Re: Re: feel the fear do it anyway

[Guest guest]

The thing I find difficult is that the negative feelings are constant, even when I'm facing a fear. It makes it tough when there's no reward for doing the right thing, Sometimes I feel like the reward circuit in my brain has been repressed. I see people laugh and I wonder how they do it. I keep on keeping on but it makes life kind of a slog.Bruce Hi Group, It seems to me that feeling the fear and doing it anyway, is an imperative. Just look at those who are making it, they persist and continue regardless. with his anxiety (I bet he still feels it sometimes), with his emotional arousal and Russ with his sweaty hands. Perseverance is the key I think, along with 'attitude' which comes from being true to your values, (as illustrated by , "...I lived by my values and in that sense I feel that I can never actually make a bad choice..."). Keep on keeping on I say, in the face of it, just mind your response when things become difficult. > >>>>>> > >>>>>> > >>>>>> > >>>>>> Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act the > >>>>>> therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very > >>>>>> motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure > >>>>>> > >>>>>> ------------------------------ > >>>>>> * ; > >>>>>> * To: * <ACT_for_the_Public >; > >>>>>> * Subject: * choice > >>>>>> * Sent: * Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM > >>>>>> > >>>>>> > >>>>>> > >>>>>> My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices. > >>>>>> Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get stuck > >>>>>> like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice point by > >>>>>> learing from the collective wisdom of this list. > >>>>>> > >>>>>> I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for > >>>>>> reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different > >>>>>> perspective and can write something useful to me. > >>>>>> > >>>>>> there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe choice not > >>>>>> to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a choice. We > >>>>>> may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and findlater that we > >>>>>> were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous andmean-spirited way. > >>>>>> (We sweat as we recollect such events in our own histo¬ries.) The > >>>>>> possibility of one of these negative outcomes is psychologicallyinherent in > >>>>>> the choice—it is why the choice is hard (and avoided). Now theissue of > >>>>>> living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to examine > >>>>>> theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that what we want > >>>>>> ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and defusion in this > >>>>>> fright¬ening region, where delightful and tragic possibilities dance—that > >>>>>> place onthe brink of choice. > >>>>>> This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. One is > >>>>>> toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should I-shouldn't > >>>>>> I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and reasons > >>>>>> weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip decisively and > >>>>>> tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second option is to > >>>>>> justchoose—but in the service of ending the burden this frightening > >>>>>> psychologi¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want our lives to > >>>>>> stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We first take > >>>>>> imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to the edge of > >>>>>> choice and experi¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we then back up into > >>>>>> rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. We examine the > >>>>>> vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an experiential exercise, to > >>>>>> the edge of choice.Again, feel the anxiety, notice the memories, how the > >>>>>> body feels; this time,at the peak of anxiety, we choose a > >>>>>> direction—explicitly in the service ofending the anxiety. And then, notice > >>>>>> what happens. Relief, but also thethought, "What if I had chosen the other > >>>>>> way?" In both of these scenarios,the choice occurs psychologically as a > >>>>>> "must" and as a "must do cor¬rectly"—both psychological aspects of the > >>>>>> choice that begs for defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a > >>>>>> lack of freedom. There is athird path. Camus describes it best in "An > >>>>>> Absurd Reasoning": "The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as > >>>>>> that is possible, and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant > >>>>>> regions. Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman show > >>>>>> in which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their dialogue" (1955, p. > >>>>>> 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a psychological space > >>>>>> where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward or backward? To > >>>>>> us, that is theplace from which choices with the most vitality emerge—that > >>>>>> place whereeven whether to choose occurs psychologically as choice. > >>>>>> > >>>>>> Also in > >>>>>> > >>>>>> "get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl)"book steve hayes say > >>>>>> choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason and it gave > >>>>>> a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even when there are > >>>>>> for and against reason for selection. > >>>>>> Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY LIFE > >>>>>> DECISION. > >>>>>> > >>>>>> P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for > >>>>>> understanding and liberation for realization". > >>>>>> > >>>>>> > >>>>> > >>>> > >>> > >> > > > > >

[Guest guest]

It is interesting that we can look at another person laughing and know for sure that he feels different than we do, that ideally we would want to feel like him - all without really knowing how he feels.

D

 

The thing I find difficult is that the negative feelings are constant, even when I'm facing a fear. It makes it tough when there's no reward for doing the right thing, Sometimes I feel like the reward circuit in my brain has been repressed. I see people laugh and I wonder how they do it. I keep on keeping on but it makes life kind of a slog.

Bruce   Hi Group, It seems to me that feeling the fear and doing it anyway, is an imperative. Just look at those who are making it, they persist and continue regardless. with his anxiety (I bet he still feels it sometimes), with his emotional arousal and Russ with his sweaty hands.

Perseverance is the key I think, along with 'attitude' which comes from being true to your values, (as illustrated by , " ...I lived by my values and in that sense I feel that I can never actually make a bad choice... " ).

Keep on keeping on I say, in the face of it, just mind your response when things become difficult. > >>>>

> >>>>> ** > >>>>> > >>>>> > >>>>> It's good advice, but I would add to it that the experiencing of a > >>>>> difficult emotion must take place gently, compassionately and without

> >>>>> judgement or it can compound the trauma that's often at its root. This is

-- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@...

[Guest guest]

Bruce — If I can kindly add a few words …

Be careful when you get hooked by thoughts that " the negative feelings are constant " and " there's no reward for doing the 'right' thing. " I say that with a big heart.

The negative feelings may feel like they're going on 24/7. I know that, then and now — and I know that the negative feelings need me to feed them. It's as if I'm anticipating the worst, the failure, the disappointment, the tightening, hardening, shutting

down. So, I get what my mind serves me. How could I not?

The way out of that snare is to pause and let go of all of it — all of the expectations, wanting, striving for certain outcomes, and the judgments, evaluations, EVERYTHING. You get raw and just step … You'll notice that I haven't gone into the details

of my experience. That is deliberate because the details really don't matter. You could plug and play any old history here. It shows up, we harden, shut down, engage in habitual patterns of behavior — lots of struggle, frustration, despair. We want something

else, and that itself gets looped back into the bitter soup.

So, willingness here is really just letting it all hang out … And, if it involves another person, then it's really, really, really, really (did I echo that enough) helpful to have them with you, open to the rawness of willingness, openness, with expectation

and any agenda. So, if you can utter the words, the tears, the heart of the struggle with someone, then that is a BIG step.

The " right thing " may be an oppressive weight on your shoulders. It's a set up for wanting and grasping some outcome, some end point. That's fine if we have control over that outcome, but often we do not. So right thing becomes a perpetual spiral of

spinning to have what we cannot have.

Be gentle. Be kind with yourself. You have what you need to life the life you chose. That may sound saccharin and that's fine. I know personally that not thinking I am ok just as I am has been the pivot point of a HUGE amount of my personal suffering.

So, gentle, open, without agendas, without getting, wanting, hoping … get with the old history, give it a voice, and come back to where you are. You may have to do this a thousand times in a day x a thousand days .. That's ok. Let your experience guide

you.

Peace –john

P. Forsyth, Ph.D.

Professor of Psychology

Director, Anxiety Disorders Research Program

University at Albany, SUNY

Department of Psychology

Social Sciences 399

1400 Washington Avenue

Albany, NY 12222

Ph:

Fax:

email: forsyth@...

Lab Web Page:

Anxiety Disorders Research Program

Blogs:

Mindfulness & Acceptance for Anxiety

Peace of Mind at

Psychology Today

Dr. Forsyth's Books on Amazon.com

Our Clinical Trials Evaluating ACT for Anxiety:

Visit ACTforAnxiety.com

Reply-To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Date: Friday, May 18, 2012 11:03 PM

To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Subject: Re: Re: feel the fear do it anyway

The thing I find difficult is that the negative feelings are constant, even when I'm facing a fear. It makes it tough when there's no reward for doing the right thing, Sometimes I feel like the reward circuit in my brain has been repressed. I see people

laugh and I wonder how they do it. I keep on keeping on but it makes life kind of a slog.

Bruce

Hi Group,

It seems to me that feeling the fear and doing it anyway, is an imperative. Just look at those who are making it, they persist and continue regardless. with his anxiety (I bet he still feels it sometimes), with his emotional arousal and Russ with

his sweaty hands.

Perseverance is the key I think, along with 'attitude' which comes from being true to your values, (as illustrated by , " ...I lived by my values and in that sense I feel that I can never actually make a bad choice... " ).

Keep on keeping on I say, in the face of it, just mind your response when things become difficult.

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>> Hi the book feel the fear and do it anyway is it based on act the

> >>>>>> therapy any one read it, l read few pages and sounds like a very

> >>>>>> motivational book with cbt in it ? Not sure

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>> ------------------------------

> >>>>>> * ;

> >>>>>> * To: * <ACT_for_the_Public >;

> >>>>>> * Subject: * choice

> >>>>>> * Sent: * Thu, May 17, 2012 12:50:40 PM

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>> My thinking get frezeed ,confused while selecting in choices.

> >>>>>> Everybody will be making choice everday, somebody will be get stuck

> >>>>>> like me somebody not. I hope i can learn to move over the choice point by

> >>>>>> learing from the collective wisdom of this list.

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>> I am reposting one of earlier post. It may piss off people for

> >>>>>> reposting such a long post but what if one of u are in different

> >>>>>> perspective and can write something useful to me.

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>> there is suffering inherent in every choice, includingthe choice not

> >>>>>> to choose. We may cut off something of extraordinary valuein a choice. We

> >>>>>> may feel that we are making a values-driven choice and findlater that we

> >>>>>> were completely blind and acting in a self-righteous andmean-spirited way.

> >>>>>> (We sweat as we recollect such events in our own histo¬ries.) The

> >>>>>> possibility of one of these negative outcomes is psychologicallyinherent in

> >>>>>> the choice—it is why the choice is hard (and avoided). Now theissue of

> >>>>>> living with integrity falls back a step, and we need to examine

> >>>>>> theintegrity of not choosing in the service of fear: Is that what we want

> >>>>>> ourlives to stand for? We may need to do exposure and defusion in this

> >>>>>> fright¬ening region, where delightful and tragic possibilities dance—that

> >>>>>> place onthe brink of choice.

> >>>>>> This is a hard place to stay. Two inclinations predominate. One is

> >>>>>> toback up from choosing and dwell in the land of should I-shouldn't

> >>>>>> I,making little lists in our head of the reasons we should and reasons

> >>>>>> weshouldn't in vain hope that the scales will finally tip decisively and

> >>>>>> tell usthe truth about the choice we should make. A second option is to

> >>>>>> justchoose—but in the service of ending the burden this frightening

> >>>>>> psychologi¬cal space engenders. However, is that what we want our lives to

> >>>>>> stand for?We explore both of these options with clients. We first take

> >>>>>> imaginal tripsin experiential exercises where we walk up to the edge of

> >>>>>> choice and experi¬ence the anxiety, the pressure; we then back up into

> >>>>>> rumination and worryand add up the pluses and minuses. We examine the

> >>>>>> vitality of that act.Then, again, we walk, in an experiential exercise, to

> >>>>>> the edge of choice.Again, feel the anxiety, notice the memories, how the

> >>>>>> body feels; this time,at the peak of anxiety, we choose a

> >>>>>> direction—explicitly in the service ofending the anxiety. And then, notice

> >>>>>> what happens. Relief, but also thethought, " What if I had chosen the other

> >>>>>> way? " In both of these scenarios,the choice occurs psychologically as a

> >>>>>> " must " and as a " must do cor¬rectly " —both psychological aspects of the

> >>>>>> choice that begs for defusionand exposure. They occur psychologically as a

> >>>>>> lack of freedom. There is athird path. Camus describes it best in " An

> >>>>>> Absurd Reasoning " : " The realeffort is to stay there, rather, in so far as

> >>>>>> that is possible, and to examineclosely the odd vegetation of those distant

> >>>>>> regions. Tenacity and acumenare privileged spectators of this inhuman show

> >>>>>> in which absurdity, hope,and death carry on their dialogue " (1955, p.

> >>>>>> 8). What if we can, bydefusion and exposure, create a psychological space

> >>>>>> where the client canstand rather than have to jump forward or backward? To

> >>>>>> us, that is theplace from which choices with the most vitality emerge—that

> >>>>>> place whereeven whether to choose occurs psychologically as choice.

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>> Also in

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>> " get out of your mind into your l.ife(goomiyl) " book steve hayes say

> >>>>>> choice are to be made for there sake not for or against reason and it gave

> >>>>>> a excercise of selecting the two alpbhapet as choice even when there are

> >>>>>> for and against reason for selection.

> >>>>>> Metaphorically i understood it BUT HOW DO I USE IT IN EVERDAY LIFE

> >>>>>> DECISION.

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>> P.s i read a nice quote " do not mistake realization for

> >>>>>> understanding and liberation for realization " .

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>>

> >>>>>

> >>>>

> >>>

> >>

> >

> >

>