Re: Feeling unworthy and less than

[Guest guest]

Lin, I think you are on the right track, but ACT views things slightly differently than Dr. Wayne Dyer does in this case (e.g., imagining positive things about yourself). That sounds like a good idea on the surface, but it doesn't make room for simple acceptance of negative thoughts without buying into them. Instead of saying "No more negative thoughts for me because they're just not true" (which is resistance), we could simply say "Hello" to those thoughts and let them be there without resistance. You can't order negative thoughts away or they will come on even stronger in short order. The more you try to deny their presence (e.g., by consciously switching to positive thoughts to replace the negative ones), the stronger they will become. This is a critical concept to grasp in ACT. It seems counter-intuitive, but when you finally get it, it has a lot of power to get you out of your mind and into your life. It may not be possible to let those negative thoughts "sail quietly out of your mind" but it is totally possible to just let them be there - make room for them - while quietly going about the business of living according to your values - in spite of those negative thoughts. Let them sit in your mind - say "hello" and pull up a chair for them. Perhaps you are thinking of the "leaves on the stream" exercise where you put each thought on a leaf and watch the leaves float down a stream. That can be a helpful metaphor - a way to view your thoughts as a stream of consciousness - but it will not remove them from your mind if they insist on being there. The stream itself is in your mind! So they will be there anyway, no matter what you do - but you do not have to let them have any power. Let them chatter on senselessly while you DO what you need to do. They may even start yelling as you imagine them floating down the stream. The chatter may quiet down eventually, just as squabbling children eventually quiet down - but you can't count on that. Expectations of a certain outcome are sure to disappoint; rather, we can let things unfold as they will when we live according to our values. HelenaFrom: "Darrell King" <DarrellGKinggmail>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, June 15, 2012 8:02:48 PMSubject: Re: Feeling unworthy and less than

A thought is just a thought, Lin - I agree. Positive or negative or whatever. But my thoughts, at least, are con men, skilled actors who masquerade as other things. They have fooled me so often, I often forget there are thoughts at all! Instead, my head is filled with masterful productions, comedies and tragedies and soap operas, all so convincing I am so enthralled I can relive events from thirty years ago without even questioning the sanity of such a thing.

Marcia says she is less likely to question the identity of her thoughts when depressed, with the inference that their performance is strongly related to the depression - a cycle of hypnotic enchantment a little like being so engrossed in a movie I miss the phone ringing or the person calling me from the next room. It takes only a moment to turn away and take a breath, to take a break from the movie and remember reality, but what can get into my trance and remind me to do it?

Gotta luv the human mind!D

I am so sorry for your sadness. I was listening to Wayne Dwyer this morning,. He said when he writes he has the cover made so it inspires him to write along with pictures of people he admires and his own childern. He said if we imagine it done or imagine us being then so it is. Imagine if your thoughts were saying you are good, worthwhile , and just the wonderfull human being you are. I think that sometimes, I notice my behavior changes when I buy into those thoughts rather then the negative one. No more negative thoughts for us, because they're just not true. Its only a thought we bought into as Helena would say. Let's buy into the good thoughts and let those defeating thoughts sail quietly out of our minds. Have a nice weekend everyone. I definetly am no matter what. Who is with me?

Lin .marcia@...> wrote:>> I appreciate all the support this group seems to have for each other. I also am glad that I am not alone in this. > > See I searched for approval for so long from my mother who was a single mom who worked full time and I also have an older brother who was the "favorite". I guess I am still trying at my age to get her to just say to me once that I am a good person instead of saying it to myself.

> > I have also sought out relationships that would validate me. I truly feel sometimes that due to my past I will never be worthy of anyone not my own children and not my family.> > I have been alone now for a few years, when I got ill my kids both went to live with their fathers because I was not able to take care of them and they are now the thing that keeps me going as well as a big part of why I feel that I am not worth anything.

> > I struggle so much just to get up in the morning and get going because I ask myself why I am fighting so hard...then I look at the pictures of my little ones on the wall and I remember but at the same time I fear that I will never be worthy of the unconditional love that children have for their parents...no matter what the parent does.

> > I try to accept things as just thoughts and it works when I am able to pull myself out of my depression for awhile however when I am feeling deeply depressed I can not manage to pull myself out and I wonder what I am here for. I mean both my children are well taken care of so what do they need me for. My family and I no longer have communication with each other so they obviously don't need me. So what am I here for and why do I keep fighting.

>

-- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKinggmail