Re: the bully mind ---> more of the same

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your post, Haakon. I could really identify with what you wrote about being in your mind. The descriptive term mind bullies is excellent. I think of them as demons but ¨mind bullies¨ brings it into the present and better defines what they do to us. Add to this obsessive personalities and you have a perfect combination for the mind bullies to operate and control you--that is what they do to me. I find that getting busy (though it could be an avoidance technique) helps me to fight the mind bullies and helps me get out of what I believe is an emotionally and mentally dysfunctional state in which I cannot think logically or at all, into a calmer and more normal state. Also, trying to take myself out of the picture and observing what is going on (which Darrell and Helena have explained so well) seems to be pretty helpful. It does take practice. Good luck. I empathize with you and wish you successA question you might ask yourself about the Geology career is ¨Do I like the field.¨ What is the level of my interest? Can I become passionate about that? i strongly believe that if we chose a profession we are passionate about and give the passion free rein, it will work for a life time. Just some thoughts for what they are worth.Best,Phil

Hello again, my brave companions, and thank you for your replies to my last post about experiential avoidance. Kathy: Your post resonated well with me. Thank you.

The last few days I have been fighting the mind bullies. It's hilarious what they are capable of, and how brutal they can be. In my last post I wrote about how I was planning on going back to school after this summer, and now I don't know. When my mind is attacking me, I can't think of anything else. I get paralyzed. I saw someone using the term analysis paralysis in another post, and I think that is quite fitting. My concentration drops, and I start ruminating and of course avoiding other activities to ruminate. My sense of humour evaporates.

And when in the grips of my mind, I don't really know if I want to study geology anyway. Right now my answer is no. Had anyone asked me half a year ago, the answer would have been yes. I get very confused. There was a passage in "Get out of your mind.." about experiential/emotional avoiders, and how they are able to hold their "mental hand" over the flame until it burns, meaning (I think) that they ignore their emotions until they reach a point where they break. He talked about knowing your feelings, so you don't get into an unhealthy relationship, or get a job that is too stressful for you (paraphrasing here).

This confuses me, because I am not sure how to draw the line between "knowing what is good for me" and "experiential avoidance". So I feel like I am falling deeper into not knowing what is good for me, because I have a hard time finding anything else than anxiety and catastrophic thoughts inside my head. Sometimes I can get back to the here and now, and see myself eating breakfast or something, and then it's back to big fear. The "big fear" seems at the same time very large and very elusive, like a poison gas.

There is work to be done, I think. I often get the urge to call people for comfort, and one friend of mine says it isn't worth doing school if I don't have a special job in mind. I know that different people will have different replies to this question.

I am at work and I have to do some of it now. Maybe I'll post another later, seeing that this is not very clearly formulated. But if you know something about this, or have felt the same, could any of you maybe tell me where I could start working? Or give me a suggestion?

Haakon

[Guest guest]

A couple of more thoughts...thanks for the stimulus Haakon. Some of my mind bullies have been created when I allow bullies out of my mind into it. I know some will say that others cannot control your feelings unless you allow it, but there is a fallacy in that statement if your mind is programed to allow it. Unprogramming my mind in that sense is what needs to be done.

Thanks for your post, Haakon. I could really identify with what you wrote about being in your mind. The descriptive term mind bullies is excellent. I think of them as demons but ¨mind bullies¨ brings it into the present and better defines what they do to us. Add to this obsessive personalities and you have a perfect combination for the mind bullies to operate and control you--that is what they do to me. I find that getting busy (though it could be an avoidance technique) helps me to fight the mind bullies and helps me get out of what I believe is an emotionally and mentally dysfunctional state in which I cannot think logically or at all, into a calmer and more normal state. Also, trying to take myself out of the picture and observing what is going on (which Darrell and Helena have explained so well) seems to be pretty helpful. It does take practice. Good luck. I empathize with you and wish you successA question you might ask yourself about the Geology career is ¨Do I like the field.¨ What is the level of my interest? Can I become passionate about that? i strongly believe that if we chose a profession we are passionate about and give the passion free rein, it will work for a life time. Just some thoughts for what they are worth.Best,Phil

Hello again, my brave companions, and thank you for your replies to my last post about experiential avoidance. Kathy: Your post resonated well with me. Thank you.

The last few days I have been fighting the mind bullies. It's hilarious what they are capable of, and how brutal they can be. In my last post I wrote about how I was planning on going back to school after this summer, and now I don't know. When my mind is attacking me, I can't think of anything else. I get paralyzed. I saw someone using the term analysis paralysis in another post, and I think that is quite fitting. My concentration drops, and I start ruminating and of course avoiding other activities to ruminate. My sense of humour evaporates.

And when in the grips of my mind, I don't really know if I want to study geology anyway. Right now my answer is no. Had anyone asked me half a year ago, the answer would have been yes. I get very confused. There was a passage in "Get out of your mind.." about experiential/emotional avoiders, and how they are able to hold their "mental hand" over the flame until it burns, meaning (I think) that they ignore their emotions until they reach a point where they break. He talked about knowing your feelings, so you don't get into an unhealthy relationship, or get a job that is too stressful for you (paraphrasing here).

This confuses me, because I am not sure how to draw the line between "knowing what is good for me" and "experiential avoidance". So I feel like I am falling deeper into not knowing what is good for me, because I have a hard time finding anything else than anxiety and catastrophic thoughts inside my head. Sometimes I can get back to the here and now, and see myself eating breakfast or something, and then it's back to big fear. The "big fear" seems at the same time very large and very elusive, like a poison gas.

There is work to be done, I think. I often get the urge to call people for comfort, and one friend of mine says it isn't worth doing school if I don't have a special job in mind. I know that different people will have different replies to this question.

I am at work and I have to do some of it now. Maybe I'll post another later, seeing that this is not very clearly formulated. But if you know something about this, or have felt the same, could any of you maybe tell me where I could start working? Or give me a suggestion?

Haakon

[Guest guest]

Hello Haakon,

I am very new to this group, and currently in the process of

developing a more ACT approach to life and living these past 18months. Now I am pretty scared to hand out any advice

or opinion, in case it's wrong. My mind

always makes me want to worry about getting things wrong/right, but on this occasion I

am accepting what my mind is telling me, but I feel that what life experience I have

is worth sharing with you to see if in some way it helps you to find a clearer path

forward decision making.

It is very easy to get caught up in big decision making, the

mind will come up with all sort of analysis, evaluations, justifications,

concerns, worries etc. They are all

important and need to be listened to from an observer point of view, it doesn't

mean they are all truth, nor does it mean you buy into them. The great thing I have realised about ACT is

it teaches you to know your mind weakness.

You already know what your mind is going to through at you, all the

doubting thoughts etc etc. What Phil is

saying is very good advice; see it as if advising a close friend, what would

you ask them, how would to advise to them.

Many years ago I was in a quandary. I had a promising career as a Independent

Financial Advisor, making very good money, company car, home etc etc, but wasn't

happy. Lots of stressful stuff was

happening at the time and I found it hard to think clearly. Once some of the stress reduced I managed to

find some breathing space to think was I happy with the way my life was

heading. I was 30 years old and

desperate for change. I never got the

chance to go to university when younger; I worked my way through my career. Now at

this time I had been suffering CPS for 4years (Chronic Pain Syndrome), it hadn't

been diagnosed but was instead seen as stress induced pain, which was

understandable..... Anyway I worked with the knowledge I had at that time, I did

a big reflection of where my life had been, where it was at and what I deep

down wanted for me, after all, that's all any of us can do...there are

no crystal balls, we never know what's around the corner, and that's a good

thing, as we could hold ourselves back if knew the future.

My decision at the end of the day was to re-educate, it took

me a year to decide which course and why.

I decided it would be a waste not to use the knowledge gained from my

career and chose a BA in Business, but I had also considered Environmental

Science, Textiles, Arts Degree etc. So it was a big decision as it meant selling

my home, giving up work, losing the company car and back living with mum and

dad again at 30, but I wanted this degree and I wanted the experience and

wanted to excel when I got there. I wasn't

going into half hearted, I made lists of pro's and cons and at that time why I

valued it...I knew it was of value, because I just wanted it for me. Was I scare, absolutely, in fact petrified,

because my mind had made me believe I wasn't smart enough, good enough to get a

degree and I was fearful of struggling to meet the standards, would my English let

me down...I was rubbish at English/grammar and I hated doing exams got so nervous

couldn't function. But I was willing to

face and work through all that to get something I wanted for me.

To this day I still have no regrets about choosing the path

I took, despite taking ill during it, having to delay a year, then find out on

my final degree year I had CPS and would struggle to work, (as my CPS affects my

ability to work with my hands, arms back and leads to horrendous facial, head

and ear pain episodes and spasms that can last from 10 days to 6 months). So I realised

I wouldn't get the chance to truly benefit and use my degree the way I planned. It would have been so easy to walk away and

not finish it, but I remembered why I was doing this....it was for me....I had

to use scribers to write for me in exams and in classes, there were some big

adjustments that year it was hard, I got stressed, angry, upset, and cried a

lot. But I finished it....not only did I

finish it I got First Place...that's was just a wee bonus, but I got my degree and

I got it for me. I was so proud. What I treasure the most was conquering the

really difficult stuff, I quashed many a negative thought and belief and came

to realise I was actually very talented and quite smart. My natural need to worry and get things right

helped me not hindered me during this degree, it helped me achieve exceptional research, report

writing, presentations etc, yet before choosing to do the course if I had

listened and bought into my worries and negative thoughts I would never have taken

that step forward. I would never have

known what I was capable of.

Now that sounds like a hard sell to go ahead but it's not

there is another part. Through the

summer following the degree reality and my mind got to work on me and so I

choose to do a Master in Human Resources, but this time I wasn't doing for me, this time I

was doing to hide. I knew I couldn't

work, I didn't want to accept that at the time, nor did I want people to know

that, I hide behind the word Student. So

when someone asked me "what do you do", I could say I'm a Student. I wasn't accepting my situation. I got so far with it, all the course work was

done, I just had the dissertation to do, I delayed it year after year because

of health, but also because I couldn't bring myself to finish it...why....because

I was doing it for all the wrong reasons.

I eventually decided after a year into ACT, that I never valued it, I downgraded

it to an un-named post graduate diploma.

Could I have done it...yes....but I didn't want to and the pain and

struggle to push myself to try and finish something I did not value, was not

worth it. I have no regrets and do not

see it as failure for not completing it, but actually a success as it was the

first step I made to getting out of my mind and back into my life.

So Haakon, you have decisions to make, and your mind keeps making

you go back and forth....you need breathing space, time to sit still and observe

and listen. Your mind is not bulling

you, it's trying to help, it's just says things the wrong way and you must not

buy into that, read between it. (For example I worry about being a good friend;

I bought in to my mind telling me I am a rubbish friend. What my mind is really telling is I value

friendship and that friendship is import to me).

Think why are considering doing Geology.....make sure it's

something you value, that way no matter how difficult things get, if you value it

for you, then it will keep you grounded and your mind in check and you will get

through the struggles, in whatever form they come in.

I hope this helps in some way.

Writing this to you has helped me, you got me thinking about

values, which I have been avoiding and resisting for a very long time. I think will be surprised read this.

With love and

kindness

Jo

> > > >> > >> > >> Hello again, my brave companions, and thank you for your replies to my last post about experiential avoidance. Kathy: Your post resonated well with me. Thank you.> >> > >> The last few days I have been fighting the mind bullies. It's hilarious what they are capable of, and how brutal they can be. In my last post I wrote about how I was planning on going back to school after this summer, and now I don't know. When my mind is attacking me, I can't think of anything else. I get paralyzed. I saw someone using the term analysis paralysis in another post, and I think that is quite fitting. My concentration drops, and I start ruminating and of course avoiding other activities to ruminate. My sense of humour evaporates.> >> > >> And when in the grips of my mind, I don't really know if I want to study geology anyway. Right now my answer is no. Had anyone asked me half a year ago, the answer would have been yes. I get very confused. There was a passage in "Get out of your mind.." about experiential/emotional avoiders, and how they are able to hold their "mental hand" over the flame until it burns, meaning (I think) that they ignore their emotions until they reach a point where they break. He talked about knowing your feelings, so you don't get into an unhealthy relationship, or get a job that is too stressful for you (paraphrasing here). > >> > >> This confuses me, because I am not sure how to draw the line between "knowing what is good for me" and "experiential avoidance". So I feel like I am falling deeper into not knowing what is good for me, because I have a hard time finding anything else than anxiety and catastrophic thoughts inside my head. Sometimes I can get back to the here and now, and see myself eating breakfast or something, and then it's back to big fear. The "big fear" seems at the same time very large and very elusive, like a poison gas.> >> > >> There is work to be done, I think. I often get the urge to call people for comfort, and one friend of mine says it isn't worth doing school if I don't have a special job in mind. I know that different people will have different replies to this question. > >> > >> I am at work and I have to do some of it now. Maybe I'll post another later, seeing that this is not very clearly formulated. But if you know something about this, or have felt the same, could any of you maybe tell me where I could start working? Or give me a suggestion?> >> > >> Haakon> >> > > > > > >>