Guest guest Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Helena,I used to fall in love with total abandon, crashing hard when it didn't work out. Took me years and years to finally realize I was falling in love with an idealized model of my partner, stuffing her into the model whether she fit or not (which she never did). When the human being did things which did not fit the image I had forced onto her, I was shattered and shocked. Such love is desire, addiction, a need to have or own something - it is selfish and possessive. The love of all that is, just the way it is, seems less intense, probably because the mind is not engaged with its desperate drive to make the object of love fit a preset pattern. To me, though, this more relaxed approach is a relief after those early years of clinging and needing. Your poem brought this back to me - especially " it doesn't work that way. " How could it? Seems obvious that no real human being is ever going to perfectly fit the mental partner model my mind creates... D I came across this poem (below) in my saved documents today and thought it sounded like something I went through a couple of years ago. I had a really neat boyfriend for awhile that I thought the world of. Things didn't work out for us. I couldn't handle his seeing/having sex with other women while he was seeing me - when he didn't tell me about it and implied that I was the only woman in his life. If he had discussed it with me instead of hiding it, I may have been OK with it since we were not that serious about each other at the time. He seemed to be more spiritually advanced than I was - and I thought his " light " would shine on me and somehow make me a better person. As I was reading this poem today that seemed to familiar, it suddenly occurred to me: I wrote that! So I'm sharing it here in case it strikes a chord in anything you may be going through, or have been through in the past. HelenaI Guess It Doesn't Work That Way I thought That you might hold me up to your Light Let me bask in your Light So that I could catch the beams reflected from you And become a brighter person just from Being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? You shone so bright it hurt No wonder I thought what I did That I could get a little bit of what you had Just by being in your presence Just by being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? We shone Making love Passion circling all ‘round Making its point, finally Happy and drained I thought that was all I wanted But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? I thought I could become a better person By being with you By loving you By letting your Light shine on me By letting you in But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Helena,I used to fall in love with total abandon, crashing hard when it didn't work out. Took me years and years to finally realize I was falling in love with an idealized model of my partner, stuffing her into the model whether she fit or not (which she never did). When the human being did things which did not fit the image I had forced onto her, I was shattered and shocked. Such love is desire, addiction, a need to have or own something - it is selfish and possessive. The love of all that is, just the way it is, seems less intense, probably because the mind is not engaged with its desperate drive to make the object of love fit a preset pattern. To me, though, this more relaxed approach is a relief after those early years of clinging and needing. Your poem brought this back to me - especially " it doesn't work that way. " How could it? Seems obvious that no real human being is ever going to perfectly fit the mental partner model my mind creates... D I came across this poem (below) in my saved documents today and thought it sounded like something I went through a couple of years ago. I had a really neat boyfriend for awhile that I thought the world of. Things didn't work out for us. I couldn't handle his seeing/having sex with other women while he was seeing me - when he didn't tell me about it and implied that I was the only woman in his life. If he had discussed it with me instead of hiding it, I may have been OK with it since we were not that serious about each other at the time. He seemed to be more spiritually advanced than I was - and I thought his " light " would shine on me and somehow make me a better person. As I was reading this poem today that seemed to familiar, it suddenly occurred to me: I wrote that! So I'm sharing it here in case it strikes a chord in anything you may be going through, or have been through in the past. HelenaI Guess It Doesn't Work That Way I thought That you might hold me up to your Light Let me bask in your Light So that I could catch the beams reflected from you And become a brighter person just from Being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? You shone so bright it hurt No wonder I thought what I did That I could get a little bit of what you had Just by being in your presence Just by being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? We shone Making love Passion circling all ‘round Making its point, finally Happy and drained I thought that was all I wanted But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? I thought I could become a better person By being with you By loving you By letting your Light shine on me By letting you in But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 It definitely strikes a chord in terms of the hurt and sense of betrayal.with warm regards,terry To: ACT <act_for_the_public > Sent: Monday, June 18, 2012 11:38 AM Subject: I thought ... I came across this poem (below) in my saved documents today and thought it sounded like something I went through a couple of years ago. I had a really neat boyfriend for awhile that I thought the world of. Things didn't work out for us. I couldn't handle his seeing/having sex with other women while he was seeing me - when he didn't tell me about it and implied that I was the only woman in his life. If he had discussed it with me instead of hiding it, I may have been OK with it since we were not that serious about each other at the time.He seemed to be more spiritually advanced than I was - and I thought his "light" would shine on me and somehow make me a better person. As I was reading this poem today that seemed to familiar, it suddenly occurred to me: I wrote that!So I'm sharing it here in case it strikes a chord in anything you may be going through, or have been through in the past.HelenaI Guess It Doesn't Work That WayI thought That you might hold me up to your Light Let me bask in your Light So that I could catch the beams reflected from you And become a brighter person just from Being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? You shone so bright it hurt No wonder I thought what I did That I could get a little bit of what you had Just by being in your presence Just by being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? We shone Making love Passion circling all ‘round Making its point, finally Happy and drained I thought that was all I wanted But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? I thought I could become a better person By being with you By loving you By letting your Light shine on me By letting you in But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2012 Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 Sounds like my past, Darrell. I can't believe how much my approach to "intimate" relationships has changed since I found ACT. In fact, when I came across this poem, it was a powerful reminder of that - I could never write a poem like that today, which is why it probably took me awhile to recognize that I had actually written it (in 2008, I think). When I found out about the betrayal, I felt totally betrayed and reject - I believed that I was not enough - not good enough, not sexy enough, not spiritual enough, not anything enough - for him. I remember the exact moment I found out, and my stomach got very tight, pains stabbed through my chest, and I was physically ill for several days after. If something like that happened to me today, I would know not to accept the resulting thoughts of "not good enough" as just thoughts and I would be know how to defuse from them. I would most likely conclude that it was not me who isn't good enough - it was he who was not a good match to my values of honesty and openness in relationships. I would have suffered some, of course, but would have quickly realized that my suffering was a result of my mind trying to protect me from emotional loss and fear of rejection. I could have let go of that suffering and moved on quickly. As it was back then, it took me almost a year to get over him and the rejection stuff. I would like to put the new me to a test. Now if only I could find a willing partner, lol! Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, June 18, 2012 6:01:33 PMSubject: Re: I thought ... Helena, I used to fall in love with total abandon, crashing hard when it didn't work out. Took me years and years to finally realize I was falling in love with an idealized model of my partner, stuffing her into the model whether she fit or not (which she never did). When the human being did things which did not fit the image I had forced onto her, I was shattered and shocked. Such love is desire, addiction, a need to have or own something - it is selfish and possessive. The love of all that is, just the way it is, seems less intense, probably because the mind is not engaged with its desperate drive to make the object of love fit a preset pattern. To me, though, this more relaxed approach is a relief after those early years of clinging and needing. Your poem brought this back to me - especially "it doesn't work that way." How could it? Seems obvious that no real human being is ever going to perfectly fit the mental partner model my mind creates... D I came across this poem (below) in my saved documents today and thought it sounded like something I went through a couple of years ago. I had a really neat boyfriend for awhile that I thought the world of. Things didn't work out for us. I couldn't handle his seeing/having sex with other women while he was seeing me - when he didn't tell me about it and implied that I was the only woman in his life. If he had discussed it with me instead of hiding it, I may have been OK with it since we were not that serious about each other at the time. He seemed to be more spiritually advanced than I was - and I thought his "light" would shine on me and somehow make me a better person. As I was reading this poem today that seemed to familiar, it suddenly occurred to me: I wrote that! So I'm sharing it here in case it strikes a chord in anything you may be going through, or have been through in the past. Helena I Guess It Doesn't Work That Way I thought That you might hold me up to your Light Let me bask in your Light So that I could catch the beams reflected from you And become a brighter person just from Being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? You shone so bright it hurt No wonder I thought what I did That I could get a little bit of what you had Just by being in your presence Just by being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? We shone Making love Passion circling all ‘round Making its point, finally Happy and drained I thought that was all I wanted But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? I thought I could become a better person By being with you By loving you By letting your Light shine on me By letting you in But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2012 Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 I enjoyed this one, Helena. I did trip on the part where you might consider the problem to be his rather than yours, as I would like not consider it a problem of that type at all. For me, it is more like being just the way things are today: all that has happened to shape her up till this moment, when combined with all that has shaped me, does not result in the effect I was after. Not so much somebody's fault for not meeting my values, but more like a blameless mismatch. I think on re-reading, the paragragh had more of that flavor than I first credited it with, though. Given what I have read here, I have to believe there is a line of willing partners just waiting for you to turn around and notice them!D Sounds like my past, Darrell. I can't believe how much my approach to " intimate " relationships has changed since I found ACT. In fact, when I came across this poem, it was a powerful reminder of that - I could never write a poem like that today, which is why it probably took me awhile to recognize that I had actually written it (in 2008, I think). When I found out about the betrayal, I felt totally betrayed and reject - I believed that I was not enough - not good enough, not sexy enough, not spiritual enough, not anything enough - for him. I remember the exact moment I found out, and my stomach got very tight, pains stabbed through my chest, and I was physically ill for several days after. If something like that happened to me today, I would know not to accept the resulting thoughts of " not good enough " as just thoughts and I would be know how to defuse from them. I would most likely conclude that it was not me who isn't good enough - it was he who was not a good match to my values of honesty and openness in relationships. I would have suffered some, of course, but would have quickly realized that my suffering was a result of my mind trying to protect me from emotional loss and fear of rejection. I could have let go of that suffering and moved on quickly. As it was back then, it took me almost a year to get over him and the rejection stuff. I would like to put the new me to a test. Now if only I could find a willing partner, lol! Helena To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, June 18, 2012 6:01:33 PMSubject: Re: I thought ... Helena, I used to fall in love with total abandon, crashing hard when it didn't work out. Took me years and years to finally realize I was falling in love with an idealized model of my partner, stuffing her into the model whether she fit or not (which she never did). When the human being did things which did not fit the image I had forced onto her, I was shattered and shocked. Such love is desire, addiction, a need to have or own something - it is selfish and possessive. The love of all that is, just the way it is, seems less intense, probably because the mind is not engaged with its desperate drive to make the object of love fit a preset pattern. To me, though, this more relaxed approach is a relief after those early years of clinging and needing. Your poem brought this back to me - especially " it doesn't work that way. " How could it? Seems obvious that no real human being is ever going to perfectly fit the mental partner model my mind creates... D I came across this poem (below) in my saved documents today and thought it sounded like something I went through a couple of years ago. I had a really neat boyfriend for awhile that I thought the world of. Things didn't work out for us. I couldn't handle his seeing/having sex with other women while he was seeing me - when he didn't tell me about it and implied that I was the only woman in his life. If he had discussed it with me instead of hiding it, I may have been OK with it since we were not that serious about each other at the time. He seemed to be more spiritually advanced than I was - and I thought his " light " would shine on me and somehow make me a better person. As I was reading this poem today that seemed to familiar, it suddenly occurred to me: I wrote that! So I'm sharing it here in case it strikes a chord in anything you may be going through, or have been through in the past. Helena I Guess It Doesn't Work That Way I thought That you might hold me up to your Light Let me bask in your Light So that I could catch the beams reflected from you And become a brighter person just from Being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? You shone so bright it hurt No wonder I thought what I did That I could get a little bit of what you had Just by being in your presence Just by being with you -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2012 Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 I didn't mean to imply that it was his fault, Darrell, and I certainly don't view it that way. What I meant was that our values didn't match up.Gotta run now ... they're lining up around the block!Helena : )To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 7:21:52 PMSubject: Re: I thought ... I enjoyed this one, Helena. I did trip on the part where you might consider the problem to be his rather than yours, as I would like not consider it a problem of that type at all. For me, it is more like being just the way things are today: all that has happened to shape her up till this moment, when combined with all that has shaped me, does not result in the effect I was after. Not so much somebody's fault for not meeting my values, but more like a blameless mismatch. I think on re-reading, the paragragh had more of that flavor than I first credited it with, though. Given what I have read here, I have to believe there is a line of willing partners just waiting for you to turn around and notice them!D Sounds like my past, Darrell. I can't believe how much my approach to "intimate" relationships has changed since I found ACT. In fact, when I came across this poem, it was a powerful reminder of that - I could never write a poem like that today, which is why it probably took me awhile to recognize that I had actually written it (in 2008, I think). When I found out about the betrayal, I felt totally betrayed and rejected - I believed that I was not enough - not good enough, not sexy enough, not spiritual enough, not anything enough - for him. I remember the exact moment I found out, and my stomach got very tight, pains stabbed through my chest, and I was physically ill for several days after. If something like that happened to me today, I would know not to accept the resulting thoughts of "not good enough" as just thoughts and I would be know how to defuse from them. I would most likely conclude that it was not me who isn't good enough - it was he who was not a good match to my values of honesty and openness in relationships. I would have suffered some, of course, but would have quickly realized that my suffering was a result of my mind trying to protect me from emotional loss and fear of rejection. I could have let go of that suffering and moved on quickly. As it was back then, it took me almost a year to get over him and the rejection stuff. I would like to put the new me to a test. Now if only I could find a willing partner, lol! Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, June 18, 2012 6:01:33 PMSubject: Re: I thought ... Helena, I used to fall in love with total abandon, crashing hard when it didn't work out. Took me years and years to finally realize I was falling in love with an idealized model of my partner, stuffing her into the model whether she fit or not (which she never did). When the human being did things which did not fit the image I had forced onto her, I was shattered and shocked. Such love is desire, addiction, a need to have or own something - it is selfish and possessive. The love of all that is, just the way it is, seems less intense, probably because the mind is not engaged with its desperate drive to make the object of love fit a preset pattern. To me, though, this more relaxed approach is a relief after those early years of clinging and needing. Your poem brought this back to me - especially "it doesn't work that way." How could it? Seems obvious that no real human being is ever going to perfectly fit the mental partner model my mind creates... D I came across this poem (below) in my saved documents today and thought it sounded like something I went through a couple of years ago. I had a really neat boyfriend for awhile that I thought the world of. Things didn't work out for us. I couldn't handle his seeing/having sex with other women while he was seeing me - when he didn't tell me about it and implied that I was the only woman in his life. If he had discussed it with me instead of hiding it, I may have been OK with it since we were not that serious about each other at the time. He seemed to be more spiritually advanced than I was - and I thought his "light" would shine on me and somehow make me a better person. As I was reading this poem today that seemed to familiar, it suddenly occurred to me: I wrote that! So I'm sharing it here in case it strikes a chord in anything you may be going through, or have been through in the past. Helena I Guess It Doesn't Work That Way I thought That you might hold me up to your Light Let me bask in your Light So that I could catch the beams reflected from you And become a brighter person just from Being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way Does it? You shone so bright it hurt No wonder I thought what I did That I could get a little bit of what you had Just by being in your presence Just by being with you -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2012 Report Share Posted June 20, 2012 Kinda figured I just read it wrong, Helena. Good luck with your fan club!D I didn't mean to imply that it was his fault, Darrell, and I certainly don't view it that way. What I meant was that our values didn't match up. Gotta run now ... they're lining up around the block!Helena : ) To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 7:21:52 PMSubject: Re: I thought ... I enjoyed this one, Helena. I did trip on the part where you might consider the problem to be his rather than yours, as I would like not consider it a problem of that type at all. For me, it is more like being just the way things are today: all that has happened to shape her up till this moment, when combined with all that has shaped me, does not result in the effect I was after. Not so much somebody's fault for not meeting my values, but more like a blameless mismatch. I think on re-reading, the paragragh had more of that flavor than I first credited it with, though. Given what I have read here, I have to believe there is a line of willing partners just waiting for you to turn around and notice them!D Sounds like my past, Darrell. I can't believe how much my approach to " intimate " relationships has changed since I found ACT. In fact, when I came across this poem, it was a powerful reminder of that - I could never write a poem like that today, which is why it probably took me awhile to recognize that I had actually written it (in 2008, I think). When I found out about the betrayal, I felt totally betrayed and rejected - I believed that I was not enough - not good enough, not sexy enough, not spiritual enough, not anything enough - for him. I remember the exact moment I found out, and my stomach got very tight, pains stabbed through my chest, and I was physically ill for several days after. If something like that happened to me today, I would know not to accept the resulting thoughts of " not good enough " as just thoughts and I would be know how to defuse from them. I would most likely conclude that it was not me who isn't good enough - it was he who was not a good match to my values of honesty and openness in relationships. I would have suffered some, of course, but would have quickly realized that my suffering was a result of my mind trying to protect me from emotional loss and fear of rejection. I could have let go of that suffering and moved on quickly. As it was back then, it took me almost a year to get over him and the rejection stuff. I would like to put the new me to a test. Now if only I could find a willing partner, lol! Helena To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, June 18, 2012 6:01:33 PMSubject: Re: I thought ... Helena, I used to fall in love with total abandon, crashing hard when it didn't work out. Took me years and years to finally realize I was falling in love with an idealized model of my partner, stuffing her into the model whether she fit or not (which she never did). When the human being did things which did not fit the image I had forced onto her, I was shattered and shocked. Such love is desire, addiction, a need to have or own something - it is selfish and possessive. The love of all that is, just the way it is, seems less intense, probably because the mind is not engaged with its desperate drive to make the object of love fit a preset pattern. To me, though, this more relaxed approach is a relief after those early years of clinging and needing. Your poem brought this back to me - especially " it doesn't work that way. " How could it? Seems obvious that no real human being is ever going to perfectly fit the mental partner model my mind creates... D I came across this poem (below) in my saved documents today and thought it sounded like something I went through a couple of years ago. I had a really neat boyfriend for awhile that I thought the world of. Things didn't work out for us. I couldn't handle his seeing/having sex with other women while he was seeing me - when he didn't tell me about it and implied that I was the only woman in his life. If he had discussed it with me instead of hiding it, I may have been OK with it since we were not that serious about each other at the time. He seemed to be more spiritually advanced than I was - and I thought his " light " would shine on me and somehow make me a better person. As I was reading this poem today that seemed to familiar, it suddenly occurred to me: I wrote that! So I'm sharing it here in case it strikes a chord in anything you may be going through, or have been through in the past. Helena I Guess It Doesn't Work That Way I thought That you might hold me up to your Light Let me bask in your Light So that I could catch the beams reflected from you And become a brighter person just from Being with you But I guess it doesn’t work that way -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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