WARNING SEXUAL CONTENT Re: Re: Nadas and sexual development

[Guest guest]

Oh my god. I am so sorry, I just want to hug you right now.

I am speechless. I could tell you so many stories, that is how my

family operates too. Just day before yesterday my mom was going on

about having found her dad's ancestors in ancestry dot.com, just la

la la...this is a man who tried to rape me when I was six years old,

and abused her for 15 years and two of her other children...it

always stuns me when she brings him up like nothing happened. I ask

myself, if someone tried to rape my child, would I ever mention

their name again around that child (as anything but a curse word?).

It's like it never happened. Even after it did happen and my sister

and I told her (we 'confessed' in the religious sense because we

thought we had sinned, we were around 7 and 8) she continued to have

him over for holidays and visits. I also have an experience of a

perp being allowed to live with us. My dad recently told me, " I got

a chill when he would come in the house " . Yet he was allowed around

me unsupervised. That one eventually served 8 years for statutory of

a young girl. (The mom apparently got 'jealous' and reported

him...these people need to be put out of their misery.) They are

both DEAD now, the only good thing.

I just had a major meltdown, doing a psychology assignment where we

post answers to homework questions on a discussion board. We are

doing puberty now and the teacher asked about our experience and all

of these nightmarish feelings came up. I ended up e-mailing in my

answer and telling her it wasn't an appropriate question to ask

people to post publicly. And then I broke down and cried and cried.

Puberty was a nightmare for me, because I'd already been abused by

two predators and I think I was convinced that the changes in my

body were going to make it increase tenfold. I was a walking bag of

fear and shame.

Your mother did not protect you. That is dereliction of duty as a

parent. She probably has sexual abuse issues and it wouldn't

surprise me if the she was attracted to the boy BECAUSE of a

predatory vibe he might have had. This is why I get so angry about

the 'don't ask, don't tell' dynamic in my family, when it comes to

sexual abuse. It doesn't work, it just perpetuates the cycle. People

who don't talk about abuse keep drawing in abusers in an attempt to

work through it. And they refuse to see very real threats to the

safety of their children because they are protecting THEMSELVES.

They sacrifice their children's physical safety for their own

psychological blank spot. I am so sorry your mom did not protect you

and that she betrayed you when you told her what was wrong. It is

heartbreaking.