Re: Re: feel the fear do it anyway book

May 19, 2012

The book definitely shares a few ideas with ACT - in that it advises you to

accept the fear, and do what matters anyway, but it also has some major

differences. For example, it has nothing about values, nothing about

mindfulness. And it places a major emphasis on positive thinking (see the

chapter, 'Polyanna Rides Again'). The major intervention in the book for

handling your anxiety is to say to yourself, 'Whatever happens, i can handle

it'. No doubt this can be a helpful self-statement, but it's hardly enough for

most people. There are no true acceptance exercises in the ACT sense - where you

fully open yourself to the feelings and sensations of anxiety in your body and

drop the struggle with them. And so on, and so on.

So, a useful book in some ways, but very very different from ACT. I wrote The

Confidence Gap to tackle the very same issues as Feel The Fear, but in an

ACT-consistent manner.

Cheers, Russ

> Bauer wrote:

>

> Yes, I read several years ago. It's definitely very ACT like. I don't

> recall it being based on ACT. It's a very good book. Other books by

> same author are not very good, but this one is one of the best self help

> books of all time.

>

> Sent from my iPad

>

> > Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act the

> therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very

> motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure

> >

> > ;

> > To: <ACT_for_the_Public >;

> > Subject: choice

> > Sent: Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM

> >

> > My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices.

> > Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get stuck

> like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice point

> by learing from the collective wisdom of this list.

> >

> > I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for

> reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different

> perspective and can write something useful to me.

> >

> > there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe choice not

> to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a choice.

> We may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and findlater that

> we were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous andmean-spirited

> way. (We sweat as we recollect such events in our own histoÂ¬ries.) The

> possibility of one of these negative outcomes is psychologicallyinherent

> in the choiceâ€”it is why the choice is hard (and avoided). Now theissue

> of living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to examine

> theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that what we

> want ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and defusion in

> this frightÂ¬ening region, where delightful and tragic possibilities

> danceâ€”that place onthe brink of choice.

> > This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. One is

> toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should I-shouldn't

> I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and reasons

> weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip decisively and

> tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second option is to

> justchooseâ€”but in the service of ending the burden this frightening

> psychologiÂ¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want our lives

> to stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We first

> take imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to the

> edge of choice and experiÂ¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we then back

> up into rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. We

> examine the vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an

> experiential exercise, to the edge of choice.Again, feel the anxiety,

> notice the memories, how the body feels; this time,at the peak of

> anxiety, we choose a directionâ€”explicitly in the service ofending the

> anxiety. And then, notice what happens. Relief, but also thethought,

> " What if I had chosen the other way? " In both of these scenarios,the

> choice occurs psychologically as a " must " and as a " must do

> corÂ¬rectly " â€”both psychological aspects of the choice that begs for

> defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a lack of freedom.

> There is athird path. Camus describes it best in " An Absurd Reasoning " :

> " The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as that is possible,

> and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant regions.

> Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman show in

> which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their dialogue " (1955, p.

> 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a psychological

> space where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward or

> backward? To us, that is theplace from which choices with the most

> vitality emergeâ€”that place whereeven whether to choose occurs

> psychologically as choice.

> >

> > Also in

> >

> > " get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl) " book steve hayes say

> choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason and it

> gave a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even when

> there are for and against reason for selection.

> > Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY LIFE

> DECISION.

> >

> > P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for understanding

> and liberation for realization " .

> >

All the best,

Cheers,

Russ

www.actmindfully.com.au

May 19, 2012

To me Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway implies that you'll feel better when you're through the fear. But what if the fear never goes away? It just goes from one subject to another. I don't feel any satisfaction from success or completion these days. Of course we have no choice but to face the fear but we don't always have to do it anyway. I'm pretty good at doing what I have to do. It's what I want to do, or want to enjoy that's the issue.I found the book helpful but not curative. Helpful because it reminds me that average people struggle with fear, too.Bruce The book was recommended to me years ago but I hated the thing and threw the thing in the bin - well, maybe I took it to charity shop. Personally, I think it is okay for a mother who is a bit nervous of entering an egg and spoon race at her child's charity school fete, or for the junior manage thinking of going up a rung, but it is is not people with chronic and deliberating nervous illness like mine. When I read my first ACT book, though, I was absolutely delighted, and I then bought some more (and then even more after that- one of my compulsions is buying books). Now I can tell the difference between pop psychology and something that is a truly authentic therapy. Feel the Fear made me feel horrible, but my ACT books were life affirming and gave encouragement even if successs was going to be quite limited to start with. Well, If you fail then just use some defusion to help neutralise beating yourself up - now that's friendly. Also, I liked the people who wrote the books that I have, sensitive types, like me. Kv > > > > > > > Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act the > > > therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very > > > motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure > > > > > > > > > > > > From: Rajesh raj_surana@; > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public ; > > > > Subject: choice > > > > Sent: Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices. > > > > Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get stuck > > > like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice point > > > by learing from the collective wisdom of this list. > > > > > > > > I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for > > > reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different > > > perspective and can write something useful to me. > > > > > > > > there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe choice not > > > to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a choice. > > > We may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and findlater that > > > we were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous andmean-spirited > > > way. (We sweat as we recollect such events in our own histoÂ¬ries.) The > > > possibility of one of these negative outcomes is psychologicallyinherent > > > in the choiceâ€"it is why the choice is hard (and avoided). Now theissue > > > of living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to examine > > > theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that what we > > > want ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and defusion in > > > this frightÂ¬ening region, where delightful and tragic possibilities > > > danceâ€"that place onthe brink of choice. > > > > This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. One is > > > toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should I-shouldn't > > > I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and reasons > > > weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip decisively and > > > tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second option is to > > > justchooseâ€"but in the service of ending the burden this frightening > > > psychologiÂ¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want our lives > > > to stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We first > > > take imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to the > > > edge of choice and experiÂ¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we then back > > > up into rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. We > > > examine the vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an > > > experiential exercise, to the edge of choice.Again, feel the anxiety, > > > notice the memories, how the body feels; this time,at the peak of > > > anxiety, we choose a directionâ€"explicitly in the service ofending the > > > anxiety. And then, notice what happens. Relief, but also thethought, > > > "What if I had chosen the other way?" In both of these scenarios,the > > > choice occurs psychologically as a "must" and as a "must do > > > corÂ¬rectly"â€"both psychological aspects of the choice that begs for > > > defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a lack of freedom. > > > There is athird path. Camus describes it best in "An Absurd Reasoning": > > > "The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as that is possible, > > > and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant regions. > > > Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman show in > > > which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their dialogue" (1955, p. > > > 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a psychological > > > space where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward or > > > backward? To us, that is theplace from which choices with the most > > > vitality emergeâ€"that place whereeven whether to choose occurs > > > psychologically as choice. > > > > > > > > Also in > > > > > > > > "get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl)"book steve hayes say > > > choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason and it > > > gave a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even when > > > there are for and against reason for selection. > > > > Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY LIFE > > > DECISION. > > > > > > > > P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for understanding > > > and liberation for realization". > > > > > > > > > > > > All the best, > > Cheers, > > Russ > > > > www.actmindfully.com.au > > >

May 19, 2012

The fear never goes away. You feel better because you are able to do things in spite of the fear. Or at least, we think that such actions should make you feel better. If you don't feel better, maybe you just can't or don't want to?Why do you feel so guilty? That would be my first question. After that, I got nothing. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you are. Floundering.H To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, May 19, 2012 12:34:43 PMSubject: Re: Re: feel the fear do it anyway book

To me Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway implies that you'll feel better when you're through the fear. But what if the fear never goes away? It just goes from one subject to another. I don't feel any satisfaction from success or completion these days. Of course we have no choice but to face the fear but we don't always have to do it anyway. I'm pretty good at doing what I have to do. It's what I want to do, or want to enjoy that's the issue.I found the book helpful but not curative. Helpful because it reminds me that average people struggle with fear, too.Bruce The book was recommended to me years ago but I hated the thing and threw the thing in the bin - well, maybe I took it to charity shop. Personally, I think it is okay for a mother who is a bit nervous of entering an egg and spoon race at her child's charity school fete, or for the junior manage thinking of going up a rung, but it is is not people with chronic and deliberating nervous illness like mine. When I read my first ACT book, though, I was absolutely delighted, and I then bought some more (and then even more after that- one of my compulsions is buying books). Now I can tell the difference between pop psychology and something that is a truly authentic therapy. Feel the Fear made me feel horrible, but my ACT books were life affirming and gave encouragement even if successs was going to be quite limited to start with. Well, If you fail then just use some defusion to help neutralise beating yourself up - now that's friendly. Also, I liked the people who wrote the books that I have, sensitive types, like me. Kv > > > > > > > Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act the > > > therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very > > > motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure > > > > > > > > > > > > From: Rajesh raj_surana@; > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public ; > > > > Subject: choice > > > > Sent: Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices. > > > > Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get stuck > > > like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice point > > > by learing from the collective wisdom of this list. > > > > > > > > I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for > > > reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different > > > perspective and can write something useful to me. > > > > > > > > there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe choice not > > > to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a choice. > > > We may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and findlater that > > > we were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous andmean-spirited > > > way. (We sweat as we recollect such events in our own histoÃ‚Â¬ries.) The > > > possibility of one of these negative outcomes is psychologicallyinherent > > > in the choiceÃ¢â‚¬"it is why the choice is hard (and avoided). Now theissue > > > of living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to examine > > > theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that what we > > > want ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and defusion in > > > this frightÃ‚Â¬ening region, where delightful and tragic possibilities > > > danceÃ¢â‚¬"that place onthe brink of choice. > > > > This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. One is > > > toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should I-shouldn't > > > I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and reasons > > > weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip decisively and > > > tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second option is to > > > justchooseÃ¢â‚¬"but in the service of ending the burden this frightening > > > psychologiÃ‚Â¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want our lives > > > to stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We first > > > take imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to the > > > edge of choice and experiÃ‚Â¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we then back > > > up into rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. We > > > examine the vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an > > > experiential exercise, to the edge of choice.Again, feel the anxiety, > > > notice the memories, how the body feels; this time,at the peak of > > > anxiety, we choose a directionÃ¢â‚¬"explicitly in the service ofending the > > > anxiety. And then, notice what happens. Relief, but also thethought, > > > "What if I had chosen the other way?" In both of these scenarios,the > > > choice occurs psychologically as a "must" and as a "must do > > > corÃ‚Â¬rectly"Ã¢â‚¬"both psychological aspects of the choice that begs for > > > defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a lack of freedom. > > > There is athird path. Camus describes it best in "An Absurd Reasoning": > > > "The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as that is possible, > > > and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant regions. > > > Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman show in > > > which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their dialogue" (1955, p. > > > 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a psychological > > > space where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward or > > > backward? To us, that is theplace from which choices with the most > > > vitality emergeÃ¢â‚¬"that place whereeven whether to choose occurs > > > psychologically as choice. > > > > > > > > Also in > > > > > > > > "get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl)"book steve hayes say > > > choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason and it > > > gave a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even when > > > there are for and against reason for selection. > > > > Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY LIFE > > > DECISION. > > > > > > > > P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for understanding > > > and liberation for realization". > > > > > > > > > > > > All the best, > > Cheers, > > Russ > > > > www.actmindfully.com.au > > >

May 19, 2012

Sometimes it is only the darkness that illuminates all. Thank you so much for saying that. I feel the darkness enveloping me like a terrible soft glove. I welcome it because I have no other choice. If there were no darkness, light would not know how to be, what to do. There is light. Always.HelenaTo: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, May 19, 2012 1:15:35 PMSubject: Re: feel the fear do it anyway book

Since childhood my way has been "Rhinoing" through -- just gritting my teeth and brazenly forcing my way through whatever barrier kept me from reaching the desired or needed goal. This has worked, up to a point. But seen from a different perspective it hasn't worked at all. Why? Because I, my innermost being, my real self, wasn't present. How do I know this? Because I feel just as fake as I ever have -- the gritted teeth and brazenness hid and continues to hide the scared little kid who's doing the best he knows how, however inadequate in the larger scheme of things. I haven't been present for most of the portentous events of my life. It's as though someone else is living my life.That said, by hook and by crook I'm learning to be there when I need to be. It's not Act; it's not this or that fabulous new therapy: it's all of those things. It's even drugs and medications on occasion. I'm centered only when, in the depth of the night, alone in my bed, I open my eyes and the darkness seeps into my consciousness and illuminates all.> > > > >> > > > > > Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act> > the> > > > > therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very> > > > > motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > From: Rajesh raj_surana@;> > > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public ;> > > > > > Subject: choice> > > > > > Sent: Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices.> > > > > > Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get> > stuck> > > > > like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice> > point> > > > > by learing from the collective wisdom of this list.> > > > > >> > > > > > I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for> > > > > reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different> > > > > perspective and can write something useful to me.> > > > > >> > > > > > there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe > > choice> > not> > > > > to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a> > choice.> > > > > We may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and> > findlater that> > > > > we were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous> > andmean-spirited> > > > > way. (We sweat as we recollect such events in our own> > histoÃ‚Â¬ries.) The> > > > > possibility of one of these negative outcomes is> > psychologicallyinherent> > > > > in the choiceÃ¢â‚¬"it is why the choice is hard (and avoided).> > Now theissue> > > > > of living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to > > examine> > > > > theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that > > what> > we> > > > > want ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and> > defusion in> > > > > this frightÃ‚Â¬ening region, where delightful and tragic> > possibilities> > > > > danceÃ¢â‚¬"that place onthe brink of choice.> > > > > > This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. > > One> > is> > > > > toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should> > I-shouldn't> > > > > I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and> > reasons> > > > > weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip> > decisively and> > > > > tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second > > option> > is to> > > > > justchooseÃ¢â‚¬"but in the service of ending the burden this> > frightening> > > > > psychologiÃ‚Â¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want> > our lives> > > > > to stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We> > first> > > > > take imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to> > the> > > > > edge of choice and experiÃ‚Â¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we> > then back> > > > > up into rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. > > We> > > > > examine the vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an> > > > > experiential exercise, to the edge of choice.Again, feel the> > anxiety,> > > > > notice the memories, how the body feels; this time,at the peak > > of> > > > > anxiety, we choose a directionÃ¢â‚¬"explicitly in the service> > ofending the> > > > > anxiety. And then, notice what happens. Relief, but also> > thethought,> > > > > "What if I had chosen the other way?" In both of these> > scenarios,the> > > > > choice occurs psychologically as a "must" and as a "must do> > > > > corÃ‚Â¬rectly"Ã¢â‚¬"both psychological aspects of the choice> > that begs for> > > > > defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a lack of> > freedom.> > > > > There is athird path. Camus describes it best in "An Absurd> > Reasoning":> > > > > "The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as that is> > possible,> > > > > and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant > > regions.> > > > > Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman > > show> > in> > > > > which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their > > dialogue" (1955, p.> > > > > 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a> > psychological> > > > > space where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward> > or> > > > > backward? To us, that is theplace from which choices with the > > most> > > > > vitality emergeÃ¢â‚¬"that place whereeven whether to choose> > occurs> > > > > psychologically as choice.> > > > > >> > > > > > Also in> > > > > >> > > > > > "get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl)"book steve > > hayes> > say> > > > > choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason > > and> > it> > > > > gave a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even> > when> > > > > there are for and against reason for selection.> > > > > > Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY> > LIFE> > > > > DECISION.> > > > > >> > > > > > P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for> > understanding> > > > > and liberation for realization".> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > >> > > > All the best,> > > > Cheers,> > > > Russ > > > >> > > > www.actmindfully.com.au> > > >> > >> >> >>

May 19, 2012

In the same spirit: "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important". (Steve Jobs)One thing I truly miss in my life is perspective. I feel that I've lost all judgement. When faced with challenges I cannot get a true feel for the situation, to judge what I must do next. I never know whether to take a putter or a driver from my bag. Maybe darkness is where perspective hides? x To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, 19 May 2012, 18:48 Subject: Re: Re: feel the fear do it anyway book

Sometimes it is only the darkness that illuminates all. Thank you so much for saying that. I feel the darkness enveloping me like a terrible soft glove. I welcome it because I have no other choice. If there were no darkness, light would not know how to be, what to do. There is light. Always.HelenaTo: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, May 19, 2012 1:15:35 PMSubject: Re: feel the fear do it anyway book

Since childhood my way has been "Rhinoing" through -- just gritting my teeth and brazenly forcing my way through whatever barrier kept me from reaching the desired or needed goal. This has worked, up to a point. But seen from a different perspective it hasn't worked at all. Why? Because I, my innermost being, my real self, wasn't present. How do I know this? Because I feel just as fake as I ever have -- the gritted teeth and brazenness hid and continues to hide the scared little kid who's doing the best he knows how, however inadequate in the larger scheme of things. I haven't been present for most of the portentous events of my life. It's as though someone else is living my life.That said, by hook and by crook I'm learning to be there when I need to be. It's not Act; it's not this or that fabulous new therapy: it's all of those things. It's even drugs and medications on occasion. I'm centered only when, in

the depth of the night, alone in my bed, I open my eyes and the darkness seeps into my consciousness and illuminates all.> > > > >> > > > > > Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act> > the> > > > > therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very> > > > > motivational book with cbt in it

? Not sure> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > From: Rajesh raj_surana@;> > > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public ;> > > > > > Subject: choice> > > > > > Sent: Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices.> > > > > > Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get> > stuck> > > > > like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice> > point> > > > > by learing from the collective wisdom of this list.> > > > > >> > > > > > I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for> > > >

> reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different> > > > > perspective and can write something useful to me.> > > > > >> > > > > > there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe > > choice> > not> > > > > to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a> > choice.> > > > > We may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and> > findlater that> > > > > we were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous> > andmean-spirited> > > > > way. (We sweat as we recollect such events in our own> > histoÃ‚Â¬ries.) The> > > > > possibility of one of these negative outcomes is> > psychologicallyinherent> > > > > in the choiceÃ¢â‚¬"it is why the choice is hard (and

avoided).> > Now theissue> > > > > of living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to > > examine> > > > > theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that > > what> > we> > > > > want ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and> > defusion in> > > > > this frightÃ‚Â¬ening region, where delightful and tragic> > possibilities> > > > > danceÃ¢â‚¬"that place onthe brink of choice.> > > > > > This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. > > One> > is> > > > > toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should> > I-shouldn't> > > > > I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and> > reasons> > > > > weshouldn't in vain

hope that the scales will finally tip> > decisively and> > > > > tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second > > option> > is to> > > > > justchooseÃ¢â‚¬"but in the service of ending the burden this> > frightening> > > > > psychologiÃ‚Â¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want> > our lives> > > > > to stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We> > first> > > > > take imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to> > the> > > > > edge of choice and experiÃ‚Â¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we> > then back> > > > > up into rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. > > We> > > > > examine the vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an>

> > > > experiential exercise, to the edge of choice.Again, feel the> > anxiety,> > > > > notice the memories, how the body feels; this time,at the peak > > of> > > > > anxiety, we choose a directionÃ¢â‚¬"explicitly in the service> > ofending the> > > > > anxiety. And then, notice what happens. Relief, but also> > thethought,> > > > > "What if I had chosen the other way?" In both of these> > scenarios,the> > > > > choice occurs psychologically as a "must" and as a "must do> > > > > corÃ‚Â¬rectly"Ã¢â‚¬"both psychological aspects of the choice> > that begs for> > > > > defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a lack of> > freedom.> > > > > There is athird path. Camus describes it best in "An Absurd> >

Reasoning":> > > > > "The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as that is> > possible,> > > > > and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant > > regions.> > > > > Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman > > show> > in> > > > > which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their > > dialogue" (1955, p.> > > > > 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a> > psychological> > > > > space where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward> > or> > > > > backward? To us, that is theplace from which choices with the > > most> > > > > vitality emergeÃ¢â‚¬"that place whereeven whether to choose> > occurs> > > > > psychologically as

choice.> > > > > >> > > > > > Also in> > > > > >> > > > > > "get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl)"book steve > > hayes> > say> > > > > choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason > > and> > it> > > > > gave a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even> > when> > > > > there are for and against reason for selection.> > > > > > Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY> > LIFE> > > > > DECISION.> > > > > >> > > > > > P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for> > understanding> > > > > and liberation for realization".> > > > > >> > >

> > >> > > >> > > > All the best,> > > > Cheers,> > > > Russ > > > >> > > > www.actmindfully.com.au> > > >> > >> >> >>

May 19, 2012

It seemed important to me at the time it was published, but it is nevertheless an entirely one-dimensional book with just one tool: an inner-monologue, fresh from a Nike advert, to push you through the hard times. Russ and KV are right: this is not enough. If you've only got a hammer in your toolbox, you'd better hope all your problems are nails. x To: ACT_for_the_Public Cc: "ACT_for_the_Public @ yahoogroups . com" <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, 19 May 2012, 11:03 Subject: Re: Re: feel the fear do it anyway book The book definitely shares a few ideas with ACT - in that it advises you to accept the fear, and do what matters anyway, but it also has some major differences. For example, it has nothing about values, nothing about mindfulness. And it places a major emphasis on positive thinking (see the

chapter, 'Polyanna Rides Again'). The major intervention in the book for handling your anxiety is to say to yourself, 'Whatever happens, i can handle it'. No doubt this can be a helpful self-statement, but it's hardly enough for most people. There are no true acceptance exercises in the ACT sense - where you fully open yourself to the feelings and sensations of anxiety in your body and drop the struggle with them. And so on, and so on. So, a useful book in some ways, but very very different from ACT. I wrote The Confidence Gap to tackle the very same issues as Feel The Fear, but in an ACT-consistent manner.Cheers, Russ> Bauer wrote:> > Yes, I read several years ago. It's definitely very ACT like. I don't > recall it being based on ACT. It's a very good

book. Other books by > same author are not very good, but this one is one of the best self help > books of all time.> > > > Sent from my iPad> > > > > Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act the > therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very > motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure> > > > > > ; > > To: <ACT_for_the_Public >; > > Subject: choice > >

Sent: Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM > > > > > > My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices. > > Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get stuck > like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice point > by learing from the collective wisdom of this list.> > > > I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for > reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different > perspective and can write something useful to me.> > > > there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe choice not > to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a choice. > We may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and findlater that > we were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous andmean-spirited > way. (We sweat as we

recollect such events in our own histoÂ¬ries.) The > possibility of one of these negative outcomes is psychologicallyinherent > in the choiceâ€”it is why the choice is hard (and avoided). Now theissue > of living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to examine > theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that what we > want ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and defusion in > this frightÂ¬ening region, where delightful and tragic possibilities > danceâ€”that place onthe brink of choice.> > This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. One is > toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should I-shouldn't > I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and reasons > weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip decisively and > tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second

option is to > justchooseâ€”but in the service of ending the burden this frightening > psychologiÂ¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want our lives > to stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We first > take imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to the > edge of choice and experiÂ¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we then back > up into rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. We > examine the vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an > experiential exercise, to the edge of choice.Again, feel the anxiety, > notice the memories, how the body feels; this time,at the peak of > anxiety, we choose a directionâ€”explicitly in the service ofending the > anxiety. And then, notice what happens. Relief, but also thethought, > "What if I had chosen the other way?" In both of these scenarios,the > choice

occurs psychologically as a "must" and as a "must do > corÂ¬rectly"â€”both psychological aspects of the choice that begs for > defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a lack of freedom. > There is athird path. Camus describes it best in "An Absurd Reasoning": > "The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as that is possible, > and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant regions. > Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman show in > which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their dialogue" (1955, p. > 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a psychological > space where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward or > backward? To us, that is theplace from which choices with the most > vitality emergeâ€”that place whereeven whether to choose occurs > psychologically as choice.>

> > > Also in> > > > "get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl)"book steve hayes say > choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason and it > gave a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even when > there are for and against reason for selection.> > Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY LIFE > DECISION.> > > > P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for understanding > and liberation for realization".> > > >All the best,Cheers,Russ www.actmindfully.com.au ------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest

ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*>

May 19, 2012

Helena at least seems to get it. But otherwise I think there are lot of goofy comments on this book. Some assumes the title implies that you'll feel better after doing it anyway. ???Feel The Fear was publish way back in the 90s or perhaps 80s. I read it a long time ago before I ever heard of ACT. Long before. Reflecting back I would say it is not an ACT book in any way except it does have some the ideas of acceptance in it. Actually ACT is not in any way unique in advocating acceptance of emotions - even the very radical acceptance that ACT advocates.

My impression of the book was very positive. I don't recall much of any details about it. I still have it somewhere around and will dig it out sometime. I do remember enjoying the book and then I then started other books by same author and was disappointed but not recall exactly why.

Anyway, I think this loyalty to ACT and anything not ACT is trash is dangerous religious dogmatic non-flexible non-independent thinking.

The fear never goes away. You feel better because you are able to do things in spite of the fear. Or at least, we think that such actions should make you feel better. If you don't feel better, maybe you just can't or don't want to?

Why do you feel so guilty? That would be my first question. After that, I got nothing. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you are. Floundering.

H To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Sent: Saturday, May 19, 2012 12:34:43 PMSubject: Re: Re: feel the fear do it anyway book

To me Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway implies that you'll feel better when you're through the fear. But what if the fear never goes away? It just goes from one subject to another. I don't feel any satisfaction from success or completion these days. Of course we have no choice but to face the fear but we don't always have to do it anyway. I'm pretty good at doing what I have to do. It's what I want to do, or want to enjoy that's the issue.

I found the book helpful but not curative. Helpful because it reminds me that average people struggle with fear, too.Bruce

The book was recommended to me years ago but I hated the thing and threw the thing in the bin - well, maybe I took it to charity shop. Personally, I think it is okay for a mother who is a bit nervous of

entering an egg and spoon race at her child's charity school fete, or for the junior manage thinking of going up a rung, but it is is not people with chronic and deliberating nervous illness like mine.

When I read my first ACT book, though, I was absolutely delighted, and I then bought some more (and then even more after that- one of my compulsions is buying books). Now I can tell the difference between pop

psychology and something that is a truly authentic therapy. Feel the Fear made me feel horrible, but my ACT books were life affirming and gave encouragement even if successs was going to be quite limited to start with. Well, If you fail then just use some defusion to help

neutralise beating yourself up - now that's friendly. Also, I liked the people who wrote the books that I have, sensitive types, like me. Kv > > > > > > > Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act the > > > therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very

> > > motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure > > > > > > > > > > > > From: Rajesh raj_surana@; > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public ;

> > > > Subject: choice > > > > Sent: Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices.

> > > > Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get stuck > > > like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice point > > > by learing from the collective wisdom of this list.

> > > > > > > > I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for > > > reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different > > > perspective and can write something useful to me.

> > > > > > > > there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe choice not > > > to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a choice. > > > We may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and

findlater that > > > we were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous andmean-spirited > > > way. (We sweat as we recollect such events in our own histoÂ¬ries.) The > > > possibility of one of these negative outcomes is

psychologicallyinherent > > > in the choiceâ€ " it is why the choice is hard (and avoided). Now theissue > > > of living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to examine > > > theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that what

we > > > want ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and defusion in > > > this frightÂ¬ening region, where delightful and tragic possibilities > > > danceâ€ " that place onthe brink of choice.

> > > > This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. One is > > > toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should I-shouldn't > > > I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and

reasons > > > weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip decisively and > > > tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second option is to > > > justchooseâ€ " but in the service of ending the burden this

frightening > > > psychologiÂ¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want our lives > > > to stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We first > > > take imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to

the > > > edge of choice and experiÂ¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we then back > > > up into rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. We > > > examine the vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an

> > > experiential exercise, to the edge of choice.Again, feel the anxiety, > > > notice the memories, how the body feels; this time,at the peak of > > > anxiety, we choose a directionâ€ " explicitly in the service

ofending the > > > anxiety. And then, notice what happens. Relief, but also thethought, > > > " What if I had chosen the other way? " In both of these scenarios,the > > > choice occurs psychologically as a " must " and as a " must do

> > > corÂ¬rectly " â€ " both psychological aspects of the choice that begs for > > > defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a lack of freedom. > > > There is athird path. Camus describes it best in " An Absurd

Reasoning " : > > > " The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as that is possible, > > > and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant regions. > > > Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman show

in > > > which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their dialogue " (1955, p. > > > 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a psychological > > > space where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward

or > > > backward? To us, that is theplace from which choices with the most > > > vitality emergeâ€ " that place whereeven whether to choose occurs > > > psychologically as choice.

> > > > > > > > Also in > > > > > > > > " get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl) " book steve hayes say > > > choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason and

it > > > gave a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even when > > > there are for and against reason for selection. > > > > Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY

LIFE > > > DECISION. > > > > > > > > P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for understanding > > > and liberation for realization " .

> > > > > > > > > > > > All the best, > > Cheers, > > Russ > > > > www.actmindfully.com.au

> > >

May 19, 2012

,Who is advocating that this one book is enough!!!? Have you read it? If so, how long ago?

It seemed important to me at the time it was published, but it is nevertheless an entirely one-dimensional book with just one tool: an inner-monologue, fresh from a Nike advert, to push you through the hard times. Russ and KV are right: this is not enough.

If you've only got a hammer in your toolbox, you'd better hope all your problems are nails. x

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Cc: " ACT_for_the_Public @ yahoogroups . com " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, 19 May 2012, 11:03

Subject: Re: Re: feel the fear do it anyway book The book definitely shares a few ideas with ACT - in that it advises you to accept the fear, and do what matters anyway, but it also has some major differences. For example, it has nothing about values, nothing about mindfulness. And it places a major emphasis on positive thinking (see the

chapter, 'Polyanna Rides Again'). The major intervention in the book for handling your anxiety is to say to yourself, 'Whatever happens, i can handle it'. No doubt this can be a helpful self-statement, but it's hardly enough for most people. There are no true acceptance exercises in the ACT sense - where you fully open yourself to the feelings and sensations of anxiety in your body and drop the struggle with them. And so on, and so on.

So, a useful book in some ways, but very very different from ACT. I wrote The Confidence Gap to tackle the very same issues as Feel The Fear, but in an ACT-consistent manner.Cheers, Russ> Bauer wrote:

> > Yes, I read several years ago. It's definitely very ACT like. I don't > recall it being based on ACT. It's a very good

book. Other books by > same author are not very good, but this one is one of the best self help > books of all time.> > > > Sent from my iPad> >

> > > Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act the > therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very > motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure> >

> > > > ; > > To: <ACT_for_the_Public >;

> > Subject: choice > >

Sent: Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM > > > > > > My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices. > > Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get stuck

> like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice point > by learing from the collective wisdom of this list.> > > > I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for

> reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different > perspective and can write something useful to me.> > > > there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe choice not

> to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a choice. > We may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and findlater that > we were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous andmean-spirited

> way. (We sweat as we

recollect such events in our own histo¬ries.) The > possibility of one of these negative outcomes is psychologicallyinherent > in the choice—it is why the choice is hard (and avoided). Now theissue > of living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to examine

> theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that what we > want ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and defusion in > this fright¬ening region, where delightful and tragic possibilities

> dance—that place onthe brink of choice.> > This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. One is > toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should I-shouldn't > I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and reasons

> weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip decisively and > tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second

option is to > justchoose—but in the service of ending the burden this frightening > psychologi¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want our lives > to stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We first

> take imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to the > edge of choice and experi¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we then back > up into rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. We

> examine the vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an > experiential exercise, to the edge of choice.Again, feel the anxiety, > notice the memories, how the body feels; this time,at the peak of

> anxiety, we choose a direction—explicitly in the service ofending the > anxiety. And then, notice what happens. Relief, but also thethought, > " What if I had chosen the other way? " In both of these scenarios,the

> choice

occurs psychologically as a " must " and as a " must do > cor¬rectly " —both psychological aspects of the choice that begs for > defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a lack of freedom.

> There is athird path. Camus describes it best in " An Absurd Reasoning " : > " The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as that is possible, > and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant regions.

> Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman show in > which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their dialogue " (1955, p. > 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a psychological

> space where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward or > backward? To us, that is theplace from which choices with the most > vitality emerge—that place whereeven whether to choose occurs

> psychologically as choice.>

> > > Also in> > > > " get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl) " book steve hayes say > choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason and it > gave a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even when

> there are for and against reason for selection.> > Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY LIFE > DECISION.> > > > P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for understanding

> and liberation for realization " .> > > >All the best,Cheers,Russ www.actmindfully.com.au

------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest

ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*>

May 19, 2012

You know sometimes, the water in the swimming pool may feel cold and you don't feel like jumping in even though you want to go swimming. Often, it's just easier in long run to just dive in and start swimming. If you try to be so gentle with yourself and just stick in foot first and then very slowly slide in you end up prolonging the cold feeling.

Or sometimes it's less painful in long run to rip bandage off instead of slowly pulling it off and prolonging pain for longer time.I think that many of you are taking this idea of being gentle with yourself and having compassion to such an extreme and thinking that somehow you can avoid the pain or any difficult emotion. To me this is obvious. I know you'll deny it but somewhere in your brain that is what you are thinking - " hey we can avoid these difficult emotions by practicing this compassion stuff " . And some of you think of yourself as special or unique - that you have problems and so severe problems that you need some very special gentle compassion from yourself and others. Come on!

We all have had problems and we all feel these difficult emotions. The problems you have had and the difficult emotions you have had is not all that special. Your buying into a story you mind is telling you and fusing to it. A part of your brain has grab a hold of this one part of ACT and is convincing you there is a way to avoid difficult emotion.

OK, I repeating myself. I'll stop.Sorry about my rant, but you guys drive me nuts!