Re: The Mystical Self as Context (Warning: Very long post)

[Guest guest]

Very interesting!When you propose such ideas that everything has to exist in the same space, that past and future don't exist because all that is happening and has ever happened is occurring right now, etc., I realize that I, as I exist in this fleshly body suspended in the illusion of time and space, am unable to grasp such concepts. And I'm OK with that. Time is an illusion. Time speeding up or slowing down is an illusion. Slow motion is an illusion. I. Am. Here. Now. That's all I can know. Who am I? Where is here? When is now? I don't truly know. It's hilarious!If we were able to look at everything under an exceedingly powerful microscope, you know what we would mostly see? Space. Empty space. So what is space? What is empty? How can empty be anything at all? I don't know. It's hilarious! I have pretty much stopped trying to unravel and explain the mystery of the mystery and just accept that it is mystery. A beautiful, awful mystery. Otherwise, I think too much; therefore I am not. I am not all I can be - who I am - in this moment if my thoughts take over, even my thoughts about thinking. All I can be in this moment is: Alive. Aware. Conscious. Mindful. Not needing to put words to it. It's hilarious - and comforting.Words: What a blessing! What a curse!HelenaFrom: "experiential2012" <experiential2012@....au>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, June 16, 2012 6:31:21 AMSubject: The Mystical Self as Context (Warning: Very long post)

The latest video on the ACTnContext channel really got my mind buzzing. Steve is saying that this mystical "so-ness or oneness" is a place of timelessness, an awakening as opposed to dreaming, a place that has always existed within us.

There is so much inside this `mystical' self-as-context, it is hard to pull apart, let alone define it. I listen to how Steve describes certain qualities. Things like the inconsequence of time (past, present, future), the absence of the need for distinction, the knowledge that everything that exists is connected (as one) and the realisation that language/thinking/words are (as Steve said..) functional "tools".

During specific moments in my life I've had experiences where I got a glimpse of what seems to be that sense of total `oneness'. It is easy to remember those experiences because they are intense, however it's much harder to stay with it or even to fully sit in with it after the fact. That practice seems to be different to moving inside other feelings like sadness or shame. I think the reason for that is involved with our ability to slow things down. I'm searching my mind to find ways of verbalising this in a simple way...I hesitate...ok, let's see...

Two scenarios...first, imagine yourself when you are flustered, what happens to time? And when you are depressed, what happens to time? I'm going to guess that many would say time either speeds up or drags. In either state, what happens to your ability to connect with anything else (including the experience itself)? Again, I'm going to guess that for many, the world becomes quite narrow, making it difficult to take account of other things. I imagine a horse with blinkers on, it can still run but has a limited view. It's very hard to be a part of the wider world but easy to be internally focused. In a flustered mode our thoughts are racing and in depression mode our thoughts are circling and all of this goings on impedes the ability to slow things down.

So what does all that mean and how does it relate to this `mystical oneness'?

Now consider scenario two...imagine a moment in your life where you experienced the slowing or suspension of time. A moment when things seemed to happen in slow motion. Some examples might be the moment before an accident, witnessing the birth of your child, traumatic experiences like being beaten up or jumping out of a plane. It doesn't even have to be so dramatic, have you ever experienced this slow motion when you've tripped over, or watched someone trip over? I'm not talking about the `gasp' experience (that's a body thing), I'm talking about when the mind allows everything to unfold slowly enough for you to absorb minute detail. You can recount what has occurred, (the trip, the birth, the traumatic moment etc,) blow by blow with absolute clarity.

What else is happening inside this slow motion moment?

Well, it's as if time has little relevance, there is no past or future because `all' that is happening is right now, in slow motion. What happens to thinking in that moment? Huh, I reckon that one is gone as well. Within the slow motion experience there seems to be a moment when we become purely observers. It's not to say that we don't think at all but the mind seems to still itself during moments of the experience and it is within these moments we become a `pure observer'. I think this `empty mind' moment is the reason why, (as Steve said), "Nothing else need be said or done". When I move deeper into these moments of stillness, of life in slow motion I find connection. It presents itself as being universal. What I mean by universal is that it everything exists together. I find this one impossible to explain because it is more like a sensation (maybe a way of experiencing?) so I'll invite you into it via a little visual imagination exercise.

Imagine you can see everything in your environment as if you were a microscope. All that is visible to you are molecules. You look at the coffee table and see the molecules, you look at your cat and see the molecules, you look at your loved one and see their molecules. You see the plants, your denim jeans and the books in your library and you see that everything is the same, molecular...Now imagine you `are' the molecule, it doesn't have to be from you, it can be a molecule from the table or the cat because just being a molecule puts you in exactly the same space/level as everything. So let's take it one step further and ask, what happens when `absolutely everything' has to exist in the same space? There forms connections and it becomes true that `everything existing' (every single molecule) is dependent on being connected. Lastly, imagine you are a molecule floating in the air, you could touch the table and be part of that, you could land on the cat or breathed in by your loved one, becoming a part of them. Wherever you went, you became `one' with where you were. Hence, my earlier statement that connection becomes universal, everything exists together. It is this part of the experience that contains the `awakening' moment I think.

I'm going to take a different tack now and look at what happened to make things slow down. Firstly, I consider the beating, well pain is the driver of that experience so the mind is completely free to still itself (I imagine the mind going blank may also be a defence). Next, look at the one jumping from a plane, their body so rushed with adrenalin that all that's left is senses. How about a birth, the elation may produce rushes of dopamine, you feel so euphoric that you can't think straight. Hmmm, all the examples can result in the experience of seeing things happen in slow motion, right before your eyes however, I don't think they illustrate the properties of the `oneness' Steve was talking about. So let's go deeper.

Consider that the car accident resulted in a near death experience. You are sitting there watching it unfold, seemingly in slow motion. Moments pass, we're talking split seconds. What happens? Firstly, you become reduced to this experience, now is all there is and secondly, personal connections are concreted as loved ones flash through your mind (not conscious thought though). It is right there I think that the `oneness' is touched on because the emotional experience of connection with others is `love' and in that moment you exist within the centre of time. It is here that we learn the truth of the quote Steve has on his email, "Love isn't everything, it's the only thing".

So I wonder if the experience from a failed suicide attempt the same? I believe that it is the mind that impedes the `oneness' experience in this case. I guess the biggest difference is the resignation and the awareness of cause and effect. Things slow down in the moments directly before committing to the action and certainly the experience resembles the above but having the ability to be aware of consequence shrouds the experience of being entirely open.

Gosh, I'm thinking there must be an easier way to have that slow motion experience. Thankfully, I believe there is. It is meditation. For years I practiced with a focus on shutting my body down using relaxation so I was left solely with my mind. Of course I really had no idea what to do next so I would just lay there with my eyes closed and imagine that I could see. I'd imagine I was watching a movie for the first time, attempting to leave the narrative behind because the purpose was to simply watch. That took me a long way and helped immensely over the years but I'd never come close to any `mystical oneness' experience (although I thought I'd levitated once, he, he :-).

Over the last couple of years I learnt different techniques. My therapist introduced me to the concept of exposure therapy for emotions. He cupped his hand at his chest and used an analogy of a spider, saying that the aim is to have that spider sit there and still be ok. (It was actually a very funny moment, he pulled his other hand up and started to stroke the spider. As he was talking to me my mind put it together this way, hhmm...he's sitting there exposed, being with it and stroking a black furry thing. I didn't tell him of course). I did take it seriously though and incorporated the focus on emotions into my mediation practice. The experience changed. Best I can describe is that, if I were a singer, I'd have expanded my range. During meditation, I induced emotional states by revisiting the emotion. The difference between having the emotion as a result of a trigger and inducing the emotion using thought or music for example, is that when it's induced, it is possible to see the end. That practice was also beneficial but still no sign of `oneness'.

Pema Chodron taught me about loving kindness so I incorporated that into my meditation, Neff told me about self-compassion so that went in and Gilbert put a new spin on compassion for me as well so it all just kept expanding. My experiences while meditating continued to change.

One day a guy named Rato posted a meditation technique on the ACT site called, "Listening in Silence". It requires you to listen or watch your thoughts without the need to interact with them. It didn't take long to realise that the thoughts transform into intuition because nothing is directing them. This practice brought together everything I gained using the other techniques because of the lack of specific focus. What I mean is, you will naturally think of your body at some stage, naturally experience some sort of emotion and verbalise it in thought, you are totally open to think any which way. The beauty of this `whole-sum' method is that it separates thought from person. When you sit in silence and do not respond to the thoughts running through your mind, you notice the difference between the act of thinking and the action of watching the thought (one is not the other). There is one more crucial ingredient though, the ability to slow things down. Of course meditation lends itself to being still but that doesn't mean your mind is still. I've had glimmers of the experience of being truly open and the same as all things and I believe that is within those moments of stillness, mind and body, that this open and connected experience resides.

In summary then, I think that the experience of feeling whole exits in a transcendent or mystical way during moments of stillness where intuition is present. Shame it's such a fleeting moment but I expect things will continue to change as I practice. So that's my take on the experience of this `mystical oneness'. (I feel like I've just climbed a mountain and am finally back ay base camp). I've spent a lot of time looking at all of this stuff and I know there's so much more to it yet. Still, self as context is interesting because of the mysteries in it.

Thanks for the ears and the patience,