the return of psycho-boss - long

[Guest guest]

Hi, I read regularly but don't post a lot. My Mom and I are LC, and

when we do have contact it's fairly cordial and superficial. We

know how long we can be around each other and she mostly picks on

the other siblings, so there's rarely anything for me to write

about. It wasn't always this way. I used to get the adrenaline

rush, churning stomach, all those symptoms when she called or I got

a letter or card. Sometimes it would take days before I'd work up

the nerve to open a letter. But now I only experience mild nerves.

No more problems, right?

Several years ago I had a supervisor who was probably BPD among

other things, just out there mentally ill, and she made life hell

for all of those who worked under or around (or in spite of) her.

She was a lot like my mother, which both helped me to deal (I had

experience) and made it worse because she triggered me so much.

After some of our blow ups I had anxiety attacks so bad I couldn't

work. A lot of my former coworkers left - found other jobs or

decided to go to grad school - there was pretty high turnover when

she was our boss, also some complaints to HR. I was looking for

another job when she announced her retirement. She wasn't that old

but had come into some money through an inheritance and was going to

move to another state, write, paint, and " reinvent herself. "

When she wasn't blowing up or stabbing me in the back, she acted

like she was my best friend. Hugging (urgh!), confiding all her

business (I had the good sense not to confide mine), inviting me for

long coffee breaks etc. I played along because she was my boss and

I knew how dangerous she could be. I was afraid not to act like her

friend. I won't make this too long (I could write a novel about all

the stuff she did) but she did once put a reprimand in my personnel

file and didn't tell me about it, much less go through the civil

service procedure for that. She got to know two of my children

(young adults) through common interests in art and music, and they

think she's ok. Their relationship with her is their own, but it

makes it a little awkward to just cut her out.

She left, and my new supervisor is an angel. truly heaven sent.

Life at work has been wonderful for the past three years. I have

advanced, developed confidence, improved my knowledge and skills,

love my job.

Well, as you can tell from the subject line, psycho boss has

returned! She got tired of " retirement " (or broke). She

circumvented the normal hiring process - the way she operates is

through her network of friends, and one is in the director's

office. We have a new director, who hasn't experienced what this

woman can do to an organization. She got in to see him, directly,

bypassing HR. A position was " repurposed " and upgraded for her.

She won't be a supervisor. She will be doing something she is

extremely skilled at - but others out there are equally skilled. My

angel supervisor went to the director with our concerns, but all he

said was well, seems like the problems are with her supervision, and

she won't be supervising. Well, he will find out! I am a little

worried because I know how things are in this organization - she may

not be anyone's supervisor now, but there's always next year. She's

extremely devious. I have already told my supervisor (who only has

3 years until retirement, and has many health issues) that if this

person ever becomes my supervisor, I will immediately begin a very

active job search. (If I can afford it, I will give notice! I will

not work for this woman!)

She started work this week, and came around and hugged all her old

friends. She especially asked for me, which coworkers found weird.

I gave her the obligatory hug - she held out her arms and I was

afraid not to hug her - just like I was with my mother! It felt

just as icky as when Mom was overly touchy feely when I was too old

for cuddling. She stood in my office doorway and talked to me for

fifteen or twenty minutes - asking about the kids and all that. I

volunteered more information than was necessary - just like I used

to do with Mom. I could feel those emotional tentacles boring into

me, sucking out energy. I excused myself to go to lunch - and she

said I'll walk with you to the break room. When she finally

detached herself from me I was a nervous wreck. I felt like I had

been attacked by an invisible but very real evil. I want to have no

contact with this woman. Unfortunately I and other team members

will occasionally have to interact and collaborate with her. While

others notice that she " ain't right " they don't have that strong of

a reaction to her. (The ones that did, are gone.) Angel supervisor

says she will say something if the " visiting " on our floor keeps up,

and she will try to limit my contact. She is very understanding,

having come from a dysfunctional home herself and having seen the

progress I have made since psychoboss left. She gave me a pep talk -

how I am not the same woman I was three years ago, I am more

confident and secure, I excel at work, and this woman has no power

over me. (You see why I love my current boss!) I am still letting

her take up too much of my time and energy. Am I in denial about my

issues with my mom, and just transferring them to this other

person? I want to get myself to a place where she really doesn't

have that power over me, to make me feel like that. Is that

possible, or is this woman just going to trigger me and there's

nothing I can do except try to avoid her? I had the feeling she

knew I didn't want to be talking to her and enjoyed her power in

making me stand there with her - either that or she didn't see me as

a separate person at all - if she wanted us to be friends and

confidantes, then we were, regardless of my feelings.

Argh! this is like one of those scary movies where you think it's

the happy ending, everything's ok, and then the monster pops up

again!