a hug?

 

 

Simone

 

' The basic ground of compassionate action is the importance of working with rather than struggling against, and what I mean by that is working with your own unwanted, unacceptable stuff, so that when the unacceptable and unwanted appears out there, you can relate to it based on loving-kindness for yourself................It has to do with not knowing what will happen. Its about keeping your heart and mind open to whatever arises without hope of fruition. Problem solving is first based on thinking there is a problem and second on thinking that there is a solution.. The concepts of problem and solution can keep us stuck in thinking that there is an enemy and a saint or a right way or a wrong way. The source of wisdom is whatever is happening to us right in this very instance.' Pema Chodron

 

 

To: " act_for_the_public " <act_for_the_public >

Sent: Thursday, 24 May 2012, 15:36Subject: Perspective

 

Fellow actors.

 

I was wondering if I could get some ideas for how you go about getting perspective, when things seem out of control.  How do you " centre " yourself?  How do you know if you are giving a problem too much attention, or adding importance to the problem where there shouldn't be any?  How do you sit back and remember, that in the grand scheme of things, this is not " life or death " ?

 

I had a first session with a new therapist yesterday, and I think we centred on a core problem.  In the heat of the moment, I lose all perspective, and the techniques I have been using so far (mostly breathing exercises) don't seem to work well enough yet.  I am usually engaging in some work issue that needs addressing (so I can't just defuse, and move on) but can't judge how serious the problem is, and what response is needed.  Does it need a gentle tap, or a hefty whack?

 

The problem then becomes worse: the more I think about it, the tighter the knot becomes.

 

I think my therapist is winding up to some 'challenging catastrophising thoughts', and holding them up against positive thoughts, as a way of addressing the problem.  I said I was skeptical of positive affirmations, and he said that he didn't want me to blinker myself into either positive or negative thinking.  He wanted me to work on " balanced thinking " .  Not sure where this is headed.  But I go back to work on Monday, and I want something with me to use in the moment, when (yes, when) I lose perspective. 

 

How do you summon the curious scientist?

 

Any ideas?  How do you do it?

 

x

[Guest guest]

I do what you do, : breathe. The more you use it, e better you get at it.Look! There is my breathe, moving my chest, my belly. And look! There is my thought about Losing Perspective! Cute lil devil, isn't it?

Perhaps the perspective thing is a valid signal from the ole' processing center indicating a need for more data? Maybe if your judgment machine is freezing up in the face of this or that assessment, it needs new information or a eframing of what it has. Perhaps the way to regain the observer is to try reframing the problem you are judging?

D

 

Fellow actors. I was wondering if I could get some ideas for how you go about getting perspective, when things seem out of control.  How do you " centre " yourself?  How do you know if you are giving a problem too much attention, or adding importance to the problem where there shouldn't be any?  How do you sit back and remember, that in the grand scheme of things, this is not " life or death " ?

 I had a first session with a new therapist yesterday, and I think we centred on a core problem.  In the heat of the moment, I lose all perspective, and the techniques I have been using so far (mostly breathing exercises) don't seem to work well enough yet.  I am usually engaging in some work issue that needs addressing (so I can't just defuse, and move on) but ican't judge how serious the problem is, and what response is needed.  Does it need a gentle tap, or a hefty whack?

 The problem then becomes worse: the more I think about it, the tighter the knot becomes. I think my therapist is winding up to some 'challenging catastrophising thoughts', and holding them up against positive thoughts, as a way of addressing the problem.  I said I was skeptical of positive affirmations, and he said that he didn't want me to blinker myself into either positive or negative thinking.  He wanted me to work on " balanced thinking " .  Not sure where this is headed.  But I go back to work on Monday, and I want something with me to use in the moment, when (yes, when) I lose perspective. 

 How do you summon the curious scientist? Any ideas?  How do you do

it?  x

-- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@...

[Guest guest]

Hi ,sounds similiar to what lm experiencing , New therapist she talked about looking "" thought processes"" when l say act therapy she doesnt respond she looked perplexed not.sure yet if she is coming more from a cbt therapy perspective,but l think she is. Now lm looking for some therapy that will help ocd.

From:

Robson ;

To:

act_for_the_public <act_for_the_public >;

Subject:

Perspective

Sent:

Thu, May 24, 2012 2:36:49 PM

Fellow actors. I was wondering if I could get some ideas for how you go about getting perspective, when things seem out of control. How do you " centre " yourself? How do you know if you are giving a problem too much attention, or adding importance to the problem where there shouldn't be any? How do you sit back and remember, that in the grand scheme of things, this is not " life or death " ? I had a first session with a new therapist yesterday, and I think we centred on a core problem. In the heat of the moment, I lose all perspective, and the techniques I have been using so far (mostly breathing exercises) don't seem to work well enough yet. I am usually engaging in some work issue that needs addressing (so I can't

just defuse, and move on) but

can't judge how serious the problem is, and what response is needed. Does it need a gentle tap, or a hefty whack? The problem then becomes worse: the more I think about it, the tighter the knot becomes. I think my therapist is winding up to some 'challenging catastrophising thoughts', and holding them up against positive thoughts, as a way of addressing the problem. I said I was skeptical of positive affirmations, and he said that he didn't want me to blinker myself into either positive or negative thinking. He wanted me to work on " balanced thinking " . Not sure where this is headed. But I go back to work on Monday, and I want something with me to use in the moment, when (yes, when) I lose perspective. How do you summon the curious scientist? Any

ideas? How do you do

it? x

[Guest guest]

I imagine myself stepping back a few paces or climbing a ladder to figuratively

look at me and notice what's happening in my head. This allows me to show up and

see what's really going on rather than what my thinking self is telling me. Then

I can go to another point on the hexaflex to let go and get moving. Usually I

will do the notice five things exercise and then do some committed action. The

important thing is to stop struggling (accept/make room for) with the part of

you that gets hooked on your thoughts. No short cuts. I must dance around the

hexaflex rather than just use one point.

The Compassionate Mind by Gilbert has some good stuff on compassionate thinking.

Bill

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Fellow actors.

> >

> > I was wondering if I could get some ideas for how you go about getting

> > perspective, when things seem out of control. How do you " centre "

> > yourself? How do you know if you are giving a problem too much attention,

> > or adding importance to the problem where there shouldn't be any? How do

> > you sit back and remember, that in the grand scheme of things, this is not

> > " life or death " ?

> >

> > I had a first session with a new therapist yesterday, and I think we

> > centred on a core problem. In the heat of the moment, I lose all

> > perspective, and the techniques I have been using so far (mostly breathing

> > exercises) don't seem to work well enough yet. I am usually engaging in

> > some work issue that needs addressing (so I can't just defuse, and move on)

> > but ican't judge how serious the problem is, and what response is needed.

> > Does it need a gentle tap, or a hefty whack?

> >

> > The problem then becomes worse: the more I think about it, the tighter the

> > knot becomes.

> >

> > I think my therapist is winding up to some 'challenging catastrophising

> > thoughts', and holding them up against positive thoughts, as a way of

> > addressing the problem. I said I was skeptical of positive affirmations,

> > and he said that he didn't want me to blinker myself into either positive

> > or negative thinking. He wanted me to work on " balanced thinking " . Not

> > sure where this is headed. But I go back to work on Monday, and I want

> > something with me to use in the moment, when (yes, when) I lose

> > perspective.

> >

> > How do you summon the curious scientist?

> >

> > Any ideas? How do you do it?

> >

> > x

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> --

> Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-T

> Rochester, NY, US

> http://darrellking.com

> DarrellGKing@...

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

As a scientist I know you are familiar with Venn diagrams

Left Circle = Reasonable Mind

Right Circle=Emotion Mind -limbic part of brain. Fight or flight- a therapist

I know calls this `Emotions Central'

Overlap in center (intersection of the 2 sets) = Wise Mind (Perhaps what your

therapist is referring to as `balanced thinking'.)

Re: mindfulness exercises, like the breathing and Russ has an exercise where you

examine every aspect of your hand.

I practice T'ai Chi Chih, created by Stone-a great concise form of moving

meditation. (He lived here in Albuquerque for many years). One of main tenets is

being grounded. Always know that your feet are touching the ground, grounded

into the earth.

With a single deep breath you can `remember' the peace you have derived from

previous longer breathing exercises. With one thought you can go to the soles

of your feet and know you are grounded and centered in the moment.

Perhaps, with practice, by allowing yourself these 2 brief moments, you will be

able to be in the calm, have your calm perspective.

I hate to write as if this is simple. I always rush off into `emotions central'

first. I am practicing.

Wanda

PS. Another tool, for later to figure out `what happened', is Thought Records;

to sort out how our mind can immediately go to `Emotions Central' with little or

no data to support that part of our brain being involved in the situation at

all. Googleable.

[Guest guest]

Like you have a emotion and your not aware of where it came from,was it a thought or a memory .Then you cant remember, so you left with an emotion. with no origin, happens frequently or infrequently,

sometimes when you wake in the morning you are

anxoius, wonder if its a dream you had ,left you feeling anxious but you cant

remember the dream.

From:

WandaZ ;

To:

<ACT_for_the_Public >;

Subject:

Re: Perspective

Sent:

Fri, May 25, 2012 2:40:12 PM

Hi ,

As a scientist I know you are familiar with Venn diagrams

Left Circle = Reasonable Mind

Right Circle=Emotion Mind -limbic part of brain. Fight or flight- a therapist I know calls this `Emotions Central'

Overlap in center (intersection of the 2 sets) = Wise Mind (Perhaps what your therapist is referring to as `balanced thinking'.)

Re: mindfulness exercises, like the breathing and Russ has an exercise where you examine every aspect of your hand.

I practice T'ai Chi Chih, created by Stone-a great concise form of moving meditation. (He lived here in Albuquerque for many years). One of main tenets is being grounded. Always know that your feet are touching the ground, grounded into the earth.

With a single deep breath you can `remember' the peace you have derived from previous longer breathing exercises. With one thought you can go to the soles of your feet and know you are grounded and centered in the moment.

Perhaps, with practice, by allowing yourself these 2 brief moments, you will be able to be in the calm, have your calm perspective.

I hate to write as if this is simple. I always rush off into `emotions central' first. I am practicing.

Wanda

PS. Another tool, for later to figure out `what happened', is Thought Records; to sort out how our mind can immediately go to `Emotions Central' with little or no data to support that part of our brain being involved in the situation at all. Googleable.

[Guest guest]

" Hmm...what is the problem this person is experiencing?

Not sure, but I think I'll call it " Snoon "

So what we need now is:

....A snoon remover, or

....a bottle of anti-snoon

or... a set of snoon-negative actions they can take...

and if it doesn't work, I'll label THEM 'Snoon-Alleviation- Resistant' (or

SAR--where would we be without another good acronym?).

And who knows, with any luck, it'll make it into the DSM!! "

Thanks,

Jim

That is hilarious. My own mind is trained in 'Snoon-remover techniques'...how

could it not be? This is the kind of humour that really helps me and hopefully

I'll remember it next time I'm trying to remove the Snoon (or the next time, or

the next time).

cheers Jim

[Guest guest]

Thanks . I confess I chuckled while writing it.

 

" Hmm...what is the problem this person is experiencing?

Not sure, but I think I'll call it " Snoon "

So what we need now is:

....A snoon remover, or

....a bottle of anti-snoon

or... a set of snoon-negative actions they can take...

and if it doesn't work, I'll label THEM 'Snoon-Alleviation- Resistant' (or

SAR--where would we be without another good acronym?).

And who knows, with any luck, it'll make it into the DSM!! "

Thanks,

Jim

That is hilarious. My own mind is trained in 'Snoon-remover techniques'...how could it not be? This is the kind of humour that really helps me and hopefully I'll remember it next time I'm trying to remove the Snoon (or the next time, or the next time).

cheers Jim

[Guest guest]

Thanks Simone, Jim, Darrell, Ioqqy, Bill (I was v. pleased to see your name pop up), Wanda, and . I've been separated from my perspective for some weeks now, but keep getting momentary glances, and your contributions have helped me to pay better attention to these. I am getting better at spotting what is being driven by Emotion Central (thanks Wanda) and what is the product more rational thinking I found this simple exercise below from (right?) quite helpful today, which I took a long time over, like a longish meditation. This isn't the first time that I've found mileage in the simple idea of "labelling" thoughts and feelings, so it was good to put this in a longer practice. Acceptance /

accepting is something that needs practice and patience (which I so often lack). Thanks again, x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Monday, 28 May 2012, 10:16 Subject: Re: Perspective

Hey

When I am in the grips of some emotion and need to defuse, I find it helpful to detail to myself all the ways the feeling is expressing itself in my body.

Like, if I'm feeling anxious, and I become aware that I am anxious, I stop and breathe and go through where I can feel my anxiety like "ok, my chest feels tight, and my shoulders are tense, and my breathing is shallow"....and I find that by trying to asses how the anxiety manifests itself, you become more and more aware of it, until eventually you find yourself separated from it in that "curious scientist" way.

It sounds like when you realise you are anxious, you then become anxious about being anxious. But you don't need to be, you just need to say to yourself "ok, I am anxious, and this is how it feels". Dont judge yourself for feeling the anxiety, just be aware of it until you feel you can make a choice about whatever you want to do.

[Guest guest]

Great stuff, everyone.I find that experiencing unwanted feelings on the body level without buying the interpretation my mind wants to throw at them is the only thing that softens the painful cycle of resistance and emotional snapback.Jim

Thanks Simone, Jim, Darrell, Ioqqy, Bill (I was v. pleased to see your name pop up), Wanda, and . I've been separated from my perspective for some weeks now, but keep getting momentary glances, and your contributions have helped me to pay better attention to these. I am getting better at spotting what is being driven by Emotion Central (thanks Wanda) and what is the product more rational thinking I found this simple exercise below from (right?) quite helpful today, which I took a long time over, like a longish meditation. This isn't the first time that I've found mileage in the simple idea of "labelling" thoughts and feelings, so it was good to put this in a longer practice. Acceptance /

accepting is something that needs practice and patience (which I so often lack). Thanks again, x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Monday, 28 May 2012, 10:16 Subject: Re: Perspective

Hey

When I am in the grips of some emotion and need to defuse, I find it helpful to detail to myself all the ways the feeling is expressing itself in my body.

Like, if I'm feeling anxious, and I become aware that I am anxious, I stop and breathe and go through where I can feel my anxiety like "ok, my chest feels tight, and my shoulders are tense, and my breathing is shallow"....and I find that by trying to asses how the anxiety manifests itself, you become more and more aware of it, until eventually you find yourself separated from it in that "curious scientist" way.

It sounds like when you realise you are anxious, you then become anxious about being anxious. But you don't need to be, you just need to say to yourself "ok, I am anxious, and this is how it feels". Dont judge yourself for feeling the anxiety, just be aware of it until you feel you can make a choice about whatever you want to do.