Social Anxiety-Public Speaking-ACT= My Journey:-)))))

[Guest guest]

“Inhale Pain->Exhale Suffering “. For me, this is how I describe the goal of ACT.

My favourite Act Mindfulness Exercise has always been the simplest

one, “WELCOME Anxiety, My Old Friend”J.

Depends on what emotions I get caught up in, I tweak the exercise, welcome

depression, my old friend. Welcome guilt, welcome fear etc. etc.

WELCOME=MERELY OPENING UP TO THE EXPERIENCE IN IT’S RAWNESs= practicing

SELF-COMPASSION.

Hi Group :-))))). I miss u all. I have had a bit of a Topsy Turby Life lately,

& have been waiting to share it with u all. Becoz u guys, Ur posts have

helped me soo much, as I can always relate to em in some way or the other, when

I read posts of someone talking about their failures, their immense pain, I can

absolutely remember all the times when I felt exactly the same way. & when

people talk about even their littlest progress, it confirms to me, that indeed

self-compassion is that invisible hand that can lift u back up, no matter how

many times we stumble or fall.

I am a highly experienced/clinically diagnosed Social

Anxiety SuffererJ,

who was a victim of Racism & Prejudice for years , hence developed extreme

fear of People especially Americans.

Having had me & my kids almost run over by someone, had random people cursing me & my boyz @

crowded places, “u fuc**** bit*ch, terrorist, get out my country” these were

amongst the worst ones, other, less harsh were almost on a regular basis when I

left home for earrins. There was a time not too long ago, when I was pleading

my husband to leave this country coz the fear had taken over my life. My worst day was when my boyz were very lil, I

ran out of diapers & milk, they were crying & irritable, my husband was

out of town, and I could not leave my room, let alone my house, from immense

fear of people. They cried themselves to sleep, & so did I, my life was

collapsing in front of my eyes, & I didn’t know what to do.

Speaking in front of people

was OUT OF THE Question, I would have anxiety attacks just from being in the

same room with them.

Today I have sooo many non-Muslim close friends, &

literally the no. keeps increasing by the day, & I am grateful for thatJ)))). When I learnt ACT

from being in M. Joann ’s Anxiety Program, becoz of my horrible English

comprehension & communication skills, I don’t know how much I absorbed the

1st time @ Joann’s, but what I knew was that ultimately ONLY I can walk

that road of life, & unless I actually physically take that 1st

step, & then the next, & then the next, I won’t ever know what it’s

like to be ‘walking’. So the committed actions part of ACT is perhaps the 1st

thing I got, & worked o. no matter how much or how little I understood of

ACT.

I joined Toastmasters International, becoz that was the

place where I could find the kind of people I feared the most (at least in my

city). Also that was the ideal platform for me to practice committed action, to

be able to get used to all those emotions that I was running from all those

years becoz I had labeled them as Neg. & UNBEARABLE.

I hope to become an ACT Therapist someday, so in my case,

180degree career shift. Since my boyz r too lil, I can’t go back to school yet,

so I used Russ Action Plan (happiness trap) to plan some actions out for

myself. GOAL= ACT psychologist. VALUE= to be able to help people. Right now

what can I do in service of that value- Public speaking. I 1st

wanted to create awareness of how “normal” it is for humans to suffer, hence in

my humble opinion, no one can be defined by “a disorder”. – So TM, felt like the ideal platform.

I did talks that were based on Russ ’s ACT books &

several workshops in my Muslim community. On how I use ACT to deal with my own

struggles. I used The happiness trap as my bibleJ.

The 1st time I picked up a

book to read, after 2 decades, was 6 months back, the happiness trap, &

used a dictionary alongside, to be able to understand itJ. I needed to go through some

of Russ’s books first, coz I was having difficulty trying to understand any

other act book

I was asked by my public speaking mentor to compete @ my

club for a compitition that would go up to International Level. I couldn’t decide between topics, there were

sooo much mindfulness topics I was so passionate about, but the anxiety about

competing was building up, so I got Russ confidence gap, to help myself

FIRST…later, that actually became the topic of my contest speech. I won from my

club in both categories, speech and evaluation contest to proceed to Area

Contest (competing with diff. area clubs of LA). Then I won in Area Contest in

BOTH categories to compete in Division Contest. Then I won in BOTH categories

to compete in District Conference & contest (140 public speaking clubs).

This is where the evaluation contest would end, but speech would move on to

international level. I came 2nd in District Evaluation Contest,

& won 1st place in Speech Contest. Moving up to my last round,

which is the INTERNATIONAL Speech Convention in August in Florida, where the

best public speakers from diff. parts of the world will be coming to compete.

HOLY BALONY!!!!!!....

Evaluation Contests r like giving impromptu speeches, I find them extremely

hard as English is not my mother tongue, but I came up to the farthest level

there being no. 1st in all

contests, & took home the 2nd place trophy @ the highest evaluation

contest level (district), so I am happy and grateful to be able to go this far.

By the way, my mentor said that at district level, I was the ONLY woman

competing, in BOTH categories, (International Speech & Evaluation). Not to

mention I was the only woman competing with All MEN J)and the least experienced

public speaker, being new to the club, & one who is a full time stay at

home mum, so not even a professional;-)

My speech topic was “narrowing the confidence gap”

completely inspired by everything I learnt & was applying from dr. Russ

book on building self-confidence. During

delivery, I saw tears in people’s eyes, I spoke in a crowd of 250J, my vast experience is

speaking in front of a crowd of 2 (my boyz ;-). When I sat down, I had people

passing me notes, of how much they were inspired by my speech. Until now, I am

getting emails, from people, distinguished speakers, telling me how my story

touched their hearts. That’s my valueJ

right there!!! = be able to reach out to people & connect with them…feels

fulfilling to be living by it. I have received invitations to come as guest

speaker to be able to inspire others…I am very excited. Someone emailed me that

I was quoted at another Public Speaking Contest that was going on at another

division. Everyone who has no clue about Psychotherapy, now knows the name Russ

, from my speech...heheJ))… &

ACT is a name that many r getting familiar with.

When I did my 1st contest @ my club, there was a

part of me that was tempted to somehow get a Xanax prescription to take one, so I could

“feel” the confidence & “enjoy” what

I was doing, & more chances of “wining” at the 1st level . But

then I realized, that my whole talk was based on the powerful quote, the

actions come 1st, feelings come later, I needed to show that to the

audience, that was the only way I could walk my talk. “Enjoy”? I could enjoy as much if I didn’t attach all those neg. labels to

normal emotions of fear, anxiety, vulnerability, if I could open up to them,

perhaps that enjoyment would be much more fulfilling than the enjoyment that

comes from popping a pill and numbing myself to experiencing difficult

emotions. Then” the chances of winning”- what was this all about? My attachment

to some outcome, where is my value here? it’s lost in the midst of a desired

goal . And there’s no room for self-compassion anywhere her. SO I did my speech, with all those emotions being present,

& I WON. :-))) When I did Area Contest, Division Contest, there was a part

of me that didn’t want to open up like this , i was ashamed about having had social anxiety

disorder, i thought "what would people think". coz since as I was moving up,I was competing with highly qualified public

speakers, very confident men, & here I am , my entire speech is about my disorder & how i live with it. If Joann were here to testify she

would agree with me that MY BIGGEST

issue , the root of my problems, was that I ‘did not want to be

perceived as weak’ and to me this was my BIGGEST challenge, showing

vulnerability . Then I went through brene browns lectures, &

that completely changed my perception on this emotion. Indeed it is the most

accurate measurement of courage, & is THE way to build meaningful connections

with people. What could be more courageous than opening up about all ur

weakness, & then showing some self-compassion towards urself for having

those weakness, which r NOT flaws, but simply QUALITIES that make us human? And I

couldn’t believe how I used to be completely

wrong, coz today, I have had the most confident speakers, people who

I couldn’t even imagine , saying they CONNECTED with me, & I brought tears

to their eyes.

If u guys c me during contests, my hands r always shaking,

sweating, cold, my whole body tremblesJ,

then I come up & CONNECT.

I have had people who came to me to tell me how fantastic and CONFIDENT speaker I am, & shake my hands, &

they’re like OMG ur hands ARE cold and clammy,

so it’s true everything u said in ur speech …J

I used to be ashamed to shake hands with people, coz I didn’t want them to know

how nervous I always “FEEL”, & now I make it a point to shake hands with

people, to show them HOW NERVOUS I ALWAYS “FEEL”J)

We all experience pain, we all suffer from it, that’s what

makes us Human, & that’s what makes each one of us UNIQULY BEAUTIFUL. What

would u do if u were to c someone suffer? CRITISIZE em? Belittle them? OR be

compassionate to em? Yup, SELF-COMPASSION.

It is, in my opinion, the antidote to all kinds of psychological suffering.

I am the ONLY anxiety

sufferer, CORRECTION, embracer ;-), amongst 100’s of highly qualified, skilled

public speakers, who is about to go compete at the 4 day International Public

Speaking Convention, with people from all around the world. what tools do I

take along, NOTHING, people r shocked to learn that I have the least amt. of experience

& I made it this far. so NO TOOLS,

YET the MOST POWERFUL tools one can

take, tools that u don’t need to look anywhere else for, that u already have,

IN U, we all do, were perhaps rusty from not practicing all these years, tools like - 1)self-compassion,2) embracing vulnerability,3)mindfulness-being full awake

to our experiences, 4) embracing our wholeness. this is all I have with me &

this is all I can bring to the table to share that day. I have no chances of

winning, but once again, GREATchances of living by my values, this is my opportunity,

a platform where there will be how many hundreds of people I don’t know, but to

be able to reach out and connect & touch em, that would be a great accomplishment.:-)

I always TRY TO remember to inhale pain, whenever it comes my way, that way I find

myself exhaling suffering, even if it’s a small exhale, my period of suffering

is reducing none the less. I am not on any meds, & have not been for a long

time, ever since I discovered my breathe to be the greatest tranquilizer,

always always available at my disposal. J

When I have nothing else to be grateful for, I come back to my breathe and

realize, THIS is it! My life! The biggest thing I can be grateful for. What

more do I need.

I love this quote,

& say it out loud right b4 I leave for compitITions:""Paradoxically,

we achieve TRUE WHOLENESS only by embracing our fragility and sometimes, EVEN

our brokenness." ~ Jalaja Bonheim

Miss u all, &

sincere apologies for this looooooooooooooooong thesis, as u can c, desperately need to take

some English Writing and Comprehension classes:-))) p.s. attaching a pic of my trophies , NOT to SHOW it, rather to SHARE it with ALL of u'll:-)))))))))))))))))))))))

-K Designs."" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their

shoes." ~ a very pious intellectual

1 of 1 Photo(s)